Tag: inspiration

Aperture

Last night my husband and I went to an art gallery to watch the performance of a Japanese painter. The painter calls herself an “ink performer” and she has performed her art in many countries all over the world. The painter had already painted an intricate, fearsome looking dragon, in black ink, on rice paper, mounted on a silk tapestry. Her performance was devoted to accenting this dragon, by dramatically painting it with dips and dabs and sometimes sword-like thrusts of bright metallic gold ink, while doing a traditional Japanese dance involving bells, drums, and all of the while wearing a large, lengthy, enveloping kimono (she was teeny), which she had also previously hand painted. This experience was fascinating and interesting and so completely out of my own frame of reference. The artist could not speak any English, and she had just arrived from Japan the day before. I imagine that while looking out into the gallery at a small sea of gaping Americans, that we, too, seemed completely out of her own frame of reference. And yet it was magical experience for all of us.

I learned the term “frame of reference” when I was in high school and I took a World Cultures class from a wholly devoted and passionate teacher. When learning about a country, my teacher would transform his entire classroom into the country that we were learning about, as best that he could. I distinctly remember when we studied Japan that he wore a kimono, bowed to us as we entered the classroom, performed tea ceremonies and he insisted that instead of Mr. Sloan, we were to call him Sloan-san. He would always emphasize that we were to remove judgment from our lives’ experiences as much as possible. He would remind us that it was just by happenstance (for instance my soul ended up in Caucasian female body, born in America, in 1970), that we entered into our own particular circumstances, and that is the same for everyone else in this world. What is normal and pedestrian for someone, is unusual and exotic to someone else, and this is mostly because we are each looking at life, through the lens of our own frames of reference.

Today’s world is more global and connected than ever. More people travel the world over than ever before. Computers have made it easy to access global websites and products and programs at the click of a button. But “frame of reference” isn’t just about other countries and their traditions. Travel around the United States, and you get all sorts of different “takes” on food, BBQ, music, dance styles, celebrations, etc. Go from your own city, just twenty miles out into the countryside and you will experience a whole different way of life, without even having to refill your gas tank.

Life is so much fuller and more interesting when you stop trying to live up to an image. Life is so much fuller and more intriguing when you let your curiosity and imagination move you past your rote habits and comfort zones. When you live up to an image of who you think you should be, or what you want people to think of you (hint: people don’t think about you much at all, except maybe occasionally, when they may be questioning what you are thinking about them), you start limiting your choices of where you go, and what you do, and what you experience, and who you have these experiences with, throughout your days. If “these people/places/experiences” don’t fit your image, you don’t try them out, and then your life starts to get extremely limited to singular views, and uniform, biased experiences. Your frame of reference gets really tight, like a camera’s aperture becoming almost closed, to the size of a pinhole. And when a lot of people start walking around with pinhole apertures, the world becomes a dangerous place. We live in a more globally mobile world than ever. We can’t limit our frames of reference. It could become our downfall.

Today, do something to broaden your own aperture. Order or make a food that you’ve never tried before. Go to a different neighborhood and check out their eclectic little shops. Instead of force-feeding your own strong opinions about politics or religion, earnestly question and listen to someone who sees things differently than you do, with the goal of trying to understand their point of view. Watch a foreign film. You get the gist. Do more of this type of thing in your life on a regular basis, and the world becomes a less scary and more fascinating place than you ever could have imagined. You start to fully appreciate that we are all just souls/life force made of the same stuff, which just happened to land in different bodies, in different families, in different neighborhoods, in different cultures and in different countries. When you really broaden your aperture, your frame of reference starts to open so wide-angled that you see the picture as all-in-one. You begin to see and to fully understand that we are all just tiny little specks of the One Big Thing.

“Your frame of reference is everything. It will determine the quality of your entire life. Nothing escapes its influence.” – Tom Bilyeu

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Question “Why?”

