Author: admin

Top Shelf

At this time of year, I am not immune to all of the insanely good clearance markdown sales. It always such a battle in my mind between, “Do I really need this, or is just going to add to the crazy clutter of my already overstuffed closet?” versus “Holy cow, when am I ever again going to get to purchase cashmere/leather/designer/multi-stoned at these unbelievably remarkable, marked-down prices?” (maybe after next Christmas, but that is beside the point. Ha!) It reminds me of when Jim Gaffigan, the comedian, talks about fast food deals: “I’m not going to lose money by not taking this deal.” Makes sense to me. 😉

At this time of year, it’s also a good idea to check our own price tags. I wrote this quote down a while ago. It’s a good one:

“If you aren’t being treated with love and respect, check your own price tag. Maybe you’ve marked yourself down. It’s you who tells people what you’re worth. Get off of the clearance rack and get behind the glass where they keep the valuables.” – Relationship Rules

This year, readers, let’s all be Louis Vuitton. Let’s treat ourselves with respect and reverence so that others can follow suit. Let’s not discount our worth. After all, we are “one-of-a-kinds”. The mold has already been broken. There is nothing more rare or valuable than a “one-of-a-kind.” When we understand this about ourselves, we inherently understand that about all of the other “one-of-a-kinds” walking around this top shelf of “Le Earth” with us. A year of elevated love and respect sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? There is no sale on our souls because “priceless” never goes on sale.

Stay As Long As You Can

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist. That is all.” – Oscar Wilde

I read this quote the other day and it made me feel quite sad. I hope Oscar has it wrong. I remember being in my first real professional job out of college and a female manager told me, “The role of the woman in the 1990s is to cope, just cope.”

Everything in my body recoiled at that statement. I remember thinking, “No way. I’m not going to “just cope.” There’s a hell of a lot more to life than coping. I plan to thrive.”

Now, there have been dark times in my life when I have been brought to my knees and it took every breath in my body, to just cope or exist in that moment. I imagine that there are those moments for everybody. But those are just moments. Those moments pass because there is something stronger and deeper in each of us that innately understands that existing is not enough. Life is meant to be fully explored, exploited and turned inside out until every morsel of being-ness has been not just tasted, but devoured and digested until we are satiated with the full feeling of satisfaction, gratification and joy. It is our responsibility to realize this. We have a choice. We can just exist. According to Oscar Wilde and my old boss, that’s what most of us do. But we have all of the tools inside of us to thrive and radiate and prosper and flourish, if we choose to open the floodgates of life, teeming inside of us, aching to expand.

“Life is amazing; live it to the fullest. Stay as long as you can.” – Valerie Harper

Not So Hot

I hate the “bait and switch” game. The other day I went to a food market that I don’t usually go to and I purchased a container of Hot Curry Peanuts. “Hot” was written in a fiery red font with flames surrounding the word, serving as both a warning and an enticement to those like me, who love spicy food. I excitedly put the first couple peanuts in my mouth with the delicious anticipation of wondering just how “hot” these peanuts were going to be. I was hoping that they were right at the level to clear out my sinuses, but not too hot to burn my tongue. I was almost giddy in my excitement of possibly landing on a new favorite snack. So, when I took my first bite, unfortunately all that I could taste at first was a little bit of sugar and curry and of course, the familiar taste of peanuts. I thought, maybe it’s like those gobstoppers my kids used to get that started out sweet but then on a dime, turned to such bitter taste of sour that their cheeks would suck in and saliva would start flowing out of their mouths mixed with the color of the candy. But nothing changed. I thought, “Wow, maybe I just didn’t get peanuts with enough coating on them.” So, I put a handful more of the peanuts in my mouth and waited. Nothing. Nada. More of the same. False advertising.

Another time that this happens frequently to me is when I get sucked in by movie trailers. The trailer is so funny, I anticipate a night of trying to contain myself in my theater seat from laughing so hard, only to leave the theater, bawling, with my eyeliner streaking down my cheeks, because I just witnessed the saddest, most heart-wrenching movie of my life. It could even be a good, sad movie, but that is not what I paid for when I witnessed the trailer! I wanted lightness! I wanted to laugh until my sides hurt! Unfortunately, in those circumstances, the only funny scenes in the whole movie were shown in the two minute trailer. No warning was included to bring a box of tissues.

