Tag: families

It’s Christmastime

It’s Christmastime and it is dejavu in our household. I now remember what it is like to stress about six people living in the same house, yet going in all different directions, with all different time schedules, instead of what I am now comfortably used to – just two middle-aged people essentially on the same, relatively worry-free, easygoing schedule. One of our sons is buying his first car this week. One of our sons is taking the most important national exam of his medical school experience this week. One of our sons is currently driving down the East Coast of the United States, during holiday traffic. And I couldn’t let myself fall asleep last night until I knew that my daughter was safely home from her holiday job at the ice cream shop. And all of our kids’ significant others and close friends have been around visiting, too, and so I am vicariously letting my mommy concerns seep into all their orbits, as well.

Do I miss not having to unload the dishwasher more than twice a week? Yes. Do I miss going to bed not expecting to be woken up by dogs barking at people coming into the house at all hours of the night? Yes. Do I miss having rooms in our house where there are not random piles of other people’s stuff laying all around? Yes. Do I miss just cooking for two instead of trying to guess the actual number of people who could be sitting at the dinner table at night, and then trying to estimate how much to cook to satiate young twenty-something men’s appetites? Yes. But most importantly, am I utterly grateful and savoring every single minute of having our whole family home and together for the holidays? Yes. Yes! YES!!!! (written with a big smile on my face)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

True Leaders

When you have a family, “Our Family” becomes the entity that is the most important thing in your life. The individual players are, of course, of high importance, but ultimately, as the leaders of “Our Family” you make decisions that are ultimately best for the entire entity. All of your major decisions – where you live, what you spend your money on, what you eat, where the kids go to school, how much time and energy you spend at work, etc. are all predicated with the overall idea of, “Is this what is best for “Our Family?” Almost every member of “Our Family” makes sacrifices for the greater good of “Our Family”, especially the leaders of “Our Family” (particularly if they are good, conscientious, caring leaders, with a vision of hoping to achieve the highest state which “Our Family” could reach). As the leaders of “Our Family” you are completely devoted to this entity outside of yourself. It gives you more purpose, meaning, pride, humility, a sense of duty, and satisfaction to see “Our Family” thrive, more than anything else does, in your life.

I wish that I felt that the majority of our country’s leaders, saw our country, as my husband and I see “Our Family.” I wish that our leaders saw “Our Country” as something far more important than themselves, and their own individual gains of power, wealth, control and security. I think that the people who started “Our Country” were those kinds of leaders. History tells us that many of our forefathers were reluctant leaders. They understood the kinds of individual sacrifices it would take, to keep moving forward towards the sacred vision of the highest form they visualized for “Our Country.” But they knew that the future of “Our Country” was greater than their individual desires. They felt a sense of purpose, meaning, pride, humility, duty and satisfaction to create a country the likes the world had never seen before. And so they put their energy, their talents, their faith, their vision, not into themselves, but mostly into “Our Country.” I’m not saying that they were perfect leaders. There is no such thing. Obviously, history tells us that “Our Country” has made some awful, dire mistakes. This is the way of anyone’s individual families, neighborhoods, teams, organizations and countries. Still, these entities which have strong, self-sacrificing leaders, are the institutions that stand the test of time. When a family, neighborhood, company, team, organization, country is lead by someone who cares about the well-being of “Our Family”, “Our Company”, “Our Team”, “Our Country” to the point that they would give their entire selves, possibly even their very own lives, in order to see “Our” thrive to heights never achieved before, there is almost nothing that can stop the forward, upward motion of that entity.

Where are our true leaders? Who is stepping up, not for the sake of themselves, but for the sake of “Our Country”? Let’s find these true leaders. Let’s put them into power. Let’s move forward and upward for the sake of “Our Beloved Country.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Just Sat Me Down

Me, earlier this week, texting my friends, chirping away about all the worries we carry around with us, with our kids, even as they are mostly grown:

“I wish someone had sat me down and really spelled it out to me that this mom/worry thing is a lifetime appointment.“

Twenty-seven years ago, when I was deep in slumber:

Guardian Angel – Hi dear, I hear you bringing up the whole “starting up a family thing” a lot with your husband lately.

Me – Yep, I’m ready. If not now, then when? It’s baby time!

Guardian Angel – Okay, I’m sitting you down right now (even though you are sleeping) and I am making this really, really clear: A baby is a lifetime appointment.

Me – You mean like being a Supreme Court Justice?

Guardian Angel – No, because even Supreme Court Justices can retire. You will never ever, ever, ever, retire from being a mom, and thus, you will always be, at the very least, a slightly worried person, at all times.

Me – That’s fine! I’ve got this. I want a BIG family.

Guardian Angel – BIG families are full of BIG joy. But they are also full of BIG responsibilities and BIG worries. The worry part will be with you from the moment you put your precious little bundle into the car seat to go home from the hospital until the very moment it is time for you to leave this Earthly plane. It will never fully go away. Try to live in Faith, dear, but also understand that with just one baby “Worry” becomes your middle name for the rest of your life. It just comes with the package of being a mother of other human beings on this Earth. Am I making myself perfectly clear? Look at your mother, look at your mother’s mother, your father’s mother, your friends’ mothers, that woman at the grocery store with all of those kids hanging off of the cart? What do you see? Worriers! Frazzled worriers!!

