Tag: inspiration

The Clump Effect

In my life (and in observing the lives of others), I have often noticed what I consider to be “the clump effect”. In any given calendar year, notable events, particularly happy moments and reunions and visits, surprising news and occurrences, celebrations, travel, randomly running into people, and even loved ones’ birthdays all seem to happen in “clumps.” And there is very little downtime to really process your thoughts, feelings, reactions, and next moves, because all of these things that you are needing to, and wanting to process, are also clumped together and are still relatively unsorted, and also being steadily mixed about, in your own little private mixing bowl of emotion, while you are still moving through your current “clump” of activity. I am moving through one of my “clumps” this week. And it has been lovely, and interesting, and hopeful, and helpful, and fun, and sad, and painful, and pricking, and exciting, and full of anticipation, and nostalgic, and full of future tripping, and meaningful, and interesting, and all of this is being mixed together with more unknown intriguing ingredients to be added throughout the weekend. The clump effect allows us to have long strands of renewing lull in our everyday routines, in order for us to prepare for our next “clump.” And it is in our lives’ clumps, that we are given a whole new set of experiences to help us to rapidly grow into the directions which we are meant to head. And then, when we get one of those solid breaks in our clumps, towards the end of that current lull, we start to get a little bored and a little antsy, and then hopefully mostly ready for a rapid growth spurt which mainly seems to come from the various “clumps” in our lives.

(I know, random, right?? You are probably reading this quote, scratching your head, and saying, “Huh?” Me too. It must be the “clump effect” on my mind which made me decide that I just had to add this quote to today’s blog.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1236. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Monday – Funday

I’m headed out on a trip to visit with loved ones. I am feeling the need to completely let go of my regular daily routine, and that includes writing the blog. I’ll be back on Thursday or Friday, hopefully with my creative juices all amped up. I’ll miss you. Have a great week!!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

751. What is your own idea of relaxing?

Soul Sunday

Good morning. Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Recently The Wall Street Journal ran an article about Maksym Kryvtsov, a Ukrainian poet turned soldier. Kryvtsov, who wrote most of his poems about the horrors of the war, perished in battle, on January 7th. He was 33. One of his most well-known poems talked of his “severed arms” that would “sprout as violets in the spring.” This same poem ends with these lines:

My bones

Will sink into the earth

Will become a carcass

My busted rifle

Will rust

Poor thing

My spare clothes and equipment

Will be given to new recruits

Well I’d rather it were spring already

To finally

Bloom

As a violet.

Poetry touches our hearts and our souls in a way that more direct writing cannot seem to do. I suppose that the way to our collective hearts is a windy path, filled with mystery, nuance, feeling, and to surrendering to its ever changing direction. I wrote the poem below, just this morning, before reading again, the poem above by Maksym Kryvtsov, which my husband had kindly laid aside for me a week or so ago. I am humbled by the difference in poetry by a poet who is surrounded by the direness of war, versus a writer who leads an agreeable life, in a country not at war.

On stormy, cold, windy days,

As the rain hammers its surroundings,

Home feels so cozy, comforting, serene.

Curling up in our own corner of the world,

Fills us with the feeling of being nurtured,

By the nesting that we busied ourselves with,

in more agreeable, enticing, seductive weather.

On still, bright, inviting, playful days,

We jauntily leave home for adventures,

Full of confidence, curiosity and calm.

And we often bring home possessions,

Which remind us of our truest selves.

So that when the storms arise again,

We are surrounded by the contentment,

Of our inner selves, displayed in physical form.

Our home, which is an extension of the life of us,

Is our familiar and steadfast, shelter from the storm.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1375. Do you think happiness is a choice?

Did You Notice?

My daughter just texted me, “Are you okay? You’re being weird in the family chat” I answered, “Yes! What do you mean?” Her answer: “Okay good! You’re not liking the messages and are giving one word answers. Just looking out for you.”

I had just gotten up after sleeping in, and I was distracted by everything that I wanted to get done at once. However, I do think that it is a true sign of love and familiarity when people notice your habits and your idiosyncrasies and they notice subtle changes and care enough to ask you if you are alright. It truly is a blessing to have “the noticers” in our lives.

The part that really amuses me, though, is that none of our adult kids found it particularly weird when last night, we sent a video of our Labrador retriever, Ralphie, barking at a FurReal Tiger pet which I had purchased on impulse, at a street festival. I purchased the tiger from two Russian (perhaps Siberian?) ladies who had exotic scarves and jewelry intermingled with several of these tigers. I just couldn’t resist purchasing the tiger. Ralphie was not impressed with my purchase.

I guess being a little quirky and “out there”, and being especially ebullient in my texting, is what “my noticers” have come to expect from me. I hate to disappoint.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1419. Do you think there is life on other planets?

Relationships

I’m sorry that I have been delayed with my post this morning. I’ve been constantly interrupted by my own distractions. Ironically, I was incredibly excited to have a totally unscheduled day. Perhaps there is wisdom to having a regular schedule.

