Tag: inspiration

Ford Tough

I’m a scatterbrain this morning. We have a lot going on and a lot to do. So, honestly, I just googled “What to say when you have nothing to say.” Wow. Some suggestions were really weird and embarrassing. However, I came across a wonderful technique that would work for probably any socially awkward situation. An author and marketing specialist named Melissa Jeswald says that you should always make use of the acronym FORD (this is my week for acronym tips, huh?) when making conversation with people. People love to talk about themselves so FORD gives you the format for asking about people’s Family/Occupation/Recreation/Dreams. So if you have some socializing to do this weekend, remember to use your FORD. It won’t steer you wrong or into such taboo areas such as religion, politics, or health habits.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Friday C.R.A.P.

credit: THE-KEEP-CALM-O-MATIC

Here’s a couple of really good perspectives, for going into the weekend:

“When things are at their worst, you are at your best.” – what the extraterrestrial said about us humans, after visiting Earth, in the movie Starman

“Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.” – Pablo Picasso

Happy Friday!! Happy Best Day of the Week!! On Fridays, I keep the deep thoughts for Jack Handey. (If you ever need a deep belly laugh for laughing at a statement that shouldn’t be funny, look up some of Jack Handey’s deep thoughts. They are hilarious and ridiculous and easily a favorite of mine, when I’m in the right snarky mood for them.) Anyway, today’s favorite is a technique I heard about in a podcast. It’s a way to get rid of your negative thoughts and worries and ruminations, devised by people who study neuroscience. It’s called the C.R.A.P. board. C.R.A.P. stands for Conflict/Resistances/Anxieties/Problems. If you write all of the situations down in your own life that would fall under any of these categories, on to a piece of paper, and then do a few relaxing things like yawning, stretching, deep breathing, while looking at your C.R.A.P. board, supposedly this tricks your brain into believing that it can stop ruminating on, and trying to fix all of your C.R.A.P. because your C.R.A.P. is “stored”, and really not such a big deal. The three minute video below by the creator of the C.R.A.P. board, Mark Waldman, goes into more detail with it. I’ve only started mine this week, so I can’t attest to how well it works, but it was a worthwhile experience for me, just to put my own C.R.A.P. into perspective. For instance, lately I have been telling myself and anyone who is willing to listen to me, just how “stuck” certain things have been in my life. Interestingly, though, when I took a relaxed, detached look at “the stuck list” which I had written on to my C.R.A.P. board, I noticed that nothing there on the list was truly stuck. Every situation on the list is progressing, just not as quickly as I deem it should be going. The experts on the podcast I was listening to, kept repeating the idea that our beliefs and our stories that we tell ourselves are just thoughts that we keep thinking repeatedly, until they become embedded as our beliefs and stories about ourselves and life in general. Making a C.R.A.P. board can help you to find and weed out some of the faulty belief systems you may have programmed into yourself with your repeated, unexamined negative thoughts.

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=10153317002418658

Get rid of your C.R.A.P. and have a great weekend, friends!! See you tomorrow!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

How to Say I Love You

Yesterday afternoon, I lounged on my porch and I read, in between lazily throwing balls into the pool for Trip and Ralphie to continuously retrieve. (Ralphie and Trip are our true-to-their nature sporting dogs, and all the while, Josie, our true-to-her-nature herding dog, was tirelessly nipping at their heels and earnestly making sure that they got out of the pool, again and again. This morning, we have three exhausted dogs, which makes for a nice, peaceful, uninterrupted morning for this writer gal. All by design . . . ) As I was reading and pondering, something in my reading and meditating and contemplating, sparked me to write this exact text to myself:

“What do you want from this day? From this experience? From your relationships? How do you want to feel? What kinds of outcomes are you looking for? Don’t be a reactor, be a visionary.”

We so often forget that we are the creators of our living experience. The job, the relationships, where we live, how we spend our time, what we eat and drink, what we think about, what we ruminate on, our hobbies, etc. are all of our own choices. If you don’t like some of your choices, you have the ability to change them. You are the one who brought them into your life in the form which they are in, so you have the ability to choose differently. Don’t pick “the victim stance”. It limits you so much.

All of the inspirational reading and listening I have done throughout my entire life – the books, the articles, the cutesy signs, the memes, the meditations, the quotes, really all circle around to the same overall ideas: Be intentional. Be grateful. Be HERE in the present now. Make conscious choices.

