admin, Author at Adulting: Second- Half

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Despite my proclamations in my blog post yesterday, yes, I did check the news and yes, I did touch my face. A lot.

I typically consider myself a person who feels anxiety more than the average Joe. So when average Joe starts showing signs of his easy-going facade cracking and crumbling, I really start to wig. I hate collective anxiety. I usually consider anxiety, an annoying quirk of my own creation (I sometimes see myself as a prettier, younger, non-pervy, but totally neurotic female version of Woody Allen), so when I see anxiety in every one whom I come in contact with these days (despite my best efforts to be a hermit, and to remain in my own little hole), it really is a bit disconcerting. I saw this quote on the internet a while back:

“Drama does not just walk into your life. Either you create it, invite it, or associate with it.”

I did not create the coronavirus. I am not that diabolical. So far, I have not come down with the coronavirus, nor has anyone in my family and friends circle. We are all washing our hands a lot. We have not invited the coronavirus into our inner circle. However, I am associating with the coronavirus, a hell of a lot more than I should. Checking the news continuously, being on hyper alert for every sneeze and cough, watching the hourly fluctuations of our stocks, rationing our toilet paper, are all activities that are not at all helpful to my mental health and thus the mental health of those around me. Drama is not good for me. I must own the part that I am playing in associating with the drama of the coronavirus. I cannot control where this coronavirus situation leads to, in the future. But I can control taking care of the health of my body, taking necessary precautions, and then doing my best to let the rest go. My mental health is a big part of my overall health. I need to walk the talk of my faith. I can let this coronavirus situation be a dramatic over-the-top, punctuated, highlighted lesson of how I sometimes allow other situations (political/interpersonal/social, etc.) grow and bloom and take a life of its own, in my own mind, until my mind is stuck on a 24/7 channel of a ridiculous, overly dramatic soap opera or news feed. And then I’m stuck in that situation where, although I can’t stand the show that I am fixated on, I can’t seem to find the fortitude to turn it off.

“Fear and control is a Lincoln Log. We cannot give up our need to control (illusion of control) unless we are willing to relinquish our fear; we cannot give up our fear unless we stop trying to control. The two are inextricably linked. Where we are fearful, we try to control. When we try to control and invariably fail, we become more fearful.” – Anne Wilson Schaef

“Trusting the process of life isn’t about taking your hands off the wheel. It’s more a matter of holding on to the wheel and just the wheel – controlling what you can and letting the rest soften and blur in the side window as you pass.” – Holiday Mathis

I am going to create the “Fortune for the Day” from things I cut out and taped to the cover page of my 2020 calendar:

Have You Heard the News Today?

Fortune for the day – “Tend to your vital heart, and all you worry about will be solved.” – Rumi

I will not look at the news today.

I will not touch my face today.

I will not touch my face today. (You have no idea about how much you touch your face, until some entity tells you not to do it. I was literally resting my head in my hands, reading the warnings about not touching your face, due to this %$#^&**^ coronavirus.)

I will not touch my face today.

Today, I will do my best to heed Rumi’s above-mentioned advice. My two middle sons are home for their spring break from college. Due to studying needs and lack of money issues, home for spring break became their best option for this year. Staycation, home sweet home. Can I get a whoop, whoop?

“What can I do to make this break at home for you guys, “special?”, I asked them yesterday, as I took a brief pause from Twitter’s CoronavirusFlorida2020 and threw a frozen pizza into the oven.

“Oh don’t worry about it, Mom,” my second son said, earnestly. “I already knew that it was going to suck.”

Now, in all fairness, this son has spent this break, so far, taking practice MCATs, which are eight hour long tests, a pop. That does suck. This is the same child who once told me that he didn’t like to have get-togethers with his soccer team at our house, because I act too “homely.” He doesn’t mince words. In drawing that conversation out a little bit more, while trying not to get hysterical, it seems he meant that I behaved a bit too down-home friendly and welcoming to the soccer boys, not ugly. From then on, I knew to be much bitchier when his soccer mates came around. Ha!