Don’t get me started on advertised sales. You see the giant, glowing orange “75% off!!” sign in the store window. It is not until you have parked the car and ran to the front of the store to go inside that you notice the other part of the sign. The tiny, barely legible letters “up to” dancing on top of the “75”.

If we really want to get dark about the misleading things in life, consider this quote by John Maynard Keynes, the famous British economist:

“Long run is a misleading guide to current affairs. In the long run we are all dead.”

Yikes! I never knew that I could get this sour over a silly little box of peanuts. I guess I’ve mislead myself that I am a more “happy-go-lucky” person than I really am. It’s just that I am a big proponent of the “under-promise/over-deliver” philosophy of business and life.

“Emotions can certainly be misleading: they can fool you into believing stuff that is definitely, demonstrably untrue.” – Francis Spufford

BEE Good This Weekend

“It’s Friday. Any plan of being a productive member of society is officially thrown out the window.” – Unknown

Happy Favorite Things Friday, my dear friends and readers!! New readers, I keep my Friday posts in the mindset of Levity and Frivolity, my two favorite Friday friends. I discuss three favorite items, websites, twitter feeds, books, etc. that just tickle me! I sincerely urge my readers to let Levity and Frivolity guide them to my comments section and to add their favorites so that we have even more offerings to choose from. (ahem, ahem)

Over the holidays, when my husband and I would be talking to our family, friends and business associates, the subject of our eldest son now being self-sufficient and “on his own”, would inevitably come up. My husband and I have noticed a common theme of questioning from everyone, when this topic comes up. It is such a reliable inquiry people have about this subject, that we have made a game out of seeing if anyone won’t ask it. That hasn’t happened so far. The question we consistently get when we mention that our son is now out of the house and self-supporting is, “Wow, so he is completely off of the payroll now, huh? Even his cell phone bill??”

It seems that telephone bills are a nemesis of all parents everywhere since the invention of the telephone happened. I remember getting heart palpitations as a teenager when our family’s long distance telephone bill arrived in the mail. It was the the opposite of what you wanted in communication from a college acceptance committee. You did NOT want that telephone bill envelope to be thick and heavy. Don’t worry readers, nothing regarding telephone bills will EVER make a Favorite Things Friday list. (oh and yes, my son pays for his own cell phone bill) Speaking of the Favorite Things list . . . .

Guerlain’s Aqua Allegoria Herba Fresca perfume– There is a “no horse pucky” story tied to this one. (see previous “no horse pucky” blog posts – they are worth a read) I’ve told you before, that I adore anything that smells fabulous. Sometimes I think that smelling is my favorite sense. Anyway, I own a gazillion perfumes and the smell of this one does not fall into my usual spicy choices, yet I LOVE it! I discovered it in the most unusual way. I was practicing yoga at this lovely studio and I would go the bathroom and they were using this perfume as the bathroom spray there. However, it was an old bottle (I came to find out that the owner of the studio had purchased the half-used bottle, at a garage sale) so you could not read what the name of this fabulously wonderfully smelling stuff was, as much as me and the studio manager with a magnifying glass, tried to make it out. So, thankfully, I am absolutely dogged when I want to know something and with some internet sleuthing, I was miraculously able to figure it out. It is a minty, fresh, unusually clean, enlightening smell. (Fragrantica, btw, is a wonderful website and resource when you are researching fragrances.) I wish I were one of those people with a “signature scent”, but I am far too mercurial and expansive to settle on one or even, six perfumes.

the CREME shop I am GLOWING dewy primer & setting spray– When I was in CVS the other day, desperately waiting for the Minute Clinic doctor to help me to fix my miserable sinus cavities, I was killing time looking at their new display of The Creme Shop make-up. Now, typically I don’t like setting sprays. They make my face break out and they make me look like I accidentally missed my hair and sprayed a bottle of Aqua Net on to my face. Still, I’m a hopeful person, so I purchased this stuff and I love it! It sprays on more like water and it does not make my face feel stiff or sticky. Yet, I do notice that my make-up seems to last longer without having to do touch-ups. Now, they also offer a matte finish, but I choose to stay clear of matte finishes. I find that matte finishes on me, scream, “Hey, hi, look at my wrinkles! Here, I’ve highlighted them for you with my spray.”

