You’re Not Sunk

“Your fear that leaving this relationship will be a waste of the time you’ve invested in it over these past five years is a psychological trap called a sunk cost fallacy. It’s when you make the irrational decision to stay in a relationship based on your past investment of time, love, work, and energy, rather than on what’s in your best interest going forward. Sunk cost fallacies keep us stuck in the bad thing rather than allowing us to move forward in the direction of something better.” – Cheryl Strayed (from Dear Sugar)

I’ve written about sunk cost fallacies before, but I think this thought bears repeating. Today, is the first day of August and almost the last day of summer. (My husband keeps reminding me that this is not technically true, but the kids from our area go back to school next week and my daughter heads back to college the following week, so in my mind, which has been conditioned to the school calendar for a long, long time, summer is practically over. Remember, much like northerners are usually happy to see the winter end, most of us Floridians feel the same way about summer.) Not only is it the first day of August, but it is also a Full Moon day. Historically, full moons have been thought to be a time of reaping the harvest, and letting all things go that no longer serve us. Full moons have been thought to be times of culmination and of release.

So today, with it being a full moon on August 1st, it is an excellent day to get real with yourself, and ask yourself if you are currently caught up in any psychological traps of the sunken cost fallacy variety. These traps don’t always just relate to romantic and platonic relationships. We can get caught up in sunken cost fallacies related to almost anything: our jobs, the people we go to for services, such as doctors, hair stylists, dry cleaners, etc., a hobby, a volunteer position, where we live, where we vacation, our daily habits . . . . it can apply to almost anything. Basically, we all have areas in our life where things are a little stale and no longer working for us, even if they worked perfectly for us in the past. Just as a lovely little pot is the perfect place to house and to protect a young growing plant, there comes a time when the plant needs to be transplanted to an area where it can better spread its roots, in order to grow and to thrive.

In my own life’s experience and in observing others’ experiences, I’ve noticed that if we hang on too long to anyone or to anything, for no other reason than we have already spent a lot of time, energy, work, resources and emotion, on that situation, eventually the Universe will do the pruning for us, sometimes in a shocking, sudden, dramatic fashion, since we weren’t heeding its constant, growing louder hints from our own intuition, for a long, long time. And then, after the dust settles, we end up landing in this place of wonder and of amazement, because we suddenly see that the drab, dire story which we had been telling ourselves – “There is no other choice/option here”, is clearly false. We were the ones holding the keys to our own options and to our own freedom, the whole time. And this is when we ask ourselves, “Why did I waste so much time and energy staying put?”

Change is scary, but change, as we all well know, is the only real constant in life. By the time we hit middle age, we all are likely to have stories in our histories that prove that the sunken cost fallacy is truly just a mind trick. (Ask me about a money pit house we owned in the Carolinas sometime, if you want your ears burned off.) We are often susceptible to the sunken cost fallacy because of our honest, good intentions, always looking for the benefit of the doubt, our high hopes, and our misguided loyalty that sometimes veers into obstinate stubbornness. We’re human. However, knowing that we are all susceptible to the sunken cost fallacy but also capable of overcoming it, where does it seem to be sinking its teeth into your life? What, in the cupboard of your one life, has gone well over its expiration date? Where in your life, has your intuition been pinging you to change it up? Remind yourself of other times in your life when you finally made a much needed change (or it was made for you), and how the outcome of that change has improved your life immensely. Remind yourself also, that you brought all of the lessons, understandings, and happy memories that came from that prior situation along with you, even after you made the decision to leave it. All is not lost. The biggest trick of the sunken cost fallacy is the idea that just because something is no longer a fit for you, doesn’t mean that you got absolutely nothing for all of the time, energy, emotion and work, you put into it. The most invaluable, precious things in life are the things which we always have with us, the things which no one else can ever take from us – our memories, our knowledge and our wisdom gained, and our strength from fully experiencing life, and processing what those experiences mean to us, going forward.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Keep On

credit: @tinybuddha, Twitter

I have often thought that one of my biggest blessings in my personal life is that I get a lot of joy out of the little things. Like for instance, I spent all day yesterday in delicious, giddy anticipation of another episode of Better Call Saul being released to Amazon. All day long, I reminded myself, “We get to watch Better Call Saul tonight!” (and even more exciting was the fact that 89-year old actress Carol Burnett was featured in this particular episode. I watched The Carol Burnett Show all the time, when I was a little kid. Carol still has “it”! And earlier yesterday, my friend texted Joni Mitchell performing her incredible song, “Both Sides Now” at a recent folk festival. Joni is 78 and suffered from a debilitating brain aneurysm in 2015. The message I got from the Universe yesterday: Just keep doing what you love. Do what you love until you can’t do it. Love sustains you. Love creates you. Keep doing what you love in some form or another, until you can’t do it anymore. Be yourself until the very end. So, on that note, you and I will be here at the blog on a daily basis for a long, long time. I hope that you’ll stay with me!)

