Tag: empty nest

Your Masterpiece

I got back to art class yesterday, after a few weeks off for Christmas break. It was great to be back. I painted the little guy above as sort of a “warm up”. I thought that I would share him with you. He makes me smile.

The best part of getting older is coming to the proven realization that the end product of anything truly doesn’t matter. The real joy always comes in the doing, in the process, in the flow. Yes, a successfully grown family, business, career, marriage, homestead, project, craft etc. can give you a sense of satisfaction and pride and maybe even some accolades, but those feelings are such a small blip of feelings versus the myriad of feelings and experiences that go into the process of forming and building and creating and experiencing all of the works of your life. There’s peace in this realization. Your life is your main product. And it doesn’t end, until you end. And none of us really know what “when you end” means, if we are honest with ourselves. We all have beliefs and hopes, but none of us truly know the mysteries of what happens to us after we die. So, in the meantime, we are living our ongoing creative product – our lives. And this product is a collaboration with the entire world around us. Our main creative product, our individual life, has the support of the whole entire world which only benefits when our creative product brings more individuality and beauty and imagination and our own uniqueness that is unrepeatable, to the whole of it.

I’m a middle-age, empty nester who is attending art class for the fun of it. I’m not graded. My output doesn’t matter. It’s even okay if I don’t particularly enjoy my art class on any given day. If I spill some paint, so what? If I never frame my art, who cares? The joy is in the doing. The joy is in the exploring. The joy is in the accepting. The joy is in the gratefulness for the experience – every bit of it.

Your life is your only creative product. Everything else that you do is part of that product. Be joyful in “doing” your life. Explore. Accept the messiness and the so-called flaws of it all. Mostly, be grateful for having the experience of being able to create your one and only masterpiece, and also be utterly grateful for all of the wonderful beings who are co-creating with you. If our world isn’t a creative masterpiece of miracles, than what is?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

583. Do you prefer blue or black inked pens?

Storms Pass

Yesterday we had a line of extreme storms roll through our area. We got continual warnings and alerts, via news sources, social media, texts, calls and emails. There were school and business closings, and my wind chimes got chimier and chimier as the day went on. Living in Florida, storm alerts are nothing new. I used the day to stay inside, in order to get caught up on laundry, bills and to put away the last of our Christmas decorations. For about 15 minutes in the late afternoon, the sky was black, the wind was howling, and the rain was torrential. And then as quickly as it came, the storm was past us. We even took the dogs for their nightly walk about an hour or so later, and it was lovely outside. The air was still, and everything around us glistened with cleansing rain. It smelled so nice and clean and fresh. This morning the sun is shining. It is a beautiful day.

That’s how it goes with life, right? I often tell my kids and my friends and myself, “Remember, the clouds always, always pass. Your life is the steadiness of the blue sky that is always there behind it all. The clouds ALWAYS pass.” And honestly, we typically spend a lot more time preparing for storms, and worrying about storms, and anticipating storms, than the length of time, any storm ever lasts. And usually once a storm in life is over, things look brighter and clearer than ever. Most storms are extremely cleansing. This bright clarity after the storm, is the gift that storms leave behind, almost as an apology for the fear, and the destruction, and the chaos that they brought into our lives for a short period of time. There are good reasons for storms if you look for them. There are blessings for storms if you look for them. And if nothing else, remember, storms and clouds ALWAYS pass.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1811. What aroma or smell makes you feel alive?

Tuesday’s Tidbits

+

(although I actually do have the best dogs – wink, wink)

+ We were watching the college football championship last night and one of the quarterbacks says that in order to create new neural pathways in his brain, he brushes his teeth with his left hand, even though he is right-handed. I tried this last night and this morning. It is surprisingly easy to brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand. I figure that even if I don’t get new neural pathways out of this deal, it is probably helping all of my teeth get a fair and even cleaning.

+ “Let’s start this year with a game I like to call fast-forward.
Go with me to December 31, 2024.
358 days from now.
What ONE thing could you accomplish by that day that would have the most profound impact on your life?” – Jill Donovan

This is how a blog post starts that I read yesterday, by Jill Donovan. She then goes on to talk about how when Michelangelo carved the David, he said that when he looked at the stone, he just chiseled away everything that wasn’t “the David.” She says that we should do the same thing this year with how we answered the question above. Carve time wasters out of our lives that aren’t part of our major goals and focuses. She believes that we should keep our keen focus on our own individual “Davids.” I think that having one major goal that is truly life-changing is interesting and invigorating and ideally, should be our priority, but life is multi-faceted. When deciding what I wanted for 2024, I broke out my desires into eight categories suggested by a New Years Resolution article that I had read:

