Tag: dogs

How to Say I Love You

Yesterday afternoon, I lounged on my porch and I read, in between lazily throwing balls into the pool for Trip and Ralphie to continuously retrieve. (Ralphie and Trip are our true-to-their nature sporting dogs, and all the while, Josie, our true-to-her-nature herding dog, was tirelessly nipping at their heels and earnestly making sure that they got out of the pool, again and again. This morning, we have three exhausted dogs, which makes for a nice, peaceful, uninterrupted morning for this writer gal. All by design . . . ) As I was reading and pondering, something in my reading and meditating and contemplating, sparked me to write this exact text to myself:

“What do you want from this day? From this experience? From your relationships? How do you want to feel? What kinds of outcomes are you looking for? Don’t be a reactor, be a visionary.”

We so often forget that we are the creators of our living experience. The job, the relationships, where we live, how we spend our time, what we eat and drink, what we think about, what we ruminate on, our hobbies, etc. are all of our own choices. If you don’t like some of your choices, you have the ability to change them. You are the one who brought them into your life in the form which they are in, so you have the ability to choose differently. Don’t pick “the victim stance”. It limits you so much.

All of the inspirational reading and listening I have done throughout my entire life – the books, the articles, the cutesy signs, the memes, the meditations, the quotes, really all circle around to the same overall ideas: Be intentional. Be grateful. Be HERE in the present now. Make conscious choices.

And here’s a big one that I want to finish out my year reminding myself and making it a forever practice (and this is a tough one, as a mother of four adult kids who are spread all over the east coast, and as one who has aging relatives and friends, and as one who when she loves, she loves hard and full and deep with her big ol’ entire heart) Worry does not equal love. I am not loving you in the best way that I can when I am worried about you. I put fear energy all around you when I worry about you. It makes you seem small, weak, and victim-like. I am loving you best when I believe in you – when I believe in your strength, and your vision, and your abilities, and when I have faith that Something/Someone so much bigger than all of us, is in your corner, keeping you safe, helping you to carry out your living purpose, which is for the better sake of all of us on this Earth, combined.

I have noticed that when I tell people whom I care about, “I don’t worry about you” and I say it with a tone that implies, ‘I know that you are going to be fine, more than fine. You’ve got the right attitude, heart, and guides to see you through’, this firm statement makes them sit up straighter and feel more empowered and confident than almost anything else I could say to them. “I don’t worry about you,” might be one of the most beautiful variations of “I love you” that we have in our spoken/written communication. Fear is the opposite of love. Worry equals fear, not love.

Readers, continue this beautiful year of your life, living fully and intentionally. Be grateful for all that you have created and will continue to create in your one and only unique life. Finish strong. I know that you will. I love you, readers. I don’t worry about you.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Museday-Tuesday

+ The sun’s light looks a little different on this wall than it does on that wall, and a lot different on this other one, but it’s still one light. We have borrowed these clothes, these time and place personalities, from a light, and when we praise, we’re pouring them back in.
– Rumi

This week, instead of looking for things to criticize and to critique, let’s look for what’s to praise. Let’s pour the light back in, this week. When we pour light into something, we illuminate it. And illumination helps us to truly see the full scope of everything, and to understand.

 + Speaking of “different”, a spotless baby giraffe was born at a Tennessee zoo recently. She’s spotless! She’s not albino, she’s all brown. This baby giraffe is believed to be the only spotless giraffe alive in the world today. The zoo is holding a naming contest for her:

“the naming contest list to four choices: Kipekee, which means unique; Firyali, which means unusual or extraordinary; Shakiri, which means “she is most beautiful”; and Jamella, which means “one of great beauty.”

Those aspects which each of us have, that make us unique to anyone else, is our own special brand of “kipekee/firyali/shakiri/jamella”. Show off your own “kfsj”. When you’re purely yourself, you’re spotless!