And here’s a big one that I want to finish out my year reminding myself and making it a forever practice (and this is a tough one, as a mother of four adult kids who are spread all over the east coast, and as one who has aging relatives and friends, and as one who when she loves, she loves hard and full and deep with her big ol’ entire heart) Worry does not equal love. I am not loving you in the best way that I can when I am worried about you. I put fear energy all around you when I worry about you. It makes you seem small, weak, and victim-like. I am loving you best when I believe in you – when I believe in your strength, and your vision, and your abilities, and when I have faith that Something/Someone so much bigger than all of us, is in your corner, keeping you safe, helping you to carry out your living purpose, which is for the better sake of all of us on this Earth, combined.

I have noticed that when I tell people whom I care about, “I don’t worry about you” and I say it with a tone that implies, ‘I know that you are going to be fine, more than fine. You’ve got the right attitude, heart, and guides to see you through’, this firm statement makes them sit up straighter and feel more empowered and confident than almost anything else I could say to them. “I don’t worry about you,” might be one of the most beautiful variations of “I love you” that we have in our spoken/written communication. Fear is the opposite of love. Worry equals fear, not love.

Readers, continue this beautiful year of your life, living fully and intentionally. Be grateful for all that you have created and will continue to create in your one and only unique life. Finish strong. I know that you will. I love you, readers. I don’t worry about you.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

My husband and I were at a Home Depot over the weekend, and of course, the Halloween decorations were already displayed in full force. The store had a big sign by the building sized skeletons that you could only purchase ONE PER CUSTOMER. How many giant skeletons could you possibly need? And where do you store them the other 11 months out of the year? I like buying things in bulk, but I don’t like buying really bulky things in bulk.

Going into a new season, is always a particularly reflective time for me. Recently, I read an interesting story about Louise Hay, the woman who started Hay House Publishing, known for their spiritual and inspirational books. She refused to repeat sad or depressing stories. If she heard negative news, she never repeated that news to anyone. I thought that would be interesting to try myself, and so I have been more conscious about what I share. It is amazing how my impulse to share salacious, temper-inducing, “juicy”, fearsome, agonizing stories is bigger than I care to admit. I’ve failed this attempt to trim the negativity that I spread, many times already. Certainly, if there is something that can be done for the people involved in a tragedy, or a warning of something dangerous impending is helpful to others, than sharing the information is kind, and sometimes even vital. But to pass on negative news, just for the sake of spreading doom, kind of just turns you into a Debbie Downer. Debbie Downer is a bigger part of my personality than my Pollyanna half likes to admit. But my DD can be put into her place – into her own dark little corner to stew all by herself.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

“I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.” -Steven Wright

Welcome to poetry day on the blog. How is the culmination of another summer in the rearview mirror feeling to you? Write a poem about it. Poetry can be your own private language with yourself. Your soul has the decipher code.

Here is the poem I wrote for today:

“Knee Deep in Mud”

Summer sometimes feels like walking through sludge

I want to fly but the air’s too heavy

And so I make imperceptible moves

Hoping that I am headed somewhere

Other than where I am stuck in the mud.

But then I get a gust of momentum

And I look back and I realized I have come further

Than I realized. There must have been mud in my eye.

Or a cloud over my spirit. Because there’s a trail of footprints,

I have left behind me. And the visions that lie ahead,

Are getting larger and clearer and more distinct every day.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Same Old/Same Old

It’s a surreal experience when you go through something that takes all (or at least most) of your attention and focus and energy and emotion, like preparing for the hurricane did for us, the early part of this week, and then, when the event is over, you just get back into your normal, everyday routine like nothing happened. In fact you feel an urgency to do so. It feels much better and more secure and in-control, to quickly clean up any messes (which serve as reminders of what you’ve been through), and to swiftly move on. We’ve all gone through this type of phenomenon in our lives, whether it be from a health crisis, or an accident, or a job loss, or something major breaking in our households, etc. Everyone else’s lives are carrying on as usual, and yours turns into this little microcosm of focus and anxiety, while “normal” life is happening all around you. It reminds me of something I watched on TV recently. My husband loves to watch road bike races, the most well-known being the Tour de France, and I watched some of it with him. During the race, which includes hundreds of bikers, riding closely together on narrow trails, at top speeds, inevitably someone will crash, or a tire will blow, etc. and the biker will stop (sometimes dramatically – like sometimes actually falling off of a cliff), and then the biker is quickly attended to by physicians and bike mechanics, and if the biker is able to, they pop right back on to a bike (even sometimes the ones who fell off cliffs!), and they do everything that they can to get back into the race, trying to forget that the annoying interruption ever even happened. It’s in our human nature not to dwell, and for the most part, I think this is good, as long as you give yourself a little acknowledgement and compassion for going through something tough and scary and sometimes traumatic. And after a little dose of self-compassion, you go to your proud “Atta Girl/Atta Boy” inner coach and you are reminded that you’ve just got another notch of confidence and experience on your tough, thick belt of resiliency, that is yours to rely on, as you wear it proudly, into the future events of your life.

