Tag: empty nest

Make Your Bed, Friday

Happy Friday!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!!! Josie, our collie, “helps” me to make our bed every morning. She has this innate sense when I am doing it (there’s no set time – I’m all over the map in the mornings) and she considers it her sacred duty to rush into our room in order to help me to complete this task. It is a big bonding time for us (without her male counterparts). I don’t know what I would ever do without her help (and this has nothing to do with making the bed). Dogs will always be one of my ALL TIME FAVORITES.

My favorite item for this particular Friday is the Bamboo Trading Company beaded club bags. These lovely pieces of art are reasonably priced, they come in an enormous variety of styles and themes, and they are the perfect sized, crossbody bags to carry your phone, keys and wallet for a day of walking around town, without breaking your back. For the attention to detail, and the massive variety available, these bags are reasonably priced and addicting to collect. And you feel good about purchasing these items because this is the Bamboo Trading Company’s mission: “We work with communities around the world to lift families out of poverty. In the process we create on-trend, affordable fashion that is collectible, fun, and inspiring.”

You can buy your own Bamboo Trading Company beaded bag (or 12) at their website, on Amazon, and you can find them at many smaller gift shops around the States.

Club Bag Collection

Have a wonderful weekend, my loyal friends and devoted readers! See you tomorrow!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Splatter

Yesterday, was my “get splattered” day. It started out with our refrigerator breaking and ended up with me supporting and soothing some big highs and lows from some of the people whom I love the most in my life. I call it the “get splattered” day because I also literally did get splattered in my art class.

One of the fellow students, who is particularly creative and enthusiastic decided that her artwork needed some “splattering” and so she loaded up her paintbrush with dark green ink and then she swung the brush back, thus inadvertently splattering my artwork as well as hers. Honestly, I wasn’t upset about this. She was apologetic and it helped that I wasn’t particularly excited about this particular painting which I was working on. (On an aside, it is so fascinating to me to notice that all of us students are handed the exact same picture of a fall tree as our template, and to see the many, many different interpretations of the same picture come from this one prompt. All of the interpretative paintings of the same fall tree were lovely in their own ways, and yet so unique and distinct from one another. Without looking at the duplicated template which all of us students used as our “model”, I doubt that you would believe that we all had the exact same original to “copy.” If you don’t believe in incredibly distinctive, individual perspectives and interpretations and nuances on anything and everything, take a painting class sometime. It is truly eye-opening, mind-opening and a big jolt to your own creativity.) But back to the “splattering” event – as I noted, my fellow student was immediately apologetic, and we actually got a big laugh out of the whole ordeal. I told her that my artwork had now become our “collab.” It made me remember a time when I was a kid and I accidentally dropped a snow cone on a poster that my babysitter was just finishing up for one of her school’s clubs. I distinctly remember that my babysitter didn’t see that particular incident as a fun, accidental collaboration. I remember keeping out of my babysitter’s hair for the rest of that day. The event clearly made a mark on me. I am still writing about it here today, in my fifties.

The real reason why I am spending so much time discussing “the splattering” event is that it makes an excellent analogy about how all of us inadvertently get splattered, all day long. We get splattered with news, and texts, and phone calls, and weather, and social media, and all of the various energy of all of the people whom we encounter all day long. Sometimes this splattering adds to our being, and it becomes a fun collaboration and growth moment for us, and other times this splattering just becomes muddling, messy and more of a destructive, icy snow cone spill, that just brings us down. Sometimes we have to become more protective of what we are allowing ourselves to be splattered with. Sometimes we need to sit with ourselves in our own private “studios” and clean some of the splattering off of ourselves, in order to get back to our own clean, clear slates.

I’m a spongy person. And I don’t say that proudly. It is something that I try to work on about myself, a lot. When I say that I am spongy, I mean that I tend to strongly sense and feel the moods and tones and the energy of the people around me, and the places that I am in, and then I have a tendency to soak it all in, and then I easily get overloaded. (I think this is a big reason why I love solitude and quiet places.) At the point when I feel overwhelmed, I get hypervigilant about “emotional monitoring” which isn’t a good thing. It drives other people crazy (because often my interpretations of why the energy is “off” can be wrong, and more importantly, it isn’t my job to fix or change anyone else’s moods for my own emotional comfort. When I emotionally monitor others, they can feel frustrated and smothered, and it actually blocks true intimacy between us because they start not wanting to trigger my anxiety with their problems.) When I get spongy, it depletes my own unprotected energy and I have little to give back to myself and to others. As I have said many times on the blog, you do not have to take on other people’s emotions in order to be empathetic. You can shield yourself from their splatter, but still admire their painting, and the subtle, interesting effects that the splatter has on the life of their evolving painting. If people ask for your input on their “splatter”, you can kindly give it to them, without soaking in their splatter, on to your own masterpiece. Your life’s painting is truly and uniquely your own to create and to evolve. Just as you honor your fellow creators’ right to their splatter choices, you get to decide how much splatter the masterpiece of your own life needs, and you alone get to decide what to create from that splatter.