I printed this out the other day. I also texted it to my husband. It’s an excellent reminder. We have always declared that it was vitally important to both of us to have genuine, authentic relationships with our adult children. I do not care to have any relationships, with anyone, based on fear, obligation or guilt, for the rest of my life. I’ve noticed that the relationships that we take the most for granted are often the ones with whom we are closest to in life. Some parents seem to have this sense of entitlement of “owning” their children, even after their children have long embarked on becoming adults. Some parents seem to think that they are “owed” a relationship with their children, just because they are their parents. But our children didn’t ask to be born. Once we are all adults, relationships are mutual. Would you choose to be close friends with anyone who was described as above? Would you choose to spend a lot of time with someone described as above? Would you want your children to spend a lot of time with the type of person described above? We are always modelling living to our children, even when we are all adults. What are you modelling to them with the relationships that you accept and expect in your own life? If your adult children have the traits described above, you have the right to limit your interactions with them, as well. Adults have the right to choose what kind of relationships, and how much of a relationship that they would like to have with anyone. When you are in mutually loving and respectful relationships, what you choose to do for, and what you choose to do with each other, is done out of choice, and because of honest love and connection. If you are still financially supporting your adult children, ask yourself why? Are you truly giving unconditional gifts, or are you trying to leverage that support with manipulation and control? Healthy relationships with anyone do not require manipulation and control. In fact, utilizing control and manipulation is the sign of unhealthy relationships. This poem by Kahlil Gibran has always been one of my absolute favorites. It speaks ultimate truth:

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
     And he said:
     Your children are not your children.
     They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
     They come through you but not from you,
     And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

     You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
     For they have their own thoughts.
     You may house their bodies but not their souls,
     For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
     You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
     For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
     You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
     The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
     Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
     For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

995. What are you hypocritical about?

Power

“Learning about it reminded me of my regular talking point — a sad irony of our world — that the people who fight the most are always the most similar. The Israelis and Palestinians, the Ukrainians and Russians, the Catholics and Protestants, the Indians and Pakistanis, etc.” – Isaac Saul, about experiencing the bitter divide between two ethnic groups: the Collas and Cambas in Bolivia, when he was on a trip/motorcycle adventure there recently.

It’s a strange irony, isn’t it? Even in the most dangerous neighborhoods in our country and around the world, the murders are typically done to neighbors, right inside of those same neighborhoods. Why is this? Some say that we disown our own worst qualities and project these qualities onto others. Perhaps the people closest to us are the easiest targets for our projections and mistrust. Also, power struggles are part of the human condition. We falsely believe that if we have power and control, then that equates to security. The need to dominate often stems from deep-seated fears of change, abandonment, and of perceived lack. But unfortunately, power struggles will not cease to exist, in situations where one person or group feels mostly powerless and dominated. So again, the irony is, until the need for peace is greater than the need to control, power struggles continue on into perpetuity. To end power struggles, empathy must be employed by both sides. Both sides need to be vulnerable enough to express their own fears and their emotions and their insecurities, and also to have a willingness to compromise, and to respect boundaries. Both sides have to trust that the other side is capable of this empathy, understanding, and the belief that the desired outcome is the same outcome for all: Peace. Power struggles stop when both sides drop the rope and become a team against “the problems” that continually hurt both sides. We see this phenomenon occur in science fiction movies, or even in real-life wars, when once fighting factions are able to unite against common enemies, such as invading aliens. Power struggles are part of our relationships and our humanity and our societies, but they are also able to be overcome with authenticity, empathy, tenacity, vision, and faith.

Do you have any power struggles going on in your life? With family? Friends? Co-workers? Why do you feel the need for power in these situations? What is similar in yourself, that you dislike in others? What is similar to yourself that you do like in others? Does your opposition have valid points? What do you fear about others? Why? What are your greatest fears? What empowers you?

“All struggles are essentially power struggles. Who will rule? Who will lead? Who will define, refine, confine, design? Who will dominate? All struggles are essentially power struggles,and most are no more intellectual than two rams knocking their heads together.” – Octavia Butler

“At the root of every tantrum and power struggle are unmet needs.“ -Marshall B. Rosenberg

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1336. What is your favorite part of the day? (besides reading my blog, of course. 😉 )

Tuesday Tidbits in Still January

+ “When you wake up tomorrow, it’ll still be January.” @ProfAlang, X

“genuine question, how is it still january?” @eosinlove, X

“We are 6 months into 2024 and it’s still January.” @hashjenni, X

“why is it still January. i’ve lived several lives this month” @milkygoddess, X

“Why is it still January? Let’s pack it up babe” @witti_indi, X

I’ve been noticing the remarks about this seemingly long January, particularly in the last few days. Honestly, January has been a good, satisfying month for me, but even still, it does feel sort of never-ending. Don’t the holidays seem like forever and a day ago??