Yesterday, I read the old adage “The more things change, the more things stay the same.” This is one of those wise, old sayings that I have heard, and read, and maybe even said a million times without really knowing what it means. I had to take some time to ponder this one. I even looked it up on Google. Apparently the saying speaks to our need for consistency and reliability, even if it is to our detriment. We resist change, so when things start to change, we do everything that we can to stop the change, in order to get back into and stay in our “normal state.” For any real change to occur, we must first have the most important of changes – a change of heart. Changes of heart are the hardest of all changes, because they require attention, introspection, humility, empathy, realism, and this all has to happen before any action can be taken.

“The more things change, the more things stay the same.” This adage is a good reminder and warning to us. The next time that you go through a “hurricane/bike crash” moment in your own life, take a pause before you just mindlessly clean everything up and jump right back on to the ride. See if any changes have occurred in your heart that need attending to, or if any poignant lessons from the experience, need to be integrated, because if you don’t check in with your heart, you will just be riding back on the path, with the large crowd to “Same Old/Same Old.” Make sure, with your heart as your compass, that “Same Old/Same Old” is really the destination that you want to keep heading towards.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Great Equalizer

We are all okay here. We thankfully never even lost power, although there are quite a few flooded streets by the beaches in our area, and the tides are rising. Our hearts and prayers are with the people and towns who suffered a direct hit from Idalia. We can never, ever underestimate the power of Mother Nature. When our major elements – earth, air, fire, and water are tame, they offer us peace, nourishment, shelter, warmth, refreshment, and tranquility. When our elements are stirred up, we witness the unleashment of their true ferocity and power. And we are quickly humbled. No mother can “put you in your place and make you remember where you came from” better than Mother Nature.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

It is Your Turn

I’ve been cleaning out cupboards and closets lately, and when doing this yesterday, I came across three stuffed folders of writings/pictures/philosophies, etc. that had inspired me throughout the years enough to want to print them, and to keep them, and to even stuff them into moving boxes to take to our next homes. (I have plenty of those folders all around my house. This was just from one shelf, from one cupboard.) In it, I found a list of all of the children, and their birthdates, and their middle names, born to nine of us women who have remained good friends since college. (Interestingly we have had 24 children amongst us: 12 boys and 12 girls. Nature knows what it is doing.) What was really cool is that when I came across this list, I realized that the youngest baby born to our friend group was having her ninth birthday yesterday!

Another thing that moved me (once again) was from a eulogy of a friend of a friend’s father. This man grew up in a working class family from my hometown, Pittsburgh, PA, and he ended up being a very successful dentist, builder and developer, after he had successfully served in the Marine Corps during VietNam. He raised five children with the love of his life, and together they had seventeen grandchildren. He died in 2008. The eulogy mostly consists from what is written at the top of the eulogy: “Our gift to you from the family is a list of sayings, thoughts, that our father expressed to others and advice from his personal letters. They may not all be original, but they do represent how he lived his life.”

Readers, there are quite a few of these sayings and thoughts and philosophies that the family attributed to this wonderful man. I am just going to list a few:

Tell your family and your friends that you love them . . . every day.

If it’s going to be, it’s up to me!

Always, always, always treat everyone with respect.

If a poor kid from Pittsburgh with average intelligence could do it, then anyone can.

Do small things for others – leave notes, compliment them, smile, you will make their day.

The glass is half full.

Lead by example. You don’t always have to tell someone. They will see.

Only ask of others what you are willing to do. Be humble and sweep the floor and take out the trash.

We are the stuff of stars.

See God in nature – everywhere.

Never forget that freedom comes from responsibility and discipline.

You must constantly thank others.

Life is but a series of learning experiences.

We adults miss so much. We become wrapped up in success and worldly things.

Tell others how proud you are of them. Do it often and tell them specifically.

Be patient. Things may be difficult now, but there will come a time when these will be your most happy moments.

Always be questioning everything. Have a hunger and thirst for knowledge.

A man’s life expands and contracts in direct relation with his courage.

If I listed everything that this man did and accomplished in his life, your head would spin. He died at the age of 68. Here is the last of his words printed on the eulogy:

I am the bow and you are the arrow. I have pulled the string tight and true. Soon I will release the tension and you will enter the universe of life. It is your turn.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Museday-Tuesday

+ The sun’s light looks a little different on this wall than it does on that wall, and a lot different on this other one, but it’s still one light. We have borrowed these clothes, these time and place personalities, from a light, and when we praise, we’re pouring them back in.
– Rumi

This week, instead of looking for things to criticize and to critique, let’s look for what’s to praise. Let’s pour the light back in, this week. When we pour light into something, we illuminate it. And illumination helps us to truly see the full scope of everything, and to understand.