Lady Bee Lavender Hand Soap – I feel guilty putting this one on the list because I’m not sure that it is even available anymore. I got mine at T.J. Maxx and I haven’t seen it there in a while and an online search of it was fruitless. Still, if you are dogged like me, go on a hunt for it. It is worth it!! I bought this on a whim one day, because my husband has a thing for bees and honey. Therefore, I try to surround us, with all things “bee.” We have a bee coverlet, I have lots of bee jewelry, and we even go to bee-themed restaurants. Seriously, one time we went to this restaurant in Colorado called The Golden Bee. The waiters threw little sticky bee-themed patches at you that stuck to your clothes, as you were ordering your food. True story and fun! Anyway, this is another concoction that smells too good for words. I keep it in the kitchen, and I have never seen my family wash their hands more. I don’t understand how we get sick, we wash our hands so much. It is incredibly good smelling soap!

Okay, guys, that’s a wrap. Have a fantastic weekend!!!

“I’ve eaten more than enough kale this week to justify destroying my body this weekend.” – someecards

What She Said

One of my favorite authors has always been Anna Quindlen. When I was young, I would eagerly await our family’s subscription to Newsweek and flip to the last page, to her column. It never failed to delight me and to provoke me to ponder. When I was in my twenties, I read her novel Black and Blue, which is one of the first books to really show the terror of stalking and the deadly reality of domestic violence. Another of one of her books, One True Thing, which was made into a movie with Meryl Streep and Renee Zewelleger, is one of those book/movies that has stuck in my memory for years. I think Anna Quindlen is a master with the pen. So, when I was at the library the other day, I checked out another one of her books called Being Perfect. It is a small, short, tome that reads more like an essay. I believe that I may have read it before, but somehow the Universe knew that I needed to read it again.

The premise of the book is that a lot of us start out in life, trying to live and to be, a formula of perfection. She claims that we morph ourselves into various forms of that formula, depending on what stage of life we are in – our early school days, our college years, being a parent, in our marriages, our various careers, etc. She claims that by being in what she calls a “lockstep” of trying to be perfect, we are cheating ourselves, and all of those who are having experiences with us, out of a true, authentic, in-depth experience that can only be unique to us. Computers are perfect. We are so much more imperfectly, deliciously complex.

When you first start taking your writing seriously, I think all writers fall into that “it’s all, already been said” mentality. I recently read about an author who was dying of cancer and claimed that she didn’t want to be that “cliche of another writer, writing about dying.” I love Anna Quindlen’s take on that in Being Perfect. This is what she said:

“Sometimes I meet young writers, and I like to share with them the overwhelming feeling I have about our work, the feeling that every story has already been told. Once you’ve read Anna Karenina, Bleak House, The Sound and the Fury, To Kill a Mockingbird and A Wrinkle in Time, you understand that there is really no reason to ever write another novel. Except that each writer brings to the table, if she will let herself, something that no one else in the history of time ever has. That is her own personality, her own voice. If she is doing Fitzgerald imitations, she can stay home. If she is giving readers what she thinks they want instead of what she is, she should stop trying.

But if her books reflects her character, the authentic shape of her life and her mind, then she may well be giving readers a new and wonderful gift. Giving it to herself, too. And that is true of music and art and teaching and medicine.”

She also applies this philosophy to parenting. This is what she says:

“You will convince yourself that you will be a better parent that your parents and their parents have been. But being a good parent is not generational, it is deeply personal, and it all comes down to this: If you can bring your children the self that you truly are, as opposed to some amalgam of manners and mannerisms, expectations and fears that you have acquired as a carapace along the way, you will be able to teach them by example not to be terrorized by the narrow and parsimonious expectations of the world, a world that often likes to color within the lines when a spray of paint, or a scribble of crayon, would be much more satisfying.”

My daughter, a budding artist, brought home a paper mache project the other day, in which she had decorated with words and ideas that inspired her. One quote on the project was from Salvador Dali. It said:

“Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it.”