+ Do you remember when almost all writers had pen names? I decided this weekend that if I ever decide to use a pen name it’s going to be “Anole Dogsmile”. It came to me this weekend. It started when I had that uncomfortable feeling you get when someone is staring at you, and I finally noticed that what was staring at me was a tiny, little, newborn anole. He was sitting on the screen behind me, just holding his ground, and staring me down, and around that same time, I glanced at Ralphie, our Labrador retriever, and I had an epiphany that all three of our dogs’ lips naturally turn upwards. They are almost always smiling, and then I thought about it and I realized that most dogs have this same trait. Dogs not only smile with their tails, but they were born with natural perma-grins (much like dolphins). So if you ever pick up a book by “Anole Dogsmile”, that’s me.

+ I read an interesting expose by Donna Cunningham about the difference between two different kinds of “guilt.” One type of guilt is true guilt. This is the guilt that you were designed to feel when you have done something against your own moral code: such as steal, cheat, lie, etc. This type of guilt is used as a healthy course correction. You feel true guilt in order to get yourself back on track, and to perhaps even make amends to people you may have hurt. True guilt tends to dissipate quickly after you change your actions. The other kind of guilt, is more of an emotional manipulation/power play that is unfortunately a frequent transaction in our society. We use it, and others use it on us, to get people to do what we want them to do. This is not healthy, “true guilt.” This is an unhealthy, passive-aggressive/emotional power trip, which often leads to holding resentment. Resentment is as dangerous to our bodies as toxins and pollutants. Built up resentment makes you feel like your insides are being eaten up. When you are feeling the emotion of “guilt”, ask yourself, “What have I done wrong?” Disappointing someone for not doing what they want you to do, is not doing something wrong. Why are anybody else’s feelings/needs more important than yours? You should not do things out of FOG – fear/obligation/guilt (the unhealthy guilt) nor worry that if you don’t do what they want, you’ll be abandoned. You may sometimes choose to do things that you don’t necessarily want to do, with the awareness that you are making this choice, not out of FOG, but out of kindness and consideration. You haven’t given your power away when you make a conscious choice. What is the remedy to the unhealthy kind of guilt? (Cunningham defines unhealthy guilt like this: “Guilt is resentment turned inward . . . (it) is no more than secret resentment of unwanted obligation.) The remedy is essentially, to grow up. Own your own life and your own power. Be cognizant of your own needs and your responsibility to your own adult life, and for meeting your own needs. Learn to be comfortable with sometimes disappointing others, and be respectful of others’ right to say “no” to you (don’t just manipulatively “give to get”). Healthy, wholesome, true adult relationships are based on love and mutual respect for the other’s right to live their own lives as they see fit. A true relationship is not based on fear, obligation and guilt. A true, loving, healthy relationship is based on respect and autonomy and mutual affection and honesty. As Cunningham says, “Resentment alienates us from our fellow man. Guilt alienates us from ourselves.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

I love our dogs. I mean, I adore our dogs. But Josie, our collie causes more fur-formed tumbleweeds than a major storm in the Mojave Desert. And our dogs can’t look out our glass sliders (which form most of the back of our house) without making absolutely sure to having their sloppy wet noses touch the glass. (And of course, our dogs are all three different heights: small, medium, and large) The bottom half of our sliders are translucent to opaque, on a regular basis.

My youngest son questions everything in life. (I wonder where he gets that from. Hmmm.) He once said, “I love our dogs as much as any of us do, but don’t you think it is kind of weird that humankind has evolved to have animals living with us, in our houses? I mean, does it seem a little strange?” (Despite agreeing with him, we all kissed the dogs and ignored our son the rest of the day. 😉 )

Bottom line is, I love my dogs and I love Oreos. They are worth the never-ending cycle of cleaning up after them. Have a great week!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Welcome to poetry day on the blog. I hope that you will try to write yourself a poem today. It’s fun. It’s relaxing in the way that things which take total concentration are relaxing. Writing poetry focuses your wild, distractible, meandering mind. I wrote today’s poem in honor of Ralphie, our Labrador retriever, who has come down with Limp Tail Syndrome (it’s a thing – look it up). He’ll be alright. It’s similar to when we roll our ankles. Still, it is sad for us, to see him sad.

Limp Tail Syndrome

They say it comes from swimming too much,

It came from doing your greatest love.

