Tag: bougainvillea

Considerations (it’s a Thursday Thing)

+ For some reason, this particular post that I wrote four years ago, has been trending a lot lately (and since I have been asked by more than one person – unfortunately the bougainvillea and the house pictured is a stock photo and not actually mine.) It’s not a bad post, if I do say so myself. (and this is when my late grandmother would say, “Don’t break your arm patting yourself on the back.”)

The Bougainvillea

+ A friend once told me that her marriage counselor said that in long relationships, it’s like being married to eight different people at different times, and so some people are capable of handling this, and some are not. I’m not sure that I agree with this statement completely. I do believe that we mature and we grow and we change (all of us) as life goes on, but I also believe that certain traits and values are pretty hardwired to go the distance with us, throughout our lives (even the ones that we wish we could change). What are your thoughts on this? I am reminded of the wise old adage that says, “Women go into marriage hoping to change the man, and men go into the marriage hoping that the woman never changes.” As a mother of two engaged sons, who have been with their sweethearts for many years, I ponder these things more. I have high hopes for my sons’ beautiful love stories which I am so grateful to witness them, as they gently unfold.

+ A quote I saw recently, I found deeply motivating, and as a person with many decades of life behind me, I have experienced this as fact many times in my own life, and I have often witnessed it happening in the lives of others, too. Know this: “Everything you want, wants you even more.” (just remember that “what you want” is most likely the feeling that you think “what you want” is going to get you. Explore why you want that feeling. And then realize that there are many ways to achieve that feeling that you think that you will get from “what you want”, more than just the far off, highly detailed, specific way you think you have to go about, in order to achieve the feeling. If happiness is what you want, it wants you even more. It is here for the taking. Explore.)

+ If you follow astrology at all, we are in a period of a lot of planets in “retrograde.” Some people believe that this means that people and places and things from our past, will often come around again, to make sure that what we needed to learn and to grow from these particular experiences, has actually happened. If you are experiencing an ex (romantic or otherwise) coming back into your life, Nate Postlethwait has written an excellent guide to “the roadmap to reconciliation.” It’s wise to ponder this roadmap, before jumping right back in. I’ve simplified and paraphrased it here:

  1. Has the other person fully owned their behavior which lead them to becoming an ex in the first place?
  2. Has the other person done “the work” (i.e. sought help from therapy, or groups like AA or self-help, etc.) to fully understand and empathize with the impact of their behavior on you?
  3. Has the other person sincerely apologized for their behavior (showing true empathy and understanding for why you are upset)? A good question to ask here is, “How do you think that made me feel?” People who are incapable of true empathy will struggle with this question.
  4. Has the other person been held accountable for the abusive things that they have done? Have they worked to make amends?
  5. Has the other person stepped out of the victim role, and stopped blaming others for what has happened? Have other people stopped enabling this person to continue their abusive behavior and scapegoating and gaslighting, as well?
  6. Has the other person expressed that they have created peace and healing in their own life, whether you reconcile with them or not? (this shows that they are not just pretending to “change” with the ulterior motive/manipulation of just getting you back into their lives. It shows a true motivation to heal the unhealthy parts of themselves, for themselves, to lead a better life with more fulfilling relationships going forward.)

*****Until these things have happened, it’s probably not safe to bring something or somebody back into your life (at least not intimately), unless you want to experience more of the same abuse. It’s okay to love people from afar. Self-care is healthy and important. Being able to trust yourself, to protect yourself, is absolutely vital.

+ Finally, for those of you who have been wondering – yes, our son got a residency on Match Day in radiology at a major university hospital in our state! We are so thrilled and excited. This is the last year that all four of our babies will be in their twenties. I feel old just writing that, but more so, I feel incredibly thankful and blessed. The best is yet to come . . . . (believe it!)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

UGH

I’m sorry. The last 24 hours have been a little nuts around here. We had a big storm that broke off most of our beautiful, bounteous bougainvillea around an archway by our front door. Our fun Friday was spent cutting up branches for the garbage truck to take away this week. I am sad, but I know how feisty and resilient this particular plant is, as it came back from a hurricane one time.