One of the most arresting questions in the world is “Why?” We asked “Why?” a lot when we were little kids because we were so full of curiosity, and we earnestly and honestly were trying desperately to understand all of the new things which we were experiencing. We asked “Why?” so much that it annoyed our elders and more often than not, we would get shut down. And then we got older, and we stopped asking “Why?” all that much. We found it got easier to stay in our indoctrinated and conditioned beliefs because it created a framework for us to navigate our lives. Questioning everything, and exploring the answers that resonate, takes work. It is exhausting and sometimes even emotional and chagrining. This ignoring the “Whys?” is fine until it isn’t fine. These times that we are living in right now are tumultuous because more and more people are asking “Why?” about a lot of things, and these “Why?s” can be witnessed and communicated all over the world via computers and social media. Also, as this is happening, more and more people are keeping their feet firmly planted, in their (sometimes relatively unexamined) beliefs, mostly out of the fears of the new “Why?”s cropping up, and of the changes that could arise from these “Why?”s. Some people are deeply fearful of their loss of power.

Last weekend we went to a wonderfully creative sand art show with friends of ours. I noticed a large group of Amish people walking along the path on the beach, admiring the art, like we were doing. They were all dressed head to toe in dark clothing, so that few of their body parts were showing, on a day that was sunny and clear and close to 90 degrees out. Now to be clear, this isn’t a call-out on anyone’s faith. There are many, many paths to God (or not) and throughout all of history, the only one unifying belief that all of the different paths seem to believe is that they, themselves, have total ownership of the one “right” path. And that’s okay. In my life, what is most important is that I believe that I am on the path that is “right” for me. But the only way that I can make sure that I am on the right path for me, is to find out, and to deeply explore my own answers to “Why?” Why do I believe the things that I do? Are these truthfully my own beliefs from the deepest core of my own self, or are they just “facts” which I’ve memorized to “pass the test” and get approval? If I had gone up to the group of Amish people on the beach and asked them “Why do you dress in this regale, even on a hot beach?”, I am sure that I would get some fervent, well-examined answers from Amish people who fully believe in the modesty, and less attention to bodies, and less focus on individuality, as it relates to a deeper connection with God. But I also believe that I might get some robotic, unexamined answers that said something to the effect that is what our religion/ancestors told us to do, and I am fearful of the consequences if I get brave enough to ask “Why?” And I am more fearful that the answers won’t resonate with me, and then I will either have to do something about that fact, or I will have to live with the uneasy feeling of not being true to myself. I will have to knowingly live a lie.

Again, the most arresting question in the world is “Why?” because it is often the precursor to change, and to the opening up of realizations about ourselves, and how we have been living. It is a “wake up call” question and that’s scary for us. We don’t like to admit when we may have been wrong in our thinking, or even worse, that maybe the answers to our questions aren’t as simple as we would like them to be. Asking “Why?” makes us feel vulnerable and less sure, and that isn’t a framework that feels good in a big, wild, unpredictable world. However, at the opposite side of the scale, asking “Why?” can also deepen our connection to our beliefs, and make us fully realize why our particular beliefs are so valuable to our own thinking and the way that we go about living and creating in this world. Either way, asking “Why?” is extremely valuable to us, and how we authentically and fully live our lives, going forward.

It is my own (fully explored) belief that a lot the world’s problems could be solved with more questions. Why do I believe what I believe? (about anything – God, family, government, leaders, romantic relationships, economy, friendships, environment, laws, rules, health, etc.) Are these beliefs serving me? Are these beliefs servicing my family, and my community, and the world at large? Are these beliefs honestly part of that inner “knowingness” that when I get real, real still, seems to just naturally navigate me to what is right for me, and thus also for the connected world at large?