+ “If the first thing you do each morning is to eat a live frog, you can go through the day with the satisfaction of knowing that that is probably the worst thing that is going to happen to you all day long.” – Mark Twain

This has been shortened into the statement: “Eat a frog.” The point is, get the tasks which you have been dreading, done and over with, and then you can enjoy the rest of your day and even your week, with ease. Hopefully, reading my blog is not your “eat a frog” moment. My blog is conceivably more of a delicious little Dove heart – just a tiny, harmless, happy break in your day. A spoonful of sugar, makes the frog go down.

+ “You are, in a general, low-key, ambient way, concerned about the whereabouts of your people at all times. You rather enjoy having a corner of your mind occupied in this way because it reminds you that you love and are loved.” – Holiday Mathis

This was one of my horoscopes this morning. It brought a smile to my face. It was one of those “I never thought of it that way” moments for me. I would say this is a true statement for me every day of my life. Maybe we worry about our people for the pure little prickling reminder to ourselves, that we love, and we are loved. We like to keep tabs on our love. I’m happy to dedicate at least a corner of my mind to my great loves. I just have to remember to show my love in the form of confidence, and not in worry.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

910. What is your favorite outfit?

Monday – Funday

To those of you who are about to embark on the empty nest, do not worry. They come back. They come back more than you would ever expect, even. Our daughter brought home a houseful this past weekend, and after they left, our youngest son arrived here right afterwards, almost like clockwork, to help us eat leftovers and watch football. And while he and his dad were watching the game, I handed them the big, warm pile of towels and sheets out of the dryer, for them to fold. Déjà vu.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1716. What wild animal scares you? (One of the young women visiting here this weekend is from Connecticut. She insisted that they have no dangerous wildlife in Connecticut. They only have robins and squirrels and chipmunks, apparently. It took a long time for this lady’s mother to get comfortable with alligators being on campus. It was also shocking for her mother to find out we also have deer in Florida. Well, I suppose that the alligators have to eat . . . . 😉 )

Soul Sunday

“Experience becoming . . . make your soul grow . . . . do it for the rest of your lives.” Did you read the assignment that Kurt Vonnegut, the author of Slaughterhouse-Five and other esteemed works, gave to these high school students in 2006? (Kurt Vonnegut died about six months after this letter was written) Today, on poetry day on the blog, let’s do his assignment. I’ll do it, if you do it: “Write a six line poem, about anything, but rhymed. No fair tennis without a net. Make it as good as you possibly can. But don’t tell anybody what you’re doing. Don’t show it or recite it to anybody . . . . Tear it up into teeny-weeny pieces, and discard them into widely separated recepticals.”

Why should we do this assignment? Well, Kurt Vonnegut said this will be the outcome: “You will find that you have been gloriously rewarded for your poem. You have experienced becoming, learned a lot more about what’s inside you, and you have made your soul grow.”

But I suspect that you, my dear beloved readers, already know this. Bless you. I imagine that your poem is amazing. The poetry of you, already is amazing. Your soul is growing beautifully. It becomes you.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1891. Have you ever stood up for anyone?

Late Start

I’ve been distracted this morning. My daughter brought home some friends from college for a local annual festival we have here in town. My husband was going to town on making eggs and bacon before they headed out.

“Dads love to make breakfast!” all of the young women agreed. We also learned that most of us moms use a lot of emojis in our texts to them. Dads apparently don’t use emojis, nor respond to the texts all that frequently. Back when I was in college, our parents had to use a lot of written correspondence, as we didn’t even have email, and long distance telephone calls were expensive. I used to joke that I would get “Memo from Dad” as he was still in business mode when he corresponded with me. Apparently, the texts from many modern day dads still read like formal, “Memos from Dad.”

Earlier this week, I mentioned I am reading a book called I Never Thought of it That Way by Mónica Guzmán. I’m about a third of the way into the book, and it is a really interesting read, backed with scientific data. Guzmán talks of a time when she had just moved to Seattle, and she sat and complained about all of the constant rain in Seattle to a new friend. Her friend challenged her to sit and to listen to Seattle’s rain. Supposedly Seattle’s rain is a light and steady rain that has a beautiful sound all of its own. Since then, Guzmán considers the Seattle rain to be her favorite sound. She sometimes sits in her car for a few minutes and listens to the rain, as a meditation before she starts her day. She even misses it, when she travels. This situation is where Guzmán got her title for her book, I Never Thought of it That Way. She asked her friends to give examples about how their thoughts were changed about something, when a new perspective was introduced. She was shocked with how many answers she got back. Do you have examples of this? I do – many, many examples. List some of your perspective changing moments (sometimes called “a-ha moments”). Next, pick something you feel strongly about and make yourself consider the question, “Can this be looked at in a different way?” Guzmán suggests using the question, “What am I missing?” when you find yourself perplexed by ideas that do not match with your own ideas.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1298. What is your least favorite ice cream flavor?