 + Speaking of “different”, a spotless baby giraffe was born at a Tennessee zoo recently. She’s spotless! She’s not albino, she’s all brown. This baby giraffe is believed to be the only spotless giraffe alive in the world today. The zoo is holding a naming contest for her:

“the naming contest list to four choices: Kipekee, which means unique; Firyali, which means unusual or extraordinary; Shakiri, which means “she is most beautiful”; and Jamella, which means “one of great beauty.”

Those aspects which each of us have, that make us unique to anyone else, is our own special brand of “kipekee/firyali/shakiri/jamella”. Show off your own “kfsj”. When you’re purely yourself, you’re spotless!

+ Do you remember when almost all writers had pen names? I decided this weekend that if I ever decide to use a pen name it’s going to be “Anole Dogsmile”. It came to me this weekend. It started when I had that uncomfortable feeling you get when someone is staring at you, and I finally noticed that what was staring at me was a tiny, little, newborn anole. He was sitting on the screen behind me, just holding his ground, and staring me down, and around that same time, I glanced at Ralphie, our Labrador retriever, and I had an epiphany that all three of our dogs’ lips naturally turn upwards. They are almost always smiling, and then I thought about it and I realized that most dogs have this same trait. Dogs not only smile with their tails, but they were born with natural perma-grins (much like dolphins). So if you ever pick up a book by “Anole Dogsmile”, that’s me.

+ I read an interesting expose by Donna Cunningham about the difference between two different kinds of “guilt.” One type of guilt is true guilt. This is the guilt that you were designed to feel when you have done something against your own moral code: such as steal, cheat, lie, etc. This type of guilt is used as a healthy course correction. You feel true guilt in order to get yourself back on track, and to perhaps even make amends to people you may have hurt. True guilt tends to dissipate quickly after you change your actions. The other kind of guilt, is more of an emotional manipulation/power play that is unfortunately a frequent transaction in our society. We use it, and others use it on us, to get people to do what we want them to do. This is not healthy, “true guilt.” This is an unhealthy, passive-aggressive/emotional power trip, which often leads to holding resentment. Resentment is as dangerous to our bodies as toxins and pollutants. Built up resentment makes you feel like your insides are being eaten up. When you are feeling the emotion of “guilt”, ask yourself, “What have I done wrong?” Disappointing someone for not doing what they want you to do, is not doing something wrong. Why are anybody else’s feelings/needs more important than yours? You should not do things out of FOG – fear/obligation/guilt (the unhealthy guilt) nor worry that if you don’t do what they want, you’ll be abandoned. You may sometimes choose to do things that you don’t necessarily want to do, with the awareness that you are making this choice, not out of FOG, but out of kindness and consideration. You haven’t given your power away when you make a conscious choice. What is the remedy to the unhealthy kind of guilt? (Cunningham defines unhealthy guilt like this: “Guilt is resentment turned inward . . . (it) is no more than secret resentment of unwanted obligation.) The remedy is essentially, to grow up. Own your own life and your own power. Be cognizant of your own needs and your responsibility to your own adult life, and for meeting your own needs. Learn to be comfortable with sometimes disappointing others, and be respectful of others’ right to say “no” to you (don’t just manipulatively “give to get”). Healthy, wholesome, true adult relationships are based on love and mutual respect for the other’s right to live their own lives as they see fit. A true relationship is not based on fear, obligation and guilt. A true, loving, healthy relationship is based on respect and autonomy and mutual affection and honesty. As Cunningham says, “Resentment alienates us from our fellow man. Guilt alienates us from ourselves.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

And even those who know the content, bring their own perspectives and experiences and projections to “reading” us. In the end, only us and our Creator know our true “content” and sometimes our “content” even reads as a mystery to us, as we go through the chapters of our lives.

When I was young, we were taught to respect and revere books. Books were considered sacred. We weren’t to fold or tear the pages. We treated the cover gingerly, sometimes even putting a cover on top of the cover, in order to keep the book protected. We were taught never to judge nor pick a book by its cover. Sometimes the most wonderful books had the plainest of covers and/or most banal of titles. Often a book that resonated with me, might not resonate with my friends, and that was okay. There were a sea of books in the library, for all of us to find our match. The library was the quietest and most peaceful part of the school. Each precious book had its own spot on the shelves, where it rested, until small hands and eager minds picked it up and opened it, to see what wonders lie inside. It was intoxicating to get to know a new book and to learn something new and interesting and unknown.

I like the thought that we are each our own book. Though I cannot possibly read all of the books ever written, I do know that books are so much more than their covers and their introductory descriptions, and what other people think of them. Each book holds a story, told like no one has ever told it. And that is precious and unique and sacred.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.