Tag: life

Wednesday’s Whimsies

+ “Did you learn how to think or how to believe?” I read this question from a story on Rob Brezsny’s website. A father would often ask his daughter this question when she came home from school. It’s such an excellent question to constantly ask yourself, throughout life. Whether reading, or watching a show, or attending a speech or a service, ask yourself this question. With so much information overload these days (and now a ton of it being produced by artificial intelligence), this question has never been more important. Be discerning. Consider the source. Watch people’s actions, not their words. Think for yourself. Believe in yourself. Trust what resonates from the deepest part of yourself. You have more of the answers than you ever give yourself credit for, as most of the answers lie deep within yourself.

+ “Why can’t people be normal when they ascend into positions of power? Like what is it?” – martha, Twitter

“No one who wants to be in a position of power is normal to start off with. Like cult leaders, they’re all narcissistic to some degree. No normal person seeks power. Egomaniacs do.” – Zoraya Black, Twitter

I read this interaction on Twitter this morning. It is my belief that history’s most effective leaders have been hesitant leaders. They have stepped up to the plate when no one else was willing, or able to lead. They lead for virtue’s sake, for future generations’ sake, and how they ended up becoming leaders had nothing to do with their own personal power plays, but more so from an organic following of people who admired their ideas and their actions. Mahatma Gandhi and George Washington are known to have been extremely reluctant leaders.

“Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” – William Shakespeare

Where are these rare birds these days? These true leaders tend to be the strong, silent types. It’s hard to find them in all of the clamoring for attention, and individuals’ need for their own fifteen minutes of fame. I do pray that these naturally sound and honorable people, like cream, rise to the top and become visible, and able, and available to us again. Never has our country needed them more.

+ I didn’t win a billion dollars in the Mega Millions last night. No one did. But even if I did, I believe that I would still be writing this blog. I love it that much. There are a lot of things in my life that would change if I had won, but there are certain things that I would do everything in my power to be sure that these situations stayed the same, because these people, places, things, and relationships are sacred and essential to me – you and this blog being one of those things. This is an excellent thought train to get real clear on what is most vital and meaningful to you, in your own life, right at this very moment. If you won a billion dollars, what would you definitely want to remain the same as it is, in your life right now? Feel grateful for these people, places, and things, and share your gratitude with them. You didn’t need a billion dollars to experience their preciousness in your life. Savor all that you have been blessed with in your life. Realize that you wouldn’t trade these things for a billion dollars.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Ten Years

I finished up one of my two-year journals yesterday. I set it on top of the other four finished journals. So for ten years now, from the summer in which I was 42 until this summer when I am 52, I have written a daily journal entry. I wish that I had journals from the age of 12, but before I was 42, keeping a journal was a spotty, sporadic, unintentional thing. There is something about middle age, that brings an urgency to realizing the brevity of your own life, and the compelling need to understanding how you are living your own life, into vivid focus.

I use the Building the Best You journals. They are currently out of print, but you can still get them from used book sellers. (just make sure that the ones you purchase are in “like new” condition – i.e. not written in) I just ordered two more of them yesterday, even though I already have a small pile of empty ones in one of my cupboards. I like doing that, as an act of confidence in myself. It shows commitment to continuing to do a journal entry every day, and the best part, of course, is that each book magically adds two more years to my life. Ha!

These journals aren’t particularly special. They ask the same six questions every day, so that you can compare your answers, year over year. The best part about them is that there is hardly any room to write. You have to answer the questions more in “phrases”. The answers which you write are more of a “gist” or a “theme” of your day. Every six weeks or so, is a page of longer questions and there is a little more space to answer those questions, but again, it doesn’t require a lot of time or energy to fill the small spaces. The format of this journal, makes it easy to commit to doing it for the long term.