It stole your wag. It stole your grin.

Your body can’t smile in your wiggly way

with the big wet soppy toy in your mouth.

It will pass. All things do. But now

Your body just grimaces and growls,

And your tail hangs limp.

You wear your emotions on your whole body,

Not just a sleeve. You don’t hide anything.

You are the embodiment of life, breath and love,

And joy and pain and listless agitation.

You are so fully you, always and ever.

Soon your sprightly tail will wag again.

Easy, light, high and fast and free and happy.

Your tail never hangs limp for long.

It’s not in your nature to be kept down.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Wingmen

I don’t exaggerate. I just remember big. 

~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

I love this quote. My editor (aka my husband) will read one of my blog posts about something that we both experienced, and he’ll say, “Wow, I didn’t see the story in that, but you did.” And sometimes he’ll try to correct little details to my stories because his memory is different than mine. (And then I’ll get mad, and I’ll insist that my storyteller persona deserves a little creative license) I digress. My overall point is, I do believe that most of us writers, remember a lot of seemingly inconsequential happenings, and we do “remember big.”

The other day, my friend sent to our group chat, a picture of her poor sick baby, all nestled, under warm blankets on the couch. Her baby is now home from college, and immediately came down with some nasty virus going around. Nestled right next to her baby, was my friend’s family’s fur baby, an adorable Yorkie named Skipper, who has been the longtime, perfect family dog, for a family who consists of three beautiful, vivacious daughters. When I texted how cute it was to see Skipper, being right there, comforting one of the beautiful daughters, my friend said that Skipper has always been the family comforter. She then texted a picture of Skipper nestled up, right next to my friend’s father-in-law who had been in hospice care in their home, a few years ago, before he died. “They’re always our wingmen,” I replied. And everyone on the chat agreed. We all love our dogs.

When we visited our son, who attends medical school in a different city, over this past weekend, I noticed a trio of pictures, placed above his computer in his apartment – a place where I imagine that our son spends a great deal of time. The left side picture was one of he and his two brothers, confident and arm-in-arm, on one of our family trips to the great outdoors, the right side picture was of he and his longtime girlfriend, laughing together on the beach, but the middle picture was a giant blow-up of our Labrador retriever’s face. Ralphie, our lab, does have a beautiful, soulful, expressive face. I believe that the picture reminds our son that he has a big, yellow, loyal, goofy, but brilliant wingman, who loves him immensely and unconditionally, and this wingman doesn’t even understand nor give a hoot about medical school. My son’s soulful wingman only cares to be there (even if only in picture form) to be a devoted, supportive form of comfort. How beautiful it is that our furry wingmen feel their own highest form of love and comfort, by just being it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Doodles definitely seem to be the dogs of choice in our parts. Every night when we walk our three dogs (none that are poodle mixes), a man rides his bike right by us, with his adorable, frisky poodle/doodle/kitandcaboodle tethered to the bike, running along side of him. The biker has a bright red light, and the dog also sports a bright red light, too. We don’t know the dog’s name, so my husband calls him “Rudolph.”

I just looked up the various types of poodle mixes, and their names, and my favorite is the “Bossypoo”, which is a mix of Boston Terrier and poodle. I thought that “Foodle” was a fun one, too. A “Foodle” is a Fox Terrier/Poodle mix. I wonder if our society got obsessed with mixing different dog breeds with poodles, not just for their intelligence and lack of shedding, but more so, so that we could come up with really fun names for the new breeds?

(Confession: These are the types of mindless, ridiculous concepts which I think deeply about on Monday mornings, when I just can’t get my “get up and go” to get up and go. Please humor me and tell me that I am not alone in this interesting, meandering use of time. Have a great week!)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Dog Lovers Friday

Happy Friday, friends!! Happy Best Day of the Week!! Our daughter is coming home for the weekend from college, so needless to say this is a great Friday for us! (but aren’t all Fridays wonderful?!) My regular readers know that I dedicate Fridays on the blog, to the materially fun and frivolous. On Fridays, I discuss stuff that I like. That’s it. Nothing deeper than stuff and fluff that I like. Please check out previous Friday posts for more favorites and please share your favorites in my Comments section. I’m always looking to add to my list of favorites in my life!

