A week ago, my daughter was having a terrible streak of aggravations and frustrations and she was finally at her limit. She called me and had an understandable meltdown, for which she immediately apologized for, in between her jagged sobs. I, of course, told her not to apologize. I said that that’s what relationships are all about, being there for each other. I also reminded her that just in the previous month, I had melted down to her about something that I couldn’t even recall what it was about now. She laughed and she said that I had cried to her about a couple we both know and love, breaking up (who are now happily back together and stronger than ever). We both smiled and in that moment I already felt the clouds starting to pass.
+ “Selfishness is not living as one wishes. It is asking others to live as one wishes.” – Oscar Wilde
We have a lot of control issues in today’s society, don’t we? At the same token, we are often admonished to “see” things the same way. There is little tolerance for different viewpoints. In my experience, I often see this from people who are screaming the loudest about other people’s horrible, terrible intolerances, yet obviously holding this same level of intolerance about the very people whom they are screaming about being intolerant. “Live and let live” seems a harder concept to come by these days. Perhaps it is difficult for people to realize they can live by their own ideals and values, even if others don’t embrace these same ideals and values. By accepting that others align with ideals and values which are different than yours, does not mean that you have to be best friends with these people. You don’t have to commune with them at all. But a free society means that if you are not committing a socially agreed upon crime (i.e. a nation’s laws), you have the right to live however you see fit. And you don’t want anybody else to tell you how to live, or how to think, or how to worship, or how to dress, or what music to listen to, so why should you try to control others’ ways of living? Control issues are usually about our own needs for safety and security. It makes us feel better if we believe that we are controlling everything outside of us. It makes us feel better if we believe that our narrative is the only “right” narrative. But once you hit middle age and beyond, it becomes more and more obvious that “control” is mostly an illusion. Ironically, we often have the most trouble with “self-control”, and our own self is the only thing which we really have any level of major control, if we are willing and open-eyed enough to take the wheel. Trying to control anything or anybody else outside of ourselves, is just distraction from self-awareness. It turns out that our “narrative” is the right story for us, and everyone else has the right to live out their own stories. And at the very least, doesn’t this make life all the more interesting?
+ “The moment you stop chasing, it comes.
The second you let go, it arrives.
The day you finally believe, it happens.
The Universe doesn’t work on desperation:
It works on alignment.” – Author Unknown
The hardest lesson in life is letting go, and yet we have to do it our entire lives in so many ways, almost daily. Letting go. Acceptance. Don’t those words feel like an exhale? Don’t those words evoke peace? After we have done everything in our power, why is it so hard for us to surrender and to let go when we know that acceptance and letting go, is what ultimately brings us to our truest nature – alignment with Life/Love/Peace/Faith/Hope? Usually it is the stage of utter exhaustion past our wildest desperation that we finally do “let go” and that’s when we finally witness the miracles starting to flow.
+ “You are the art.” – KTZ
You, your body, your daily rhythms, your surroundings, your community, your choices – these are the artwork in your little corner of the greater tapestry of Life, which we all share. You are an artist. Create with joy! You are a one-of-a-kind masterpiece.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.