Kurt Vonnegut Archives - Adulting: Second- Half

Soul Sunday

“Experience becoming . . . make your soul grow . . . . do it for the rest of your lives.” Did you read the assignment that Kurt Vonnegut, the author of Slaughterhouse-Five and other esteemed works, gave to these high school students in 2006? (Kurt Vonnegut died about six months after this letter was written) Today, on poetry day on the blog, let’s do his assignment. I’ll do it, if you do it: “Write a six line poem, about anything, but rhymed. No fair tennis without a net. Make it as good as you possibly can. But don’t tell anybody what you’re doing. Don’t show it or recite it to anybody . . . . Tear it up into teeny-weeny pieces, and discard them into widely separated recepticals.”

Why should we do this assignment? Well, Kurt Vonnegut said this will be the outcome: “You will find that you have been gloriously rewarded for your poem. You have experienced becoming, learned a lot more about what’s inside you, and you have made your soul grow.”

But I suspect that you, my dear beloved readers, already know this. Bless you. I imagine that your poem is amazing. The poetry of you, already is amazing. Your soul is growing beautifully. It becomes you.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1891. Have you ever stood up for anyone?

Not Alone

“Nothing I can say can have any effect, except to say to somebody else, “You’re not alone.” That’s as far as it goes.” – Kurt Vonnegut

I think that a lot of us creators, whether we be writers or painters or actors, poets, photographers, etc., have the secret impossible ambition of trying to help save the world with our art. We believe that if we do it just right, or we say it just right, or we come up with the perfect, exquisite wording, or we take one profound photograph that encapsulates all, it will end up being that ONE thing that helps to bring everyone in the world together, in recognition of our connectedness, and the pure beauty and majesty that is Life.

Maybe that overarching ambition is just ego. Maybe we creators are really just trying to find/save/understand/inspire/purge one person – ourselves. And when our creation does that for ourselves, and it sometimes even does it for a few others, as well, we rejoice. We totally rejoice in relief and confirmation. We feel connected and understood and validated and less alone.

I wish that I had the inclination, and the ability to save lives like firefighters or surgeons do, but I am more of a hindrance in emergencies than a help (plus I have a hair trigger gag reflex). I wish that I had the inclination to start a company that would create hundreds of good jobs to support hundreds of good families, but I don’t do well with structure, and math, and office politics. I wish that I had the inclination to get into politics and really clean up house, while also having the ability to stay personally clean while doing it, but I’m sane enough to not even dare to put my big toe into that arena. I wish that I had the unending patience and purpose of a teacher, but I often get bored and frustrated as easily as a toddler.

And so beyond my ambitious wishes, I write. I do what it inherently seems like I was meant to do. I like to believe that at the very least, as my writing heals me and helps me to make sense of my experiences, it sometimes gives that little spark of familiarity and comfort and recognition that says to someone else, as they let out a big, deep sigh, “Oh, thank you. Wonderful. I am not alone.” As Kurt Vonnegut says, “That’s as far as it goes.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Trapped

We were at the hospital all yesterday afternoon. Again. My son sprained his shoulder while having another seizure. My regular readers know that my youngest son has epilepsy. And currently his seizures are not being controlled by medicine. My son is totally drained. My husband is totally drained. I am totally drained. I know that things could be worse. I know that there are many others who have it a lot worse, even with epilepsy. I know that I have been blessed in so many other ways, but right now I am honestly too numb to care. I am thankful that my son is alive. I am thankful that we have more medicines to try, and more medicine combinations to try, and more doctors and specialists to see. I am thankful that we have the means to pay for these opportunities. When there is life, there is always hope. But right now, I am totally drained. It is exhausting to even type this blog post. I believe that the storms always pass in life, but right now my family is stuck in a standstill doozy of a non-moving hurricane. And I am totally drained.

Make Your Soul Grow

Fortune for the day – “In all things, give thanks.” – Apostle Paul

I didn’t watch the Academy Awards last night. I typically don’t watch the awards shows. I always figure that I can find out who the winners were and look at the beautiful fashions worn by the celebrities, the next day. Instead, my husband and my daughter and I, actually watched the movie, Joker, for the first time. I think that Joaquin Phoenix justly won the award for best actor. That was one intense movie.

I’m very excited to watch Parasite tonight, the Korean film that became the first foreign film ever to win an academy award for Best Motion Picture. I haven’t heard much about the film, which I think is the most delicious way to go into any film, or any kind of experience, for that matter. No expectations, no pre-formed opinions, no suppositions made by someone else’s judgment and assessment, is the best way to go into just about anything, I think. Then, the most fun, is afterwards, comparing each others’ reactions to an experience, in order to see what insights were matched and what observations might have been missed.

In reading about the Academy Awards this morning, I was particularly impressed with the fact that supposedly the writer and creator of Parasite, Bong Joon Ho, spent most of his speech talking about everyone else who had inspired him in his film making career. He said this in his speech:

‘. . . .there was a saying that I carved deep into my heart, which is that “The most personal is the most creative.” ‘

Boon Joon Ho credited that saying to famed director and screen writer, Martin Scorsese. What an eloquent, succinct way to describe the truth. When we are fully and purely our deepest selves, we are our most creative. When we are willing to share our personal creations, they become part of this world. Our creations become part of this inner-connected Life – this Life which we are all in the process of co-creating.

