Tag: inspiration

Believe Them

I was reminded of Maya Angelou’s great wisdom the other day, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” We sometimes think that these wisdoms only apply to our intimate relationships – romantic, familial, friendships, or our working relationships, but they also have to do with whom you hire to do things for you.

My husband is the executor of his mother’s will, and he called a few different recommended estate attorneys to get a feel for what was required for the process in her state. He felt good about the conversation which he had with the one attorney, and he decided to proceed with utilizing this attorney’s services. But soon after, the attorney and his associates started dropping the ball. Phone calls and email messages were not being answered in a timely manner. An appointment was missed. Despite a late evening phone call full of (probably legitimate) excuses, my husband decided that this was not a business relationship that he felt good about. The attorney showed my husband that he was “stretched too thin”, and my husband believed him.

I told my husband that he was fortunate that the lawyer showed him “who he was” this early on. This happened to us previously with a rental manager who was to be in charge of our home in North Carolina when we first moved to Florida. When the rental manager disappeared for a 5-day birthday party without any warning (the man was in his fifties), we knew that it was time to cut bait and we again, thanked the Universe for the favor of quickly showing us that this was someone who we could not rely on.

Neither of these men are “bad” people and perhaps more laid back people than my husband and I, would work well with these gentlemen. I don’t know. The bottom line is that when you immediately face the reality of a situation, and you face the reality of your own needs and boundaries in situations, you save yourself and others a lot of trouble and heartache by facing, and then living in your truth. Trust your gut, even when it is telling you something that you don’t want to hear, or to know. Be thankful when someone shows you their red flags early on. Forewarned is forearmed. When people show you who they are, believe them.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Wednesday’s Whimsies

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Things which I’ve been pondering in this new year:

+ Usually the traits that you can’t stand in someone or something have an equally visceral reaction in the opposite way. For instance, Trip, our Boykin spaniel, is the brattiest, most entitled, most demanding and full-of-himself dog we have ever shared our lives with, and yet it is those very same traits of his personality that make me smile and laugh out loud every single day. The way that Trip demands to have the most comfortable seat on the couch, all splayed out, without a hint of modesty, and how, during our walks, his nosy little self gets up on his hind legs in order to look through the fence of the neighbor’s yard, with the hopes of instigating their pit bull, makes me annoyed, and yet also vicariously overjoyed at his audacity, all at the same time. I imagine that this can be the same for the people whom we love, and even when we consider our own selves. The next time that you find yourself being angry at someone you love, or beating yourself up for your own “worst” traits, see if you can twist it around to something that you also, in equal measure love and admire. Stubbornness can also be stick-to-it-iveness. Messiness can also be laid back and creative. Righteousness can also be bravery. Talkativeness can be good entertainment. You get the picture . . .

+ I have been reading a lot about how little changes are what really adds up to the big changes. Rarely do the big sweeping changes stick. (Already, in mid January, my husband mentioned that the gym is no longer overly crowded in the mornings.) I, myself, have been able to do better with my own health choices, when I make one little change, versus a drastic, all-encompassing change. For instance, for most of my twenties and thirties, I drank at least 4-5 Diet Cokes a day. One day, I decided that for my health, I would quit drinking Diet Cokes. (I didn’t say to myself, I am going to do a complete overhaul to my diet. I just decided to quit drinking Diet Cokes.) I haven’t drank Diet Coke in probably about ten years now. Small changes are easier to focus on and are more doable, than complete overhauls. So now, I am meditating on small changes that I can make in various areas of my life, that will give me that wonderful sense of accomplishment that feels so good. Can I add an extra mile to my walk? Can I go to bed a half hour earlier every night? Can I clean out a drawer a day?

+ Recently I wrote about fixing small aggravations in my life and being amazed by the difference this makes in my mental health. For instance, I finally figured out how to turn off our home phone ringers, and it’s been beautifully quiet and peaceful in the house. Yesterday, as I stared at the fingerprint filled, and dog nose smudged sliding glass windows which we have all over the back of our house, I sighed. I had no desire to clean them, because it is either a long, laborious process involving a pail and a squeegee, or a tedious, and pointlessly frustrating process involving at least a whole roll of paper towels. So honestly, I usually just let the sliders be (while still remaining aggravated and embarrassed), until the glass is almost opaque. However yesterday, I took a page out of my husband’s playbook, who has learned how to fix a lot things around the house from various YouTube instructors. I looked up clever ways to clean sliding glass windows. And I found a DREAM solution. Essentially, you attach a 100 percent cotton towel on to your Swiffer, spray your windows with a foamy window cleaner and you can get both sides of the doors done in about a minute. You even can reach the top corners that somehow even manage to get dirty – how this happens, I do not know.