******And here’s a fun, easy trick to dance off negative “splatter”. Just sing this song at the top of your lungs. The “splatter” just evaporates. Truly. Try it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Ma’am, is Your Refrigerator Running?

There is nothing quite like waking up to a broken refrigerator. There is something special about buying from the local guys, though. Our local appliance shop were the only sellers who can get us a new one delivered tomorrow. I like to “Buy Local” when I can. We will truly miss our brick and mortars when they are no longer an option.

Interestingly, while picking out our new fridge, my husband and I both agreed, the simpler the better. The less doo-dads and the less gizmos the better. Our kids all wanted to know if we planned on getting the tricked out-model with a TV on the door, and with the ability to text with it throughout the day. No thank you. If the 1970s model came in a stainless steel instead of avocado paint coating, that is the one that I would purchase. Truly.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Country Road

“Without pattern and a mix of colors, this collection represents unpredictability. It represents the importance of differences. It represents hope. Our story is unwritten, but anything is possible with HOPE.” – enewton

Interestingly, on our latest trip last month, I purchased a lovely thin, purple beaded choker from the enewton jewelry collection. I put it on today, but I wanted to look up more about it, and see some of their other offerings, so I went to the enewton website just now. It turns out I had purchased a necklace from their HOPE Unwritten collection. See their explanation and inspiration for their HOPE Unwritten collection above. It is not lost on me that the quote which I had already chosen to springboard today’s writing (before looking up anything about my necklace) is printed on a lovely purple format. (This is what I mean when I tell you to look for the signs. Believe in them. Spirit communicates in many different languages, and in many different forms.)

The world needs hope in a big way, doesn’t it? And Lin Yutang has it right. We individually are not going to change the world, in an instant, but we can put our own footprints on to the path to healing and of hope. We can help to pave the way to a better way of living for everyone.

There is a lovely little chapel near to where I live, which sits on Hope Street (literally). A local woman had the chapel built as a shrine to Saint Michael, after her son miraculously survived an illness, which had put him into a coma. I’ve gone there a few times. It’s such a peaceful little spot and it never fails, every time that I’ve gone there I’ve seen license plates from all over the country in the tiny parking lot which sits next to the tiny, humble, but lovely chapel. This shrine has become a place of hope and peace and comfort for locals, as well as for travelers from near and far, for over eighty years.

We cannot solve the problems of the world in an instant. But we can create beautiful, new untravelled paths to love and to peace. We can be little shrines of hope to those around us, by being kind, and by being compassionate, and by believing that there are peaceful solutions to our world problems if we are willing to surrender our limited mindsets which say to us that we already know everything, or that things are futile because humanity is hopeless. This is just not the truth.

Today, even if it is just for the benefit of yourself, take steps towards hope. Pave your way to creating your own proverbial Hope Street, and stop by a little chapel in your own heart, and sink into that deep down knowing sense that everything is going to be alright. When you uplift yourself, you help to uplift our world. When you uplift yourself, you put your own footsteps on the road to Hope which we are all trying to pave together. Hope is your sacred duty. Hope is my sacred duty. Hope will lead the way.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Here’s a good reminder from Dwayne Johnson (“The Rock”) to start the week out:

“When you focus on you, you grow. When you focus on sh*t, sh*t grows.”

Let that sh*t go! I was at a little arts and crafts festival over the weekend, and I purchased this little rock from one of the vendors:

I thought that it was a rock crystal carved into the shape of a little cone-shaped shell. I told the woman selling it that I didn’t know why, but this little piece seemed to be calling to me (in retrospect, I am sure that she got a giggle out of my statement). Upon closer inspection when I got home, I saw this:

My “shell” has a face. I didn’t buy a shell. I purchased a rock crystal poop emoji. I still love it though. I think that I am going to use this little guy as a visual reminder to “Let that sh*t go!!” Rocks know what they are talking about. They’ve been around a long time.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning. I hope that most of you got to enjoy another delicious hour of sleep. This morning I just read an uplifting story about a little boy who felt instantly connected to an unknown woman at a hometown stadium. He asked his parents if he could go talk to her, and they allowed him to, and the woman and the little boy sat together and laughed and talked as if they had known each other all of their lives. I had a similar experience this past week that I am still trying to wrap my head around. It was one of the most blessed experiences of my life and an answer to prayers. Look for the signs, friends. They are everywhere. Here is my poem for today:

“Adira”

Meeting you was surreal.

