Tag: empty nest

Make It Stop

Without getting political, this is why I can’t wait for this election to be over:

+According to the battling commercials, no matter who wins, we are doomed to the worst fates which any of us have ever endured. Having been through most of 2020, that says a lot. I don’t do well in waiting rooms, let’s just get it over with. 😉

+The national “Do Not Call” list does not work. I get several calls (landline and cellular) every single day from every single state which I have ever lived in, telling me who to vote for in the upcoming election, including all of the different various state representatives and local sheriffs and tax collectors (where I no longer live).

+I am sick of people telling me to vote. I voted. I always vote. I don’t think I have ever missed voting. I don’t like the presumptuous assumption of not voting, when people use the phrase, “Vote.”

+I am completely over having to carefully weigh my every word ,when it comes to any political “issue”. I am a Sagittarius. Sag’s number one fault is constantly putting our feet in our mouths. We are known to drop brutal truths on the daily. Lately I feel like I have to use my mask as a gag, in order to avoid upsetting or offending anyone, from any side of the coin. (I am guessing some of my friends and family think that the gag/mask idea is a good one for me.)

+Election years tend to highlight the worst in all of us. I am eager for us to come together and to start showing each other what is the best in all of us. I understand that when the election is over, this isn’t going to instantly change people into healthy collaborators with the ability to see all of the good in each other and in each other’s intentions, but at least there won’t be the huge national platform exacerbating everyone’s most angry, hateful, suspicious, demonizing sides, everywhere you look.

If you choose to add to my rant in my Comments, I welcome that – please just keep it general and apolitical.

Tidbits

+ I wrote a blog post when I first started blogging about my love of throw pillows. To this day, it remains one of my most popular posts. Apparently those of us who love throw pillows are en masse, so much so, that the latest Progressive Insurance commercial pokes fun of that love of throw pillows in their latest segment of “you are turning into your parents” commercials. My family loves to give me the side-eye with sly smiles on their faces when that commercial comes on the TV. I pretend to not notice as I closely hug one of my gorgeous, soft, luxurious throw pillows into my body, with careful contemplation of how hard to throw it at the family member who dares to chuckle too loudly. They are called “throw pillows” for a reason.

+ I start mentoring my two mentees from last year again this week. The mentoring sessions will still be via Zoom, which is not my favorite, but it is better than nothing. I can’t wait to hear all about their summer adventures. I kind of expected to continue mentoring with my elementary student. We’ve bonded and I have met her family via Zoom. The volunteer coordinator at her school is very involved and dedicated. However, I honestly didn’t know what would happen with my high schooler. The mentoring program for her is more of a box that needs to be checked, so that she can keep a scholarship opportunity available to her, that will help her pay for college expenses in the future. Unfortunately, the volunteer coordinator at her school retired due to the coronavirus situation, and no one has been hired to fill the position yet. So you can only imagine how touched I felt yesterday, when the county-wide volunteer supervisor contacted me saying that my mentee had sought her out, asking for me to mentor her again!! Friends, that made my day! When I first met my mentee, I was told that she was shy and hard to connect with, but that was not the case for us. We connected immediately and when my very talented, artistic, empathetic and observant mentee, herself, told me that she was shy, I corrected her. “You are not shy, you are reserved, and that is a big difference,” I said. I distinctly remember her sitting up a little straighter after that conversation. We also talked a lot about going after what you want, and getting what you deserve. It seems that the lessons paid off and I am overjoyed that something that she wants, and made the effort to go after, is for me to mentor her again. My heart is filled.

+ I read something this morning about the term “emotional labor.” Emotional labor is usually used in the context of a work situation, such as when a customer service agent has to keep a smile on their face and a calm demeanor, with a frothing-at-the-mouth, beet-faced, candidate for anger management classes who is snarling at them, ferociously. Still, there is a broader sense of the word. We all have been putting in more hard emotional labor than usual, in this year so filled with anxiety and animosity and fear and divisiveness. We all have probably spent more time than usual, with false smiles on our faces (even when covered by masks), desperately trying to live with “the fake it ’til you make it” mantra, in many situations. There’s a reason why it’s called emotional LABOR. Labor is work. After you do hard physical labor, your body is exhausted. After you take a big exam or finish an intricate, puzzling project, you are mentally taxed. When you are having to work hard at keeping your emotions constantly in-check and regulated, due to circumstances outside of your control, that is when you have to realize that you are doing extensive emotional labor. What do we do when we are physically spent or mentally overloaded? We rest. So, remember this also applies to emotional labor. If you are emotionally fatigued, it is important to keep healthy boundaries with temperamental people, or overwhelming experiences, or overexposure to the news and social media, or to limit exposure to other kinds of upsetting circumstances, beyond your control. When we have spent a lot of energy on emotional labor, we need to rest. We need to prioritize and to do the actions which bring us to a peaceful, calm, balanced, centered state of being. Mind, Body, Spirit. All three elements are equally important for our overall health and well-being.

