holidays Archives - Page 2 of 2 - Adulting: Second- Half

Soul Sunday

Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Poems have no rules, other than to feel the words as you write them. Write yourself a poem today. It may be a beautiful present to give to yourself, during this season of giving. Here is my poem that I wrote just now:

The song of the house has been quiet lately.

Soft, rhythmic, even, lulling and serene.

Everyone just came home for the holidays.

The song of the house has been changed.

Loud, disruptive, uneven, jarring and exciting.

These songs are the soundtrack of my life.

I love how it all comes together to be,

the most beautiful music I have ever heard,

the most beautiful music that I dance to,

the loveliest background rhythms of life being lived.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Whoa

I always tend to get a little frustrated at this time of year. This time of year is also around my birthday, and so my juices really get flowing, thinking about what I want in the new year. I get excited about the little tweaks that I want to make in myself and in my habits, and I get electrified about the adventures that I want to plan, and to go on. I get revved up like a racehorse, chomping at the bit, in a starting gate. I want to “Go!” And sometimes the holidays feel like an annoying distraction. Sometimes the holidays feel like this inching along, tedious, busy work detour to go through, before I get to the place where the starting gate is able to be open once again. And as I write this, I realize that this is a terrible attitude.

You have to get to the finish line before you start the next race. And you have to take a slower paced victory lap, in order to build your stamina, and to catch your breath before you are ready to start a new race. You have to process what you did right in your last run, and where there is room for improvement. You must take the time to rest, and to celebrate your growth and the experience which you gained, and to integrate these aspects of wisdom into yourself, before you start galloping off again. A deliberate slowdown is important, and this celebratory, introspective time is not meant to be rushed through. The holidays are the time to cool off, to stand still, and revel in the adornment of the “Garland of Roses”, celebrating another year lived in your own precious life. To run races, one right after another, again and again, is just not sustainable. So, in short, whoa Nelly! (Or in my case, whoa Kelly!) The new race is right around the corner. Take a breath. Rest, reflection, and revelry is every bit as important as racing onward.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Mother Bear

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

My husband was giddy yesterday, talking about the football games that had happened over the weekend with his officemates. Mondays at the office can be rough, yet my husband seemed to be in a particularly good mood. Football is a unifier. Even if you aren’t a big sports fan, you still usually have “a team” because it is the team of the city where you live, or your city of birth, or the university you attended. You identify with your team and your fellow fans. You feel united with an energy bigger than yourself.

I know that this overwhelming outpouring for the Queen of England, before she is put to rest with Prince Philip, is hard for some people to understand. There is a reason why western civilization has evolved away from monarchies and aristocracies. The Queen herself was essentially a figurehead, yielding not much more than what they call “soft power”, which is more of an influence, than any right to demand. And there are a lot of questions as to whether the monarchy is even necessary, or should be supported, considering its sometimes sordid past.

I believe that the grief which is being shown over the death of Queen Elizabeth, the world over, is an outpouring of the loss of a long-standing, consistent, unflappable, dedicated being whom anyone could claim as their own favorite, if they so chose. In a world so full of change that seems to be happening at the speed of light, a world so full of stark polar opposition in our politics, a world that seems to be questioning and rewriting so many of our long standing traditions, laws, and rituals, we cling to the things that are steadfast. We cling to the people and the things that will be there for us, in some form or other, no matter what else is happening. We cling to football, and “the holidays”, and pizza, and classic movies and ageless songs, and the moon and the stars, and all of the things that have stood the test of time, because these are the things that unite us, and the things that we can mostly agree on (even with playful rivalries). In a world of heightened disagreement and divisiveness, we cling to the things that we can all dedicate ourselves to – we cling to the things that are available to all of us, to claim as our own. We cling to anything that reminds us that despite all of our differences, we all make up one humanity. We cling to the people and the institutions which allow us the shared security and enthusiasm to unite with each other, and to band together over shared loves and losses.