I will end today’s ridiculous, pointless blog post (give me a break, I spent all day yesterday obsessing about the coronavirus and had little time to read or to watch anything actually more interesting and worthwhile, than every three minute coronavirus updates) with an idea my friend texted earlier. We middle-aged women should really be renamed, “Queenagers.” I love it! My Queenager-ness trumps all teenagers, living at the house and otherwise. Today I am a Queenager who will not watch the news nor touch my queenly (not homely) face.

Going to Extremes

If you want a clean looking coronavirus map, with the numbers readily available to you, I have found this Johns Hopkins version to be the one to be very reliable and easy to understand, as I check it up to 183 times a day:

https://www.arcgis.com/apps/opsdashboard/index.html#/bda7594740fd40299423467b48e9ecf6

I have turned this whole coronavirus thing into an interesting self study on my multi-faceted personality. I realize that I am sort of “flip/floppy.” I go from opportunist zeal of “let’s buy downtrodden stocks!”, to wanting to run to the bank, pull out all of our money and stuff it in our mattress. We made plans in a couple of weeks to celebrate my daughter’s birthday at one of the Orlando theme parks. I go from, “Oh awesome! We won’t have to wait in line for anything!” to giving my daughter mature mommy lectures on life’s disappointments, and the realization that we can’t always get what we want, and we will likely have to cancel, if Mickey doesn’t cancel on us first, as I stuff yet another Vitamin C in her mouth before dropping her off at school, while desperately looking for anyone who is coughing, and not into their elbows. I admittedly have a couple of boxes of things that I have ordered online with “Made In China” stamped on the boxes. Despite having sprayed the boxes heavily with Lysol, and leaving them out on the back porch for days, I haven’t found the need to open them up just yet. I tell myself that this is a good lesson in delayed gratification, which I think is important lesson to exercise, in these days of being spoiled by Amazon Prime. I have also kept the shipment of our favorite Illy coffee (made in Italy) in our garage, as I have driven to Starbucks for my daily caffeine hit, the last couple of days. But my face burns in shame, when my kids tell me I’m being xenophobic. But then I get uplifted in pride, thinking, “At least this health scare is teaching my kids big words – words that aren’t slang words! The upside of all of this, is an expanded vocabulary.”

I’m a mess. I’m an out of control see-saw. If I don’t get myself back to center, I’m going to fall hard on my butt. I know this too shall pass. I know that most people who get the coronavirus experience it as nothing more than a bad cold or a flu. I pray for a quick and easy recovery, for anyone who is unfortunately, infected. At this point, my own body is probably mostly made out of Zinc, Vitamin C and echinacea, with an outer layer of Purell coating. Even though I am not a crafty person, I’ve learned from Pinterest, and with much practice, I am now an expert on how to make homemade surgical masks out of paper towels and rubber bands. And I have always purchased expensive, thick paper towels. (Viva – the ones that are like washcloth material – worthy to be a Friday Favorite) I’m iron clad. The logical side of me says, “Lady, you’ve taken all of the necessary precautions. Keep calm and carry on. No more excuses to not do bills and laundry.” The hysterical side of me says, “Quit writing, fool, and check the Johns Hopkins page again – NOW!” Here’s the link again (I’ll see you there):

https://www.arcgis.com/apps/opsdashboard/index.html#/bda7594740fd40299423467b48e9ecf6

Fortune for the day – “A wise man seeks wisdom. A madman thinks that he has found it.” – Persian proverb

Soul Sunday

Good morning. Rabbit. Rabbit. Rabbit.

Fortune for the day – “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” – Annie Dillard

Welcome to Sunday. May this first Sunday in March, be particularly calming, soothing, comforting, and re-setting. May this Sunday find you surrounded in such peaceful tranquility that you can’t imagine ever coming out of its trance of repose. Remember, when you make/allow/find yourself feeling good, you, in turn, uplift the entire world.

