Blog - Page 68 of 232 - Adulting: Second- Half

Do Your Favorites Now

Friends, I don’t have it in me right now to do one of my traditionally frivolous Friday posts. I know that “the show must go on,” but I’m not a good faker. I never have been. We are on the brink of unexpectedly losing another extended family member and it’s a lot to bear right now.

The truth is, I love to play around with pretty things and fun products and to read excellent books and to get engaged in interesting movies, because I love life. Even in the tough times, I love the experience of being alive. I love the sensations of seeing beautiful things, hearing lovely music, smelling amazing scents, feeling all different sensations on my skin and tasting wonderful food. I make no apologies for being happy, and actively and fully loving my life and looking forward to each of my days and experiences. It’s what we’re supposed to do. I love Aliveness and it hurts to see people lose their gift of Aliveness, no matter what the state of their physical health. As we all know, it’s not really the things in life that matter. It’s the people whom we love, and the very act of being in love with life itself.

Today, this Friday, please do at least one of your favorite activities with at least one of your favorite people. Feel what it is like to be fully immersed in the feeling of love, and of joy and of awe, and of passion, for the experiences that you are having, living a life here on this overwhelmingly beautiful and abundant world. Have compassion. Be kind. Stay in the moment. Find serenity in your faith. Have the courage to feel your feelings fully. Make your own precious life your most absolute favorite possession, and decorate it and celebrate it and submerge yourself in it because one day, it will be gone. And all that matters in the end, is that you savored and favored your life when you had it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Let It Work

Yesterday morning I woke up grumpy. Nothing inspired me, nothing interested me and nothing really held my attention. Some of my friends said that the blog post that I wrote yesterday (about finding joy, even in the banal things of life), inspired them, and that made me feel like a fraud. I had to go back and read my own blog post to remind myself that I mostly write this blog as messages and reminders to myself, about how I want to live my life. I had to remind myself to find the joy in the every moment.

Today I woke up early, chirpy and chipper and engaged. This morning, I am finding everything that I read to be enlightening, interesting, hilarious and inspiring. I have at least a hundred memes/quotes/stories that I could share on the blog, which have somehow touched me and moved me. Nothing in my life has changed drastically in the last 24 hours. The circumstances of my life (the good, the bad and the ugly) have remained stable from yesterday morning until this morning. Perhaps I am bipolar, but it is more likely that I am just human. It is interesting to me, just how much our moods can affect our own engagement in our own lives. Which brings me to the most resonating (to me) quote, of the many that I enthusiastically and voraciously read this morning:

“You don’t have to make it work. You have to let it work.” – Alan Cohen

This is a lesson in life, that despite having a myriad of examples from my own life and from the examples in many others’ lives, that I think that I will have to keep learning for the rest of my life, and maybe even beyond. Sometimes you just have to let bad moods be, knowing that they will change to good, without rhyme or reason as to why. This is so against our human nature. We Americans, in particular, have had it drilled into us to “Make it work.” “Make it happen.” “Just do it.” We’re not good at “letting it be,” or as Alan Cohen states it, “Let it work.” We’re not good at letting things evolve in their own way, in their own time, with the solid faith, that with or without our fretting and sweating, things always have a way of working themselves out, often in the most meaningful, unexpected perfectness of ways. And it’s usually in our moments of surrender, when we finally (often out of utter exhaustion and dejection) get out of our own way, that we get to be the awestruck witnesses to the splendor of things working themselves out beautifully.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Way

“When things start to feel forced, it’s a sign that you need more joy. You can have it and still do what’s on your agenda for the day. It’s the way you do things and not what you that matters.” – Holiday Mathis

Happy February. We’re one month into 2023. How is the start to the year so far? Have you gone about “your stuff” in any new ways? Have you brought new perspectives to the table? Have you changed any of “your ways” for the better? Where are areas in your life that you could add a dollop of joy by just changing how you go about doing them and/or thinking about them? These are questions that I am pondering as I continue to tweak my new year’s intentions and expectations.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Gift of Song

I read this quote the other day and I thought that it was one of the most beautiful, “true” quotes which I have read in a long time. (and you know that I love quotes) How many beautiful songs have you sung to for decades of your life, and you have never even considered the lyrics? There are some songs which I love to sing along to, even though I am fully aware of their unfortunate lyrics. Honestly I’m embarrassed that I like some of these songs, but I do.