Readers, please share any small changes that you have made that have ended up making a huge difference in your own lives. I would love to hear your tips!

Touch Grass

The younger generations often say, “Go touch grass,” to their friends whom they perceive are spending too much time online, and not experiencing their time in “the real world”. “Touch Grass” means come back to reality, come back to what’s real, get down to earth, breathe in some fresh air, and don’t get too caught up in the incitements of the ever-changing moment.

I like it. “Touch grass.” Simple. Meaningful. Useful. Easy. I, myself, often go outside into my own yard, in my bare feet, and I literally touch grass frequently. Pachamama. Doing this gets you in touch with the present moment and with the connection which we have to all living things. (I realize that at this time of year, it is easier to do this where I live in Florida, than in other places which may be covered in snow. In those cases, “Dig for some grass and then touch it (quickly) and then go back inside.”

Yesterday, my husband had the day off from work, and so we took a long walk with our three dogs, but that wasn’t enough. It was a beautiful, sunny, cool, crisp day, so after the walk, we took off on our bikes, and we rode around for a two hour jaunt out in our neighborhood, around a local park, and we explored various bike trails along the way. When I found my mind veering to past experiences, or to future planning, while we were riding, I brought myself back to the present moment by repeating to myself the statement, “Touch grass.” Simple. Meaningful. Useful. Easy. Touch grass. Touch grass. Touch grass.

Touch grass.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

The older I get, the more I hear the mantra “Keep moving” from people who are older than me. I think that this is probably excellent advice to heed.

Yesterday, Dr. Nicole Lapera tweeted this, “Not everyone is seeking to grow or change. Adjust accordingly.” A person agreed and responded, “Don’t project your desire to grow on to others.”

We often talk about projecting our own negative qualities on to others. “He’s so angry. She’s so negative.” When we are feeling judgmental about others, we are often told to seek out the very attribute that we are judging about others, in ourselves. (When you point a finger, three fingers point back at you.) This new take on projecting what seems like a positive quality, i.e. “your desire to grow”, made me pause.

When we do something for ourselves, for our physical/mental/spiritual health and it feels amazing and makes a huge difference in our own lives, it is natural for us to want to shout it from the hills. We suddenly see how pervasive ‘that thing’ that we have changed in ourselves, is also in our loved ones, in our acquaintances and in our society, and we want to “heal” everyone. We want everyone to experience the relief and the awakening that we are feeling. And then we feel a little shocked when we are met with disinterest, or resistance, or even anger and backlash.

I guess that this all comes down to that nasty “unsolicited advice” lesson. And if, in this instance, we look at the three fingers pointing back at us, what questions could we ask of ourselves? “Do I need validation for my new way of looking at/doing things in my life? Am I afraid of losing people/places/things that aren’t able to change along with me? Do I have control issues? Do I have a savior complex?”

It’s such a hard thing for us humans to go it alone. We are social creatures. It is difficult for us to grasp that our only project in our lives, is our own life. The only person whom we can change, make happy, and journey with, from start to finish, is ourselves. And that in itself, is A LOT. We don’t need to take on more. Any one life to steer, is enough to handle in any one lifetime. Yes, it hurts to see people whom we love struggle with things that we see could easily be fixed and healed. But other people’s lessons and journeys are not ours to fix and to heal. The best healing and fixing we can do for anyone else is to love them, know that they are being held by forces greater than us, and trust that they are on the right journey meant for them. And then we healthfully steer ourselves back into our own lanes, and we continue to keep moving on our own journey, humming a little tune to the beat of our own precious heart.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Complimentary

This is one of the Christmas presents one of my sons got for me. They are called “complimentary pens.” I adore them. First of all, I must confess that I’m a pen hoarder/hound. I have hundreds of pens. My husband is concerned that I may be addicted to pens. And the crazy thing is, I feel sick if I lose even one of my pens. For instance, I lent one of my pens to a woman at a workshop late last year and I didn’t have the guts to ask for it back. I mean it’s only a pen after all, right? It was a nice pen, though, and it came from a neat boutique hotel that my husband and I stayed in when we went to the Florida Panhandle. But I didn’t ask for it back, because it was a complimentary pen from the hotel. And also, a pen is a nice, inexpensive thing to share with people. And compliments are also thoughtful things to share. The truth is, I wish I had given a compliment to this woman, instead of my pen. I lamented about this little saga to my daughter over the holidays, and my ever unflappable, practical daughter said, “Mom, why don’t you just carry some pens in your purse that you don’t mind giving away?”