Readers, Sundays are dedicated to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. I strongly encourage you to share your beautiful souls in the form of poems in the Comments Section. My new friend and fellow writer, Walberto Campos, has written a strong, poignant poem about his father’s experience with Alzheimer’s disease. I will be publishing that one in the Comments section. Please read it, and please, too, publish your poems in the Comments section. The world can never have enough poetry. Your poems give others permission to share their souls, as well. In poetry, our souls are bared and veiled, all at the same time, which is why I think that we all find poetry so mystifying, yet gratifying. It is so easy to find our own experiences and emotions in almost any poem. Poems are powerful. Here’s my poem for today:

My Little Flower

My little flower grows in someone else’s garden.

Yet, perhaps by providence,

by a Source who loves us both,

I have been assigned to some of her care.

(and perhaps she has been entrusted with some of my care, too)

She is tiny and fragile, yet beautiful and radiant.

She keeps her glowing, purple bloom, reaching towards the sun,

Always. She chooses the sunny side. Always.

Always moving towards the sunshine.

On my designated day, I help to nourish her growth,

hopefully adding some woven strands to her tender roots,

her roots which have already kept her very strong,

through some rough winds and fearful storms.

She has good, solid roots because they fearlessly branch out,

to get her what she needs, to flourish and to blossom.

Every part of her being is fearlessly alive, and flowing, and growing.

She knows how to bloom, my little flower.

She inspires me. And so after carefully tending to her,

I go back to my own garden and everything blossoms,

all the more radiantly, all because of one tiny flower.

Trader Joe Knows

RIP – Joe Coulombe, the original creator of Trader Joe’s

I didn’t know anything about Joe Coulombe, until today, as word of his passing at the age of 89, has hit the internet. I have always loved shopping at Trader Joe’s. (unfortunately, where we live now, doesn’t have a Trader Joe’s store very close by, but even my kids have been praying that one opens up, closer to us, soon, because the experience of shopping at Trader Joe’s is always so incredibly unique and fun and uplifting) What I read today, about Joe and his family, made me, in one part, wish that I had known more about him and others like him, while he was still alive, versus all of the stupid gossip which I could recite about current trendy celebrities, royals and reality stars. However, in second part, I also achieved a lasting smile – a big soothing, internal, happy grin, with the realization that there are a lot of good people like Joe Coulombe doing so much to add to the goodness and the happiness of our collective living experience. We rarely to never hear anything about these people, but they are surrounding us, and elevating us, and loving us and loving life, and they don’t need any praise or notoriety for making the world a happier, better place. These people are the majority of us, friends. Joe Coulombe set out to create a grocery store for the overeducated, underpaid among us, much like his in-laws, who were academics. Before Joe died, a local Pasadena, CA newspaper printed this article about Joe Coulombe and his wife of 67 years, Alice:

“Joe and his wife Alice are entirely lovely people, still very much part of the social fabric of Pasadena, great supporters of the musical arts. But quiet about it. Joe came to a Star-News evening seminar teaching readers the ins and outs of Facebook a couple of years ago, and I doubt anyone else there but me even knew who he was — the creator of one of the most imaginative business ideas of the late 20th century. He saw the tremendous demand created for fresh, non-preservative-filled food by Americans who, thanks to the 747, could finally afford to visit Europe. His famous quote about his ideal customer: “An unemployed Ph.D.” “