I asked her why that particular quote struck her. She said, “Well, if a great artist like Salvador Dali knew that he wouldn’t reach perfection, why should I worry about it? It makes me feel freer.”

I think that I can only end this day’s post with a smile.

The Triad

In the beginning of the year, I spend a lot of time reflecting on the balance of my life. I want to keep the triad – mind, body, spirit, all in good form, working together, no form of favoritism to one point of the triangle, that only serves to throw my whole unit off of balance. When you get to the second half of adulting, you certainly want to continue to grow, but you also want to make sure that you are maintaining everything that you have worked so hard to learn and to achieve and to treasure. Maintenance is so important. We see that obvious fact in our cars and in our homes and in our investment accounts, but sometimes we don’t apply it to ourselves.

No one looks at an elite athlete, a totally fit person at the gym and goes, “Why are they still here? They look great! They’ve got the perfect body. Time to move on.” No, it’s perfectly understood that the athlete has not only worked hard to achieve their current physique and endurance at the gym, but also, she or he must work very hard to maintain that level of physical prowess. That athlete probably spends more time at the gym than anyone, and no one blinks an eye. No one looks at a scientist, working late into the night, researching in a laboratory and says, “Why are they still in the lab? They’re already smart and knowledgeable enough. They’ve already earned their Ph.D. Time to shut the books.” No, most everyone accepts that scientists are always looking for ways to improve their thinking and problem solving, and always working on new discoveries to keep their minds and proficiency sharp. However, when it comes to “spirit” or our emotional side, why is there often the assumption that something is wrong with the person who regularly maintains their sanity and peaceful way of being, through therapy, or self-help or AA groups or a strong dedication to their religious practices, etc.? Often on the “spirit” side of things, we seem to have the idea that whatever is going on emotionally or spiritually within us, we need to “fix it and move on and quickly.” People puzzle over the regularly attending AA member who started as a teenager and hasn’t had a drink in 30 years, or are convinced someone they know is being brainwashed and controlled or trying to “fill a hole” because they attend many church or temple services throughout the week. People feel like they have to hide the fact that they take anti-depressants or ADD medication, or else be judged and discriminated against. Even a lot of health insurance companies often limit the amount of times someone can visit a therapist and have the therapy still be covered. But just as we must constantly work on the health of our bodies and the acuity of our minds, mustn’t we always be maintaining the nurturing of our spirits?

I think that is why “mental health awareness” has become such a hot topic these days. People applaud the overweight person who joins Weight Watchers and starts exercising regularly. No one denies the importance of an education and constantly learning new things. Graduation ceremonies are often “standing room only.” So I think we have to put that same kind of focus and understanding and acceptance of the importance of maintaining emotional health and sanity. Why is it wrong or “weak” to have healthy, peaceful practices that help get us and keep us “on track”? It is usually the strongest people who admit that they need help. If we don’t start socially supporting and applauding and accepting the healthy practices people do to stay on an emotional even keel, I believe that we will only continue to see the rise of addiction and suicide and school shootings and terrorism, etc. On an individual basis, we inherently understand the importance of a balanced state of being, so why can’t we reflect that on a societal basis? I’m hoping that this is our next major shift into a more enlightened state of being. I see that as a better future for my children and my future grandchildren. And in this second half of adulting, nothing is more important to me, than their future.

My Second Favorite L-Word

My daughter and I went to our local library yesterday. I love libraries. Ever since I was a little girl, I feel an overwhelming sense of peace, tranquility and happiness, when I am in a library. It had admittedly been a while since we had been to our library. I’m as guilty as anyone, being a victim to my own need for instant gratification and downloading books to my Kindle and even being outraged if the books don’t download correctly or fast enough. In fact, earlier in the day, before my daughter asked me to take her to the library, I had already downloaded a mystery to read, and truthfully, I was half-hearted about going to the library, until I got there, of course. Then, I didn’t want to leave.

