+ Yesterday I had a dentist appointment, I had dinner plans with a friend, dry cleaning to pick up, I had things to put away from the weekend, and I had groceries to get in for the week. Yesterday, I had structure in my day, and I got a lot accomplished. Today, my day is rather unstructured and I’m a mess. I’m flitting from one thing to another, leaving a trail of half-done chores and projects. I just spent 15 minutes looking for where I last put my coffee cup, and I’m just getting to writing the blog now. Sigh.
+ Oprah’s best friend, Gayle King, celebrated the wedding of her son and his new bride recently. Oprah asked her readers to pass on advice to the happy couple. I skimmed through a lot of the same advice: healthy communication, being kind and thoughtful to each other, honoring commitment, don’t go to bed angry, etc. One piece of advice that stood out to me though was a reader who said, in the middle of a heated argument, to think or to even say out loud, “I love you more than this argument.”
+ I went to a flea market over the weekend and I saw this delightful sign: “Mindyour own biscuits and life will be gravy.” I also purchased this ceramic cork jar that had the words, “Elegant Solutions” engraved on it. I honestly bought the jar for the sentiment “Elegant Solutions”. I love the idea of elegant solutions to problems. “An elegant solution refers to a technical or scientific approach that efficiently addresses a problem while being both simple and effective. It often maximizes available resources or consolidates multiple steps, minimizing the complexity of the solution.” (DevX.com) In my life’s experience, when I have a problem, and I’ve done everything that I can do about it, and I finally “let go and let God”, things tend to turn out in the most unbelievably synchronistic, perfect, easy, simple, miraculous way. The Universe has the whole “Elegant Solutions” thing down pat.
+ My daughter is studying in England this summer. She and her friends, (background: all pretty much “type A” kids taking challenging classes, at a challenging university. For instance, while they are studying abroad, their new thing is to run three miles a day in Hyde Park. Fun. Whose kid is this? I won’t run to my mailbox.), they traveled to Barcelona, Spain last weekend and they loved it. They were incredibly impressed with the amazing architecture and the divine food and drink. However, they all agreed on one thing: “It was just too laid back there.” (Huh? Is that really an issue?) They all agreed that they were happy to get back to London and a faster pace. Moving right along . . . .
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
This one got to me. ^^^^ I guess it always comes down to being the light that we wish to see in the world. I’ve also read that it is interesting that we never question the Heavens as to why we have all the abundance and beauty and goodness and love that we experience on a daily basis. Perhaps we are all a little more spoiled and negative than we believe ourselves to be.
On Thursday and Friday, I finally got started on a thorough clean-out process I’ve been meaning to get to, since our daughter and youngest child left for college almost two years ago. (yes, I have procrastinated) Lately, while experiencing the empty nest phenomenon, a lot of our friends and family have been moving and downsizing and changing lifestyles, and while we have no plans to do anything like that yet, I have been envious about just how cleansing it feels when you move, and how during those times of moving homes, you get rid of a bunch of energy-clogging stuff. (We’ve lived in our current house for ten years, which is longer than we have lived anywhere.) Anyway, I started with my personal clothes closet and yesterday, I got really real with myself, and I gave away almost all of my beautiful high heeled shoes to Goodwill. (and there were a lot of pairs given away. I LOVE shoes) I had a lump in my throat. I used to joke that I had “Barbie feet” – they didn’t go flat. But it’s been a long time since I donned any of my truly high heels and they were collecting dust and clogging energy. It is time for them to go to a younger Barbie. As I asked my husband to help me to put the bag of shoes into the car to take to Goodwill, he noticed my “quiet” and he jokingly asked me not to cry on him. Then he gave me a hug and told me how sexy I am. This Barbie has a really good Ken. Ken stays.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
1219. What one trait do you have that would make you a terrible boss? (Impatience. I’m not known for my patience, but I’m working on it.)
Late last year, I purchased these two adorable cicada figurines at two separate times from two different antique dealers. I don’t know why I purchased them, other than I was attracted to them. I keep them by our front door. I feel like they are lucky and mystical. My husband has often commented that he thinks they are cool looking, and that was that . . . or so I thought. Today I read this article that came out in the news two days ago:
It appears that two broods of cicada are going to emerge in the United States this year, at the same time. This is so rare that the last time it happened was in 1803. Now, you are probably thinking, “Wow, what a strange coincidence!” But I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe in the adage that coincidence is really just God/Universe being anonymous. I believe that we are all so intrinsically connected to everything that happens in nature, throughout all of time, but we have lost sight of this fact, because we are focused on all of the wrong things. We have lost sight of the magic of it all, despite the fact that it is all around us, doing its thing, despite the stupid, pointless games we play. Look for the signs, friends. The real signs. The signs that make you feel deeply connected and contented and comforted and wise and knowing and intuitive and assured. The signs are everywhere. Look for them and trust them.
