Blog - Page 137 of 233 - Adulting: Second- Half

Jimmy V

I saw this journal in a store the other day. I love what Jim Valvano (Coach Jimmy V) had to say. This is a quote from his moving ESPY Awards speech, accepting the Arthur Ashe Award that he received for creating the V Foundation for Cancer Research. The foundation’s motto is “Don’t Give Up . . . Don’t Ever Give Up.”

This famous speech ended with these words from Jim Valvano: “Cancer can take away all of my physical abilities. It cannot touch my mind, it cannot touch my heart, and it cannot touch my soul. And those three things are going to carry on forever. I thank you and God bless you all.” He received a standing ovation. Jimmy V died about two months after making this speech.

These words, coming from the deepest part of Jimmy’s mind, heart and soul, live on forever, and continue to inspire anyone who comes across them . . . . even on the covers of leather journals found in off-the-beaten path, tiny boutiques.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

It’s That Simple

I ripped some pages out of some past issues of Real Simple magazine lately that reminded me of my childhood. One reader, named Anna Polisann, wrote in to the editor, that she now realized that her mom had trained her for 2020, when as a child, her mother told her, “Go find something to do! Learn to enjoy your own company.“

I think that my generation and older generations before mine, often got those same marching orders, many, many times, from our parents. The younger generations seem to have a lot more structured time. Oftentimes, as I was driving my kids from one practice, to another scheduled playdate, to another lesson of some sort, I would question the sanity of what I was doing. It didn’t seem right to keep them, (nor all of us, really) so scheduled up. I remember rationalizing that even though I didn’t necessarily agree with this direction of more structured childhoods, if I didn’t do it, my children would be left in the dust. And unfortunately that was often true. Most of the sports teams in our children’s schools were filled with the kids who had spent their childhoods on travel sports teams, or with intense private instruction. Many kids were taking college level courses, sometimes starting in middle school. I still question if all of the pressures that this way of life brings on to kids is healthy. I really don’t think that over-structuring our children is necessarily good, but at the same time, when comparing generations, we are never comparing apples to apples. I didn’t grow up with a home computer and a cell phone. My parents remember getting their first TVs. Each generation of children experiences a vastly different world, if we really consider how fast things change in technology, and in society.

Still, I am happy that I received the “enjoy your own company” lesson. Frankly, I really enjoy my own company. I’m at my crankiest when I don’t get enough time to just be with myself. Ironically, this pandemic situation, while making many people feel “lonely”, actually robbed me of some my alone time and peaceful solitude. At this time last year, my three youngest children all started studying from home, and my daughter still studies at home. My husband has been working from home, for the first time in his career, since last spring, too. It has been adjustment for me, to share the house during the day. When more people are in any one area, the energy is more aroused. I notice this, even in my dogs’ behavior. Energy feeds off of other energy, keeping things more abuzz. I have learned to take rides in my car, or walks out in nature, to soothe my nerves, when the electric energy around me, is just too much.

Another reader in Real Simple answered the question, “What is your favorite book to give as a gift?” Jennifer Waller answered, “Betty Crocker Cookbook or The Martha Stewart Cookbook. I’ve had both for years and still refer to them. There is something comforting about pages with butter splotches and sugar crumbs in the spine.“

I loved Ms. Waller’s last line. Isn’t that the truth? Getting back to the idea of how quickly life is changing all around us, there is a huge amount of comfort in the things that stay the same. Every cookbook, that is worth its weight in gold, has a few grease stains and crumbs to dust off. And that is true for every generation of people still alive on this Earth. I hope that this “well-worn, classic cookbook fact” remains to be a fact of life that never, ever changes. There is great comfort in the classic things in life, which stand the test of time. These things become the steady rocks that we cling to, as reminders that there is still some stability and constants to carry with us, in an otherwise, sometimes seemingly chaotic, frenetic, quickly changing world.

Awesome Love Stands the Test Of Time Quotes | Love quotes collection within HD images

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Meditation Musèe

I’ve mentioned that I see my blog as a “museum of thought.” Today’s exhibit is a sampling of a collection which I have been curating in one of my many journals and notebooks. I strongly encourage you to curate your own thought collections. They are inexpensive to amass, easy to keep, and yet, they quickly become invaluable to you – easily among your most prized possessions. Your thought museums give you more of an inroads to yourself. They help you to see what truly resonates with the truest part of your own self.

