Kahlil Gibran Archives - Adulting: Second- Half

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I’m sitting here in a hotel room, in a hotel that was born in the same year as my eldest son. So this is a 28-year-old hotel room. Its current “look” seems to be a whimsical, boutique-y look, with prominent colors and unusual off-centered placements of mismatching artwork. I’m sure that this square room has had many variations over the years. The rule of thumb is that the average hotel changes and updates its decorations about every seven years. So this hotel is probably on the end of its fourth cycle of “changing it up”. I wonder if people are generally on the same 7- year cycle of updating our appearance, our homesites, our mindsets? Some hotels appear like they have never had a change-up. Some people are the same. When I was a college textbook sales representative back in the early 1990s, my main point of contact were the departments’ administrative assistants. There was one administrative assistant whose office remained stubbornly and firmly in the 1960s. She had a beehive hairdo, wore brightly colored cats-eye glasses, she smoked in her office (even though you weren’t supposed to), and all of the furnishings in the office were mid-century (before mid-century became cool again). It was like entering into a time warp. I found her office oddly fascinating and sometimes even reassuring. That woman was not about to let trends, nor time, take her away from surroundings that made her feel the most at home.

My husband read a story recently about one of our country’s earliest magnates. In an enormous romantic gesture, he traded their New York City home for a pearl necklace that his wife desperately wanted. (At the time, pearls were exceedingly rare because no one had yet figured out how to harvest pearls in an industrial sense.) Ironically, the necklace recently sold in auction for $165,000 and the New York City home that he traded it for is worth almost $300 million dollars.

Everything changes. What is valuable to you, or to anyone else, changes. What looks good to you at one time often loses its appeal overtime (to the point of laughing hysterically at you and your friends’ 1980’s glue-sprayed big bangs). Noticing what changes, makes it easier to pivot to thinking about what is endlessly timeless. Feelings are timeless. We all experience the different variations of feelings and sensations that our ancestors have felt for thousands of years. And the many generations ahead of us, no matter what their surroundings look like, will experience the same myriad of feelings and sensations that we do. The timeless stuff is all inside of us. Timelessness lies within.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1506. Do you think you could beat a lie detector test? (Me – no way, no how. I’m a terrible liar.)

Tuesday’s Tidbits

+ This is for my friends and family, up north. I do miss seeing and experiencing the beauty and the serenity and the quiet of blankets of freshly fallen snow. Our eldest son lives up north. He just sent us a picture from his back balcony. There’s a large house behind his apartment building that is painted a bright Kelly green. It is a good reminder that there is always the green of new growth hidden under the blankets of stillness and solitude.

+ On X yesterday, the Wiseconnector posted this: “Someone said, ‘A lot of people struggle with sleep because sleep requires peace.’ ” I believe that peace is extremely helpful for sleep. Inner peace, or else utter exhaustion that finally leads to pure surrender, is what helps us to get a good night’s sleep. Perhaps this means that it is total surrender that is truly equal to peace?? Another quote that I read recently said this: “Accept the unacceptable and the unacceptable ceases to exist.”

+ On the eve of Valentine’s Day I got to thinking about the wonderful word of “our”. “Our” denotes the things that we share and enjoy with others. I have so many “ours” with my husband. Our marriage, our family, our friends, our home, our dogs, our vacations, our dinners, our shows, our memories . . . . . I have a lot of “ours” with a lot of different people in my life. Think of all of the “ours” you have in your own life. “Our” means that we share a common love, time, appreciation and experience with a lot of the same things, and a lot of the same people. At work, you have “our” workplace, “our” goals, “our” lunchroom. . . . . With your friends you have “our” other friends, “our” good times shared, “our” inside jokes. . . . With your pets you have “our” walk time, “our” cuddle time, “our” favorite spots to be together in the house . . . . Friends, we have this time together at “our” blog. You have made this blog “ours” by validating it with your presence, your consideration, your time, your kindness, and your thoughtful comments. I love you. I appreciate you. I am so happy that you are part of one of my own “ours.” Think of some of your other “ours.” We don’t live life in a vacuum. We are all interconnected. Even your community has “our” parks and “our” grocery stores and “our” schools and “our” firefighters . . . . No one is alone.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1672. What still amazes you? (The first two things that popped into my head the minute I saw this question are dolphins and sunsets.)

Soul Sunday

We just had a wonderful time with friends who recently moved to Florida from up north. So they are so full of joy and excitement and adventurously exploring all of the different things to do around here. We have lived here for 13 years now, so it has become our “normal.” Being with them, revitalizes my own delight for where we live. I get to see my “same old/same old” with fresh new eyes. It is such a lovely gift. It is truly a gift when you feel revitalized by someone else shining their bright light on what you have gotten used to seeing, and thus sometimes leave in the dark shadows. Today, on poetry day on the blog, I am only going to share one of Kahlil Gibran’s shortest, truest poems.

“Desire is Half”

Desire is half of life.

Indifference is half of death.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2740. What is something that you’re are afraid to try?

Relationships

I’m sorry that I have been delayed with my post this morning. I’ve been constantly interrupted by my own distractions. Ironically, I was incredibly excited to have a totally unscheduled day. Perhaps there is wisdom to having a regular schedule.

I printed this out the other day. I also texted it to my husband. It’s an excellent reminder. We have always declared that it was vitally important to both of us to have genuine, authentic relationships with our adult children. I do not care to have any relationships, with anyone, based on fear, obligation or guilt, for the rest of my life. I’ve noticed that the relationships that we take the most for granted are often the ones with whom we are closest to in life. Some parents seem to have this sense of entitlement of “owning” their children, even after their children have long embarked on becoming adults. Some parents seem to think that they are “owed” a relationship with their children, just because they are their parents. But our children didn’t ask to be born. Once we are all adults, relationships are mutual. Would you choose to be close friends with anyone who was described as above? Would you choose to spend a lot of time with someone described as above? Would you want your children to spend a lot of time with the type of person described above? We are always modelling living to our children, even when we are all adults. What are you modelling to them with the relationships that you accept and expect in your own life? If your adult children have the traits described above, you have the right to limit your interactions with them, as well. Adults have the right to choose what kind of relationships, and how much of a relationship that they would like to have with anyone. When you are in mutually loving and respectful relationships, what you choose to do for, and what you choose to do with each other, is done out of choice, and because of honest love and connection. If you are still financially supporting your adult children, ask yourself why? Are you truly giving unconditional gifts, or are you trying to leverage that support with manipulation and control? Healthy relationships with anyone do not require manipulation and control. In fact, utilizing control and manipulation is the sign of unhealthy relationships. This poem by Kahlil Gibran has always been one of my absolute favorites. It speaks ultimate truth:

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
     And he said:
     Your children are not your children.
     They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
     They come through you but not from you,
     And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

     You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
     For they have their own thoughts.
     You may house their bodies but not their souls,
     For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
     You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
     For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
     You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
     The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
     Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
     For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

995. What are you hypocritical about?

Confession

A friend recently confessed that lately she feels like she doesn’t want to be a parent anymore. It was over a text, but I imagine if “the confession” had been in person, she would have sat tentatively, her eyes darting around the room to see if we, her friends who are also parents, would be looking down at her with glaring supreme judgment, even worse than what she was doing to herself.

And what she got instead was a lot of support, love, understanding, and relating. Parenting is hard. Caretaking is hard. Life is hard. Making those statements doesn’t mean that you are a terrible parent, an awful caretaker and that you hate life. Parenting is hard and wonderful. Caretaking is hard and rewarding. Life is hard and overwhelmingly beautiful.

Give yourself a break when you feel overwhelmed by your life and your responsibilities in your life. These are the times to lean into self-care and trust the Universe/God/Life with the rest. Give yourself the love and the care and the support and the advice that you would give to your partner, or to your child, or to your best friend. (in other words the person or people whom you love the most, because honestly, you, yourself, should be on that list)

I’ve shared this on the blog, before, but it seems appropriate to bring it back. Before I even became a mother, and I was spending some time in my head thinking about what kind of parent I wanted to be, I came across this wonderful poem by Kahlil Gibran. It has become my parenting mantra/philosophy/reminder throughout my entire twenty-six years of being a mother. It helps me to remember that I am co-parenting with a vast and loving and mysterious force of Life, and that I can lean into that wisdom and comfort whenever I need to just let go. This poem puts me – a fiery, sometimes control freakish mama, into her rightful place. And when I am in that place, I am freer to live in my own faith and to trust that bigger arms are wrapped around us all. I am freer to be loved, and to be Love. Gibran’s poem:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

An Animal’s Eyes

Fortune for the day: “Work is love made visible.” – Kahlil Gibran

The TV show, 60 Minutes was particularly good this past Sunday, I thought. The entire show was made out of segments about nature and animals. I lapped it up. (So did our Labrador retriever, Ralphie, as he kept looking behind the TV for the pack of wolves showing on the segment about the Yellowstone National Park wolves) My favorite segment featured Joel Sartore, a photographer for National Geographic who has made it his life’s mission to make a pictorial ark, much like the biblical, Noah’s ark. He spends at least half of each year, going around to zoos and conservancies photographing every species that they have in captivity. Sartore only uses black or white backgrounds and he focuses on the animals’ eyes, so that we can fully empathize with their emotions and their inner beings. During the 60 Minutes segment, one animal which he photographed was the last frog of its kind. Once that particular frog passes, there will be no more of that species, ever again to be found on Earth. Currently, there are 9,844 pictures of species in Joe Sartore’s Photo Ark. He says that it will take him about 25 years to document every species currently in human care. Peruse the miracle of it all, in awe and amazement, at his beautiful website:

https://www.joelsartore.com/photo-ark/

“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.” –Anatole France

“Animals are such agreeable friends—they ask no questions; they pass no criticisms.” –George Eliot

“An animal’s eyes have the power to speak a great language.” –Martin Buber