Another great article I read this morning is this one:
This article states that in the United States home ownership is now majority female. Why is this important? According to this article, only sixty years ago, women couldn’t get a credit card or a mortgage without a male co-signer. I’m 53. Thank you to the generations of my mother, my mother-in-law, my grandmothers, my aunts, my older friends, and all the women of those generations who stood up for change. You made this right. My daughter and all of the women of her generation can’t even begin to fathom the world that you came up in. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (and ladies, let’s remember their sacrifices, and let’s not go backwards.)
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
I saw this the other day and I realized that I need to pray this prayer more often. Sometimes it is so easy and clear to understand what we are want to ask God to support us in. We come to prayer or meditation with a list similar to what a kid brings to Santa Claus, even if the list includes lofty, selfless things like for someone else’s healing, or for peace in wartorn countries. But other times, our heart is panging us. Situations in our lives keep playing over and over in our heads, like a broken record, but we can’t even define what the real problem is in these situations. We want the itching to stop, but we don’t know where to scratch. I often pray for clarity in my life. And when I do this, I want real clear clarity. I want the window to my soul to be so extremely clear that I could accidentally walk through it and not even realize there’s a window there. I want the kind of clarity that knocks you so hard on your head, that when you wake up, you feel absolutely stupid for not realizing “the truth of it all” from the get-go. I want God to hear my heart and then translate its message in perfectly simple straightforward English with the exact next steps to take. And God usually laughs at these demands and tells me that I need to stop relying on translators. “Quiet down and learn the language of your own heart. All of the answers you have ever needed I gave to you there, but only you can understand your own heart’s language.”
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
878. What is one thing you won’t admit to yourself?
Yesterday, we took our dogs on their daily walk. Dogs are the perfect example of how “energy” is truly catching. We have three dogs. When one of them gets riled up, all three of them get churned up, almost immediately. A neighbor’s dog lives behind a fence by the sidewalk of our daily walk. Every time we walk by his fence, the neighbor’s dog goes nuts at the fence, and our dogs go from chill and calm to equally nuts as he is, in seconds flat. Ralphie, our Labrador retriever loves to swim in our pool. He is obsessed with swimming. He almost becomes OCD about running around the pool and jumping into the pool, again and again and again. This puts the herding (and thus barking and nipping) instinct of our collie, Josie, on full/high alert, which trips Trip (the Boykin spaniel) into his own special blend of spazzy bossiness. It doesn’t make for a pleasant, peaceful pool experience, at all. We have learned that if we keep Ralphie inside when we want calm around the pool, the other two dogs’ energy stays even keel and chill. Our dogs are a perfect example of how energy/moods/countenance is catching. The next time you feel yourself in an extreme “state of being”, take a pause, and see what is causing your mood. Is it your own thoughts and experiences, or have you “caught” someone else’s mood around you? Do not take what is not yours.
In considering the above, I got to thinking about lessons which really sunk in for me from 2023 that I want to bring into 2024. A lot of times we only talk about things we want to get rid of in the new year (excess weight, excess stuff, etc.) but there were some valuable lessons that really hit home for me last year, that I hope to keep utilizing for the rest of my life going forward. Along with being sure that I am not taking on negative energy that is not mine (explained above), there were other key lessons that I used throughout the year, like mantras, that helped to keep me on track. One was: “Worry does not equal love.” I am not doing anything of value for you, or for me, if I worry about you. I am showing lack of confidence in myself, and/or in you and others, and/or in God/Universe, if I am worried. Worry truly is worthless. I think for a long time in my life, I believed that worry showed that I care, but seeing it stated this way: “Worry does not equal love”, woke me up. I am loving you when I feel confident in your abilities and in Life’s lovingness to take care of you, not matter what you face. Care is offering support and confidence, not worry.
Another lesson that hit home for me was using the mantra, “Let Life love you.” When I fully relax and trust in God/Universe, instead of trying to micromanage and control every situation of my life, it is amazing how everything comes together in the most perfect of ways. When I get out of my own way, and I use the mantra “I Let Life Love Me”, I am often astounded at the miracles that I witness on almost a daily basis. Acceptance and faith is the only way to live a peaceful life.