  1. health
  2. finances
  3. personal development
  4. career
  5. relationships
  6. self-care
  7. home life
  8. free time

Wouldn’t it be interesting to pick a “David” to complete for each of these categories in 2024 by answering Jill Donovan’s question above? After doing this exercise, put a giant star by the one David that really and truly is the major focus and desire and plan to accomplish by the end of this year. Usually I tuck my desires for the new year into an envelope and I put it in a cabinet only to look at it on New Year’s Eve to see how I did. But this year, I plan to keep my “David list” handy, so that when I find myself a little bit bored, or distracted, or off-track, I can come back to my simple David list, in order to remember not to spend too much time in the rubble, but to put my focus back on working on the major masterpiece(s) of my year.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2948. Do you eat leftovers? (I picked an easy question today because we have a lot of “sculpting the David” homework to work on. We do eat leftovers in this house. My husband is still kindly and appreciatively working through the pork and sauerkraut that I made for New Year’s Day.)

Monday – Funday

credit: @woofknight, X

Yesterday, we took our dogs on their daily walk. Dogs are the perfect example of how “energy” is truly catching. We have three dogs. When one of them gets riled up, all three of them get churned up, almost immediately. A neighbor’s dog lives behind a fence by the sidewalk of our daily walk. Every time we walk by his fence, the neighbor’s dog goes nuts at the fence, and our dogs go from chill and calm to equally nuts as he is, in seconds flat. Ralphie, our Labrador retriever loves to swim in our pool. He is obsessed with swimming. He almost becomes OCD about running around the pool and jumping into the pool, again and again and again. This puts the herding (and thus barking and nipping) instinct of our collie, Josie, on full/high alert, which trips Trip (the Boykin spaniel) into his own special blend of spazzy bossiness. It doesn’t make for a pleasant, peaceful pool experience, at all. We have learned that if we keep Ralphie inside when we want calm around the pool, the other two dogs’ energy stays even keel and chill. Our dogs are a perfect example of how energy/moods/countenance is catching. The next time you feel yourself in an extreme “state of being”, take a pause, and see what is causing your mood. Is it your own thoughts and experiences, or have you “caught” someone else’s mood around you? Do not take what is not yours.

In considering the above, I got to thinking about lessons which really sunk in for me from 2023 that I want to bring into 2024. A lot of times we only talk about things we want to get rid of in the new year (excess weight, excess stuff, etc.) but there were some valuable lessons that really hit home for me last year, that I hope to keep utilizing for the rest of my life going forward. Along with being sure that I am not taking on negative energy that is not mine (explained above), there were other key lessons that I used throughout the year, like mantras, that helped to keep me on track. One was: “Worry does not equal love.” I am not doing anything of value for you, or for me, if I worry about you. I am showing lack of confidence in myself, and/or in you and others, and/or in God/Universe, if I am worried. Worry truly is worthless. I think for a long time in my life, I believed that worry showed that I care, but seeing it stated this way: “Worry does not equal love”, woke me up. I am loving you when I feel confident in your abilities and in Life’s lovingness to take care of you, not matter what you face. Care is offering support and confidence, not worry.

Another lesson that hit home for me was using the mantra, “Let Life love you.” When I fully relax and trust in God/Universe, instead of trying to micromanage and control every situation of my life, it is amazing how everything comes together in the most perfect of ways. When I get out of my own way, and I use the mantra “I Let Life Love Me”, I am often astounded at the miracles that I witness on almost a daily basis. Acceptance and faith is the only way to live a peaceful life.

Finally, I have learned that not doing what someone else wants me to do, does not make be a bad, toxic, selfish person. “Be what you want to be, not what others want to see.” We don’t like disappointing others, but it is impossible to fulfill everyone’s needs, and it is not our responsibility to do so. Bad, toxic, selfish people are mean, cruel to others, and do and say bad things to other people. They try to get their needs fulfilled from other people, or despite of other people. Taking care of your own needs and creating your own boundaries, does not make you a bad person. See and remember the chart below and it will really help your 2024 and beyond, be fulfilling, healthy and calm:

How’s that for a Monday-Funday post??? Can you tell that this is the first “official Monday”/start of the new year for me? I suspect that my following Monday-Funday posts may be a little shorter and less thought out going forward, but we shall see . . . . I’m taking advantage of my starter gate energy. 🙂

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2049. How good are you at giving directions?

Soul Sunday

“Poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality, but an escape from personality. But, of course, only those who have personality and emotions know what it means to want to escape from these things.” – T. S. Eliot

Welcome to poetry day on the blog. I believe that my readers here probably have bold, intriguing personalities and strong emotions. This is wonderful for living and being the fullness of life, but it is also a lot to encapsulate. Escape from yourself a little bit today, dear readers. Write a poem. Here is my poem for today:


I absorbed it all in this season,

The love, the laughter, the familiar sounds,

Of our family’s giddy banter.

