Tag: inspiration

A Little Magic

We are in yet another city this weekend, visiting our son who is a second year medical student. Our son is more stressed than usual which says a lot when you are in medical school (Medical school is obviously intense and stressful to begin with – the whole family has started to ask for just “the gist” of his experiences, especially when he starts talking about amputations and other emergency room scenarios.) The reason our son is particularly stressed is that he is having to decide on what specialties he wants to hone in on, and so he is going through angsty rounds of “What ifs?”, “Where can I best be utilized?”, “Is work life/balance important?” What if I hate my choice?” . . . . You know the questions. We have all gone through similar handwringing choices throughout our lives.

As a mother, this is when I would love to open my purse and pull out the ever-ready, sparkly, golden magic wand (the proverbial magic wand which we all wish that we had access to). I would show it to my son, with a proud and knowing and able look on my face, and I would bonk it on his head three times, and then I would wiggle my nose and then we would all see a little pink cloud appear with, ta-da, “The One and Only Infallible Perfect Answer!” My son would beam with relief and ease and thank me once again for being such a wonderful, reassuring mother. (and then this is when he would probably ask me which of our four kids would get the magic wand in the will.)

Okay, enough of my stupid fantasy. Of course I don’t have a magic wand and I don’t even have the right un-magic answers to guide my son. We talked about intuition, and prayer, and what just “feels right.” We talked about values, and overall well-being. We talked about practicalities and time. My husband and I talked in circles with our son, trying to ease his stress. At one point, my son mentioned something about reading that you should live your life by thinking about what would be written on your tombstone and what would be said in your eulogy. And that’s when I had, at least to me, a little flicker of a magic wand moment.

Backstory: When we flew down here, my husband insisted that I continue to get out of the dark ages, and he asked me to download yet another airline’s app on to my phone. And so I begrudgingly did it. And in creating my profile I had to answer 542 security questions. (it felt like 542) One question that stood out to me, and was the most easy for me to remember the answer, was the question, “Who was your favorite elementary school teacher?” My favorite elementary school teacher was Mrs. Simmerman, in third grade. She was a tall, elegant Southern woman (in Pittsburgh, PA no less!) and she cared. She oozed care. She wasn’t just teaching little kids facts, she was teaching us to love each other, and to love life. She seemed noble to me. I adored her.

So, as my husband, and our son and I sat at dinner last night, ruminating on his upcoming choices, and my son talk about considering his epitaph in regards to the decision, the whole Mrs. Simmerman security question popped back into my mind. I exclaimed, “G, when you make your decision, remember that when it comes to your life’s end, it doesn’t nearly as much matter WHAT you do, or WHAT YOU ACHIEVED in any field, as it is, HOW you lived you life, HOW you made others feel in your life, and IF YOU MADE A POSITIVE difference doing whatever it is that you end up doing.”

And then much to his chagrin (this reserved young man has never had a mother who embarrasses easily), I asked the two young men who were waiting on us, if they could name right now, in that very instant, their favorite coach or teacher from elementary school. It turns out that the young men were originally from Cuba and they did not speak English well, but when they finally grasped what I was asking them (I gather this is not a regular question which they get from their customers), they both had beautiful, shining expressions on their faces. Their eyes shown. They had instant answers. One young man said, “Mr. Sandoval. He was like a father.” These young men beamed. I beamed. And in some small way, I think that I had a wee little magic wand moment. At least, it felt a little magic to me. And I feel quite confident, that whatever my son decides, he will do just fine.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Best Feelings

Two of my favorite feelings in the world are rarely discussed. Happiness, love, joy, glee, pride, excitement, peace, gratitude are all well-known “up” feelings on the feelings wheel/scale, but two of my all-time favorite feelings that I literally bathe in/saturate in/soak fully in and appreciate immensely, beyonds words are: 1) Having my curiosity satisfied (even if something/someone/some happening ends up being terrible, at least I know . . . Wondering is the worst state of limbo and being in limbo is one of my least favorite feelings in the world) and 2) Relief. I had to put a period after the word “Relief” because the feeling of relief is that solidly good. Both of these emotions are “results of results.” Both of these emotions eliminate uncertainty.

Since last summer our family and our extended family has been in what feels like a constant state of having to anticipate, and having to plan for both unusually good and unusually bad life-changing events. There have been graduations, new schools, major illnesses, funerals, dealing with estates, major trips, planning moves to new places, new job offers, etc. etc. etc. There have been so many new decisions to make. Now, I grasp that this is often just the way of life, but sometimes life gets a little clumpy, and since last summer, we’ve been rolling through a big ol’ clump of change that for now, at least, seems to have levelled out a little bit. We can breathe. The storm has passed. The direction ahead seems a little more clear in the windshield. (Now this is the point where I take a pause from writing, and I knock on my wooden desk until my knuckles turn bloody.)