I recognized you the moment I walked into the room,

And you recognized me.

Although we have never met on this plane before.

Never have I felt so instantly connected and seen.

Never have I felt so united in Truth.

Never have I felt so instantly full of peace.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Miracles abound.

Your name means strong, noble and proud.

A feminine word for God.

You are your name. You exonify it.

But that is beside the point, isn’t it?

The point is, all of us are the nameless points of Light.

The nameless points of Light which forms All That Is.

All That Is Love. Love is all that is. Love is.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Boys to Men

In the interest of time this morning, I am going to re-publish another one of my answers to a question on Quora, that seems to have resonated with people:

The question: Women who have had a son, has having a son changed the way you view men and boys? If so, in what ways?

“I am a mother of four children, three of them are young men. I was not raised with brothers. I have one younger sister. In short, in my younger years, men were more of a mystery to me. Then, my three sons came along.

I have found, by raising sons, that I am much more empathetic and sympathetic towards men than I have ever been before. I KNOW that men are much more vulnerable, and caring, than they ever want to pretend to be. I have stopped seeing men as so “simple.” I used to think that we women were so complicated and men were more basic in their needs and wants, but now I see how much more alike all of us really are, in just our genuine humanity.

I’ve always liked men. I have experienced mostly good men in my lifetime. My sons have deepened my affection and my understanding of men. Through me and their sister, I want my sons to experience the best side of women. I know that their experiences with me, will have a big influence on how they “see” women as a whole. I want my sons to respect women, care about women and see us as equals, so I am conscious of that when I interact with them. I also want them to have enough self-respect, to choose kind, considerate, loving women as their partners and friends.

In the end, I have tried to raise all of my children, my sons and my daughter, with self-assurance, self-respect and kindness and consideration for all other living beings. My sons are a little bigger, a little “smellier”, a little louder, and they eat a little bit more than their sister does, but underneath it all, they are four beautiful souls, trying to make their way in an expansive, wondrous, sometimes confusing and scary, but always interesting world. And they are forging their way through this, all in their own unique ways, no matter what their sexual make-up. Of course, it goes without saying each one of them is carrying an equal quarter of my heart with them, on their journeys.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Friday’s Journey

Okay, this is the part where you, my dear darling readers go, “Oh crap, she’s going to get serious on a Friday post. That’s not why I came here today.” But this is important for me to say. (sorry, not sorry) This morning I woke up to the sound of texts going off. One of my friends from college let us know that the husband of one of our sorority sisters had died by suicide a few days ago. He was a well-loved, successful doctor and a dedicated family man. They were known to post many of their family thrills and adventures on Facebook. Unfortunately suicide is more common than I ever wanted to believe. In the last few years, our own family has experienced suicide with two of our extended family members. This breaks my heart to hear of yet another tragic suicide.

Do you know why I write Friday posts? I write them because they are reminders that we don’t always have to stay in the mindspace of sad and serious and overwhelment and stress all of the time. We are allowed to, and we need to feel joy in all of the little “frivolous” things that bring smiles to our faces and to our hearts. Honestly the constant flow of the small joys is what is often more fulfilling and nourishing and sustaining for us, than the every once in a while, “Great Big Exciting Thing.” It is important for us to seek out and to savor the things which give us a sense of joy, and comfort, and interest, and amazement on a daily basis.

For a time, particularly during the shutdown of the pandemic, I answered a lot of questions on Quora. A while back, one person asked me to answer this question: What makes the journey worthwhile? and I got notice this morning that someone had “upvoted” my answer today. I don’t believe in coincidences. Here is my answer.

What makes the journey worthwhile?

“What activity/talent/passion do you do, that makes time stop for you? What activity gets you so engrossed in it, that you almost have an out of body experience while doing it?

These activities make the journey worthwhile.

What experiences have you had in nature that have literally taken your breath way? What things have seen in the natural world that had you so awe-struck that you had to ask yourself, if what you were witnessing, could possibly be real?

These experiences in nature make the journey worthwhile.

Who do you love so much, that when you look into their eyes you see both a mirror of yourself and the light of their own soul, all merged together, in such a way that this intimate connection sometimes actually brings you to tears?

These intimate connections with people/pets who you love, make the journey worthwhile.