If you have something in your life that has been pinging you for some of your attention, give it that attention today. Give it attention by asking questions surrounding the situation. Get brutally real with yourself. It’s okay if you give yourself a little shock of awakening about some things that you may have just been going through the motions about, or trying to ignore or rationalize. Freedom is daunting, but freedom of thought is the one freedom which no one else can ever take from us, unless we hand it over to them, mindlessly, on a silver platter. Don’t ever give your freedom away.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Adventure Time

I listened to an interesting podcast the other day when a counselor was saying that people often come to her with concerns and anxieties about their milestone birthdays. Her clients often seem to feel really upset if they think that a milestone birthday is nearing, and they haven’t completed the proverbial, rigid checklist of things that they feel they should have accomplished by such-and-such milestone. Her clients often seem to feel anxious about fitting it all in, into a neat little package with a pretty bow. The counselor said that she reminds her clients that these are silly, undue pressures which we put on ourselves with arbitrary/one-size-fits all dates and goal posts. While it is good to have goals, it is also good to be flexible about our goals, and to allow for our own individuality, and for unforeseen detours. Also, she said that if you have a milestone birthday coming up, say in the next three years, remind yourself about just how much life happens in a small span of three years. You have a lot of time in between milestone birthdays to live and to experience life. If you feel like your life isn’t going anywhere, and you are stuck, start at March of 2020 when the pandemic shutdown happened and think of all of what has happened in your own life from that moment, until now. Write down all of the happenings, the new relationships that came along, the job situations, events celebrated and experienced with loved ones, the day trips and the vacations, the ups and the downs, the changes in the structure of your daily life, etc. – all of that happened in only about three and a half years. And remember, not one of us could have planned for a pandemic to happen exactly when and how it did, and nor for the ramifications of that pandemic. Even with all of the slowdowns and haltings that this pandemic created, look at all of the life that you have lived in just three years! In between milestone birthdays is a period of ten years. A lot of life is packed in-between milestone birthdays. In short, the counselor was saying that it is best to view our milestone birthdays as just passing mile markers along the way (mile markers we were lucky to arrive to, still alive and vital and raring to go). And when we feel we aren’t accomplishing everything that we wanted to accomplish by a certain time period, it is helpful to look back and to remind ourselves about just how much we have accomplished and handled and experienced in a relatively short amount of time. When we do this, we can look forward into our futures knowing that this multitude of life’s happenings will continue on and on and on, until it is time for our ending day. While our time on earth is limited and we will probably not get to everything that we’d like to experience, what truly counts is the daily journey. Isn’t it better to be relaxed, and to be hopeful, and to be faithful, and to enjoy the ride as we move on down the roads of our own individual journeys, enjoying the travel, and the people, and the scenery along the way, instead of spending our time worrying and hand wringing about what life will look like at milepost 40, 50, 60, 70 or 80?? As Maya Angelou said, “Life is pure adventure.” And adventures are set in their own time and in their own ways, with lots of surprises and unexpected curveballs. The Cambridge dictionary defines adventure in this way: “an unusual, exciting, and possibly dangerous activity, trip, or experience, or the excitement produced by such activities.” I didn’t see anything in there about specific activities and timelines and accomplishments, did you?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

credit: @wiseconnector, X

I think that a big part of this statement is that as you get older, your good people picker is better honed. And your BS meter is highly tuned. You understand that time is more limited than you ever realized and so that time is best served in the realm of goodness. And fortunately good people are everywhere. You can surround yourself with some really good gems!

If you are still doing some weeding out for what exactly constitutes “good for your soul” in your overall life, spend some time on what standards you have for yourself in all facets of your life. (standards = your boundaries) Today is the new moon. We are getting really close to the new year, and we aren’t quite overwhelmed with the holiday-hoopla yet, so we have some time for some deep, truthful contemplation. Use this time to think about keeping your standards, versus disappointing yourself with unrealized expectations.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

I’m sorry for being delayed in writing today. We got reunited this year with dear friends from our younger years, when they recently moved closer to us, here in Florida. We just had such a fun visit with them. Both of our families were part of a big group of families from the same neighborhood, when our children were younger. We share so many lovely past memories of raising our children together, and we feel delighted to get to make some new “empty nester” memories now. I don’t have a poem of my own today, but I think that this is a wonderful, relatable one to share:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Make Your Bed, Friday

Happy Friday!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!!! Josie, our collie, “helps” me to make our bed every morning. She has this innate sense when I am doing it (there’s no set time – I’m all over the map in the mornings) and she considers it her sacred duty to rush into our room in order to help me to complete this task. It is a big bonding time for us (without her male counterparts). I don’t know what I would ever do without her help (and this has nothing to do with making the bed). Dogs will always be one of my ALL TIME FAVORITES.