What do I get from journaling? It’s a small time commitment that gives me so much in the way of self-knowledge. It’s a place to spill my messy feelings and sort them out. I have a daily record, which turns into a weekly record, then a monthly record, and finally, a yearly record of what I did, and what I am currently doing with the precious days of my life. I read this quote this morning:

“Don’t be fooled by the calendar. There are only as many days in the year as you make use of.”   – Charles Richards

I think this is sort of a dark quote. I don’t necessarily agree with it. What I have found out from daily journaling is sometimes those moping days, those restless days, those sick days, those recalibration days in which you don’t do a whole lot, are often the days that you end up using to pivot, and to fuel yourself into a new direction. And honestly, daily journals are mostly truly life affirming – when you read over a few months, or a year, or even ten years, it’s amazing to see how many experiences which are packed into one human life. With daily journaling, I also get to notice my patterns, and my habits, and areas where I may be just going through the motions. I get “wake-up calls” about what aspects of my life I might want to consciously change and do better, and about other areas in my life that I can feel really proud about myself and want to continue. I have gained so much overall perspective from my journals. I can see that most things that I was so upset about at one time, mean almost nothing to me now. In fact, sometimes the things that I jotted down that were deeply upsetting me, I can now barely remember what happened. I also see that the truly awful stuff in life is really much more rare than all of the goodness, beauty, wonder, gentleness and evenness that our everyday lives are filled with on a reliable basis. When I remind myself and others that the storm clouds always, always pass, it’s not just fluffy talk. I have written proof. This is so comforting.

It’s never too late to start journaling. I wish that I had started the daily practice of journaling sooner than I did, but I certainly don’t regret starting it (and now I already have ten years in). So if you don’t keep a daily journal, start now. At the very least, on each calendar page, jot a couple of happenings and draw an emoji for how you feel. A journal helps you to create intimacy with yourself. It helps you to feel understood by yourself. There is no relationship in this world, more important than the one which you have with yourself. Give yourself this gift of journaling. You won’t regret it. You will get to know an interesting, brave, genuine, vulnerable, honest, hopeful, resilient human being living an ordinary life (that will sometimes show some real extraordinary glimpses of life), like you never have before.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Credit: @woofknight, Twitter

I’m baaaaack! After spending the weekend at a college friends’ reunion (after three years of not seeing each other), when my one friend got home, she texted that she feels so “rejuvenated”. That really stuck with me. I feel rejuvenated, too, and I didn’t even realize how badly I needed to be rejuvenated. Sometimes you don’t realize how stale you have gotten in certain areas of your life until you get reminded by fresh perspectives – new places, interesting recommendations by trusted friends, and even reminders of facets of your own self, which you had forgotten about until you see them reflected back to you in a good friend’s eyes. Rejuvenation is revitalizing.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

This is the Beginning

“– what would you be doing differently in your life if we were approaching the end of the year, rather than the middle of it? Well for one, you’d probably be celebrating! Two, you’d also be doing all those things making sure all the loose ends of the year are tied up and setting intentions for the next year.” – Cassandra Tyndall

Happy Summer Solstice! It’s that halfway point in the year. It’s a great time to hit pause and use the light from the longest day of sunlight, to shine the light on where you’ve “been” in 2023 already, and to reflect on how you would like to close 2023 out. My husband loves to listen to the Gerry Cinnamon song below, when we are relaxing by our pool during warm summer evenings. Sometimes I think that he overplays it, but I will say these last few days I have woken up to the start of the song, playing on repeat in my mind. And it stirs me. Deeply. I hope that it stirs you, too. “This is the beginning of the rest of your life.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

SB

I inadvertently read a really good blog post the other day, from a website that sells jewelry. The writer was talking about the fact that her mother always repeated the same old saying, with drama and sadness, “You are only as happy as your least happy child.” The writer came from a huge family who went on to have huge families, so invariably her mother would have at least one child, or grandchild, who was going through a hard time, and so her mother was always a bit down. Until she wasn’t . . . .

The writer (Jill Donovan) said that her mother came to a peace one day, realizing that ultimately her children and her grandchildren were not hers first. They came from Source/God/Spirit/Universe, and this same Source that had always gotten her through her rough spots, would get them through theirs, too. And so while the matriarch of this huge family felt empathy for her loved ones, and helped to support them, she came to a greater peace of holding on to the faith that these trials would just bring them all closer to the deeper meanings and purposes of their own individual lives.