I typically reserve poetry for Sundays. However, I read a poem yesterday that profoundly touched me and I feel the need to share it today. We have an extended family member who has been riding a roller coaster of major health issues all month. This situation has been incredibly stressful and painful for her, and for all of us. I found myself doing my typical, yet not helpful habits of future-tripping, ruminating, second-guessing, etc. This poem helped me to find my center. If you need some summer centering, I hope that this poem touches you, too:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Beautiful Corny Cake Friday

happy #friday don't forget our #ss15 #collection will be available online  #monday www.forayclothi… | Inspirational quotes, Dream catcher boho,  Inspirational videos

Hello friends!! Welcome to the best day of the week!! I LOVE Fridays. Fridays just feel lighter, and more anticipatory, and more fun than any other day of the week. On Favorite Things Fridays, I try to keep it on the surface. On Fridays, I list three of my favorite things, songs, websites, movies, etc. and I would love it if you shared some of your favorites in my Comments section, in order to spread the fun and love. Here are my favorites for today:

National Day Calendar – “June 11, 2021 – NATIONAL MAKING LIFE BEAUTIFUL DAY – NATIONAL CORN ON THE COB DAY – NATIONAL GERMAN CHOCOLATE CAKE DAY” Did you know that it was National Corn on the Cob Day? Now you do. I did some exploration this week, to find out about who are the powers that be, who dare deem anything as a “National Day”. It turns out that it is a website and anyone can ask to register a national day for just about anything. This is a must-see website: nationaldaycalendar.com. I look at the National Day Calendar as a wonderful resource to remind yourself why living a life is so interesting, and full, and multi-faceted. You can also subscribe to the website’s daily blog, so I knew that it was National German Chocolate Cake Day, when I started scrolling my emails at 7 a.m. this morning. Yes, I am “in the know.”

Vitaminwater Zero Gutsy – If you have been my blog buddy for a while, you know that I love Vitaminwater. Vitaminwater tricks me into staying hydrated. It’s like Koolaid for adults. I particularly like the “zero” varieties, because I prefer to save my calorie count for pizza and German chocolate cake. This gutsy flavor is divine. They call it “watermelon peach” but it is a subtle blend of these two flavors, which is good because I honestly don’t particularly enjoy either flavor, but the fusion of the fruity flavors in “gutsy”, makes all of the difference. Even better, the beverage contains “prebiotic fiber”, hence the moniker “gutsy”. So, if you are a curious cat like me, you may be wondering what the difference between probiotic (I take gazillions of these a day) versus “prebiotic” is, and I will tell you. Probiotic is the good bacteria for your gut, and prebiotics are the food that feeds the probiotics. (at least this is what the marketers tell us.)

Soundtrack to Better Call Saul – My current TV addiction is Better Call Saul. What makes particular TV series more enthralling and enticing than others? It think it relates to the “overall package.” Besides great writing, intriguing characters, a fascinating plot line, and excellent filming techniques, the cherry on top of all great TV and amazing movies, is the soundtrack. One of my favorite soundtracks of all time, is from the Colin Hanks’ movie, Orange County. I know that a soundtrack is good, when my mind wavers from an intense, intriguing plotline to say, “Oh, this song is so good. I must remember this song. I might even pause the show right now at this very moment, while this horrendous murder is taking place or when the lover is finally professing his love to the beleaguered heroine, just to write down this song for future reference.” Better Call Saul is filled with forgotten songs that make you remember how much you love them, and it also features interesting new takes on old, beloved songs. The entire soundtrack is 8 hours and 30 minutes on Spotify. I just gave you your background music for Monday’s work hours. You are so welcome!