My favorite item for this particular Friday is the Bamboo Trading Company beaded club bags. These lovely pieces of art are reasonably priced, they come in an enormous variety of styles and themes, and they are the perfect sized, crossbody bags to carry your phone, keys and wallet for a day of walking around town, without breaking your back. For the attention to detail, and the massive variety available, these bags are reasonably priced and addicting to collect. And you feel good about purchasing these items because this is the Bamboo Trading Company’s mission: “We work with communities around the world to lift families out of poverty. In the process we create on-trend, affordable fashion that is collectible, fun, and inspiring.”

You can buy your own Bamboo Trading Company beaded bag (or 12) at their website, on Amazon, and you can find them at many smaller gift shops around the States.

Club Bag Collection

Have a wonderful weekend, my loyal friends and devoted readers! See you tomorrow!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Splatter

Yesterday, was my “get splattered” day. It started out with our refrigerator breaking and ended up with me supporting and soothing some big highs and lows from some of the people whom I love the most in my life. I call it the “get splattered” day because I also literally did get splattered in my art class.

One of the fellow students, who is particularly creative and enthusiastic decided that her artwork needed some “splattering” and so she loaded up her paintbrush with dark green ink and then she swung the brush back, thus inadvertently splattering my artwork as well as hers. Honestly, I wasn’t upset about this. She was apologetic and it helped that I wasn’t particularly excited about this particular painting which I was working on. (On an aside, it is so fascinating to me to notice that all of us students are handed the exact same picture of a fall tree as our template, and to see the many, many different interpretations of the same picture come from this one prompt. All of the interpretative paintings of the same fall tree were lovely in their own ways, and yet so unique and distinct from one another. Without looking at the duplicated template which all of us students used as our “model”, I doubt that you would believe that we all had the exact same original to “copy.” If you don’t believe in incredibly distinctive, individual perspectives and interpretations and nuances on anything and everything, take a painting class sometime. It is truly eye-opening, mind-opening and a big jolt to your own creativity.) But back to the “splattering” event – as I noted, my fellow student was immediately apologetic, and we actually got a big laugh out of the whole ordeal. I told her that my artwork had now become our “collab.” It made me remember a time when I was a kid and I accidentally dropped a snow cone on a poster that my babysitter was just finishing up for one of her school’s clubs. I distinctly remember that my babysitter didn’t see that particular incident as a fun, accidental collaboration. I remember keeping out of my babysitter’s hair for the rest of that day. The event clearly made a mark on me. I am still writing about it here today, in my fifties.

The real reason why I am spending so much time discussing “the splattering” event is that it makes an excellent analogy about how all of us inadvertently get splattered, all day long. We get splattered with news, and texts, and phone calls, and weather, and social media, and all of the various energy of all of the people whom we encounter all day long. Sometimes this splattering adds to our being, and it becomes a fun collaboration and growth moment for us, and other times this splattering just becomes muddling, messy and more of a destructive, icy snow cone spill, that just brings us down. Sometimes we have to become more protective of what we are allowing ourselves to be splattered with. Sometimes we need to sit with ourselves in our own private “studios” and clean some of the splattering off of ourselves, in order to get back to our own clean, clear slates.