Monday Fun-Day

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Happy Monday! Happy Fun-day from Florida, the capital of lawn flamingoes!! Now before getting on with your day, and on with your week, think of 3-5 things which you are grateful for, right in this moment. Next, think about why you are so thankful for these things, people, happenings, pets, etc., and feel how good you feel. Pause and bask in it. This is the good, warm fuzzy feeling that you are aiming for all week. You are meant to feel this good, all of the time. This good feeling is what being aligned with the Universe is all about. Any time you start getting frazzled or angry or sad, use this activity to get back on track. Have a great week!!

Soul Sunday

Good morning friends and readers. Sundays are devoted to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. On Sundays, I either write a poem or I share someone else’s poem and I would love to see some of your poems, too. I consider this spot to be a Doodle book, a poetry workshop where we just let the words and the emotions spill on the page, as they care to land. Here is my poem for the day:

Two Words is All

There is a reason why the pen is mightier than the sword.

The pen has a penchant for words,

While the sword just clumsily goes for blood.

Remember there are two words that are more powerful than anything.

The best prayer, the best spell, the best energy director in the world,

is found in two words. Get your most elegant weapon,

And write this phrase down:

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Carry these words with you in your sacred sheath, and wield them often.

Direct them towards all of the bounties and all of the blessings,

Which create the arrangement of your every day life.

And then feel your energy and your power,

Soar to heights that you didn’t know were possible.

It really is that simple.

Two words: Thank you.

Use the incantation often and always and sincerely,

And feel, and soak, and marinate in their immense power,

And then submerge in the transformation of your own lasting peace.

Signs

What are things that you see or you experience in any one day, that make you feel protected and connected and loved and fulfilled, not by just what and who you love here on Earth, but by everyone you have ever loved, and by spiritual forces that don’t even exist on this plane? Here are some of mine:

Butterflies (blue in particular), cardinals, owls, lucky pennies, a flower seemingly blooming out of nowhere, softly tinkling windchimes, finding long lost items, dolphins, coincidences and synchronicities, the right words just at the right time, hawks, realization of living prayers answered, rainbows, constantly noticing 11:11 and 12:16 on the clock, luxurious smells that don’t seem to have a source, white feathers, the right books recommended to me just at the right time . . . .

These are just a few things that came to my mind, off hand. Take today to be on the lookout for your favorite signs and hugs and winks from the Universe. Let that be your scavenger hunt for the day, but don’t try too hard. Let these signs come to you. When you do see one, which I’m sure that you will, your whole day will seem to become even more magical and miraculous than you ever truly realized. Make looking for the signs a habit, and your weeks and your months and eventually, even your years, will become walking meditations of the sublime.

“Slow down, vow to do what’s best for your well-being at every moment of the day. Have a good understanding of where your attention goes.” – Valencia (Twitter)

Quotes about Energy flow (100 quotes)

Witness to My Own Life

Unfortunately, instead of coming together during this pandemic, in some ways, there has been a fair amount of divisiveness and judgment and anger, coming from every angle, towards and against each other. Perhaps this is just a way to release a lot of pent-up angst over this very difficult year and the people around us, are our most easy targets. I know that many people have felt judged for being too carefree with their actions and their responses to the virus, but I also know that at the opposite side of the spectrum, many people feel judged for being too careful or too fearful. This post by C. Joybell C. made a lot of sense to me, for those of us who have felt judged for being cautious, at times.

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The Four Burns

I have been reading about a life management theory called The Four Burner Theory. In this theory, each broad element/major category of our lives is divided into the four major headings shown above, like four burners on a stove. The theory states that in order to be truly masterful, and to absolutely shine in any one particular category in life, you must shut off at least one of the other categories, and most likely, you will need to shut off two of the categories, for maximum results. If you wish to lead a balanced life, you must come to terms with, at best, being above average in each category, keeping each area of attention, at a medium heat and at a roughly equal shared level of focus. When I first read this theory, I found it to be a little bit disheartening, but at almost 50 years of life, I also see it to be true.