Today’s favorite I picked up the other day because I love all things related to stationery. (And I love all things related to dogs.) Of course I didn’t need another pad of paper, but this one makes me particularly happy. Today’s favorite is Eccolo World Traveler Dog Lover’s Pad. What makes this pad of paper particularly special is that each piece of paper features a different dog. There is not one duplicate of the same dog! We dog lovers know that each dog, even if they are of the same breed, are as utterly unique as individual snowflakes and fingerprints. If you are a dog lover (and most of us are, it seems) you will find this pad for jotting down notes and lists, a must-have! You can purchase Eccolo World Traveler Dog Lover’s Pad at Staples like I did, or you can order it from Amazon.

I hope that your tails wag all weekend, and that you have new exciting tales to tell of what you explored and experienced! See you tomorrow.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

credit: @woofknight, Twitter

That’s a pretty good rendition of my face right now. I’ve never understood why they decided to do the Super Bowl on Sundays. I had to get up and get dressed quickly this morning because exterminators are coming to make sure that they chased out the raccoon in our attic, before sealing everything back up. The other night, we (me, my husband and our three ‘fearsome’ dogs) were in bed in our master bedroom, when I heard what sounded like a SWAT team running on top of our roof. My husband snored, and all three of our dogs, who during the day, sound the alarm for anything that barely moves grass in our yard, were soundly snoring, as well. I woke up my husband. “Did you not hear that sound? I think that zombies are invading, for real!” I got persuaded to let it go, and to go back to sleep and for some crazy reason, I felt reassured by the fact that our dogs did not react to what I thought was alarming, thunderous sounds. Perhaps it was just a dream, despite the fact I hadn’t even fallen asleep yet . . . .

At least we got answers to our mystery the next day, when my husband noticed that something had viciously ripped out the metal gutters underneath our roof and made a hole to get into our attic right above our bedroom. We called an “animal control service” who told us it is likely a mama raccoon who needed to find a safe place to have her kits. How do you humanely evict of a protective, savage mama raccoon and her babies from your attic? It turns out that you spray male raccoon pee all over the area. Male raccoons will eat kits in order to mate again (they are not patient guys). Therefore when the mama raccoon smells the pee, she grabs her kits and she makes like a tree and gets out of there. (Back to the Future reference for those old enough and keen enough to remember) Thankfully, humans cannot smell raccoon pee because the animal control people were quite liberal in spreading that stuff around. Apparently, raccoon pee does not deter squirrels, however, as I saw a few curious little guys entering the hole to check out the newly vacated rental spot. It should make for an interesting Monday morning here.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Blame Game

If you ever lose/displace something, I have a full proof way to find the said item. It doesn’t involve retracing your steps, a Tile, St. Anthony, a pendulum or a psychic (although in desperation, I have used the above tactics in different drastic measures throughout the years). The sureproof way to find something that is lost, is to secretly, and righteously, and angrily blame someone else in your head for taking your item. That’s what you do. Name a thief. It never fails, right after you get your ire up as you sit steaming in your pitiful, indignant victim chair, your item shows up in some stupid place that you, yourself obviously and carelessly put the item in. When you discover the lost item, you are filled with embarrassment, and shame (for the blame), and also utter relief and joy all at the same time. It’s a whole sh%tstorm of feelings. As an example, yesterday I couldn’t find a $16 pair of earrings that I had recently purchased. They are not my favorite earrings. There is nothing particularly special or amazing about these earrings, but they are mine, and they were lost and I was pissed. I spent a chunk of time yesterday, going through garbage cans, recycle bins, scouring “my places” where I typically put my jewelry, to no avail. That’s when I remembered my trick. Whom should I blame for coming into my house and taking my $16 pair of earrings while stealthily leaving all other valuables firmly in place? The Fedex guy? A neighbor? The electrician from last year? Our first pet sitters from when we first moved here? And that’s when I remembered the most plausible entity to blame – Ralphie, our Labrador retriever. I noticed him munching on something crunchy the evening before and when I went to explore what he was eating, flipping through his piles of lips, he kept his mouth firmly shut, and so I had given up the quest of trying to see what he had been eating. Aha! Now I knew! What a naughty, guilty dog! Chewing on small metal earrings that weren’t his to devour! Is the diet kibble really that bad?! Just as I was giving Ralphie the evil eye, as I went to grab my eye drops out of the top drawer in my bathroom, I noticed two earrings that had obviously been swept into the drawer, just sitting there in the little dark corner of the drawer, looking up at me, almost with their own little evil eyes, as if to say, “What do you have to say for yourself, lady? How do you feel now?” And then, that strange, somewhat overwhelming mix of happy/bad feelings swept all over me, and I put my earrings on, and I hugged Ralphie and I gave him a treat. (and not the diet variety)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Wednesday’s Whimsies