Finally, I have learned that not doing what someone else wants me to do, does not make be a bad, toxic, selfish person. “Be what you want to be, not what others want to see.” We don’t like disappointing others, but it is impossible to fulfill everyone’s needs, and it is not our responsibility to do so. Bad, toxic, selfish people are mean, cruel to others, and do and say bad things to other people. They try to get their needs fulfilled from other people, or despite of other people. Taking care of your own needs and creating your own boundaries, does not make you a bad person. See and remember the chart below and it will really help your 2024 and beyond, be fulfilling, healthy and calm:
How’s that for a Monday-Funday post??? Can you tell that this is the first “official Monday”/start of the new year for me? I suspect that my following Monday-Funday posts may be a little shorter and less thought out going forward, but we shall see . . . . I’m taking advantage of my starter gate energy. 🙂
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
One of the most arresting questions in the world is “Why?” We asked “Why?” a lot when we were little kids because we were so full of curiosity, and we earnestly and honestly were trying desperately to understand all of the new things which we were experiencing. We asked “Why?” so much that it annoyed our elders and more often than not, we would get shut down. And then we got older, and we stopped asking “Why?” all that much. We found it got easier to stay in our indoctrinated and conditioned beliefs because it created a framework for us to navigate our lives. Questioning everything, and exploring the answers that resonate, takes work. It is exhausting and sometimes even emotional and chagrining. This ignoring the “Whys?” is fine until it isn’t fine. These times that we are living in right now are tumultuous because more and more people are asking “Why?” about a lot of things, and these “Why?s” can be witnessed and communicated all over the world via computers and social media. Also, as this is happening, more and more people are keeping their feet firmly planted, in their (sometimes relatively unexamined) beliefs, mostly out of the fears of the new “Why?”s cropping up, and of the changes that could arise from these “Why?”s. Some people are deeply fearful of their loss of power.
Last weekend we went to a wonderfully creative sand art show with friends of ours. I noticed a large group of Amish people walking along the path on the beach, admiring the art, like we were doing. They were all dressed head to toe in dark clothing, so that few of their body parts were showing, on a day that was sunny and clear and close to 90 degrees out. Now to be clear, this isn’t a call-out on anyone’s faith. There are many, many paths to God (or not) and throughout all of history, the only one unifying belief that all of the different paths seem to believe is that they, themselves, have total ownership of the one “right” path. And that’s okay. In my life, what is most important is that I believe that I am on the path that is “right” for me. But the only way that I can make sure that I am on the right path for me, is to find out, and to deeply explore my own answers to “Why?” Why do I believe the things that I do? Are these truthfully my own beliefs from the deepest core of my own self, or are they just “facts” which I’ve memorized to “pass the test” and get approval? If I had gone up to the group of Amish people on the beach and asked them “Why do you dress in this regale, even on a hot beach?”, I am sure that I would get some fervent, well-examined answers from Amish people who fully believe in the modesty, and less attention to bodies, and less focus on individuality, as it relates to a deeper connection with God. But I also believe that I might get some robotic, unexamined answers that said something to the effect that is what our religion/ancestors told us to do, and I am fearful of the consequences if I get brave enough to ask “Why?” And I am more fearful that the answers won’t resonate with me, and then I will either have to do something about that fact, or I will have to live with the uneasy feeling of not being true to myself. I will have to knowingly live a lie.
Again, the most arresting question in the world is “Why?” because it is often the precursor to change, and to the opening up of realizations about ourselves, and how we have been living. It is a “wake up call” question and that’s scary for us. We don’t like to admit when we may have been wrong in our thinking, or even worse, that maybe the answers to our questions aren’t as simple as we would like them to be. Asking “Why?” makes us feel vulnerable and less sure, and that isn’t a framework that feels good in a big, wild, unpredictable world. However, at the opposite side of the scale, asking “Why?” can also deepen our connection to our beliefs, and make us fully realize why our particular beliefs are so valuable to our own thinking and the way that we go about living and creating in this world. Either way, asking “Why?” is extremely valuable to us, and how we authentically and fully live our lives, going forward.
It is my own (fully explored) belief that a lot the world’s problems could be solved with more questions. Why do I believe what I believe? (about anything – God, family, government, leaders, romantic relationships, economy, friendships, environment, laws, rules, health, etc.) Are these beliefs serving me? Are these beliefs servicing my family, and my community, and the world at large? Are these beliefs honestly part of that inner “knowingness” that when I get real, real still, seems to just naturally navigate me to what is right for me, and thus also for the connected world at large?