Today, I only have a joke that made me giggle to offer up to you. I’ll do better tomorrow. Joke:

A snake walks into a bar and the bartender says, “How?”

I appreciate you, friends.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Bougainvillea

bougainvillea | plant genus | Britannica

The first time I saw a bougainvillea flowering bush, I was visiting Puerta Vallarta, Mexico. My husband had just finished a grueling MBA program, which he worked on obtaining, at night, for three years, after working all day at his regular job. We were celebrating his graduation, and our growing family. We had our two-year-old son with us, and I was very pregnant with our second son. Our eldest son has curly, red hair and the older Mexican women were convinced that his rare hair meant good luck. They made a point of coming over to us to pat his head for the transfer of good luck, wherever we went – the beach, the stores, the restaurants, the pool, the bus. My son loved the attention, and we found it amusing and endearing. I’ll never forget it.

Back to the bougainvillea – I became as entranced with the plant, as the women were with my son’s silky red curls. The bougainvillea was everywhere I looked. It was so robust and beautiful and unapologetically flowing. I had never seen such a bright, vibrant, cascading waterfall of flowers. I honestly fell in love with a plant, for the first time in my life.

Now I grew up in Pennsylvania, and that is where we were living at the time. We had a townhouse with a large window on the second floor, directly above our front door. Despite the fact, that Pennsylvania does not at all have a climate that suits a bougainvillea, I decided, against all odds, that we would have one. I found a lovely wrought iron window box and somehow, somewhere in Pennsylvania, I was able to obtain a small, hopeful twig of a bougainvillea plant. I proudly planted it, in that showy window box, as an homage to all of the gorgeous window boxes, filled with bougainvilleas, everywhere I looked in Mexico. I couldn’t wait for the window box to overflow with flowers.

My bougainvillea plant did okay. It half-heartedly made it through the summer, with a couple of sparse blooms. It tried its best. The bougainvillea inherently knew that it’s a naturally, hardy plant, so it soldiered on, but honestly, the plant just wasn’t “at home”, at all, in the northern state. It’s a tropical plant. Before the first snow, the bougainvillea was nothing more than a few leafless sticks, sitting like a plant cemetery, unwelcomingly on top of our front door. Here was another lesson in life, learned by me, the hard way.

In retrospect, this was one of the many times in my life, when I didn’t let what was coming to me, come at its own accord, and in its own divine timing. I impatiently tried to push my own agenda, before it was time. It’s a lesson in which I have had to repeat again and again and again, many, many times in my life. It sometimes seems impossible for me, to learn to surrender to the higher forces in my life. I am still trying to learn to trust that what is meant for me, will arrive for me, when the timing is right, and it will be even more wonderful than I ever imagined. (I should trust this fact. It has been proven to me, again and again and again.) If I am honest with myself, at the ripe old age of 50, I am still learning to trust the process of Life. I am still learning to trust God/Universe to provide for me in all of the ways in which I have imagined. The Higher Forces do so much better for me, than I do for myself, but alas, I’m a stubborn fool (again and again and again).

Today, we live in Florida. When we purchased our home, one of the first things we did, was to go to the local nursery, which is filled with inexpensive, overpowering, over-flowering bougainvilleas. Bougainvilleas are so common here, that I think that some people may consider them to be giant, overbearing weeds. We purchased two small potted bougainvilleas, and we planted them on either side of an arch, which leads to our front door. In less than a year, the two small potted plants, furiously grew and came together at the top of the arch, becoming one with each other. The plant has flourished ever since. Our bougainvillea is so healthy and happy, that it has survived over-zealous tree trimmers, being split in two during a hurricane, and being roughly pushed around by painters and plaster repair people. In fact, we have to give our gorgeous bougainvillea “a haircut” more often than we get our own haircuts. This plant is the bougainvillea that I always dreamed about since the minute I laid eyes on bougainvilleas in Mexico. It is perfect. I knew that I would have this beautiful bougainvillea to gaze upon whenever I need a shot of inspirational vigor and exuberance. I just had to wait for my bougainvillea to arrive in the perfect way, at the perfect time, just as my deepest self knew that it always would. When will I learn?

Lovely quote on perfect timing. | Inspirational quotes motivation, Words quotes, Words

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.