Have a delightful weekend!!! See you tomorrow!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Lil’ Friday

Hello Friday!!! Hello Holiday Weekend!! Fridays are the best, aren’t they? They are just so full of anticipation and relief. On Fridays, I don’t go for the deep dive. On “Favorite Things Friday“, I list three favorite songs, books, TV shows, websites, beauty products, etc. that remind me why it is so much fun to be alive. What is the material “stuff” that you love in life? Please add your favorites to my Comments section, and please check out previous Friday postings, for more good stuff. Here are my favorites for today:

Better Call Saul – If you missed this spinoff/prequel to the TV series Breaking Bad, like my husband and I almost did, this is your lucky reminder to check this series out. It has become our new nightly, couch event. This show is excellent and is full of flawed, but interesting, colorful characters who you can’t help, but to love and to root for, despite all of their shortcomings. Better Call Saul is so good, that last night we were attending a really fun, joyous graduation party, and yet, in the back of my mind, I was hoping that we would get home in time to watch another episode. We did. 🙂

Embellish Creative Co-op Tote Bag – I recently purchased this tote bag at a little local shop, because it was adorable, reasonably priced, large, soft and smooshy, and looked easy to clean. It appears to be made out of a bath rug, with a tassel for flourish. It is the best bag for boating, or for the beach, or for other fun summer activities. It came in a variety colors. I went with boring, blah taupe and I love it. Which brings me to my next favorite . . . my next favorite is a fun prompt to just put out there, when you are hanging out with your friends this weekend. You may remember my blog with the prompt “Your Drag Queen name is your Grandmother’s first name and the last dessert/sweet you ate. Go.” That was a good one. Here’s the new prompt for today’s shenanigans:

Your Rapper Name is “Lil” then the last thing you spent money on. Go.” – It so happens that I purchased the above mentioned bag right before I saw this thought provoking prompt, hence my rapper name is officially “Lil’ Beach Bag.” I tried this prompt with my best friends from college and here are some of their rapper names:

Lil’ Biscuit, Lil’ Cookie, Lil’ Books (this rapper friend said that the books were for her daughter, Lil’ Money Pit), Lil’ Hula Hoop (she has much better hips and dancing skills than I could ever dream of having), and Lil’ Shorts (who we changed to Lil’ Shorty, even though she is taller than any of us)

What’s your rapper name? This is an important question, on a Friday.

The shop that I purchased my beach bag from, had this sign in the window:

Apparently this comes from the title of a book by the actress, Reese Witherspoon, which came from a phrase her grandmother used to describe Southern women: “her grandmother used to describe Southern women: Like whiskey in a teacup, they’re beautiful on the outside and fierce on the inside.” I suppose this is another phrase for “Steel Magnolias”. Frankly, I think that this phrase describes most women, whom I have known, and whom I have loved in my life, from all over the United States, and the world. Embellish the outside of yourself however you like, ladies, but remember, the inside of you is FIRE. Have a wonderful weekend!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday Fun-Day

Movie Quotes on Twitter: ""You don't save me. I save me." - Kim Wexler,  Better Call Saul 2020… "

This is a going to be a little more serious than my typical Monday post, but it has been playing around in my head too long, for me to not get it out in writing. That’s how it works with me. My husband and I have been devoted to watching the “Better Call Saul” television series for the last few weeks. It’s excellent. Having been huge fans of “Breaking Bad”, I am not sure why it took us so long to get to the spinoff, “Better Call Saul”, but better late than never.

There is a powerful scene in the show, where one of the characters, Kim Wexler, is having to dig herself out of a hole with her employer – a hole, partially made by her love interest, Jimmy, and his bad judgment. Jimmy is trying to fix what has happened, in order to get back into Kim’s good graces. At the end of this poignant scene, Kim dismisses Jimmy’s shady ‘solution’ to the problem, by using her own reason and common sense and good judgment. With a very determined, and empowered and all-knowing demeanor, she says to Jimmy, “You don’t save me. I save me.”

“I save me.” Friends, this is a good mantra. Keep it in your back pocket. Use it often. Remind yourself how often you have saved yourself from negative experiences such as abusive relationships, toxic work places, financial crises, bad personal habits and addictions, health problems, and even working through, and overcoming grief. Sure, you may have received help from loved ones, and professionals, and your Higher Power, but you accepted that help. (As the proverb goes, “God helps those, who help themselves.”) You faced the problem head on, and realized, and admitted to yourself and to others, that you needed help. You loved yourself. You saved yourself. You loved yourself enough to save yourself. You stepped out of the victim chair and into your personal power. You saved yourself again and again. You showed yourself how worthy you are of love, and kindness, and goodness, and grace. You showed yourself that you could trust yourself. You stopped waiting around for someone, or something else, outside of yourself, to save you. You saved you. It’s the only way.

“I save me.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.