Anyway, for today, I am luxuriating in the feeling of relief, and the gratitude for feeling this sense of relief. The weight feels lifted off of my shoulders. I can feel the grateful pause in my mind, and in my body, and and in my soul. I no longer have a million “What ifs?/How’s this going to go?/What’s next?” swirling around in my mind. I could have lived without the clustered clump of the major highs and the major lows which my family and I just experienced in less than a year, but perhaps the wonderful, cleansing, breathe out moment of relief that I am feeling right now, makes it all worth it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

credit: @AmadorBatten, Twitter

I thought that the above “card” was better than a poem today. Certain holidays that bring up so much joy, also can bring up an intense amount of pain. Remember, no matter what, today is just a day. And there is no one true definition of love. . . LOVE IS.

And to my children: being your mother is undoubtedly the greatest experience of my life. I love you all, intensely, gently, yet ferociously, forever and ever and ever.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Rose Quartz

I slept in this morning and it was so delicious. I am taking this “do whatever you want/it’s all about you” Mother’s Day weekend thing quite seriously. So far, so great. And what I want to say to all of you, no matter who you are, or what you are (we all some have feminine energy in us), celebrate Mother’s Day. You don’t have to be an actual mother to understand the wise, serene, fiercely strong beyond measure energy which lies inside all of us. This is the mother/female/yin energy which leans towards protectiveness, and nurturing, and guiding, and sheltering, and hoping, and feeling connected to all living things. This weekend, celebrate everyone in your life who has helped to “mother” you – your own mother, your grandmothers, your aunts, your friends, the neighbor ladies who helped you to grow up, your pets, and most importantly, yourself. You have mothered your own self your entire life and you will do so until you die. Honor your inner mother.

When I was in Rome, I purchased some things in a jewelry boutique, and I connected to the lovely, fashionable young man who owned the shop. The shop owner had an adorable shop dog, an aloof black Chow Chow named Mala (who was as diva as they get). The shop owner and I talked about our mutual love of animals and as I left and I wished him well, that is when he looked at me deeply and he said, “Thank you, mother.” And there was a little twinge of me that was like, “Ah shucks, I’ve clearly reached the age where the youngies never confuse me as their contemporary,” but there was a bigger part of me that swelled with pride and connection and gratefulness that he felt comfort and joy from me . . . the kind of energy that deserves the title, “mother.”

I have this thing about my purpose, lately, that I visualize. I call myself “The Rose Quartz.” When you go into any metaphysical/spiritual shop they usually have bins full of crystals for sale, all used for various purposes. Each crystal is supposed to carry an energy that helps you with various aspects of your life. If you need clarity, you might be lead to buying selenite. If you need courage, you might be advised to buy carnelian. Rose Quartz is often considered to hold the energy of unconditional love. Now, I don’t honestly know if I completely buy into “crystal magic.” I do own many crystals mostly because I am attracted to all things beautiful and shiny. Also, I do believe that everyone and everything which we witness here in life are just various forms of energy (and there are scientific physics laws that prove this). However, there are a great deal of people out there, who do believe that rose quartz is full of the energy of unconditional love. And so if someone is willing to purchase a small pink rock because it helps them to feel the highest form of love in the Universe, why can’t I make it my purpose to be The Rose Quartz in human form? Why can’t I be the The Rose Quartz for my own children, and for your children, and for anyone whom I come into contact with, during the day? I have reached the age, with enough life under my belt, to so appreciate the living Rose Quartzes who have touched my own life throughout my over fifty years of struggle and triumph. I think it is time for me to step into my own Rose Quartz-ness, state of being. I invite you to join me. It’s a beautiful, glowing, calming, change-the-world-and-change-myself-in-the-process (without having to do too much), kind of a purpose.

And in completely other news, I loved the movie version of Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret. So did my 19-year old daughter, and so did the group of sixty-somethings sitting beside us in the theater. There was a lot of Rose Quartz energy I was feeling in that theater yesterday. The two best moments in the movie, in my opinion, were these (SPOILER alert):

When the “too-nice/too eager to please/too codependent” mother of Margaret finally stood up for herself with the overbearing PTA mom and when the PTA mom tried to get Margaret’s mother to volunteer for a gazillion more activities, her mom said this:

“Thank you. I’d really love to, but I don’t want to.” It’s okay to like what you like, to do what you want to do, and to say no. “No” is a full sentence. (Remember this, Rose Quartz – Rose Quartzes show themselves unconditional love, too! And when they do, they give others the ability to feel comfortable to do the same for themselves.)