Joe graduated from Stanford, was raised on an avocado ranch, served in the Air Force, raised three children with his college sweetheart, Alice and enjoyed six grandchildren with her. As the article said, he and his wife are “entirely lovely people.” When I was perusing Twitter, there were hundreds, if not thousands, of people thanking Joe for their favorite Trader Joe’s staple foods. As Debra French Bloom on Twitter stated about Joe: Joe created a “grocery store, a culture, a destination.” As I am writing this, my husband and my daughter are outside, putting up a hammock that she has been wanting. She was home with the flu yesterday and he wants her to feel better, so he bought her the hammock and they are playfully trying it out, giggly at each other’s graceless attempts to enter the cocoon of the hammock. My husband, my daughter and I (in spy mode), are having an “entirely lovely moment” and my heart is swollen with joy. Friends, the world is FULL of entirely lovely people (you are among them), sharing entirely lovely moments, in an entirely lovely space on Earth. Yes, there are problems, there are pains, there are things to fear and to grieve, but mostly, mostly, our collective world is an ENTIRELY LOVELY PLACE, when we really focus on the love that surrounds us and holds us and inspires us and sustains us and connects us. Like Joe, that love doesn’t scream for our attention. It’s “quiet about it.” Perhaps it doesn’t have to scream for attention, because it is contented in being. It is contented in being Love. It is contented in the knowing that Love itself, is what Life is really all about.

RIP – Trader Joe. Thank you for the reminder of all of the wholesomeness and goodness and fun and abundance that life has to offer.

Friday Reset

Wow, the world needs Friday today, doesn’t it? We need a little “Friday reset” to calm the nerves, take a timeout and find some perspective. New readers, Fridays are called Favorite Things Friday here at Adulting – Second Half. On Fridays, I list three favorites: books, poems, songs, books, beauty items, spices, blogs (a-hem) etc, etc. I strongly encourage you to list your favorites and also to check out my previous Friday posts for more favorites. I think that we all could use some comforting right now, don’t you? As a bonus favorite I noticed that the movies Knives Out and Ford Versus Ferrari are out on Redbox. If you are staying home this Friday to avoid germ contamination, I highly recommend both films. They are light, very entertaining, and very enjoyable to watch, movies. Without further ado, here are my today’s favorites:

“Magnet and Steel” song by Walter Egan – My sweet, romantic husband texted me this song earlier this week. (huge brownie points, dear husband) I love these “blasts from the past” when something you loved but have forgotten about, pops up, in the most delicious way. Play it now, friends. You can’t help but sway and swoon to this one.

OPI Norse is Less nail polish – This is the perfect winter blue nail polish. It is a dark, milky, grayish blue. It is a blue that actually looks nice with every skin tone. It is sophisticated, yet off the beaten track and a perfect winter “pick me up.” That’s what I love about lipstick and nail polish. They are quick, cheap, guilt-free ways to add color and life, to our regular, daily existence.

Dewey’s Bakery Moravian Style Cookie Thins – How can you not love cookies that come from a North Carolina bakery that shipped 12,000 pounds of fruit cake to troops during World War II??? These incredibly delicious cookie thins are only 12 calories each, although I like them so much, I typically inhale an entire sleeve of them (I haven’t chosen to do the math on that calorie intake) . The cookie thins come in many wonderful flavors such as Brownie Crisp, Meyer Lemon and Toasted Coconut. This is another delicious “pick me up” that we could all use right now, including the stock market.

Try to stay light-hearted and keep it real this weekend, friends!!

Fear and Excitement

The above is from my favorite Twitter feed, Think Smarter. I live in Florida. We get a lot of visitors from other states, and even other countries, particularly at this time of year. People who are retired, or people who are on fun, relaxing vacations, are definitely operating at a much different speed and mindset, than the rest of us full-time, every day Floridians. I guess that it all comes down to thoughtfulness and awareness that none of us are the Center of the Universe and thus, please act kindly and accordingly. At the same time, we full-time Floridians truly appreciate, and we are entirely grateful for the tax revenues that our Snowbirds and our Sight-Seers bring to us, and for that, we add a few seconds of patience and restraint, in the grocery stores, before we start sighing loudly, glaring sharply, and then go stark raving mad, ramming shopping carts into fully stocked shelves of juice and wine. Consider yourself warned.