Today, I clicked on a video of Elton John singing “Yellow Brick Road”. I’ve loved this song since I first heard it, but today is the first day that I read through the lyrics and considered their meaning. I found out that Elton John wrote this song as an “FU” to music industry executives. I like the song even more now.

I’ve always loved Stevie Nicks’ “Landslide” but it isn’t until reaching my middle age that I’ve started sobbing/singing along with the tune any time that I hear it (It’s really hard to sing with a huge lump in your throat). The beauty of music is that it is always there for you, for whatever mood you are in, and it connects all of us, whether we are just humming along, or we are soulfully and personally experiencing the lyrics. Music is such a beautiful form of love in motion.

“Landslide” lyrics

I took my love, I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
‘Til the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin’ ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older too

Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older too
Oh! I’m getting older too

Oh-oh, take my love, take it down
Oh-oh, climb a mountain and you turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well, the landslide bring it down
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well, the landslide bring it down
Oh-ohh, the landslide bring it down

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

My husband and I like to “escape” to different locales every once in a while. This year our current passports expire, so we went to get our passport photos taken this weekend at our local Walgreens so that we can renew our passports. Wow. I’ve often said that I have “opposite anorexia” where I assume that I am much thinner than I am, until I try putting on an old (‘shrunken’) pair of jeans. I also have some sort of built in filter in my eyes/head, which makes the objects in the mirror appear to look quite different, and far more appealing than what the passport photo reveals. Nothing makes you want to escape reality more than your own passport photo. It’s one of the great ironies in life.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Poems are mysteriously personal. As the poet Zaynab writes: “Everyone goes to the same poem, at the same time, same point, same verb, the difference is the feeling”. I choose not to share the backstory of this poem that I have just written. Bring your own story to it. That’s what makes poetry so intimate and flexible. And write yourself a poem. It’s a beautiful thing to be vulnerable with yourself.

I thought by your absence,

That you were long gone.

No longer tethered to the past.

Fully free and ensconced in a life

Foreign to any of us.

But now I see that by you following her,

So quickly into the unknown, that

You were more attached to her,

than any of us.

The cords were never cut.

Such a brave front you both liked to carry,

to shelter your bruised and vulnerable and wounded hearts.

When you soon meet again,

the bravados will have fallen,

and the healed hearts will be as One,

with all of the other healed hearts,

that beat soundly and steadily,

for the whole of us,

beyond the veil.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

What Should I Wear?

I met a friend for lunch yesterday at the highest end shopping mall in our city. It’s a mall that has a huge Neiman Marcus as one of its anchor stores. All of the major designers have stores in the mall. And I was dressed up compared to most of the other shoppers. I was wearing jeans and a sweater. I’m all for comfort, but I’ve also always thought that dressing yourself is an art. It’s an expression of who you are and your gratitude for the body that gets you around to the different experiences of your life. Athleisure wear is not a 24 hour uniform. It’s boring when everyone looks the same.

Okay, I’m sorry. Rant over. I’m working hard at not becoming a curmudgeon in my older years. Sometimes that inner curmudgeon of mine is harder to stifle than others. But when my Curmudgeon does come out, she always makes a point of at least wearing some lipstick and cute earrings and an interesting pair of shoes.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Ferocious Friday

I’ve cut right to the chase today with my favorite for this Friday! My regular readers know that Fridays on the blog are for sharing my favorite stuff in life – books, games, movies, products, websites, etc. Please check out all previous Friday posts for more favorites. Today’s favorite is being demonstrated above.