And finally, when Margaret and her mother had just been through a traumatic, emotional evening and they were both utterly depleted, they sat on the couch together and they cuddled, and the only thing that Margaret’s mother said to her is this, “Isn’t it exhausting trying so hard all of the time?” And Margaret and her mother obviously felt so connected and understood in that moment, and I believe that all of us women in the theater felt so connected and understood in that moment, too. I know that my daughter and I both grabbed each other’s hands. (Remember this, Rose Quartz. Rose Quartzes don’t try. Rose Quartzes just “be.” Rose Quartzes just be what they are – a solid, beautiful, stone, calmly and easily holding the true energy of the Universe – pure, unconditional love. They glow with that energy, so that when others encounter Rose Quartzes, they too, remember to reach deep within, and to feel that same loving energy within themselves.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Godfidence

I read a word the other day on a sign that has become a sort of meditative mantra for me lately. The word is “Godfidence“. The word itself sounds powerful and solid and omnipotent, doesn’t it?

The hardest thing about loving your adult children is that you must love them without always loving their choices. And you have no right to circumspect their choices for them, like you could do when they were little. You just can’t pick up their arms and drag them away from trouble, like you did when they were cubs. It was so much easier to be the ferocious mama bear when all of the dangers were “out there” and the cubs quickly fell in line behind you. When your cubs are grown, what is dangerous becomes a bone of contention between you, and everyone just has to fend for their own comfort and safety. That’s when this mama bear has to remember to breathe and stay solid in her “Godfidence.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Sweetest Part

I have a friend who is going through a really tough time. What is the most comforting thing someone has ever said to you? (Seriously, please share your answers in my Comments section, if you can.) These are the times that you really fumble for the right words. Everything seems like it is the wrong thing to say. Everything seems to come out “wrong.” I guess the constant mantra in words and deeds is, “I’m here. I care. I’m here. I care. I’m here. I care . . . . “

In happier reflections, what I DO love about having my adult children back home is witnessing their maturity. Once kids have had to do their own grocery shopping, cook their own food, do their own dishes, do their own laundry, etc. etc., it’s amazing how much quicker they are to lend a hand at home and/or to lavish some real appreciation for when these things are done for them. It feels good to see the blooms of maturity in your babies. It’s the sweetest part of the “bittersweet” ingredients of experiencing your children growing up and maturing.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Ice SCREAM

I’m delayed writing this post because my daughter was telling me all about her experience last night – her first night at her new summer job at a local beach ice cream shop. It’s a busy place. Time will fly. My daughter said that what she’s most amazed about is how much work there is behind the scenes in one of these little specialty shops. Most of her work will be in the preparation, the cleaning and the stocking. Serving customers an ice cream cone is actually a small part of it all.

This reminded me of a parable I recently read. A speaker asked a group of people how much time it takes to get a cheeseburger at McDonalds. Most people answered that it takes between 3-5 minutes. The speaker reminded everyone that someone had to grow the wheat and then bake the buns, grow and cut the onions, make the ketchup from tomatoes, butcher the beef, and then form the patties. Then a truck driver had to get all of the ingredients to the local McDonalds, where workers had to put the items into the freezers and refrigerators, then cook the burgers and wrap them up, etc. etc. The point is, nothing in this world is as easy as the finished product makes it appear to us. A photograph of one happy moment in a family’s life is not even close to the entire story of events, and experiences, and ups and downs, and sacrifices, and worries and joys that make up any family. Everything in life takes longer and more effort, and more hands and hearts, all the way around, in order to create it, than we want to believe that it does. Finished products can be so deceiving. Don’t expect ease, and quick fixes for anything that is worthwhile to have in your life. Even fast food hamburgers and ice cream cones take many hands, and a lot of time and energy, in order to get you to the finished product.

When you are frustrated about something that you want to create and manifest in your own life and it is taking a lot of time and effort with no end in sight, whether it be with a job, or a relationship, or an accomplishment, remind yourself that most things don’t come easy. Ultimately though, the effort, and the discipline, the time and energy and focus, and the blood sweat and tears, is usually the part of what makes any completed end product so especially satisfying to savor and to enjoy. (Do you want whipped cream and a cherry on top? Let me go milk a cow and pick some cherries.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Credit: @woofknight, Twitter

My adult kids and their friends were talking and laughing about their latest experiences with job recruiters the other day, so I thought that this meme was a good one to share for a Monday chortle.