I might buy some more sets of these complimentary pens and they can be my giveaways when someone needs a pen. Then, I will be giving away not only a nice pen, but also a lovely compliment.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Mushie Friday

credit:@Rollinon31s

RIP – Lisa Marie Presley

I’ve come to the realization that I’ve accelerated to the age when about once a week, our society is losing someone who was a big part of the popular culture when I was coming up in this world. I can’t imagine what it’s like when you accelerate to the age when you start frequently losing the loved ones you’ve actually come up with. It must be breathtakingly difficult.

I’m sorry. I know that the previous statement does not fit in with the blog’s devil-may-care Friday aesthetic. On Fridays, here at the blog, we focus on the frivolous. Fridays are for favorites and I list a favorite thing, song, book, website, product, etc. and I hope that you will add your favorites to my Comments. Please check out previous Friday posts for more favorites. (Most of them are STILL my favorites, even years later)

Today’s favorite is from a local seller, Cassie, who is just a wonderful person. She is so passionate about her creations, and her store. Cassie has many neat things that she sells and her homemade aromatherapy sprays are amazing, but I am going to focus on one little cheapie item that has been a hit with me, and my daughter, and her friends. It is such an inexpensive pick-me-up, and yet it makes me smile every single time I look at it. The link below shows you what I’m talking about. It is a delicate, happy, little mushroom night light that changes colors as you watch it. For only $6, it gives you a lot of little bangs and pangs of happiness for your bucks. Peruse Cassie’s store for other good stuff, but make sure that you put at least one of these night lights into your cart. You won’t regret your mushie.

https://www.astrastpete.com/product/mushroom-night-light/277?cp=true&sa=false&sbp=false&q=false&category_id=4

Have a wonderful weekend, friends!! Hello and welcome and thank you to all of the new subscribers who have come on board lately! What you get in your email is just my first draft and I guarantee that it will have at least one typo, until my editor (aka, my gardener, my lover, my pool boy, my best friend, my patron, my partner in crime, my husband) gets his gorgeous, green, detail oriented eyes on the post. So, if typos annoy you (they annoy me, even though I make them every single day), please just keep coming to the website. And please say hello and tell me what’s on your mind in the Comments. I know that you guys are out there. I see the numbers. Don’t be shy!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Better Than the Queen of Monaco

“I thought I was going to be queen of Monaco even though someone else did it. [Laughter] But I had these giant ideas. And then you get older and, oh, s*** is going to happen. And, Mike White, you have given me hope. You’ve given me a new beginning. . . .

“This is something all of you, if you don’t know Mike White, this is what you should know: He is worried about the world, he’s worried about people, he’s worried about friends of his that aren’t doing well, he’s always worried about people, you’re worried about animals, and he really is one of the greatest people I’ve ever … He gives me so much excitement to be—you make people want to live longer, and I didn’t.” – from last night’s speech from 61-year-old actress Jennifer Coolidge, who won a Golden Globe for The White Lotus last night, about the creator of the show, Mike White

“. . . .you make people want to live longer and I didn’t.” Wow. Have you ever heard a better compliment? And this is about a Hollywood guy! When has that ever happened before?! My regular readers know that I’m a huge fan of The White Lotus series and I have previously written about Jennifer Coolidge’s ‘big break’ coming to her later in life, which is a rare thing, particularly for women in Hollywood.

From Jennifer Coolidge’s Golden Globe acceptance speech, it is my belief that these accolades and appreciation couldn’t have happened to two more deserving people. Jennifer, for slogging along, continuing to work feverishly at her passion, even if she thought that her days of a “big break” were over, and to Mike, for being that guy who cares – Mike cares about people, his friends, animals. . . . Jennifer’s whole speech was about what a wonderful, loving person and being Mike White is, without even beginning to mention his incredible talent as a writer and director.