My daughter told me about the “Happy Color” app. She said that I would love it because it is something that I can do with my hands while I am watching TV. (I could never get the hang of knitting) Happy Color is like paint by numbers without the mess. It’s incredibly satisfying to complete a picture and watch it being “played” like the picture I colored above. Some of the pictures don’t even have black lines so you start coloring “a mystery picture” that starts coming into form, as you fill in the colors. It’s so satisfying!! This game is fun to do before you drift off to sleep. There are endless pages to color, and it is a free app with minimal advertisements. Give it a try. You won’t be disappointed.

Have a wonderful weekend! See you tomorrow!!

(This was one of my “mystery” pictures that came to life as we “watched” football, i.e. me coloring, and my husband sleeping.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Humble Pie

I was intimidated the other day when I came in for my appointment with a Stretch Lab trainer whom I had never met before. She sported a grey crew cut hair style and she was “cut” and “stacked” as my gym rat sons like to say. I was shocked when the trainer had the quietest, most melodic voice I have ever heard. I had to lean in to hear her. And she was utterly gentle, and intuitive, and kind of soft and motherly, in an earthy way.

We got to talking and she said that she had gone through most of her life feeling like she was a total badass and most of the rest of the world was “weak.” When she had problems and relationship breakdowns it was always the other “weaklings’ ” fault. This trainer had been a competitive bodybuilder and marathoner until one day one of her knees gave out. The trainer had to have knee surgery, but there were complications and she ended up having to have three subsequent surgeries. She lost most of her muscle mass and she had to rely on “the weaklings” in her life to help her to crawl her way back to herself. This woman told me that while this experience was incredibly difficult, it had given her whole new ideas about what real strength is in life. She said that true strength is never about going at life, all alone. True strength is being able to ask for help from others when you need it. She said that having to rely on others at times, is what clears your blind spots about yourself and about others. The trainer said that her reluctant bites of humble pie are what brought her back, and propelled her forward, to her best form ever.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Blame Game

If you ever lose/displace something, I have a full proof way to find the said item. It doesn’t involve retracing your steps, a Tile, St. Anthony, a pendulum or a psychic (although in desperation, I have used the above tactics in different drastic measures throughout the years). The sureproof way to find something that is lost, is to secretly, and righteously, and angrily blame someone else in your head for taking your item. That’s what you do. Name a thief. It never fails, right after you get your ire up as you sit steaming in your pitiful, indignant victim chair, your item shows up in some stupid place that you, yourself obviously and carelessly put the item in. When you discover the lost item, you are filled with embarrassment, and shame (for the blame), and also utter relief and joy all at the same time. It’s a whole sh%tstorm of feelings. As an example, yesterday I couldn’t find a $16 pair of earrings that I had recently purchased. They are not my favorite earrings. There is nothing particularly special or amazing about these earrings, but they are mine, and they were lost and I was pissed. I spent a chunk of time yesterday, going through garbage cans, recycle bins, scouring “my places” where I typically put my jewelry, to no avail. That’s when I remembered my trick. Whom should I blame for coming into my house and taking my $16 pair of earrings while stealthily leaving all other valuables firmly in place? The Fedex guy? A neighbor? The electrician from last year? Our first pet sitters from when we first moved here? And that’s when I remembered the most plausible entity to blame – Ralphie, our Labrador retriever. I noticed him munching on something crunchy the evening before and when I went to explore what he was eating, flipping through his piles of lips, he kept his mouth firmly shut, and so I had given up the quest of trying to see what he had been eating. Aha! Now I knew! What a naughty, guilty dog! Chewing on small metal earrings that weren’t his to devour! Is the diet kibble really that bad?! Just as I was giving Ralphie the evil eye, as I went to grab my eye drops out of the top drawer in my bathroom, I noticed two earrings that had obviously been swept into the drawer, just sitting there in the little dark corner of the drawer, looking up at me, almost with their own little evil eyes, as if to say, “What do you have to say for yourself, lady? How do you feel now?” And then, that strange, somewhat overwhelming mix of happy/bad feelings swept all over me, and I put my earrings on, and I hugged Ralphie and I gave him a treat. (and not the diet variety)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.