This is a truth that we all “know”, but it is sometimes hard to live, isn’t it? We have these fantasy-filled visions of our children living problem-less, seamless lives, with no difficulties to deal with, yet in our own lives, if we are honest with ourselves, it was during the harder times that our most authentic selves rose from the ashes. It was when we successfully navigated through our tough times, that we realized how steely, strong, determined and capable we really were to handle anything. And we didn’t do it alone. The Source within us helped us rise to the challenge. And the people who loved us, were kind and validated our feelings, but because they also believed that we would overcome our adversities, that belief in us, and that belief in our ultimate triumph, was more helpful than pity and tears.

I’m in my fifties now and it’s been really fun witnessing the growth of my friends and peers. Most of us have grown children now, and so I am now seeing my friends taking the time to unabashedly explore all different interests, and parts, and relatively unexplored avenues of themselves. Many of my longtime friends are showing up with talents and interests which I never knew that they had before. (honestly, I don’t think some of my friends even knew about these aspects about themselves either.) It’s really inspiring. By the time you get to our deep middle age, I don’t know anyone who hasn’t experienced any rough spots in their lives. But it is true, time and experience, flowing through the craggy rocks of our lives, usually polishes sharp, rough stones into beautiful gems. It is so gratifying to witness women who have had to go through deaths of loved ones, and divorces, and heartaches with their children, and financial breakdowns, and struggles to succeed and grow in their careers, to triumph over all their adversity, and now delight in exploring parts of themselves that they had long ago buried, under the self-imposed burden of believing that it was their job to keep everyone else happy.

Whatever your beliefs are, just know that Something Bigger (SB) from where we all came has got us. SB has you. SB has me. SB has our kids, and our loved ones, and our friends, and our pets, and our world. So be as happy and as curious and as exploratory as you want to be, in any given moment. That happiness inspires us, and lifts us, and frees us to deeply explore our own selves, and our world with less fear and trepidation, and more openness and hope for all.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Bigger Than You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuiqZxeN-1g

I’m sorry to be delayed with today’s post. I’m grappling with a pinched-nerve in my neck which is like having the worst toothache that I ever had, in my neck and in my shoulder. I am sorry for those of you who deal with daily pain for years on end. Pain is so miserable and distracting and annoying.

The above video is part of the best scene from Babylon, a movie which we watched last night. Babylon is about the change from silent films to “talkies”, and it takes place in 1920s/30s Hollywood. The movie is not for the faint of heart. It shows the debauchery and the underbelly of early Hollywood like you would never expect. The film is long (3 hours), but I found it be interesting and entertaining and thought provoking.

The scene above is a monologue from Jean Smart, who plays a notorious gossip columnist who has just written an unflattering feature about Jack Conrad (played by Brad Pitt), a washed up, silent films era star. In the scene, Jean Smart’s character is telling Jack that while he is no longer “spotlight” material, the beautiful thing is that he will live on, indefinitely, in the films that he starred in, for generations to come. At the end of the scene, where Jean Smart’s character tells Jack that his time is up in Hollywood, and there is nothing that he did to create this fact, and there is nothing that he can do about it now, we see Jack Conrad leave the room, disquieted but grateful that the gossip columnist gently but firmly told him the truth. “Thank you for that,” he says, almost under his breath.

I appreciated this scene so much because it so clearly depicts when any of us hear “a truth” that we deeply know, but we have not yet let this truth surface to our consciousness. We don’t want this truth to be the truth, but yet when we finally face the truth, we are also grateful and relieved to no longer have to pretend anymore, that it is anything other that what it is. It is what it is, is the ultimate truth about anything when we finally face it head on. And the truth can be so painful, and yet so liberating all at the same time.