What creations have you witnessed in art form, in architectural form, in musical form, in physical form, in written form, in acting form, that are so impossibly amazing and beautiful that it makes you proud to be part of the human race, who created them?

These creations make the journey worthwhile.

What little parts of your morning or daily routines, have you excitedly waking up, looking forward to doing, for the comfort and the structure and the security that they bring to your everyday existence?

These little comforts make the journey worthwhile.

What adversities have you triumphed over, that have added a level of strength and resilience and acceptance to your character that you never thought was possible?

These adversities make the journey worthwhile.

What food have you tasted, scent have you smelled, sound that you have heard, material have you felt, visions have you seen, and intuitions have you felt, can you still conjure up in your mind, because that particular experience was truly that overwhelmingly magnificent?

Your senses and the sensual experiences of life, make the journey worthwhile.

I think honestly, the original question is rather pointless. My question for you is this:

What DOESN’T make the journey worthwhile?”

And, friends, because I don’t like to disappoint you, my favorite for today is Happiness in a bottle, literally. This is an essential oil in a tiny little bottle made by a company called Earth Luxe. Supposedly the oil is an infusion of mandarin orange, vanilla and ginger. I’ve already sprayed so much Happiness in my writing nook that I have gone through two bottles of Happiness. Don’t we all deserve Happiness??

Have a great weekend. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Harvesting

This is a really interesting, reflective time of the year. Yesterday was Halloween that has its roots in an ancient Celtic celebration called Samhain (a Gaelic word which is surprisingly pronounced “Sow-win”) which honored the harvests of the year, and was believed to be a time of a thin veil between the living and the dead. Today starts the Mexican tradition of “Day of the Dead” which is a joyous celebration of fondly remembering our ancestors. So, at this transitional time of year when our plants are shedding leaves and the blooms and harvests of the year are already stored and the plants are dying off and preparing to go into the deep, dark sleep of winter, it brings key questions to mind that can help us to live our lives more intentionally. Here are some of the questions that I am pondering for myself at this time of year. Please add any of your own questions and ponderings that could be insightful and helpful to all of us, in my Comments section.

What are the blessings and the traditions that my ancestors started that are important for me to honor and to carry on, and to instill into my own life and into the life of my family?

What are the “curses” and false beliefs of my ancestry that I need to be strong enough to change and to discontinue and to discourage in my own habits and in the lessons which I give/show/impart to my family as their matriarch?

What did I harvest this year, and what fruits did this harvest bear? Do I want to plant the seeds for the same kind of “harvest” next year, or are there some regular, well worn “crops” that have bore their fruit/lessons and now need to be retired? What are some new seeds that I can plant to bear growth in my life in new ways? How can I keep the soil of my life, fertile and alive?

Do I feel and show my most sincere gratefulness for the harvests of my life to my God/Universe/Lifeforce and to my ancestors who paved the way before me? Do I respectfully seek daily guidance from God/Universe/Lifeforce and from my ancestors and my guides?

Are the crops that I am growing and reaping every year sustainable? Are they harmless, or are they harmful to me and/or to others? Am I generous with what I have reaped?

In recovery circles, or for people dealing with difficult behaviors that they want to change such as eating disorders, or gambling addictions, being intentional and focusing on the future consequences of our actions is a huge part of overcoming problems. Addicts are told to “Think the drink/drug/bet/compulsion/impulse to the end.” Meaning, before you do what you desperately are wanting to do in the moment (or perhaps even avoiding doing a “good thing”), honestly consider the consequences of what may happen/what is likely to happen/best and worst case scenarios, etc. and ask yourself if you can live with these consequences. What feels good for a brief moment, could easily end up being life destroying in the end. In short, are your actions taking you towards your goals, or are they taking you away on dangerous, wayward paths?

Taking the time to ponder what went right this year, what went wrong this year, what could have been better this year, and to honestly consider and to own what part we, as individuals, played in any of these events and what came out of these events, is living intentionally. Considering the overall ramifications of things that we choose to do or to say before we do them, is living intentionally. Living intentionally makes us powerful farmers of our own harvests. Before the crazy hubbub of the holidays starts to really kick in, give yourself an early holiday gift. Give yourself the gift of reflective intentionality. Write your intentions down so that you can refer to them, when you get busy planting your seeds in the new year. Make sure that you are growing in the direction of your own choosing. Wrap what you thoughtfully considered and desire in the new year, and tie it up in a proverbial bow. Know that this is the best, most thoughtful and useful and probably priceless gift that you will receive all holiday season. You deserve this gift from yourself. You will use it daily, and all year long. And next year at this time, you will have a beautiful harvest to show for it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.