A decade ago, my husband was working for a gigantic corporation and he was talking to one of the higher ups (an older man extremely high up the ladder of a very large corporation). He asked the man how he had managed to balance it all. “I didn’t,” he said, being totally frank and honest. The man was on his third marriage and had a lukewarm relationship with his children.

It is interesting to me, to see how important it is to my sons, at this stage of college and at the beginning of their careers, to find a “work/life balance” while approaching their career goals. I don’t even remember that phrase being in existence when I was in college, but it makes me happy to see that it is a major consideration for the generations coming up behind us. If you aren’t conscious as to where all of your time and energy is going, life can pass you by, before you’ve even considered your priorities, and what you want out of this experience which we call Life.

It was also heartening for me to realize that at different stages of your life, you can choose to put a different burner on high heat, and pour your focus into what is cooking in a different pot, a pot you never really focused on previously. My Family burner was on high heat for most of my adult life. While I’ll never choose to shut that burner entirely off, I now have more time to focus on my Work burner (writing), as my Family is now more self sufficient than ever.

Finally, I think this theory is a good one to have in the back of my mind, because it clear to me, from my life’s experiences, that if you try to keep all four burners at high heat for any extended amount of time, a short is bound to happen. Then, you’ll be lucky to have any burners going at all. At that time, if you are lucky, you will only have one burner to focus on, and that one is Health, and there will be no choice in the matter, as to where you have to put all of your concentration.

Sadhguru Quotes on Balance | Quotes for Work Life Balance

The Cherry on Top

I was all set to write about this life management theory that I have been learning about and that I find to be very interesting. Then, I got distracted (story of my life) during my morning reading, and I found two quotes that really struck me as important enough to discuss. I use this blog to commune with you, my wonderful readers, but also as a library of sorts, for me to keep useful, interesting information and inspiration for myself. So, tune in tomorrow for words on a thought-provoking life theory, but for today, here are the quotes:

“At the end of a good book, I always feel fuller, but also irrationally abandoned.” – Charmeuse (Twitter)

I absolutely love when someone puts into words exactly how I feel and in such an easy, succinct way to understand. I always feel this way after a good book. The two best books that I have read lately, which made me feel this way, were Glennon Doyle’s UNTAMED and J.D. Vance’s HILLBILLY ELEGY. (this one has been made into a movie directed by Ron Howard. I am very excited to watch it!)

The second quote is a little more somber. This is the quote:

“Make peace with the apology that isn’t coming.” – Valencia (Twitter)

The most beautiful heartfelt, thought-out apologies which I have ever received are from kind, loving people who have barely offended me. (we all make mistakes) These apologies were full of emotional empathy, not one excuse, and were followed with an earnest change in behavior. I think that a lot of us (or at the very least, me) get caught up in these fantasies, of that type of sincere, genuine apology coming from the people who have cut us to our cores. But here’s reality friends, people who are capable of hurting us that deeply, are most likely the same types of people who are not capable of a great deal of empathy and self reflection and introspection. Hurting people hurt people. Unfortunately, it is typically the most damaged souls that cause the most damage. These people are not capable of the apologies and of the understanding (the kind of apologies that are often shown at the climax of a dramatic movie) which we are most wanting and needing to hear. So the sooner that you can make peace with the fact, that the genuine apology is unlikely to occur, and trust yourself going forward, to keep healthy boundaries with toxic people and negative situations, the easier it is to move on with your life, forgiving yourself and others, for past situations that caused harm. (Remember forgiving does not mean forgetting or even resuming a relationship. It just means letting go of the rumination and the pain of it all. Forgiveness is for yourself.) Take only the growth and the lessons and the wisdom which you gleaned from a relationship or a happening, and let go of your need for the apology. It is the only way to peace. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. And remember, if by rare chance, a person does do the hard work to change their ways, and evolves into a better, more authentic person, the apology received will be like the cherry on top, of the beautiful, delicious dessert that you have already created for yourself, with your healed and happy life.

The Game

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Sometimes, when I am bored, I think of crazy scenarios in my head, and then I tell myself, “Someone has done, or will do, exactly the insane storyline that I have playing in my head,” and then I crack myself up. It’s like my own little sit-com, playing in my brain. So when I saw this meme this morning, I giggled to myself, realizing that I am not alone in my fun little game. But then I thought, someone else is thinking, “Someone out there is weird enough to think of crazy things which people could do, and then thinking that someone probably has already done the said crazy antic.” Remember, I write this blog from Florida, home of “Florida Man.” Nothing is too crazy for Florida Man.