I’m a spongy person. And I don’t say that proudly. It is something that I try to work on about myself, a lot. When I say that I am spongy, I mean that I tend to strongly sense and feel the moods and tones and the energy of the people around me, and the places that I am in, and then I have a tendency to soak it all in, and then I easily get overloaded. (I think this is a big reason why I love solitude and quiet places.) At the point when I feel overwhelmed, I get hypervigilant about “emotional monitoring” which isn’t a good thing. It drives other people crazy (because often my interpretations of why the energy is “off” can be wrong, and more importantly, it isn’t my job to fix or change anyone else’s moods for my own emotional comfort. When I emotionally monitor others, they can feel frustrated and smothered, and it actually blocks true intimacy between us because they start not wanting to trigger my anxiety with their problems.) When I get spongy, it depletes my own unprotected energy and I have little to give back to myself and to others. As I have said many times on the blog, you do not have to take on other people’s emotions in order to be empathetic. You can shield yourself from their splatter, but still admire their painting, and the subtle, interesting effects that the splatter has on the life of their evolving painting. If people ask for your input on their “splatter”, you can kindly give it to them, without soaking in their splatter, on to your own masterpiece. Your life’s painting is truly and uniquely your own to create and to evolve. Just as you honor your fellow creators’ right to their splatter choices, you get to decide how much splatter the masterpiece of your own life needs, and you alone get to decide what to create from that splatter.

******And here’s a fun, easy trick to dance off negative “splatter”. Just sing this song at the top of your lungs. The “splatter” just evaporates. Truly. Try it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Ma’am, is Your Refrigerator Running?

There is nothing quite like waking up to a broken refrigerator. There is something special about buying from the local guys, though. Our local appliance shop were the only sellers who can get us a new one delivered tomorrow. I like to “Buy Local” when I can. We will truly miss our brick and mortars when they are no longer an option.

Interestingly, while picking out our new fridge, my husband and I both agreed, the simpler the better. The less doo-dads and the less gizmos the better. Our kids all wanted to know if we planned on getting the tricked out-model with a TV on the door, and with the ability to text with it throughout the day. No thank you. If the 1970s model came in a stainless steel instead of avocado paint coating, that is the one that I would purchase. Truly.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Country Road

“Without pattern and a mix of colors, this collection represents unpredictability. It represents the importance of differences. It represents hope. Our story is unwritten, but anything is possible with HOPE.” – enewton

Interestingly, on our latest trip last month, I purchased a lovely thin, purple beaded choker from the enewton jewelry collection. I put it on today, but I wanted to look up more about it, and see some of their other offerings, so I went to the enewton website just now. It turns out I had purchased a necklace from their HOPE Unwritten collection. See their explanation and inspiration for their HOPE Unwritten collection above. It is not lost on me that the quote which I had already chosen to springboard today’s writing (before looking up anything about my necklace) is printed on a lovely purple format. (This is what I mean when I tell you to look for the signs. Believe in them. Spirit communicates in many different languages, and in many different forms.)

The world needs hope in a big way, doesn’t it? And Lin Yutang has it right. We individually are not going to change the world, in an instant, but we can put our own footprints on to the path to healing and of hope. We can help to pave the way to a better way of living for everyone.

There is a lovely little chapel near to where I live, which sits on Hope Street (literally). A local woman had the chapel built as a shrine to Saint Michael, after her son miraculously survived an illness, which had put him into a coma. I’ve gone there a few times. It’s such a peaceful little spot and it never fails, every time that I’ve gone there I’ve seen license plates from all over the country in the tiny parking lot which sits next to the tiny, humble, but lovely chapel. This shrine has become a place of hope and peace and comfort for locals, as well as for travelers from near and far, for over eighty years.

We cannot solve the problems of the world in an instant. But we can create beautiful, new untravelled paths to love and to peace. We can be little shrines of hope to those around us, by being kind, and by being compassionate, and by believing that there are peaceful solutions to our world problems if we are willing to surrender our limited mindsets which say to us that we already know everything, or that things are futile because humanity is hopeless. This is just not the truth.

Today, even if it is just for the benefit of yourself, take steps towards hope. Pave your way to creating your own proverbial Hope Street, and stop by a little chapel in your own heart, and sink into that deep down knowing sense that everything is going to be alright. When you uplift yourself, you help to uplift our world. When you uplift yourself, you put your own footsteps on the road to Hope which we are all trying to pave together. Hope is your sacred duty. Hope is my sacred duty. Hope will lead the way.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.