I also listened to my most dutiful, practical self this morning and I stuck to my routine of exercising before reading and writing. While I was planking to SNL videos, I enjoyed some sketches featuring Ru Paul, the world’s most famous drag queen. I later watched some footage of Ru Paul being interviewed about his many Emmy wins for his long standing TV show and spin-offs. He said this:

“I didn’t choose the game, the game chose me.”

I think when we let the game choose us, in the most personal surrender possible, that is when our most pure, fabulous creativity outpours from our deepest, innerconnected reservoirs. How amazing this world would be, if we all gave ourselves permission to be truly and fully, our own personal selves and shared that most personal creation with the world around us.

positive quotes, To practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it.

Housekeeping

First, I want to send my heart-filled prayers for the comfort of our friends in California. May the horrors of the fires stop and may your recovery be quick. I am so sorry for your loss and pain. My family and I toured a great deal of California this summer and California is EVERYTHING that it is cracked up to be and more . . . . . a beautiful, beautiful natural state filled with very kind and gracious people. My heart is with you.

Second, thank you, readers, so much for your support of my blog. Writing gives me such individual satisfaction and sharing my writing and thoughts with you gives me a sense of purpose and excitement every single day. I get giddy when it is time for me to write. I love connecting with myself and others, in this form!

My writing process is this: I wake up every morning and I do my morning rituals with my family. Once everyone is out of the house or on to their own things (on the weekends and days off), I grab my cup of coffee and I excitedly turn on my computer and I start typing away. I write “on a whim”, so to speak. Most of my posts take me around 45 minutes to write. I have a notebook where I jot ideas down throughout the day for future writings, but many times I don’t even consult my notebook. I just seem to wake up and know what I want to write.

Today, I wanted to share my process with you because I am getting more and more blog subscribers and I am so happy about that – thank you for being willing to add to the clutter of your email account with another daily dose of me! I will tell you though, subscribers, that you are getting the first edition, the first cut of my blog post which will probably go through several edits throughout the day. I think that I did more than 50 revisions on one of my blog posts. Seriously.

After I write my post, I read it around three times before I hit publish. That’s when subscribers get it. After it’s published, I send it to my editor-at-large (otherwise known as my detail-oriented husband) and he gives me feedback and lets me know what typos that he has found in the day’s entry, when he has time. (It’s amazing that even after me reading it over and over, typos are still to be found – almost every single day!)

As I go around doing other daily chores throughout the day, and I do some reading and researching, I invariably come back to my post and end up doing more editing and adding and rearranging, etc. In short, those of you who are my subscribers are getting my first rough draft. I hope that if you wish to revisit the post, you’ll come to the website and see more of “the finished product.”

That being said, writing is a process and it is fluid. I’ve been known to change a post with a new sentence or a new thought, days after I have published it. I consider this blog site my personal diary that I share with love, with my family, friends and cohorts who find it interesting. It is not a well-tailored coat (obviously), but more of a well-worn quilt constantly being added on to, if that makes sense.

Bottom line, I’m not going to tell you how to read my blog. I’m just grateful that you want to read it. Just know that what you read in your in-box, may end up being a little bit different on the website. If you are one that gets aggravated by typos (I admit that I do), you might prefer to read the blog on the website, later in the afternoon.

My husband shared this quote with me the other day that he saw on the bottom of someone’s email. I love it and I’ll end with it:

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.” – Kurt Vonnegut

Character Marks

“Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.” – Will Rogers

This summer we took some wonderful hiking trips and on one of them I ended up with my legs covered in a rash from poison oak. That’s okay. I would do it all over again. But I do have some nasty pink scars left on my legs that I scratched so much that I think I invited some varicose veins to the surface to join the fun. Sometimes I just “own” the scars, sometimes I cover them up with concealer and sometimes I look up telephone numbers of doctors who inject veins to make them go away.

I think I’m at the stage where I’m on the fence of aging gracefully versus fighting the fight to keep a youthful appearance. When I was in my late thirties, I found a cool magazine clipping and I hung it on my mirror. It had a picture of a beautiful woman with a few lines on her face. It said something to the effect that “Beauty is accumulative and all of these lines are just character marks from the story of your life.” That sounded so right . . . . when I was in my thirties.

“Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.” – Kurt Vonnegut

I love that quote from Kurt Vonnegut’s famous commencement speech. It makes me feel winsome and hopeful at the same time. When I’m 75, I guess I’ll look back at pictures taken of me now and wish that I looked like what I look like right now.

In today’s world of giant, overwhelming beauty stores like Ulta and Sephora, of every procedure available to turn you into whatever boob size/nose size/butt size/movie star you want, of impossibly attractive 80-year-old actresses like Jane Fonda, and households of Kardashian sisters becoming multi-millionaires primarily due to the hustling of their collective beauty, it’s hard to decide what your own limits are to “preserve and protect” versus letting it all go and just being free.

I guess it really does come down to doing what you want, what you value and what makes you feel good with the realization that you can’t stop others from doing what they feel the need to do and be. Do you want to be that perfectly preserved, valuable, beautiful, ageless Barbie doll in the box or the much lived, loved, tattered and torn, worn for the wear, kindly and comely Velveteen rabbit? Probably most of us will end up being something in-between and that is okay. We have to forgive the flawless Barbies and the sanctimonious rabbits, though. They have the right to their decisions and we have the right to ours. Perhaps if we feel love and compassion for all of us as we work through this aging process together, those feelings will glow through and as a whole we will see beauty like we have never seen and it will be timeless.