I soaked it all in until I was satiated,

And sopping, and barely able to take in much more.

And now that you have all scattered back to your places,

I realize that I absorbed a new molecule of fond memories,

Into every one of my cells.

This is how an infinite love grows.

It just continually expands itself,

Into every direction that life takes you, my loves.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1641. What is your most used phrase?

Farewell, Loves

The last of the mohicans left today. Our eldest son, his girlfriend and our daughter took to the road at 6 a.m. this morning, back to their own adult lives. My husband and I gave them huge hugs goodbye and then went straight back to bed. It’s a miracle that I am still not in bed right now. Our holiday season was really good. My daughter said last night that it was one of the best ones ever. And I agree. But I am pooped. Sometimes I marvel at the fact that we lived, for most of our married lives, in the constant, frenetic activity that comes with raising four kids, because when everyone’s home I find it to be wonderful, joyous and fun, but also exhausting. It’s amazing to me how quickly my husband and I have gotten used to the new normal of our quiet, orderly, empty nest, because for almost 28 years of our marriage, we had always lived with at least one extra kid. (By our tenth anniversary, we had all four kids) The brilliant writer Jane Austen once wrote that she hated tiny parties because they force you to be in “constant exertion”. I think that’s where the tiredness comes from all of the communing that many of us do over the holidays. You are in constant exertion of relating, sensing everyone else’s energy, catching up on each other’s lives, making meals, making plans, making and reliving memories . . . . I tried to really just savor it all. I made it my mission to savor my family’s laugher and expressions and relaying old memories and making new ones. (Our son’s girlfriend found a tree ornament last night on clearance that we bought because it perfectly depicted a crazy, inside, “you had to be there” spontaneous experience we all had around a fire pit one of the nights. These moments are priceless.) Overall, it was sort of a Venn Diagram Christmas experience this year. Some kids came early and left earlier and some kids came later and left later. They brought along friends and stories and new experiences throughout the course of it all. (Our youngest son even bought his first “adult” car in the middle of everything). This Christmas was its own entity, as all holidays end up being. We bring the framework of the aged decorations, standard traditions, and long standing recipes, but there is always room for the new activities and surprises that pop up at Christmas every year. There was a lot of exertion, but it was lovely. Life loved us this Christmas. “Love” was the theme this Christmas, for sure. And I feel that wonderful, satiated, “job well done” feeling that is also screaming at me to kick up my feet and to deeply rest in some quiet and solitude.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1479. What is priceless to you?

First Friday!

Hello! Happy Friday!! Happy First Friday of 2024!! Welcome to the best day of the week during the best year of your life!! (don’t doubt it, make it so) On Fridays, I discuss my favorite stuff which helps to make life more fun. Today’s favorite is a last minute extra Christmas gift that I purchased for each of our four kids who all moved into new apartments last year. These portable Acacia Wood sofa arm tables make a stable place to put a drink or a small meal or the remotes and they include a holder for your phone or your iPad. They are made of hardy acacia wood and are movable to any kind of arm, on any kind of chair, due to the spring action of their holders. This is the modern day version of TV trays. You can purchase one of these handy tables on Amazon for $30. Here is a link:

www.amazon.com/dp/B0BQRJZVYF?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details

Have a fun first weekend of the year! Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2166. When you lose touch, what snaps you back into reality?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Park It

I’m sorry for the late post today. We were at a major amusement park all day yesterday. I’m out of practice with amusement parks. The last time I was at this particular park I was a chaperone for a school trip – middle schoolers. Ugh. It was quite stressful back then, trying to keep track of hormone-filled tweens with all different interests (and/or lack of interests) in rides, and who also had especially keen abilities to disappear. I remember being on the bus on the way home from that trip, smiling to myself, as 12 Rod’s “Glad That It’s Over” played loudly in my headphones.

Yesterday was truly wonderful though. My husband and I smiled at each other, thrilled that we were still able to handle some of the major rides (without getting sick), but also able to be the human coat racks for our kids who were going on some of the major, major rides. My husband commented that the marvelous thing about theme parks is that they make it so that many generations can be together, and still have great fun together. There is usually something there for everyone in theme parks, even if it is just to vicariously see, and to feel the joy that occurs in a day of “escape” for everyone together in the park. We left the park (at closing time), exhausted but in a good way. I looked at all of the other people leaving the park with us, and everyone looked weary, but also utterly satiated. All of our muscles were clearly rubbery and spent from walking all day, and from holding tenseness on the rides, but our smile muscles couldn’t stop working for all of us, as we peacefully made our way to our cars, knowing that we were all headed to a good night’s sleep.