On the subject of warnings, I allowed myself to get caught up in the COVID-19 frenzy last night and actually contemplated spending $689 for a couple of surgical masks. (but then my husband reminded me that we have some kind of protective painters’ masks in a dusty container in our garage, probably from 1999, and our fishing gaiters actually look way cooler and more fashionable than surgical masks, so I put my credit card away) Still, even though I don’t ever get the flu shot, and I spend a sizable amount of money on immune system related supplements every month, and I mostly stay at home by myself every day, by last night, I was scoping out crematoriums, as I had myself convinced that I had the symptoms of COVID-19, and I was hopelessly doomed to a breathless death. In all seriousness, I do hope that all of this panic and alarm calms itself down, and that we can find a quick and reasonable way to contain the virus, heal the sick, and soothe all of our collective fears.

Along those lines of thought, I read something recently that stated that the emotions that we feel when we are excited and the emotions that we feel when we are fearful, are remarkably the same. Perhaps when we feel ourselves getting out of control, feeling darkening fear, we should shut off our computers, shut off our phones, and our TVS, wash our hands (for 20 seconds – sing “Happy Birthday” twice – quietly, and to yourself, if you have a lousy singing voice), and instead think about something that we are excited about. Notice that the feelings of fear and excitement are remarkably identical. To stay on the positive side of the identical feelings, stick with the positive thoughts of elation and happy anticipation, knowing that COVID-19 will soon become ho-hum news of the past, and it will be readily replaced with something else horrible in the news, which we can terrorize ourselves about.

Happy Friday Eve, friends and readers!!!

Fortune for the day – “Happiness depends upon ourselves.” – Aristotle

Clearing

This week feels very poetic (in a beautiful, serendipitous kind of a way), for some reason. I read this poem today and I had to share it:

Clearing

Do not try to save
the whole world
or do anything grandiose.
Instead, create
a clearing
in the dense forest
of your life
and wait there
patiently,
until the song
that is your life
falls into your own cupped hands
and you recognize and greet it.
Only then will you know
how to give yourself
to this world
so worth of rescue.
― Martha Postlewaite

We all have our own little parts, yet very significant parts, to play in the co-creation of this world that we live in, breathe in, love in, dance in, sing in, cook in, feel in, heal in, obsess in, fear in, anger in, paint in, cry in, laugh in, crunch numbers in, play in, learn in, grow in, give birth in, die in. It is my wish for today, that a “knowingness” peacefully covers all of us – a surety of what our own very unique, highest part is to play, in this co-creation, just for today, for the best interests of everyone. I suppose that I will just call that surety/knowingness/peacefulness, “faith.”

Fortune for the day – “Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast. In the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish.” – Ovid

Bait Fish

Fortune for the day – “Luck never made a person wise.” – Seneca

My friend’s husband made a wonderful, easy to visualize analogy the other day. He said that this is one of those times of the year that many of us start to feel like bait fish, with a thousand little have-tos, annoyances, self-created problems and projects, appointments, trips to plan, work issues, tax issues, health issues, house issues etc. etc. nibbling at us, tearing us apart, one teeny bite at a time. If you look at those poor bait fish in the picture above, they certainly aren’t faring that well, at all. I suppose the same could be said about us, when we let our lives swim out of control.

Similarly, I once read that if you dream that you have little bugs crawling all around you or on you, you are having one of those bait fish moments, in your life. (or if it’s a really lucid dream, check your bed closely, for bed bugs) These types of dreams signify that you probably have too many things on your mind, too many things coming at you from every direction possible, and your subconscious is trying to get your attention to simplify, using a dramatic, disturbing, creepy, crawly bug dream to wake you up to your living reality that is currently just too much to handle, right now, for you.

Peter McWilliams said this, “You can have anything you want, but you can’t have everything you want . . .. . Living on this planet has some down-to-earth limitations. First we can put our body in only one place at a time. Second there are only 24 hours a day, 365 (or 366) days per year. Third, the human lifetime is only so long (150 years seems to be tops). . . . The limitations become even more severe when we consider the time we spend on maintenance: sleeping, washing, eating – and some of us even have to make money to pay for all of that.”