If you have something in your life that has been pinging you for some of your attention, give it that attention today. Give it attention by asking questions surrounding the situation. Get brutally real with yourself. It’s okay if you give yourself a little shock of awakening about some things that you may have just been going through the motions about, or trying to ignore or rationalize. Freedom is daunting, but freedom of thought is the one freedom which no one else can ever take from us, unless we hand it over to them, mindlessly, on a silver platter. Don’t ever give your freedom away.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Good morning. I hope that most of you got to enjoy another delicious hour of sleep. This morning I just read an uplifting story about a little boy who felt instantly connected to an unknown woman at a hometown stadium. He asked his parents if he could go talk to her, and they allowed him to, and the woman and the little boy sat together and laughed and talked as if they had known each other all of their lives. I had a similar experience this past week that I am still trying to wrap my head around. It was one of the most blessed experiences of my life and an answer to prayers. Look for the signs, friends. They are everywhere. Here is my poem for today:
“Adira”
Meeting you was surreal.
I recognized you the moment I walked into the room,
And you recognized me.
Although we have never met on this plane before.
Never have I felt so instantly connected and seen.
Never have I felt so united in Truth.
Never have I felt so instantly full of peace.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Miracles abound.
Your name means strong, noble and proud.
A feminine word for God.
You are your name. You exonify it.
But that is beside the point, isn’t it?
The point is, all of us are the nameless points of Light.
The nameless points of Light which forms All That Is.
All That Is Love. Love is all that is. Love is.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Meet Bert and Ernie. I just recently purchased these wonderful fellows from a seller on eBay, who lives in the same small town in Pennsylvania (population less than 4,000) where one of my grandfathers grew up. That (and also for their strange, unique, inimitable, one-of-a-kind style) was a huge part of why I chose to purchase “Bert and Ernie” (these aren’t their original names that I know of – I have chosen to give them these particular names so that I can easily refer to them, when my husband and I go plant shopping to fill them, in the near future.) Ironically, when we first moved to Florida, we lived on a street that had the same name as that very same small town, and at that bewildering time in my life, the irony and the familiarity of the street name, felt really special and comforting to me. I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe in the adage that “Coincidence is God acting anonymously.” I believe in continuous, comforting signs from parts yet unknown.
I love unusual jardinière. I believe that this love started when I was a young girl and I first read The Secret Garden. There is something mystical and magical about gardens filled with unusual plants and complementary pottery and statues. I believe that everything carries an energy, and everything shares the energy of the Creator and also of all of us, the mini-creators. I love that sensation of adding new energy into a space and seeing and feeling what that new object, or plant, or artwork brings to the overall area and vitality of that space. Of course, I am always at the real risk of clogging my energy with too much stuff. This I know. Still, Bert and Ernie are a great addition. I feel it in my bones. Our garden welcomes them.
“I can’t hear you, I have a banana in my ear!” — Ernie
“Oh, I love pigeons more than anything else in this world… besides oatmeal.” — Bert
“If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden.” ― Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden
“At first people refuse to believe that a strange new thing can be done, then they begin to hope it can be done, then they see it can be done–then it is done and all the world wonders why it was not done centuries ago.” ― Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden
****The Answer to your question: Windber, PA (for some puzzling reason people who aren’t familiar with Windber, always have a hard time spelling it . . . .it is “one of those words”)
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I read a word the other day on a sign that has become a sort of meditative mantra for me lately. The word is “Godfidence“. The word itself sounds powerful and solid and omnipotent, doesn’t it?
The hardest thing about loving your adult children is that you must love them without always loving their choices. And you have no right to circumspect their choices for them, like you could do when they were little. You just can’t pick up their arms and drag them away from trouble, like you did when they were cubs. It was so much easier to be the ferocious mama bear when all of the dangers were “out there” and the cubs quickly fell in line behind you. When your cubs are grown, what is dangerous becomes a bone of contention between you, and everyone just has to fend for their own comfort and safety. That’s when this mama bear has to remember to breathe and stay solid in her “Godfidence.”
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
“I hated what I was actually about to say, but I had to say it.
I said: “You know what, Craig? It doesn’t do what we all thought it would. It doesn’t fix anything.”
. . . . Craig stared at me; I don’t think he believed me; I still don’t think he believes me. I think you actually have to have all of your dreams come true to realize they are the wrong dreams.” _ Matthew Perry
I stayed up into the wee hours of the night reading at least half of Matthew Perry’s new memoir, which was downloaded to my Kindle last night. Despite other people underlining a lot of other statements in the book, this is what stood out to me last night. This is what I took a screenshot of to share on the blog today.
Matthew Perry is an alcoholic and an addict, and he is also an extremely talented and successful actor. The conversation above was a recollection of when Matthew was talking to his friend and fellow actor, Craig, who had actually gotten the first offer to be Chandler Bing on the TV mega-hit “Friends” and yet, had turned it down.
The book, so far (I’m about halfway through) is an interesting, and yet tragic read. This memoir seems to be Matthew’s way of trying to understand the whys/hows of his own self destruction, and yet also, to be a way to redemptively help other alcoholics and addicts, if in no other way, than to say, “I get it. I get you. This does not make sense, but I get it.”
Matthew Perry talks a lot about the needs to fill “holes.” We all have them. We’re all kind of spongy. Some of us have bigger, more gaping holes than others, but the truth is, we humans are not totally “solids”. Quantum physics tells us that we humans are just mass energy stored in the form of mass particles. We all have “holes” and lots of them. And it is human nature to try to fill those holes (especially the emotional holes) – mostly with externals.
Matthew was convinced that getting the part, getting the money, getting the amazing house with the view, getting the girl, getting the FAME (that’s what he thought he wanted the most) was going to fill those holes in him – those deep dark holes of loneliness, despair, worthlessness, emptiness, etc. And spoiler alert, none of those things made for a good, solid filler. These “dreams come true” went through Matthew’s holes like quick sand, into the ether, and Matthew Perry still felt lost and full of holes, which he instead filled and patched with a never-ending supply of drugs and alcohol.
It’s a hard lesson to learn that we must fill our holes from the well-spring that is inside of us. We’ve all been there – we’re convinced that if we just get that certain job, or that kind of fulfilling relationship, or lose just the right amount of weight, or find just the right homestead, the holes will stay forever filled. And what we learn is, these are all temporary fills, and much more temporary then we would like them to be.
I remember doing a major renovation on our home which we owned in North Carolina. We designed the renovation ourselves. It took almost a year to complete (while we were living in it, with four little kids, no less). The renovation took blood, sweat, tears, fears, excitement, and so much time, money, and energy. We gave this renovation everything we had, and it turned out beautifully. We got many, many admiring compliments. Still, not long after it was completed, I remember sitting on my front porch, feeling quizzically empty. I remember thinking that this frenetic process which had taken almost all of my mental and physical resources was now technically over, (although, let’s be honest, are house projects ever over?), and I remember thinking, “This is it? This is all?” I am not sure what I was expecting from the project. It definitely took on a life of its own, but the “finishing” of it, didn’t fill any holes. Before long, we were on to other life projects and adventures and experiences, because this is just the way of life. We will never be truly be “finished” with anything.
As I have gotten older, I have gotten better at noticing my holes, and better at noticing when I am trying to fill my own holes with “stuff ” like – shopping sprees, attention grabs, stirring up arguments, food, drink, good deeds, more “followers” to my social media, distractive shows/movies/games, adopting pets, adulation and compliments and appreciation and approval, trying to control everyone and everything, being “right” etc. etc. You can’t fixanything you don’t notice. I then notice that these external things don’t ever work for long term gratification. They never do. It’s at these moments that I know it is time for me to look inward. And that’s painful and scary because it’s like venturing into the vulnerable, gaping, dark holes, themselves. But when I notice my cavernous holes, and I decide to quietly and non-judgmentally explore them, instead of hopelessly trying to fill them, it’s amazing the serenity and the guidance and the peace that I feel. I am a believer that “Universe/God/Source” – whatever you want to call that spark which gives everything Life, is inside of all of us. It never leaves us. The light and the love is never turned off. It’s just that this glint of God is so quiet, and so unassuming, and so open to us exploring our lives with our own free wills, that it is easy to ignore and to forget that it is there for us, always. Always. Some people find their way inside of their holes to the light, and to their peace, with prayer. Some find it with meditation. Some find it with singing or being in nature. Some people find the light of peace and serenity getting lost in their favorite passion projects where time seems to stand still. The light is there. It can be found, but it takes getting really brave about noticing and then facing and owning “the holes” and the fruitless things which we do to fill our holes.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