What would you call your own thought museum? The Musings Menagerie? The Socratic Salon? The Gallery of Inward Gospel? The Phantasmagoria of Philosophy? (Hint: you can have more than one thought museum. All it takes is a pen, a journal, an open mind, and the insatiable desire to read, and to learn, and to understand, and the desire and ability to be awestruck with delight.) Here is today’s exhibit from my Meditation Musèe ( a beautiful, well-worn, pink and gold, leather-bound journal, with the international symbol for hospitality, the pineapple, embossed all over it. At this point in time, this particular thought museum is about half full. What I love about my thought museums is that mask wearing is not required to enjoy perusing them.) A sampling:

“Your failures are nothing more than research and development.” – Dean Graziosi

“I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.” – George Carlin

“A standard is a yes. A boundary is a no.” – Thomas Leonard

(Edit: One of my dear and loyal readers, Kelly, asked me for further explanation on this quote. I answered her in the Comments section, but I decided to put my interpretation here, as well: When you set standards for yourself, you are saying this is what I want, and what I expect out of a relationship or a job or an experience. You are saying “yes” to what you want from something in your life. A standard describes what IS acceptable to you. A boundary says “no”. It says these are lines that you cannot cross with me in any situation. Remember both standards and boundaries are for YOU, and for your life. Others don’t have to share the same standards and boundaries as you have set for yourself, but if they don’t fit into your standards, nor do they respect your boundaries, they (person, job, experience, etc.) probably aren’t a good fit for space in your life.)

“Participate in the night leaving, participate in the evening coming, participate in the stars, and participate in the clouds; make participation your lifestyle and the whole of existence becomes such a joy, such an ecstasy. You could not have dreamed of a better universe.” – Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

“You come any closer, I’ll turn you into poetry.” – Umi, Twitter

“Do not confuse character with ego. Character is like an iceberg. It’s massive, solid and unmovable. The Titanic will sink before an iceberg even notices its been hit. Most of the iceberg mass (around 90%) is under the waterline. Those with big character do not usually need to show off. The 10% that people see is impressive enough. When critics shoot arrows into character, very little happens. It’s possible the arrow could chip the ice, but more than likely it bounces off and falls into the water.

Ego, on the other hand, is inflatable. It’s made by the hot air of its owner’s breath. It’s pumped up with talk and can be brought down with the slightest pinhole of truth. When critics shoot arrows into the ego, the ego-owner huffs and puffs to compensate. The ego looks everywhere for more hot air attachments – any blower will do.” – Holiday Mathis

I hope that this sampling has inspired you to start and/or to continue with your own collections. Remember to only keep in your galleries, what completely resonates with you. Thereby, your museum collection will be as incredibly interesting and unique as you are – truly a one-of-a-kind spot on Earth!! You will notice your own evolution as you look back at all that you have collected, throughout your experiences and times in your life. You may certainly have any of the above samplings for your own thought museum. In this world of thought/ideas/philosophies/musings, as long as credit is given to the proper creator, exhibits on loan are highly encouraged!! Like love, the more often thought creations are shared, the more their resonance multiplies!!

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday Fun-Day

Hi friends! Happy March! And another important animal reference, I give to you: Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit.

I just have a couple of random tidbits for you today. I am a tad scattered and frazzled on Mondays, as you well know by now.

First of all, on my Nextdoor website, a woman posted a picture of a snake found in her garage, asking neighbors if it was poisonous or not. It turned out not to be a dangerous snake (thank goodness), but a snarky grammarian neighbor, made it clear that no snakes are poisonous, unless you eat them. Snakes are either venomous or non-venomous. Don’t you feel smarter now? Also, in case you haven’t heard this tip before, if a snake’s head looks like the end of your pinky and kind of just flows with the rest of its body, it is probably non-venomous. Venomous snakes generally have triangular or diamond shaped heads that stand out from the rest of their bodies.