My favorite trainer at my Local Stretchlab has experienced more than her fair share of difficulties in life. Raised in Guam, she had to drop out of medical school to take care of her mother and grandmother, who both had cancer and when they passed, her father became ill and so she cared for him, while still trying to manage the family business. It is only in the last five years or so that my trainer has been able to focus on herself and her own adult life. She is married to a marine, and yesterday they were celebrating their three-year wedding anniversary. She told me that she was taking the entire weekend off to celebrate with him. My trainer told me that for most of her life, she never dreamed that she would marry, and she is so utterly thrilled and grateful to be married to the man of her dreams. We both agreed that the beauty of difficult times, is that the harder that they were, the more they make you appreciate and savor the wonderful times in life. When you know just how low and difficult life can get, the gratitude which you feel for the smooth, amazing times is almost overwhelming.

If you are in a point in your life when you feel like your ship has sailed, be like Jennifer, and just hang on. Keep doing what is meaningful to you. It ain’t over ’til it’s over. You really have no idea where this journey is taking you. The most meaningful, exciting times of your life could easily be right around the corner. And while you’re at it, be like Mike, care. Care about people, and friends, and animals. Be like Mike and be the kind of person who makes people want to live longer. And when you get to a point in your life when you finally (and maybe even surprisingly) get something that you always wanted but started to lose hope of ever getting, be like my Stretchlab trainer and take a long weekend off to simmer in the joy and gratitude of it all! Because of slogging through the tough times, you get the equal and opposite feeling of utter bliss!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Tuesday’s Tidbits

+ I’m relatively new to the iPhone and the thing that I could do without is Siri’s attitude. When I say, “Hey Siri”, she says “Um-hmm” in a tone that I read as slightly condescending, distracted, “fake” cheerful and annoyed. It’s almost as if “uh-hmm” is short for “What do you want now? I’m kinda busy out here in the ethersphere. ” I think that I would prefer something like, “Hi, beautiful! How can I help you?”, in a delighted, enthusiastic, tail-wagging, eager tone. I find Siri’s “um-hmm” almost as annoying as women who are at least 35 years younger than me, calling me “honey.”

+ In the beginning of the year, I found myself chomping at the bit to get back to “normal.” Our four adult children, overlapping their holiday visits, between them all, kind of like a Venn diagram, were here at home, for a total of about four weeks, in various counts and measures. Towards the end of the holidays, my adult children said that I started repeating the same questions which I supposedly have always asked during every school break since they were little ones, “When do you go back now? Is it almost time for you to go back?” (Our kids do an interesting mocking impression of me asking these questions. They find it quite amusing.) So yesterday, was my first full day entirely by myself. And the house was soooo quiet. And my grocery cart looked pitifully empty with just the groceries for the two of us. And I only had to do one load of laundry. And so, when I got home, I texted to the family chat, with a myriad of cry-face emojis, a question which I also often ask of my kids, “I miss you. When are you coming home again?”

+ As I write this, I am wearing a V-Line Double Chin Reducer face mask, which I saw on Amazon, as the hopeful side of me focused only in on the positive reviews. It fits over my ears and under my chin and I have hopes that my jowls will magically disappear after only a few wearings. Ha. My dogs find this unique mask quite disturbing looking. I know and I understand on a logical level, that this is yet another gimmick which I have fallen for that most likely will not work with any great noticeable measure, and all of the while, it cost me time and money, and it makes me look ridiculous, and vain, and pathetic, and also frightening to my fur babies. And you can laugh at silly old me, but I know that there are a few of you out there, just like me, who while reading this are perhaps wearing a gold flake mask, or trying out a teensy-weensy dollop of that new anti-aging cream from that teeny, tiny $453 jar of “The Emperor’s New Cream” that you insisted on getting for Christmas. The global anti-aging market is now said to be worth almost 60 billion dollars. Sigh.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

credit: @jennrants44, Twitter

I have a couple of these types of friends in my life – dangerously fun. I also learned early on to never, ever seat our eldest son and our youngest son next to one another anywhere, at any time. It’s a recipe for hilarity and disaster. I think it is a really special thing to have some people in your life whom you can anticipate the fun and mischievousness which comes with them and who brings it out in you.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

“We live on a blue planet that circles around a ball of fire next to a moon that moves the sea, and you don’t believe in miracles?” – Unknown

Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Poetry often speaks to the parts of you that you keep hidden, even from yourself. I recently discovered a young, modern poet who is taking the poetry world by storm. Her poems are stirring, moving, sometimes disturbing and uncomfortable, and at the very least, make you think. Here are a couple of poems by Kate Baer seen below. If you are like me, you will find her words intriguing enough to seek out more.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.