I am having the same experience that I had many, many years ago, when my youngest child first went to kindergarten and I got used to a full school year of the house all to myself during the day . . . . and then summer arrived. My youngest two children are here, for this month, after many, many months of it being just my husband and I here at home. It goes without saying, that we adore our children and there are a lot of good things about having them back home with us again. But then there are sayings like “What I don’t know, can’t hurt me,” that ring true when your adult children come back to live with you.

Since starting our family, summer has always been the season of adjustment. Summer is the pausal season before autumn comes up and cranks up the regular routine once again. Some day, when all of our children are done with their secondary schooling and fully into their own adult lives, perhaps summer won’t be such a noticeable change in our lives. Despite getting a glimpse of that possibility, it turns out that my husband and I just aren’t quite ‘there’ yet. So we will soldier on . . .

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Antiquities

It struck me the other day that we go all over the world in order to see ancient things. We have museums full of antiquities. We stand in awe of unbelievably ornate and intricate churches and buildings that have strongly, and dependably existed throughout centuries. We gape at ancient works of art, and handle them so gingerly and respectfully. We muse that all of these venerable creations are unrepeatable and priceless. These antiquities hold so much of our history, and so, we in turn hold these relics and monuments in the highest of esteem. The fact is, most of the most beautiful things in our world, both human creations and quite frankly, also the things of nature, are incredibly old.

Why then, don’t we hold the same esteem for our elders? Why don’t we respect and honor and feel grateful for the aging of our own selves? We love the older artifacts because they are a testament to their ability to hold on, and to regally exist for a long period of time. These older things are the basis for everything that has come after them. Our own older selves are an accumulation of many years of life, and experiences, and the wisdom that hopefully is that outcome of these years and happenings.

Treat and respect your aging self, and the aging selves of others, as you do these lovely museum pieces that you have visited throughout your lifetime. You are a one-and-only, a one-of-a-kind masterpiece whom the world is blessed to experience. As you age, you are only more precious. Know this, and know this about others, and hold your head up regally and gratefully. Knowingly allow the wisdom of your years to glow serenely for all of those around you to catch their breath in awe of your beauty, and of your grace, and of your inherent knowledge of so many different eras in time.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Just Decide

I read an excellent piece by Jill Donovan yesterday, discussing decision making when the answers just don’t seem particularly clear. She gave an example of her daughter trying to choose between two colleges, that she had been accepted to attend. Her daughter did the tried and true “Pros/Cons” and “Advantages/Disadvantages” lists about her decision, and yet the answer was still not completely clear to her. Jill wrote this:

“This is because life’s complexities cannot always be simplified into tidy lists of advantages and disadvantages. If every decision could be made so effortlessly, our lives would lack the vibrant tapestry of experiences that provide us the opportunity to rely fully on and deepen our trust in God.” 

We get so many conflicting messages about how to make decisions. “The mind can play tricks on you.” “Trust your gut.” “Feelings are not facts.” We get so caught up in trying to find the “perfect answer”, that we forget that very often, more than just one path can lead us to our destination. There isn’t necessarily just one, ‘right’ decision. And even if we get off course, the ever-patient Universe has a way of guiding us back to where we need to be, when we willingly surrender to the Great Compass inside of us.

When making decisions it is best to use our analytical minds, but also to listen to the sensations in our bodies. Holiday Mathis recently reminded her readers of this wise tome: “How you feel around someone is as important as how you feel about them.” We can love, and admire, and be totally charmed by different characters in our life, who are really not particularly healthy for us to have relationships with, in our daily lives. I remember many, many years ago, my sister-in-law was deciding between two men whom she was dating. She told me that the first guy looked “great on paper”. He checked all the right boxes. But the other guy, just felt great to be with, like the perfect “glove-in-hand” fit.” Spoiler alert: My sister-in-law is happily married to, and has spent many adventures with (including raising two sons and living in Australia for a few years) the “perfect fit” guy, for a few decades now.

When making a decision, using the mind, and creating plus/minus checklists can be very helpful and wise. Feeling what decision most resonates with our guts, and which decision feels most peaceful and “right” to our Inner Compass, is also important to pay attention to, and to figure into the decision. However, in the end, if the answer is still not entirely clear, it is best to make a decision and move on, with a deep faith that Greater Forces will gently steer us, and keep us “on track” to the lessons, epiphanies, experiences and destinations that are meant for each of our individual lives.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.