The whole world seems to have lost a symbolic, steadfast grandmother when Queen Elizabeth died. Just like our own grandmothers, she wasn’t perfect. She made mistakes. But she was utterly dedicated and dutiful to her family, to her responsibilities, and to what was required of her. There was no question that the Queen was on the watch, and she wasn’t going to stop, until it was time for her to pass on. I think that so many of us can relate. So many of us have been supported by strong, determined women, who see “their duties” out to the very end, with a steely dedication to do right, by what life has required of them. I mean no disrespect to my male readers here, but in my experience, it comes more naturally for women to fully dedicate themselves to something more than just themselves. Look at nature. No one wants to run into a mother bear. We have lost a universal mother bear. This hollow sadness and almost disbelief which so many of us are feeling about this loss of the longstanding queen – this sadness is something that actually unites us. And that is why we are carrying on our grief, as long as we can. Feeling united feels good, even in times of pain.

And Another One Down

“so much happened this year it feels like i lived 3 years in one.” -@thedeepestmsgs, Twitter

It appears that I am going to end this eventful year with a bang. I just tested positive for COVID. I can’t believe that I made it this far without ever catching it. (in all fairness, I was too lazy to get the booster shot) I feel pretty lousy, like I have the flu. I haven’t been really sick in so long that I forgot what it feels like. (It feels crumby.) I know that I am going to be okay. I’m a generally healthy person. I am more annoyed than anything, although I am so grateful that my family and I made it through the holidays healthy, and together. Dayquil is my new best friend.

I hope that you all are staying well. 2022 had better have better plans in store for us, than the last two doozies. I have a sneaking suspicion that it is going to be a much better year for all of us. (knocking on wood with every appendage which I have on my body)

I need to go back to bed. See you tomorrow.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Ideal Holiday Companion

I’ve been seeing a lot of funny memes on Twitter, making fun of the “inevitable” annoyances and aggravations that can occur when everyone gets together and groups around the table for holiday meals. We’re having a small Thanksgiving this year, being just the six of us in our immediate family. We are used to each other’s quirks and proclivities, so I don’t anticipate any real upsets. Honestly, since my older two boys haven’t been home in a while, I am still walking around with a silly perma-grin on my face, and a giggle always at the top of my throat.

Still, it’s amazing how the random brouhahas can seem to blow up out of nowhere, whenever two or more “adults” are gathered, in the spirit of hope and good cheer. Ghandi said to “be the change” you want to see in the world. Perhaps, it would be easier to start small. “Be the change” you’d like to see around the Thanksgiving table. What would that look like? If I could pick out my ideal holiday dinner companions, they would be kind. They would be fun and funny. They would share the conversation, not dominate it. They would not use the dining room table as a pulpit or a political lectern or a spotlighted stage. They would not employ veiled passive-aggressive statements and judgments. They would savor the moments, and the food and the drink, instead of gorging and rushing to the end. They would be grateful and gracious and peaceful and helpful and pleasant and polite. They would roll with the punches and keep perspective. (So what if something got burnt or something got spilled or the dog ate a crescent roll?) They would be quick with a laugh and a compliment and a hug. They would be self-deprecating, and quick to offer the benefit of the doubt. Instead of trying to make everything a “Hallmark image”, they would look around their table using only the eyes of their souls, in order to see and to experience something far greater than any uncomfortable, staged, fake event. These dinner companions would be nothing short of wonderful and lovely.

Now, finally, at this middle-aged staged of my life, I fully understand and accept that the only person’s behavior which I can control, is my own. I suppose that I have created a good formula above, for whom I would like to see at my holiday functions. What I know, is that I have created a good formula above for who I can aim to be at my holiday functions. It looks like I have my work cut out for me, and this work doesn’t have anything to do with cooking or cleaning and setting tables. This work is all about focusing on keeping my expectations about others in check, and yet also, keeping high aspirations for myself and my own attitude and behaviors.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Peace in the Middle East

Our male dogs have a tenuous relationship. For most of the time, they get along very well. I recently took a picture of them sleeping together and sent it to the family chat. “Oh look, it’s like peace in the Middle East,” my eldest son quipped.