Next, I’ve mentioned before that our big, ol’ goofy Labrador retriever, Ralphie, has taught himself to play our piano with his chin. (Ralphie teaches himself a lot of tricks such as turning on and off light switches, turning off the Roomba (he really doesn’t care for the Roomba’s noisiness and intrusion), opening and closing the X-Box and diving for his toys at the bottom of the deep end of the pool. As my son says, Ralphie is always on a mission.) Anyway, on Saturday, my husband announced the details of a depressing news story to me, as I was writing my blog. I exasperatedly said to my husband, “Now why would you tell me that?! You know that just upsets me.” And then, in that moment, as if on cue, Ralphie took his chin and played “Dun dun, duhhhhhhh!” on the lower keys of the piano. I wish so badly that I had this moment on video. It would be viral right now.

Finally, if you are forgetting that your life is full of unbelievable miracles, take a couple of dollars and buy a package of teeny, weeny seeds. Within weeks of planting a package of radish seeds, look at my husband’s harvest:

In life, a lot of bounty can come from seemingly nothing. Know this. Believe this. Put your energy into the good stuff and watch the miracles grow!!! Have a miraculous week!

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning, friends. I think that I will call you “soulmates” on Sundays. Good morning, soulmates. Sundays are usually the most popular day here on the blog. I love that you all are open to poetry. I love that you have helped me to rediscover the poet in me. I hope that you have also discovered (or rediscovered) the poet, in you, as well. Sundays are devoted to the emotional, sometimes non-sensical, mysterious spillage of words called poetry. Please explore the poem which I have written for today, and please also, feel comfortable and safe to share your poems in my Comments section. It has been wonderful sharing this moment with you on this lovely, tranquil day, my beloved soulmates. I look forward to many more connecting moments with you. Peace.

Keeper of the Words

Sometimes the words spill out of me and I can’t contain them.

Depending on how forceful and projectile the emotion is behind them,

The words scramble desperately to find their way on to the screen,

quicker than I can type them into visual form.

Sometimes the words slide out of me and surprise me,

I had no inner rumination of their simmering pot in my conscience.

The words leave me, before I even knew that they were with me.

Sometimes I have no words. I have nothing to write.

Nothing. My inner cache is empty. And that is okay.

When I have nothing to write, it clears the space,

Until the words accumulate again, to fill the void,

As they always do.

The words don’t require my participation,

They only ask for the keys to release them.

When the pressure mounts and the time is ripe,

I generously allow the words to flow out.

I am not the jailer of the words,

I am only their keeper.

Jailers suffocate and diminish and intimidate,

Keepers nurture and protect and trust in growth,

And further, keepers innately know when it is time,

to let their beloved charges fly free.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Magic Wand Lesson

As the final part of his undergraduate study, before he starts medical school in the fall, my son is shadowing a doctor this semester. The doctor he is working for is a physiatrist. A physiatrist is a medical doctor who works on reducing a patient’s pain, and then moving the patient towards full rehabilitation, of total health and function, after a major injury or illness. A physiatrist uses all sources of tools in the medical arsenal such as medications, physical therapy and other healing modalities. My son has been learning so much from this wonderful man, and we look forward to my son’s interesting stories from his internship, every single week.

On an aside, my family loves to laugh. We crack a lot of jokes. My eldest son is very animated, expressive and self-deprecating. His imitations are hilarious. My youngest son is a natural clown and comedian. He has expressed the desire to give stand-up a go, more than once in his life. My daughter’s friends always tell her how much they love how funny she is, as anecdotes on her birthday cards and such. My middle son (the one working with the physiatrist) has a very dry sense of humor. He is more often the instigator, the one to get the more rowdy others around him going, and then sitting back, and enjoying the mayhem. So, one of my favorite things in life, is watching my middle son tell a story, without even realizing that the way he is telling the story is quite amusing, and then, everybody getting a big laugh out of the story. This roar of laughter and amusement always seems to take my middle son by surprise, realizing that his story is so enjoyable, and he gets this cute, little boy, slightly embarrassed grin on him. His big, brown eyes sparkle, and it is like seeing a glimpse of my adorable, mischievous, little three-year-old baby boy again. Our children don’t realize how many versions of them that we hold and that we safekeep in our minds, and in our hearts. They have only known us as adults, but we get to experience their blossoming and progression, from the very start.

Getting back on track to my story (please forgive my sentimental rambling): This week’s lesson from my middle son’s work with the physiatrist was “the magic wand” lesson. The patient who needed “the magic wand”, had come to the physiatrist for help. This patient was a tad “scattered.” He had many, many stories of many, many horrific accidents and harrowing incidents, from throughout his whole life. His companion was his elderly mother, who sat patiently, nodding her head beside her son, only occasionally adding, “Yep, that’s true. Umm-hmm,” to each of his accountings of all of the unimaginable incidents and ordeals in his life that had lead up to his debilitating physical pain, which seemed to be in every part of his body. In short, he was an interesting, but longwinded character, who was emanating pain, all over and needed some relief. My middle son says that the physiatrist says that these are the types of patients who you must help to focus. With these patients you must ask the question, “If I had a magic wand and could fix just one element of your pain, what would I fix?” My son said that the patient looked instantly relieved and relaxed, and pointed to one spot on his lower back.

After hearing the “magic wand” lesson, I thought to myself how helpful that question can be for any of us, at any time, and it doesn’t have to be related to physical pain. What about those days in life when you feel like you have 800 things going on at once and you don’t even know where to start? If I had a magic wand, and I could have just one of these tasks completed, which task would it be? This magic wand question/trick immediately helps you to calm your mind, and to focus in on your highest priorities and values. What about times in your life where you feel you could use some self-improvement, with healthier habits, in order to lose weight or to have more energy? A lot of times we get so overwhelmed with everything that we think that we have to do, and change, and improve in our lives, that we tend to get frustrated, and then, we end up giving up on all of it. If I had a magic wand and I could just change just one element of my daily habits, what would that be? This question really helps to hone in on what is really the most pressing and urgent, out of all our concerns. And once we have mastered and healed the particular area of our life, and of our health, and of our daily chores and routines, that the magic wand has helped point us to, we can use the trick again, to point us towards our next priority. Perhaps, magic wands are not pretend after all. Perhaps, magic wands are really quite magical, indeed.

Thomas J. Leonard | Dream quotes, The witches of oz, Magic wand

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

I Remember Every Friday

Good morning, friends. Friday is here! The best day of the week is here! On Fridays, I keep it light. On Fridays, I discuss stuff – products, TV shows, movies, books, songs, etc. I typically discuss three things that have made my own life’s journey, a little more interesting and fun. I strongly encourage you to add your favorites to my Comments section, so that we all have some delectable, new choices to try out this weekend. Here are my favorites for today:

Tarpon Tervis Tumbler – We all know that Tervis Tumblers are amazing quality and come in a huge variety of patterns and sizes. I purchased this Tarpon Tervis as one of my Valentine treats, for my husband. It looks like it is a baby tarpon. The “scales” on the tumbler are beautiful. This is a perfect gift for the fisher-people in your life. It is great for them to use on the days that they are fishing, and also to use on the days that they wish that they were fishing. Check out the Redfish Tumbler, as well. Both of these quality, beautiful tumblers are available on Amazon.

I Care A Lot (Netflix) – This movie is an attention-keeping (even comical, at times) thriller and refreshingly different than most movies that I have watched lately. Most of the characters in I Care A Lot are deplorable and evil, but the twists and turns in the plotline, are amazing. The main character is a complete sociopath, the kind you love to hate. Warning: Don’t turn the movie off until the very end, or you may not be able to sleep at night. (On an aside, the main character is a woman with a severely cut, perfect, razor sharp, bobbed hair style. She wears it with a perfectly symmetrical, middle part. I recently read that if you are a woman who wants to look young and hip, wear a middle part in your hair. I have never worn a middle part in my hair, in my entire life, so that is a non-starter for me, but if you can pull it off, it is something to consider.)

John Prine – I read something that said that John Prine’s music is the perfect music to play in the background when you are doing your daily chores like cooking or folding laundry. John Prine’s music is acoustic, mellow, quietly sentimental, and just plain lovely. It was a wonderful recommendation. Start with his “I Remember Everything.” (and make this weekend a memorable one!!! See you tomorrow.)