A few years ago, our local library held an essay contest asking kids to write their visions of what libraries in the future would look like. I remember pondering that question myself, and sadly wondering if libraries would even exist anymore, at least anywhere close to the form that we have always known them. Even bookshelves are becoming passe’ and apparently are not particularly desired features of new, modern houses. Anyway, my youngest two children entered the contest. Neither of them won a prize, but I did think that my youngest son’s essay was really quite interesting. He is a very good writer and he has a vivid imagination. My son envisioned libraries in an Apocalyptic time and frankly, the essay was a bit dark. I imagined that the judges of the essays (mostly volunteer retirees) might have been a bit disturbed and maybe even concerned about our parenting style, but at the same time, they secretly may have also liked a break from reading about robots cleaning shelves and floating comfort chairs. Those items seemed to be the common theme of most of the winners. Still, what struck me about my son’s essay, is that the library was the sanctuary, the safe-place, and the only place where life was still teeming. Perhaps that is what will ensure a library’s place well into the future. Who doesn’t like a communal place of calm, a place of universal interest and learning, where we can all be together, but also in our own worlds – in peaceful gratefulness and understanding, immersed in all of the mysteries of life?

“When in doubt, go to the library.” – J.K. Rowling

“When I got my library card, that’s when my life began.” – Rita Mae Brown

NOT Normal

It took me until my second half of adulting to really understand the distinction between “normal” and “healthy”. I used to constantly question things that I was doing or feeling with this type of question, “Is it normal for me to feel this way?” A very wise person once said to me, “Normal is not the same thing as healthy.” A lot of things and ways of being that we consider “normal” in society are not necessarily “healthy.” When you put it in the context of history books, this becomes much more obvious. I wasn’t feeling all that great over the weekend. My sinuses are showing me no mercy, so I sat on the couch, rested and binge-watched The Feud (excellent, by the way), based on the rilvary of the now deceased movie stars, Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. The amount of smoking, drinking and calling female workers “honey/sweetie/babycakes” which was clearly more of the norm back then, obviously wasn’t healthy for any of the parties involved.

I think that this is a great thing to ponder as I start the new year. When I start questioning if something is “normal”, I am getting myself into the fruitless comparison game. When I start questioning what is “healthy” for me, I am keeping the focus on what is best for me and my circumstances. Healthy is a good goal. “Normal” is nebulous and subjective and ever-changing. What is healthy for me is already programmed into my DNA if I get quiet enough to listen to my body, my inner voice, and my deepest longings. “Normal” is noisy, opinionated and tries to control me by outside sources.

“It may be normal, darling; but I’d rather be natural.” – Truman Capote, Breakfast at Tiffany’s

The Eagle Has Landed

We saw this majestic bird in the trees across from the lake in our back yard, a couple of days ago. My son’s girlfriend got him a telescope for Christmas so he was able to get this amazing close-up photograph through the telescope’s lens. The bald eagle sat still and majestic like this for a good 20 minutes. We were in awe of it!

The United States adopted the American Bald Eagle as our national bird on June 20, 1782. Roman legions used the eagle as their symbol, as they saw the eagle as a sign of mighty strength. Supposedly that is what guided our forefathers and “because of its long life, great strength and majestic looks, and also because it was then believed to exist only on this continent,” we made the American Bald Eagle, a symbol of our country. (baldeagleinfo.com)

There is a legend that Benjamin Franklin wanted the wild turkey to be our national bird, although the History channel refutes that. They say that there is only evidence from 1784, that he wrote his daughter a letter, claiming that the bald eagle was a bird of “bad moral character” due to its propensity to steal other birds’ food. Eagles can fly higher than any other bird, often flying above storms and they have great vision. Overall, the choice of the American Bald Eagle as our national bird, was largely supported and has been ever since.

In the 1940s the American Bald Eagle was in danger of going extinct, but due to conservation acts by the government, by 2007, the species was able to be removed from all endangered lists. Honestly, other than in aviaries, this is the first time I have ever gotten a close-up look of a bald eagle in nature. I’m so grateful that I had the opportunity. This beautiful eagle truly was breathtakingly majestic, stately and stoic.