This scene in Babylon is the ultimate scene of letting go of ego, and of realizing that the idea of life is bigger than any individual life in it, even the lives that are lived out in the spotlight. Life has gone on longer than any of us can fathom, and it will continue to go on, long after each of us departs. Towards the end of the scene Elinor St. John (played by Jean Smart) says this:

” . . . It’s the idea that sticks. There will be a hundred more Jack Conrads, a hundred more me’s, a hundred more conversations like this one, until God knows when. Because it’s bigger than you.”

Elinor does leave Jack with a hopeful thought about people seeing his movies long after he is dead, and in that regard, his memory lives on. On a broader scope, that’s how anyone of us continues to live on after our deaths, for generations and generations in families, and in close groups of friends, and even in societies. Our stories become lores and legends. Our mannerisms become traits in family genes. Our habits and rituals become customs and traditions. Our creations and treasures become heirlooms and antiques and springboards for more creation. The ideas of any essence is what sticks. “That which is bigger than us”, never ends. We are each just small waves of an endless/timeless ocean, and this truth is both frightening and liberating in equal measure. It is what it is.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Let Myself Be Happy

I’ve spent some time the last couple of days going through my daily journals. I wanted to get a sense of the sequence of some events that have happened in my life, mostly in my forties. My forties were tumultuous times for me. I think they are a time of tumult for a lot of people. In your twenties, you are still figuring things out, and that fact is expected, and accepted by you, and by the grace of everyone else. In your thirties, you are in go-go-go/do-do-do mode with very little time for real and honest introspection. It is typically in your forties when the cracks start to show, and the internal questions start banging in your head, such as are you happy with the directions your life is going in? Are you living a genuinely authentic life, true to your own intrinsic values?

It was in my forties, that my husband and I started to take things in a different direction for ourselves and for our family which was truer to what we really wanted in life. In truth, we were sort of forced into it. The dramatic moment of becoming “the poster kids for the Great Recession” (against our strong, and stubborn wills at the time) helped facilitate that movement. And what once seemed like the worst thing that ever happened to us, became the best catalyst to project us towards being more real and conscious about our choices for our family and for ourselves. (The Universe knows what it is doing.) When I read over the journals (I only started consciously journaling on a daily basis in 2013, when I was 42), I am grateful to my younger self. I admire her. She had to make some really hard decisions about where to live, and how to live, and who to remove from her life for the health and the protection of herself and her family. I also feel some pangs for her, because she had a hard time letting stuff go. She did the tough stuff, but she lived in too much fear and worry and doubt and even sometimes sadness, on a daily basis. And the interesting thing is, that everything that my forties-self worried about, has long since resolved itself. In fact, some of the events that were jotted in my journal, I don’t even remember happening.

I think that I decided to look up the sequence of events in my life in the past decade because a couple of weekends ago, my husband and I were sitting in a hospital room with an extended family member who is quite ill. Despite having trouble speaking, she wanted to talk. She talked and talked. And we listened. And what she talked about, were the different experiences that had happened throughout her life. It was like a highlight reel of the truly impactful, proud, emotional, interesting events which had happened in her own life. I think this reminded me that I don’t want to wait until I am facing down my own death, to reflect on my life. I want to do spot checks. I want to end on a high note with very few regrets, and so it is important for me to do the course corrections along the way.

In my Twitter feed this morning, Moral Philosophy, asked their readers, “What are some common regrets people have when they get old?” Interestingly, although there were many people answering the question, most of the answers were repetitive. One reader suggested everyone read the book, Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware. Bronnie Ware is an Australian palliative nurse who has spent a lot of time caring for patients in their dying days. This is what Bronnie Ware says are the biggest regrets of the dying, and most of the many answers from Moral Philosophy’s question of today, fell into these categories:

The 5 Greatest Regrets of the Dying are:

  • I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
  • I wish I hadn’t worked so hard
  • I wish I had the courage to express my feelings
  • I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
  • I wish that I had let myself be happier 

“I wish I had let myself be happier.” From going through my journals of the last decade of my life, it was certainly full of happy moments. But many times, I allowed those moments to be clouded with fear, worry, guilt, rumination and righteous anger. When I am 62, I hope to look back at these next ten years of my journals, and I hope to be as proud as I am of my younger self, for her bravery, and for her honesty and for her authenticity, but I also hope that another thing that stands out to me, from these reflections of my future journals written throughout my fifties decade, is the sense of serenity, peace, faith and surrender. My deepest self inherently knows that the Universe knows what it is doing. It is time to shed all of the fearful parts of myself who want to doubt, and who want to try to control the uncontrollable. When I read my journals of the future, I hope only to read the words of my truest, deepest, eternal, peaceful, loving Self.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Way

“When things start to feel forced, it’s a sign that you need more joy. You can have it and still do what’s on your agenda for the day. It’s the way you do things and not what you that matters.” – Holiday Mathis

Happy February. We’re one month into 2023. How is the start to the year so far? Have you gone about “your stuff” in any new ways? Have you brought new perspectives to the table? Have you changed any of “your ways” for the better? Where are areas in your life that you could add a dollop of joy by just changing how you go about doing them and/or thinking about them? These are questions that I am pondering as I continue to tweak my new year’s intentions and expectations.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

If You . . .

If you ever struggle with feeling like you are not doing “enough”, remember that you are just one tiny little cell of an immense, intricate ever-growing living organism. Do your own cellular function and know that it is enough. Know that your life is an important function to the life of the whole world, just as any tiny cell, helps to support the life of a whole body. Just one human body contains 37.2 trillion living cells.

If you ever struggle with gratitude, think about what Steve Jobs wrote above. Be thankful for all of the other “cells”, past and present and future, who have helped to co-create the life you have lived, the life you are currently living, and the life that you will live tomorrow. You will quickly become overwhelmed with immeasurable gratitude. You will be awestruck.

If you are struggling with anger, fear, frustration, resentment, indignity, try to step out of your own little “cell” for a moment, and see the bigger picture. Perspective often cures and frees the darkest of emotions. Steve Jobs died about a year after he wrote this poignant email to himself.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Travelling in Your RV

Never forget how unique and wonderful you are in this world. There is only one of you. That makes you priceless and precious. Treat yourself as such.

It was interesting to me, last weekend, when we were driving through a part of Florida that had recently been decimated by a hurricane. Instead of rebuilding homes on their land, it appeared that a few people had purchased large, expensive RVs that they parked under metal RV “carports” on the land that used to be a beach homestead. Many of these fancy RV “carports” actually had screened in porches built into them. It was a fascinating solution.

My husband and I are embarking on that stage in life, where a lot more opportunities are opening up to us, as to where to live and how to live. It’s exciting and daunting, all at the same time. Still, as I ponder these decisions, I have to remind myself that “wherever you go, there you are.” We are all like our own little RVs, carrying around our own awareness and perceptions, our egos and personalities, our thought tickers (kind of like a stock tickers), our hearts, and our baggage.

One beach that we recently drove through is home to gorgeous, multi-million dollar homes where a lot of the Nashville country stars, and Hollywood stars with southern ties, are known to have beach houses. People like Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson and Trisha Yearwood are all said to have residences there. None of these stars’ lives mentioned, have been “a cakewalk.” Clearly, no matter where you live outside of your own body/”RV”, that outside spot doesn’t protect you from the hurricanes of relationship, mental health, and addiction issues. Wherever you park your own little personal RV, that’s where you are. No matter how fancy the outside of your parking spot is, what truly matters is what is going on inside of your own unique RV.

How is maintenance going on your own personal RV? Are you fueling it up healthfully? Are you shading it from the hot summer sun? What about that thought ticker that is constantly scrolling? Is that thought ticker stuck on repeat? What are the quality of thoughts that are constantly being played and replayed on it? How’s the windshield on your own little RV body? Do you keep it clean, so that your perception is clear and wide open? Is your RV carrying too much baggage? Are there things/habits/relationships that need to be kicked to the curb and let go, so that you can ride to your destinations, freer and lighter? How about that heart engine of your own beautiful little RV? That’s what needs to be protected the most, because, otherwise your RV isn’t going anywhere.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.