Me – I got it. I got it. Okay! Don’t worry, GA. I’ll be a warrior, not a worrier. Isn’t that how the saying goes? I’ve got this. I’m easy going. Plus, I know you’ll be with me through the whole gig.

Guardian Angel – Okay, if I help you, with getting a little soul in place for you to mother, I’m going to need you to sign right here, stating that you fully understand that with each child, you will feel an incredible love like you have never felt, and it will be eternal, but the price of that love will be a little dollop of worry that will be on perma-drip in your brain for the rest of your life. Sign under the part that says, “I, in good sound mind and body, fully understand that the minute I become a mother, I will be worried for the rest of my life, to my last dying breath. I cannot have a child and not be worried. It’s a package deal. Sign here.”

Me, signs quickly, with perhaps not the amount of reflection that would have been prudent, but hey, I was young and my hormones were raging and my maternal urges were on fire. And each of the four times that I signed on that dotted line, were (besides marrying my husband) the best decisions that I have ever made in my entire life. (even with the constant flow of worry perma-dripping in the canals of my mind, even as I write this silly post.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

One of Those Random Thought Days

+ I once fell in love with a slouchy, soft, voluminous leather handbag and I promptly bought three more of them (in slightly different colors and variations) to have waiting in the wings. At that time, I told myself I have reached the age when I know what I like, and there is nothing better than a large, butter soft handbag, especially with all of the stuff that I (and my family) tend to jam into my purses. Then, one day, I saw a super stiff, shiny, molded handbag, but it was in the perfect, jaw dropping shade of aqua blue, with red accents. And aqua blue is my second favorite color, right below red. (True Confession: I once purchased a bottle of perfume that I didn’t really even enjoy the scent, because it had an aqua blue bottle with a red lid on it.) I couldn’t resist this purse. Now the truth is, I hate putting my hand in the back pocket of this stiff, inflexible bag, to retrieve my lipstick, because the bag is so hard that my hand tends to get a little cut up from the zipper as I try to carefully and slowly and strategically slide my hand into the pocket, but still . . . . the color. I honestly get more compliments on this purse than any purse I have ever carried. And it turns out that it is easier to find my stuff in a rigid, ungiving purse. My soft purses are almost like infinite, dark, dank caves, where you dip your hand in and you just never know what you might pull out of it. These slouchy bags are almost like snake charmers’ bags. So what’s the point of my story? I don’t know. Variety is the spice of life? Everything has its merits and its flaws? There’s good in being in soft, and there’s good in being firm? Maybe I should try to find a soft leather bag in aqua blue, or just stop wearing lipstick? Maybe this is an example of the ridiculous amount of time I spend over-thinking about things, that in the scheme of things, really do not matter? Who cares, right? You are probably thinking, “Wow, I just wasted a few minutes of my precious time, reading your nonsense about nonsense, Kelly. Do better.”

+ I was spending an infinite amount of time standing in a post office line the other day, so I got to talking to the woman in front of me, in line. She appeared to be around my age and it turns out that her two kids were around some of my kids’ ages (early to mid twenties). She was saying to me, that she was concerned with this pandemic happening that her kids have become too reclusive and too sensitive to noise and to boisterous activity. Having worked from home for this long, her kids can’t stand crowds and commotions. She had taken them to a chic, popular, food market type eatery for dinner the other night and they couldn’t take it. Her kids suggested leaving the hotspot immediately, and getting take-out from Chick-fil-a instead. I said, “Well, at least you got off cheap,” but inside I was starting to wonder if my family was having the same distress and discomfort with noise and action. But my concerns were easily put to rest last night, when all six of us, surrounded by our three boisterous dogs were playing a competitive game of Farkle around our dinner table, and at that moment, I wondered if we were going to break the sound barrier. I wondered if our windows were going to start cracking. I wondered if our neighbors were going to call the police with a noise complaint. And at that moment, I realized that for all of the things that I worry about in regards to my family, worrying about any of them, not being able to handle loud noise and melee can easily be crossed off the trouble doll list. Half the time my family is the noise and the melee. We are usually the ones causing visceral pain to everyone else. And right about now you are probably thinking, “Ugh, is this story your idea of “doing better”, Kelly??? Get out of your head. Go walk your dogs.”

+ “I don’t know why, but all the strangers I met today were extra nice and that can make a day so much brighter.” _ Erica Rhodes, Twitter

I read this Tweet this morning and I thought, “That’s how it seems to go in life. People, on any particular day, are either especially nice or on other days, all people seem to be especially grumpy.” There never seems to be much of an in-between. And then I thought about how many times I have heard the proverb about “seeing people not as they are, but as you are. . . ” and I thought, “Wow, I must have some heavy pendulum, menopausal mood swings.”

You: “Enough. Shut down your thought train, Kelly. Shut down your computer. Go take your hormones.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.