We have involved a trainer, and things were going swimmingly, for a few weeks. The last big scuffle (which usually involves Ralphie, the big, 83 pound Labrador losing his patience with the puppy antics of Trip, the little brown dog, and then Ralphie completely blowing an over-the-top gasket and Trip, screaming in terror) was on Thanksgiving Day. However, recently, since the boys have been home from college for the holidays, we have already experienced three more kerfuffles with the fluffles. There has been no blood shed, thankfully.

We have come to the conclusion that perhaps extra testosterone from the college boys, excitement for the holidays and more movement and energy in the house, may have something to do with the uptick of skirmishes during holiday times. It’s funny. It often seems that there is no one more excited to have the whole family together, in the house, than our dogs. Having their pack all together, is what our dogs seems to live for and they show their pure joy better than any of us, dancing and jumping with glee when anyone arrives back home. They really put their whole bodies into exposing their joy and happiness. Nothing makes them feel better than being with their family pack.

Still, when there is a change up in the household, the dogs’ regular routine is broken up a little bit. Their sleeping patterns get disrupted. Their walk times change. The dogs end up with a few more “treats” than they typically get, to go along with their regular food. So, as happy as the dogs are to have the family all together to celebrate, their anxiety levels and agitation, seems to lead to snappishness and to spats, more often than usual.

With this understanding about our dogs, we have to come to the expectation that these incidences are more likely to occur, particularly during times when there is more energy and excitement in our household. We have learned to be more cognizant of anticipating when these brouhahas are likely to happen, so that we have behaviors in place, to mitigate the build-up, in order to prevent things from coming to blows. We have found that time-outs for the pups, in their own private spaces (crates), are more frequently needed, when everyone is home for the holidays.

Having lived with dogs almost my entire life, I am always amazed at how much we learn from them. They aren’t so different from us, as we think. They mirror us more often than we realize. Yet, usually their reflection shines a little brighter than ours.

Theme Party

Do you ever have the sense that each holiday season seems to have a certain universal trend or vibe or energy to it? I suppose the holidays, in one sense, are really an end cap/recap of the year gone by. To me, every year, the holidays seem to kind of summarize the year, in a very general sense.

This year’s holiday feels a tad more subtle to me than the last couple of years, so far. The parties which we have attended have been nice and warm, but nothing too outlandish. People seem to be “calling it a night” a little bit earlier than usual. The Christmas cards that we have received so far, seem a bit simpler, too. They seem to be less newsy and to contain less pictures. The outdoor decorations didn’t go out as early this year, as they had been put out in previous years, on many homes in our neighborhood. I’m not sure if it is just my own projections, but the holidays just feel a little more toned-down, a tad more introspective, in a broader sense, this year. It’s not a “sad/worried” energy that I am sensing, but more of a quiet, inquisitive, slowed down atmosphere. Is that what you all are sensing?

I notice and analyze quirks all of the time. I suppose that is part of being an observer/writer type person. Last year, about 90 percent of the Christmas cards that we received, had pictures of our friends’ pets on them. Pictures of pets on holiday cards are not unusual, but last year it seemed to be the complete norm. Last year, I was surprised when I opened a card that didn’t include a picture of a pet. I said to my husband, that indicates to me, that people were needing to feel warmth, and comfort, and unconditional love more than ever, last Christmas. Last year’s holiday season seemed to have more of outwardly frenzied neediness to it, than this year seems to have, to me. So far, anyway. This year’s holiday, thus far, seems to have more of a universal theme of acceptance, relaxation, and introspection. Tell me what you are sensing. I would be curious about everyone’s unique observations. And if you think that I am completely “off my rocker”, go ahead and tell me that, too. It’s often been suggested that I move to the beat of my own drum. (Don’t we all? Some of us are just better at hiding our drum beat under the cloak of conformity than others, I think.) My current calm presence can take any suggestions, right now, I am sensing, with a semblance of light bemusement. It’s just something in the air, this Christmas. Right?