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Things which I’ve been pondering in this new year:

+ Usually the traits that you can’t stand in someone or something have an equally visceral reaction in the opposite way. For instance, Trip, our Boykin spaniel, is the brattiest, most entitled, most demanding and full-of-himself dog we have ever shared our lives with, and yet it is those very same traits of his personality that make me smile and laugh out loud every single day. The way that Trip demands to have the most comfortable seat on the couch, all splayed out, without a hint of modesty, and how, during our walks, his nosy little self gets up on his hind legs in order to look through the fence of the neighbor’s yard, with the hopes of instigating their pit bull, makes me annoyed, and yet also vicariously overjoyed at his audacity, all at the same time. I imagine that this can be the same for the people whom we love, and even when we consider our own selves. The next time that you find yourself being angry at someone you love, or beating yourself up for your own “worst” traits, see if you can twist it around to something that you also, in equal measure love and admire. Stubbornness can also be stick-to-it-iveness. Messiness can also be laid back and creative. Righteousness can also be bravery. Talkativeness can be good entertainment. You get the picture . . .

+ I have been reading a lot about how little changes are what really adds up to the big changes. Rarely do the big sweeping changes stick. (Already, in mid January, my husband mentioned that the gym is no longer overly crowded in the mornings.) I, myself, have been able to do better with my own health choices, when I make one little change, versus a drastic, all-encompassing change. For instance, for most of my twenties and thirties, I drank at least 4-5 Diet Cokes a day. One day, I decided that for my health, I would quit drinking Diet Cokes. (I didn’t say to myself, I am going to do a complete overhaul to my diet. I just decided to quit drinking Diet Cokes.) I haven’t drank Diet Coke in probably about ten years now. Small changes are easier to focus on and are more doable, than complete overhauls. So now, I am meditating on small changes that I can make in various areas of my life, that will give me that wonderful sense of accomplishment that feels so good. Can I add an extra mile to my walk? Can I go to bed a half hour earlier every night? Can I clean out a drawer a day?

+ Recently I wrote about fixing small aggravations in my life and being amazed by the difference this makes in my mental health. For instance, I finally figured out how to turn off our home phone ringers, and it’s been beautifully quiet and peaceful in the house. Yesterday, as I stared at the fingerprint filled, and dog nose smudged sliding glass windows which we have all over the back of our house, I sighed. I had no desire to clean them, because it is either a long, laborious process involving a pail and a squeegee, or a tedious, and pointlessly frustrating process involving at least a whole roll of paper towels. So honestly, I usually just let the sliders be (while still remaining aggravated and embarrassed), until the glass is almost opaque. However yesterday, I took a page out of my husband’s playbook, who has learned how to fix a lot things around the house from various YouTube instructors. I looked up clever ways to clean sliding glass windows. And I found a DREAM solution. Essentially, you attach a 100 percent cotton towel on to your Swiffer, spray your windows with a foamy window cleaner and you can get both sides of the doors done in about a minute. You even can reach the top corners that somehow even manage to get dirty – how this happens, I do not know.

Readers, please share any small changes that you have made that have ended up making a huge difference in your own lives. I would love to hear your tips!