Question for the Day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1119. What keeps you optimistic?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Boss Up

Image above credited to Redbubble

I was shopping with my daughter and my son’s girlfriend earlier this week. Neither of them have sisters, so it is fun to vicariously watch a sister-like relationship forming between the two of them. They both have been saying “Girlboss” and “boss lady” a lot to each other when talking about their lives and what they want for themselves in the new year. I told them that I would like to be part of the “Girlboss” club, too. (You’re never too old to keep honing your Girlboss skills.) Armoire.style says this about boss ladies: “our definition of boss lady is a woman who gets life done, whether that be at work, at home, in an office, with their coworkers, family, dog, cat, friends, etc. Boss ladies are those who enthusiastically embrace new opportunities and lift each other up.” When I read this definition, I thought to myself, this defines practically every single woman I have ever known in my life, from family members of all ages, to my sorority sisters, to my closest friends, to my various doctors and practitioners, and women whom I have worked for over the years. The funny thing is, we see boss lady attributes in all of the women in our lives, and they probably see these attributes in us, and yet, we don’t always give our own selves credit for being Girlbosses. This lack of recognition is what makes us have to come up with these labels and definitions in the first place. We women often don’t take credit for everything that we are, and everything that we do. When we “boss” ourselves, we are often terrible, nitpicky critics and stingy with appreciation. We shame ourselves for not doing, and being more, more, more . . . . We can be terrible, cruel bosses of ourselves.

The truth is, I am also the mother of three young men in their twenties who are just starting out their adult lives and their careers, and I see that they put tremendous pressure on themselves, too. If only I could gift all of my children (male and female) the amazing gift of hindsight – hindsight being that realization that nothing was as big, or as bad, or as insurmountable, as I had built it up to be, as I have lived through several decades of the experience of being an adult. If I could, I would wrap the wisdom and the comfort which comes from hindsight, up for them, in an instant, and it would be the best present that I could ever give to them. But as we all know, the best presents are the ones that long last in our deepest cores indefinitely. These invaluable gifts in life come only from our own experiences and our own reflections of these experiences.

I have written in the blog before that the most important job we have in our lives is to be our own best life manager. How’s your life manager doing? How would you rate your boss (you being the boss of your life?) Is your life manager kind? Appreciative? Supportive? Encouraging? Inspiring? If you have a great boss, it tends to lead to a wonderful work/life environment around you. How you treat yourself, is often how you end up treating others. Are you giving yourself enough appreciation, support, and vision, if for no other reason than for the ability to give these things back to others? Boss up this year. As Winnie the Pooh, one of the greatest bosses that ever existed has to say:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Today’s random question/prompt from 3000 Questions About Me:

246. If you started a business tomorrow, what would it be?

Here’s a Nudge

What’s your theme of 2024? Yesterday a friend texted a Washington Post article to a lot of us that had a little tool in it, to find “your nudge word.” The article can be found here:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/interactive/2023/nudge-word-new-year-resolutions/

Do you have a nudge word that makes sense to you? Since our family is still visiting here all week, I haven’t had enough quiet, by-myself reflection time to figure out my “nudge word” for 2024 just yet, but I do love the concept. Interestingly, at this time last year, I had chosen the word “Resipiscence” to be my word for 2023. (I didn’t know it as a “nudge word” back then. The word “resipiscence” is a word that came to me at a workshop that I had attended early last year.) The dictionary describes resipiscence as this: “a return to a sane, sound, or correct view or position“. After experiencing the pandemic in 2020, the absolute worst year of seizures for our epileptic son in 2021, and the long, painful, drawn-out illness and eventual death of my mother-in-law of 2022, I wanted a word that I could repeat like a mantra, which represented to me, the getting back on track to a certain level of “normalcy” and peace and calm and stability in my life, and in the experience of our family. Despite a few unfortunate blips here and there, thankfully, 2023 proved to be a year of resipiscence for both me and my immediate family. I think that the idea of picking a nudge word or a theme for your year (or maybe even for individual experiences/vacations/pursuits, etc.) has great merit and can be quite powerful. It is the uncomplicated reminder of what you really want for yourself, and for the moments in life that you experience this year and beyond. So, nudge, nudge . . . . and if you are so inclined, please tell us about your own nudge word that you chose for 2024, and also why you chose it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

OOOOPS! Much like trying to remember to date things “2024”, I already forgot my new feature. The Question Prompt of the Day from 3000 Questions About Me:

5. What is your current state of mind?