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Zoom Bomb

My daughter was traumatized yesterday afternoon. She was having an online meeting with her Future Business Leaders of America club, and the meeting was “Zoom bombed” by racists. The videos that were released into the meeting were horrific, including swastikas, guns, and images of people hanging. The teacher moderating the club meeting was powerless, as the hackers had locked out any functions that would have enabled her to close the meeting. The school is doing what it can to find the awful perpetrators. As a mom, I am doing what I can to offer open arms and listening ears, whenever my daughter needs me.

It sickens me that I have had the thought, more than once throughout this whole pandemic, that at least with having my daughter doing her schooling from home, I don’t have to worry about her being a victim of a school shooting this year. It makes me want to vomit that a school shooting is an actual, real concern of mine. This is a concern that would sadly seem reasonably plausible to most people, and a concern which many parents share in.

When I kissed my daughter goodnight last night, I reminded her to wake me up at any time, if she couldn’t fall asleep, or if she had nightmares. I told her that if her thoughts went to the disturbing images that were thrust upon her, she should try to change her thoughts to people and to things that she is grateful for in her life. In this way, she could transmute her thoughts away from evil, and into the light of love and good and joy. All three of her protective big brothers (and of course the strong arms of her father) reached out to her throughout the afternoon and the evening. There is no doubt in my mind, that despite being viscerally violated, my daughter ended the day knowing how completely loved she is by her family. She was able to sleep through the night.

evil-quotes-hd-wallpaper-9.jpg (1024×768) | Evil people quotes, Evil quotes, Lincoln quotes

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Can’t Touch This

I saw this post on Twitter yesterday and it made me proud to be a Gen X, 80s kid!! Our rappers are brilliant. They paved the way. What I like about 1980s rap is that a lot of it, is fun and goofy and upbeat. Don’t ever believe that there isn’t brilliance underneath lighthearted jams. It’s Hammer Time!! You can’t touch this!!

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Late Night

I did something last night which I haven’t done in a long, long time. I stayed up late into the wee, wee hours of the night reading a work of fiction, from its very beginning, to its last beautiful page. I loved the book. It resonated deeply with me. This book is worth my exhaustion this morning. I am not going to tell you the title of the book. It feels too personal. It feels too revealing to just put it out there, to people who I don’t know very well. To tell you about a book that struck me this personally, would be like cruelly and neglectfully, putting my own very, sometimes fragile heart out on to the internet, to be shredded casually by the sharks that swim around us, sometimes.

My beloved and deeply appreciated readers, I tell you a lot about me, and everything that I share with you is true, but I don’t share everything. I’m not sure that I ever will. I did share some quotes from the book that I read last night, with my husband, and with my anam cara (Gaelic for soul friends). They get it. They get me. Treasure those people in your lives who really “get you”, all of you, and love you, and accept you, and understand you, and “see” you, and only want your happiness, for you. These people are incredible gifts. They are those “believing mirrors”, like Julia Cameron writes about. Your anam cara are the safes, and the strongboxes for your heart, and for your whole being. When you cultivate your anam cara in your life, never let them go. Love them deeply. And most importantly, make sure that you are one of them. Be a soul friend for your anam cara, and also be a soul friend, for yourself.

I believe that the mark of an excellent book is one that makes you feel like it has pages written about your own life, as viewed from the inside of your own head, and from the inside of your own heart wells. It feels intensely personal and echoing and vulnerable, to read a book whose words you feel deeply, and whose words keep reverberating in your mind, long after you are done reading. Treasure those kinds of books. They are rare. Like your anam cara, these books are incredible gifts in your life, too.

“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it is raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.” – E.L. Doctorow

My friend shared a parable yesterday, about a little boy who broke one of those Dollar Store glow sticks, in order for the light of it, to comfort his upset little sister. The moral of the story was that the glow sticks only glow brightly, when they are broken. Don’t be afraid of your broken parts, friends. As we all know, it is often the broken parts of us and of others, that glow the brightest and the truest and the clearest. Our broken parts often become like the glow of the lighthouses, which act as beacons to save others from crashing into the jagged rocks and drowning. And helping to save others, helps us to save ourselves, too. That’s how Love works. Love turns our pain, back into Love, which helps each other to survive, and to thrive, and to walk this path together peacefully.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.