It struck me that this beautiful animal has no idea what it represents to us. We have seen many beautiful birds in and around our lake and we have often taken their pictures. Still, the level of awe and reverence that my children and I felt when gazing at this bird, was certainly taken to a whole other level, all because of what it symbolizes to our beautiful, beloved country. I’m glad that this bird doesn’t carry around the weight of our expectations. I’m glad that the eagle just “is”. It lives its life as a majestic, gorgeous, flier of the high skies with no knowledge of all of the symbolism pinned to it, that may only serve to weigh him or her down with the heaviness of responsibility. The eagle lives as nature intended it to live, solidly in the moment, with sharp vision to decide what its next move should be.

“The eagle has no fear of adversity. We need to be like the eagle and have the fearless spirit of a conqueror!” -Joyce Meyer

“The Eagle has landed.”- Neil Armstrong

Madonna’s Butt

I have to confess that I am not above reading Hollywood gossip, as much as I don’t like that quality in myself. The other night, I found myself clicking through a series of articles discussing/criticizing/critiquing the possibility that Madonna had recently invested in rather unflattering, butt implants. Madonna is aged 60. The overall consensus of the articles that I clicked through, seemed to be, that Madonna takes herself too seriously and that she is not aging gracefully. Many Madonna fans are finding it disconcerting to see her show a level of insecurity that she never seemed to portray before, with her current seemingly unending quest, for hopelessly trying to retain her youth.

Now I don’t know Madonna personally, so I have no idea what her mindset is and I say, if her butt implants make her happy, so be it. But as a woman approaching 50, the question does come up from time to time, “What does aging gracefully mean for me?” There isn’t always a simple, easy answer.

When I was in my 30s, raising small children, I belonged to a neighborhood pool club where all of the other 30-something moms, living in our neighborhood like me, would congregate with our kids. The 30-something moms, sat in the area in close proximity to the kiddie pool, bathrooms and snack bar, for obvious reasons. The 40-something moms had their own area. Their area was closer to shade and the tennis courts. A lot of times, their teenage kids weren’t even at the pool.

I bring this up, because looking back, while the 40-something moms didn’t have our youthful freshness, our sag-free skin and our budding energy levels, they made up for it all and some, with their confidence, ease and comfort level with themselves. They had nothing to prove. While us 30-something moms offered each other a lot of support and camaraderie, there was also a great deal of competition. Who bounced back to bikini body after pregnancy the fastest? Who packed the healthiest snacks and safest pool toys for our kids? Who managed family, marriage, career, beauty, etc. the best? The 40-something moms had enough experience under their belts to know that the competition game was silly and futile. They knew that time was ticking and it was high time to make sure that their own needs were being taken care of, too. A lot of them were excellent tennis players, who spent a lot of time honing their individual skills. They were lovely in their poise and certainty. They were so attractive because of their easy self-assuredness and confidence and their seemingly lack of care about the fleeting things that really don’t matter.

I read a book many years ago, written by a naturopath. I cut out an excerpt from his book and unfortunately I can’t find the name of the source. Still, his wisdom has served as a guide for me, many times, when the reality of aging has reared its ugly head, when I gaze into the mirror on a day when no amount of mental cheerleading makes up for the degeneration that the reflection of the reality of aging, is showing. This is what he said:

“What you need to remember is this: healthy-looking women are way prettier. It’s dumb to think you’re ever going to look young again. You are not. If you set your heart on looking twenty-eight or thirty-eight, you’re going to break it, no matter what this cosmetic maker or that plastic surgeon tells you. Ain’t gonna happen. The best you’re going to do, if you go down that road, is look like a vaguely delusional woman of precisely your age who has gone to a hell of a lot of trouble and expense to achieve a slightly weird look. The real goal is much simpler and easier to achieve. The real goal is to be a terrific-looking woman . . . of precisely your age.”

I think that is what Madonna’s critics are trying to say. Be the best version of yourself at the age that you are currently living, Madge. You don’t have to be young Madonna. You were already her. Be the version of Madonna who has experienced a lot of life and knows the serene value of that wisdom and experience. Be the beautiful image that reflects the irrelevance of the fleeting, and the in-depth beauty of the experienced and the enlightened. Continue to be the renegade to help guide others to what really matters – the inner core of self-awareness and the confidence to let that boldness and fearlessness fly in a way that moves past age and decay. That boldness is timeless. And incredibly beautiful.