He also said this, “You can have anything you want. Pick what you want most and if it’s available, if it doesn’t already belong to someone else (who wants to keep it) – you can have it. . . . The catch? The more unobtainable the “want” you want, the more you must sacrifice to get it. It’s not that you can’t have it, it’s that you’ll have to give up many and maybe all other things.”

I am seeing this phenomenon happening with my middle son right now. He aspires to go to medical school. He is a junior in college. He is trying to balance keeping his grades up, studying for the MCAT, making money being a teaching assistant, keeping a healthy relationship with his girlfriend, and still trying to stay physically robust and strong. He lamented to me recently that this has been his least favorite semester in college. He has had to forgo almost all of his social life with his fraternity and unlike most of his friends, he is coming home for his spring break, to focus entirely on studying for the MCAT, the test that largely determines, if and where, you will attend medical school. There are no guarantees, at this point. My son and I talked about how his dreams and his future are worth this sacrifice, as hard as it is to “miss out” right now.

As McWilliams states, “At a certain point in most everyone’s life – rich, poor, organized, or scattered – the wants outnumber the available hours in the day. At that point, a want must go a-wanting. . . . The solution is preventative: choose carefully at the outset. Be grateful that, although you can’t have everything, some very nice anythings await your selection.”

Perhaps if you are feeling “buggy” or “bait fishy” right now, it is time to become more selective and choosy as to where you are putting your time and your energy. There is always time for brief pauses to breathe, to reflect, to let go, and to reset. If you don’t take those pauses for yourself, those pauses of consideration, those pauses that are making sure that you are living your priorities, then sometimes major pauses, will be forced upon you, by a worn out body, or a neglected partner, or a frustrated boss, or a mental breakdown, etc. etc. Be a healthy fish. Swim in clearer water, with a vision of what you want your place in the pond to look like – the place that is perfect for you. Let go of the rest.

Your Perfect World

Fortune for the day – “The human soul needs actual beauty more than bread.” – D.H. Lawrence

I am one of those people who is pretty open and approachable. This has been a blessing and a curse in my life. I’ve had to do a lot of studying about boundaries. Yet, at the same time, I have met the most fascinating people, with the most engrossing stories because I honestly find most people, from every walk of life, absolutely enchanting and I think that they figure that out pretty quickly. This morning my friendliness was a beautiful blessing. I met a fellow writer in the least likely of places. We are having the popcorn ceiling removed in our garage. The project supervisor is a lovely man named Walberto Campos. I mentioned that I would be inside writing if he needed me to answer any questions. He mentioned that he, too, was a writer. He writes poetry, political satires about what is going on in his country of El Salvador, and he is currently working on a novel. We completely bonded in the matter of a few minutes over our love for the written word. He showed me a couple of his poems. He had written a passionate, beautiful poem for his wife, as a Valentines gift. I asked him if I could publish it on my blog and he generously offered it up. I was going to wait to publish it on Soul Sunday, but instead, I will offer it up as a gift to all of us today. On a funny aside, with all of this popcorn ceiling business (which is 100 percent my husband’s detail oriented side coming out), I insisted that my husband handle this enterprise completely, from getting estimates, to setting up the project and then arranging to pay for it. I get burned out of babysitting house projects very quickly, and then, the not-so-approachable, not so very friendly side of me, rears her ugly head of snakes. So, this morning, I told Walberto to just text my husband the poem (the love poem) because that would be easiest since he and my husband have been making all of the project arrangements through text. He looked at me like, “Okay, really?!?” I said, “Don’t worry, Walberto. I’ll text him that it is coming, but we’ve been married for over 25 years. He’s used to these things, with me, and the new friends whom I meet all of the time. It would be weirder if he didn’t get a love poem from a contractor on a Monday morning.” Here’s the poem. Start Monday off right: