Tag: funny

Wednesday’s Whimsies

+ This is a limpkin. When in mating season, male limpkins scream (literally scream – people often confuse their screams of that of a hurt child) all day and all night in order to attract the lady limpkins, and to make it clear that the area that they are screaming in, is their territory. There is no mistaking that a screaming male limpkin means business. There is a local limpkin who has decided that the small lake on the other side of our backyard is his territory. Sigh.

+ I learned a great new word this week: farrago. It means “a confused mixture.” It’s like a fancier, more sophisticated way to say “hodgepodge” or “mishmash.” At times when I feel like my own life is a confused mixture (and that is more often than I like to admit), I think that I will use the term “farrago”. This word makes it sound like I still have everything under control.

+ My friends and I were at Carrabba’s last night celebrating a birthday, and Carrabba’s has a special going on that if you order a meal in-house, you can get another meal to take home for the next day, for only $10 (which is less than half their usual price for meals). So, I am really looking forward to Chicken Parm for lunch today. I don’t know how long this special lasts but you might want to check it out.

+ I am extremely disappointed with Dalai Lama, and the video circulating of him asking a young boy to “suck his tongue.” As the saying goes, “Never meet your heroes.” What I think is more important is, be careful who you make your “heroes.” Shouldn’t anyone whom we consider to be a “hero” be someone whom we know very well, and with whom we have had extensive personal experience with? Or maybe having heroes really isn’t a good idea at all. All humans are fallible. Perhaps it is best to work being your own hero.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Crazy World

Our youngest son graduated early from college in December, and he will be starting his first “real” job out of college this summer. He and one of his long time best friends are planning to be roommates downtown in our city, so they have been apartment shopping. I took them out to lunch the other day and it was amusing to hear them complain about all of the “crazy” things that you have to do in the adult world. They were making fun of so many things that just don’t make sense. I laughed and I told them, “Guys, you’ve only just begun. Get used to “crazy”. It’s everywhere. At least you are aware of all of the “crazy”, even if you have to be a part of it.”

Along these lines, on Easter, our youngest son was complaining about the fact that two times in a row, his Starbucks barista did not put any ice into a special new drink, which is supposed to be known and created and advertised for its full-out freezing iciness. I said to my son, “Well, next time you’ll have to say, ‘This drink is known for having a lot of ice in it, right?’, to you know, kind of jog his memory.”

“I shouldn’t have to do that, Mom. It’s his job to know how to make the drinks,” my son said stubbornly, as I barely stifled my guffaw. “Darling, there are a lot of things in this world which should happen or shouldn’t happen, but still don’t or do happen. Part of being an adult is learning how to navigate a system that’s all kinds of crazy without going crazy yourself.”

I’ve learned in life that smiles, kindness, friendliness, foresight, self-deprecating comments mentioning that I can sometimes have a tendency to be a PITA, or sometimes a little “high maintenance”, lowered expectations, and accepting that I will have to make many reminder calls and I will have to repeat many questions (and then self-deprecatingly admitting that reminders can be annoying), have helped make it easier for me to navigate my own little corner of cray-cray. The goal is “to be in this world, but not of it“, right? Of course, it took a little while to get my process into play, and being at peace that I even have “to do this process” (which sometimes feels fake and manipulative) is still something that I am working on, now in my ripe old fifties. It’s interesting being the observer of my children as they enter the arena of Crazy World, right out of their Starting Gates of Adulthood. Maybe they’ll turn crazy enough to change the world into the way that it should be.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

credit: @PoemHeaven Twitter

The point is, one point at a time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The other day, I was getting a replacement crown on my tooth, and so I was a captive audience for my dentist’s assistant. She is actually quite charming and entertaining, so it was like listening to a delightful podcast. Before going to school to work in dentistry, the dental assistant spent her teens and twenties in Miami, during the 1990s, working at an exclusive resort on South Beach that catered to the rich and famous. This was an era that my dental assistant claimed that South Beach was one of the most beautiful, glamorous places on Earth. She named dozens and dozens of celebrities she had met throughout the years. She said that she was petting one guest’s cute little dog, only to look up to see that the owner of the dog was Elton John. The dental assistant said that Elton John was absolutely delightful. She said that most of the celebrities she had met were kind, warm, polite and had well-behaved children. Out of her many experiences (Janet Jackson’s personal chef made delicious pies for each of the eight pregnant employees at the resort), she only had two negative experiences with arrogant, overreaching celebrity customers. I won’t relay the gossip.

When the gauze was removed from my mouth, I asked my dental assistant a question. She had dropped out of college, to support herself and her mother, during that time when she was working many long hours at the luxury resort in Miami. Her family was a working class family who had moved from the Bronx.

“B, did you find the ridiculous displays of wealth annoying? Was it hard to cater to these types of people?”

She scrunched up her face when I asked her this. I think that I disappointed her with my question.

“No! I’m not like that. Baby, we all do the best with what we were given in life. I was a cute, bilingual Latina girl and I know that is why I got the job there. It was a wonderful time of my life and I made good money. You can’t blame people for their talent or their parents’ money. You only judge people on their character.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Actually, I slept really well last night. We went to bed quite early after enjoying a full weekend of just plain, good ol’ fun. We went out of town, which helps anyone to stay in “the just fun” mode. When your house projects, and your home office, and your laundry room are not in walking distance, or staring you in the face, your only option is to relax and to enjoy. Changes of scenery are wonderful.

Yesterday morning, when we were packing to leave our hotel, a funny thing happened that nearly jump-started my heart. My husband and I were staying at an artsy, modern, boutique hotel that had minimalist decor. Our headboardless bed was sitting on a low platform, giving the whole room an Asian feel. When I was packing to leave, I did my usual “Let’s check underneath the bed to make sure that we didn’t drop anything”. I had to get way down on my haunches because the bed was low, low, low. It was then that I almost emitted out a loud, guttural scream and this was not because of the pain that I was feeling from going low, low, low. I almost screamed because I saw a limp hand lying underneath the bed. It took me a few seconds to realize that it was my own hand (I recognized the wedding rings). It turns out that the platform that the bed was sitting on was made of mirrored chrome.

If you like the picture above, check out this Russian fisherman’s Instagram below. He takes pictures of the ugliest catches he has ever brought out of the ocean. These creatures make the World’s Ugliest Dogs look like show dogs.

https://www.instagram.com/rfedortsov_official_account/

Have a great week, friends! (if you want to)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Instructions?

We got a new oven the other day. Our previous old oven was stuck on one temperature, “Lukewarm”, and we had already had it repaired once. I didn’t bother to read the instructions for the new oven, of course. I’ve never been a great one for reading instruction books. But even still, it did strike me as interesting that I really didn’t need to read the instruction book in order to understand how to use the oven, and to set the time. It was all really intuitive. I got to thinking about all of the times that we have stayed in various rentals over the years, and how it was always pretty easy to figure out how to use the various appliances in every single place. Most appliances and machines are pretty standard, even with the extra bells and whistles and the societal insistence on every one of your appliances now being able to reach you, and interact with you on your cell phone. Sigh.

I’ve always marveled at how engineers figure out how to make things work. My brain just doesn’t work that way. And I imagine, when companies are coming up with new designs for ovens and the like, they probably start out initial meetings with statements like, “Okay everyone, we have to make this really, really simple to use, you know, for those “creative” types who refuse to read instruction books.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Morris to the Extreme

credit: @woofknight (Twitter)

What I find most frustrating in today’s world is everything seems to be taken to the extremes. It seems like every example that we are shown of anyone, and of anything, is the rare, scary, worst case scenario, and this “worst case” extreme is being held up, as a typical example of the whole (“the whole” being any particular race, gender affiliation, generation, political party, job/industry, religion, area one lives in, etc.). I don’t honestly relate to the extreme members of any group, whether the group be political, social, religious, etc., even those groups that I technically “belong to” and associate with. I’ve never been “educated” by an extremist or a fundamentalist in any area, because I have already shut down in fear, and in disgust to anything that they have to say.

As seen above, if I had never experienced an ordinary house cat before, and this picture is how I first encountered a cat, I might falsely assume that all domesticated cats are warmongers. In reality, this is actually the first time that I have ever even witnessed a housecat in military regalia. (and this is likely a doctored picture. I don’t assume that “Morris” realizes that he is sitting on an army tank).

I don’t believe that any extremist and fundamentalist is representative of “the whole” of anything. I do believe that hardcore extremists and fundamentalists are more rare than we are led to believe. Yet in my experience lately, our news media, and our social media would have us believing that almost everyone is an extremist about every single one of their own individual beliefs. Can you imagine how exhausting it would be to be that extreme and unyielding about every aspect of your life?! Extremists do not represent my family, nor my friends, nor my community. Do they yours? It takes a lot of energy, (and usually angry, hate-filled, one-minded, intolerant energy) to be an extremist. I prefer being around people who move from their deepest, most soulful energy when they are going about life. These people live their beliefs. Their energy seems to manifest itself in kind, curious, intuitive, loving, open-minded, healthy, thoughtful, and considerate ways. Their energy seems to do a better job of going about their lives mindfully, and confidently “being” the way, versus trying to control and shame and “cancel” and dominate and scare and bully others, into following “a certain prescribed way.” It is much better to be an example of a life well lived, than to try to force, and to indoctrinate your beliefs and your way of life on to anyone else. What say you, Morris?

(Fun Fact: The original Morris, the cat, was a humane society rescue who starred in 58 commercials from 1969-1978, until he died at the age of 17.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Luck of the Friday to Ye

Happy Friday! Happy St. Patrick’s Day!! May today be lucky, plucky, clucky, ducky and crispy! (see Wack-a Chicken game) Obviously, I am in my typical devil-may-care Friday mood! On Fridays, I try to stay away from the serious side of life. On Fridays, I discuss my favorites of anything. Life is supposed to be lived sensually and tactically and curiously and peacefully, and then our minds start making up stories about it – stories that get us all tripped up. On to my favorite for today:

While we all love clovers on St. Patty’s Day (especially the elusive yet extremely lucky four leaf clovers), we usually do not like clovers on any other day, especially clover that shows up in huge swaths in our lawns. In wanting to be good to the Earth and also good to our three dogs, my husband no longer purchases synthetic weed killer. (which he insists doesn’t work well anymore, anyway) Instead my husband swears by this formula (which, you guessed it, is my favorite for today): 30 percent Harris Vinegar (one gallon), 1 cup coarse salt, and 1 teaspoon dish washing liquid. He mixes all three ingredients in his sprayer and makes sure that the concoction sits for 30 minutes so that it dissolves and mixes completely. Harris Vinegar is much stronger than the usual stuff that you get in grocery stores and use in salads. It’s worth every dime when used as a cleaner and as a weed assassin.

Some Irish proverbs to consider:

May you be at the gates of heaven an hour before the devil knows you’re dead!

May you have the hindsight to know where you’ve been, the foresight to know where you are going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far.

 May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past.

It is often that a person’s mouth broke his nose.

And what I wish for all of you, my beloved readers:

May your heart be light and happy, may your smile be big and wide, and may your pockets always have a coin or two inside!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday Fun-Day

Credit: @woofknight (Twitter)

It’s amazing how little heat it takes for an Easter Bunny to turn into an Easter Beast. You have been warned. May the bunny part of all of us (and not the beasts) be prevalent today.

I want to take this moment on the blog to do a shout-out to all GOOD office personnel of medical professionals. Honestly, the office staff of any medical professional is almost as important as a cure for what ails you. Our dentist’s office staff are amazing people. I would trust them to successfully organize anything, and they do it with a friendly attitude beyond compare. They make it look easy. And our dentist realizes this, too. He took them all to Italy one year.

I have left the services of good doctors because their office staff were mean and horrible. I once left a good pediatrician due to her office staff. (She lost out on the payment of bills, for four kids.)

Every job is important. Every job makes a difference. It’s usually the people-facing jobs that make the biggest difference of all. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, to all of you out there who take your jobs seriously, and who are devoted to excellence. It means more than you realize.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning. Welcome to poetry day on the blog. I saw this poem posted on a Twitter account earlier this week and I took a picture of it because I knew that I wanted to share it here, on the blog this Sunday. I love the irony and the cleverness of the poem. I hope that the daylight saving time isn’t messing with you too much today. At some time, write a poem today. You won’t regret it. (You can start at noon and save a lot of time. 😉 )

Why Did It 

by William J. Harris

Why did it

take all

day

to get nothing

accomplished

Why, I could

have started

at noon

& saved a lot

of time

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

What Should I Eat?

I’m so sick of figuring out what to eat all the time. – Erica Rhodes, comedienne (Twitter)

I was so validated when I read this tweet this morning. One of my biggest complaints over the years, being the stay-at-home parent to four kids, was figuring out every night’s dinner plans. I’m not a great cook. I don’t honestly love to cook. I find it frustrating that something that takes a lot of time and planning and expense, creates a big mess, and inevitably adds fat to my body, is also devoured in a span of a just a few minutes. I’m not denigrating those who love to cook. I admire you. I wish that I was as passionate about cooking, as I am about writing.

Now that my kids are grown and out of the house, I now realize that I still hate figuring out meals, even if it is just for myself. My husband gets tired of hearing me complain about figuring out dinner. (Breakfast and lunch long ended up in the “fend for yourself” category, even when our kids were still at home.) “I honestly don’t care!” he says with a frustrated tone. “Stop stressing about dinner! We’ll just eat whatever we feel like eating at the time.” But that’s part of the problem, too. How much time of your life do you sit in front of your open refrigerator, or your kitchen cabinet, and you think to yourself, “I’m really hungry, but nothing appeals to me. I’m starved, but I just don’t know what to eat.”? If we are honest with ourselves, true food cravings are few and far between, and they are usually related to hormones and/or emotions. True food cravings are wonderful, because they turn eating into a focused mission to be accomplished, above all other missions and chores.

Some people who read Erica Rhodes’ tweet were outraged, and called her privileged for even thinking such a thought, let alone tweeting it. (And then, at the other end of the spectrum, there was the guy in the comments, who truly does seem kind of privileged, when he mentioned his live-in chef. Sigh.) I think that it goes without saying, that of course, those of us who have plenty of food to eat, are extremely grateful for this fact. There is no need to shame anyone. Everyone understands that there are certainly many worse problems in life than figuring out what to eat. Still, it was relieving to see that a lot of other people struggle with this daily dilemma of figuring out meals. Here are some comments to Erica Rhodes’ tweet, that even if you don’t see them as viable solutions to this problem, you will probably get a good giggle from them. I know that I did. Comments to her tweet:

It’s such a bother! Makes me want the everlasting gobstopper from Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. Every day! (Matthew Kenneth Gray)

I started eating salad every day for lunch six years ago. I hate it still after all this time but there’s a peculiar freedom in knowing I’m never going to enjoy lunch again. (Justin Stenson)

Grubhub needs a “surprise me” option. (John Dawkins)

Book a gig on a cruise. (Matt D’Rion)

Did Steve Jobs eat the same thing everyday? I know he wore the same clothes not to have to think about what to wear. Thinking about it, perhaps not the best idea anyway. (baranoide)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.