This has been a really hard week for us. Yesterday, my uncle died unexpectedly, in his sleep. Due to COVID, his memorial services will be delayed for quite some time. We are having to comfort our loved ones from afar. It all feels like just way too much, right now. This is my “go-to song”, when the waters of life get really rough.
Bless my heart, bless my soul. Didn’t think I’d make it to 22 years old. There must be someone up above sayin’, “Come on, Brittany, you got to come on up. You got to hold on… Hey, you got to hold on…”
So, bless my heart and bless yours too. I don’t know where I’m gonna go Don’t know what I’m gonna do. There must be somebody up above sayin’, “Come on, Brittany, you got to come on up! You got to hold on… Hey, you got to hold on…”
“Yeah! You got to wait! Yeah! You got to wait!” But I don’t wanna wait! No, I don’t wanna wait…
So, bless my heart and bless my mind. I got so much to do, I ain’t got much time So, must be someone up above saying, “Come on, girl! Yeah, you got to get back up! You got to hold on… Yeah, you got to hold on…”
“Yeah! You got to wait!” I don’t wanna wait! But I don’t wanna wait! No, I don’t wanna wait!
You got to hold on… You got to hold on… You got to hold on… You got to hold on…
I am, once again, back to focusing on “acceptance” in my life. This lesson in acceptance comes up a lot, for us self-admitted “control freaks”. We tend to have to repeat the Acceptance class again and again and again. Acceptance has a hard time sinking in for us. Right now, with everything going on in the world, the universe is really testing a lot of us, on so many different levels, on how well we are faring in the “Acceptance” department.
I planned on writing/blogging on “Acceptance” today and I thought to myself, “Haven’t I already touched on this subject?” So, I went to the search function on my blog and I searched “acceptance” and three pages of many, many of my blog posts showed up. So, the answer to my question is, “Yes, lady, you have more than touched on the theme of Acceptance. You might even start boring yourself, with this one.”
I’m sorry to be so repetitive. I have a little pamphlet that I picked up in a spiritual store over a decade ago, at a time when we were rebuilding our lives in a new state, after the total fiasco of the Great Recession. I have referenced this pamphlet so many times, that it is wrinkled and torn and the pages are thinning. But its strength is in its words, which resonate with me, every single time that I read it. The pamphlet is entitled Acceptance: The Way to Serenity and Peace of Mind, by Vincent P. Collins.
Here’s my favorite passage from my beloved pamphlet:
“God is infinitely wise: God knows what is best for us. God loves us with an infinite love; God wants what is best for us. God is infinitely powerful; God can achieve it for us. We, on the other hand, are ignorant, weak and wayward. Yet in weakness lies our strength. Are we licked, beat, flattened, hopeless? Fine! It is only when we admit our utter helplessness that we can be sure of God’s help.
No one but a monster could pass by a starving, naked infant freezing in a snow bank without picking it up, sheltering, feeding, and clothing it. So it is with us. As long as we insist, “I can handle it!” – God says, “Go ahead!” But when we appeal to God as a helpless infant, God picks us up in God’s gentle hands, cradles us in God’s powerful arms and our worries are over.”
I missed writing my blog yesterday because I was at the hospital with my son. I have mentioned before that my youngest son is epileptic and yesterday, he suffered a major seizure. He’s okay. Other than some lumps and bumps from hitting himself on the hard floor of our local YMCA, where he works, he has mostly physically recovered. Emotional recovery will take a while longer. Yesterday, my son had his hopes finally dashed that he could wean himself off of his medicine forever, and live a “normal” life. All of our hopes for this outcome, were put to rest yesterday. Our family had one of our familiar wounds ripped open, and it will take some time to let it heal over again. The fragility of life and how little control we really have over anything, seems to be the theme this year, at every level of life, down to our family unit.
I’m very emotionally raw right now. My son’s biggest dream was to have outgrown his condition. His epilepsy diagnosis is something that we have been dealing with, working with, wrapping our heads around, for over six years now. His excellent response to his medicine cocktail (which took a while to find the right one – every epileptic person is unique, in what works for them), tricked us into believing that his brain had calmed down enough to say good-bye to the random electrical storms, stirring in his brain, forever, without the crutch of medicine. Medicines aren’t necessarily perfect miracles and we were eager to see if my son could be safe and healthy without his epilepsy medicine, and so with the blessing of his neurologist, we started the weaning process. My son’s seizure medication has a trunk load of side effects, including hair loss, weight gain, lethargy and a big tax to his liver, to name just a few. Still, after what we experienced yesterday, we’ll take these unkind side effects, in order to go back to the strong reassurance that these medicines have the ability to keep these scary and dangerous seizures at bay. (Before trying to wean from his medication, my son was seizure free for about four years.)
Seizures are terrifying to witness, so from a selfish point of view, I am grateful that I did not have to witness yesterday’s seizure. The head of the local YMCA called us and told us that the paramedics had taken my son via ambulance to our local hospital. We have been through this drill before. We knew what to expect. The miserable new wrinkle is that we were stopped at the door to the lobby of the hospital, only to be told that we could not go inside to be with our son, due to COVID concerns. That little wrinkle almost put me over the top.
We all have our burdens to bear. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Uncertain has always been my least favorite state of being, so during this period of trying to wean my son from the meds, we all have had a heightened sense of insecurity. Thankfully, we can go back to the security that his medicine has afforded us for the last four years. We can close the “what if” chapter, for now. We can focus on the “what is” chapter, and look for the healthiest ways to heal ourselves and each other.
Yesterday’s outcome could have been so much worse. I am very aware of that fact and I am very grateful. Most epileptics recover from their seizures just fine – the bigger concern is what they are doing when a seizure happens. Drownings, falling from high places, car accidents are really the biggest concern for most people with epilepsy. Thankfully, my son was in a safe place, surrounded by people who knew about his condition and care about him deeply.
I’ve always been very open on this blog. I’ve opened my fragile heart to you today. Please handle it carefully. Please take today to be very kind to anyone you meet. We really don’t know what trials other people are going through. We humans tend to be really good at “faking it.” And with everything going on in the world today, there is a whole lot more of us out there “faking it” than ever before. Be mindful of this fact, and please be kind. Be kind to yourself and be kind to others. We all have the power to be kind, and that power is more uplifting, and more reassuring and more inspirational, than almost any other power in the world because kindness is rooted in Love.
Happy Father’s Day!! I am blessed by the men in my life. As a woman, I understand that not everyone can say that, so I am utterly and completely grateful. New readers, Sundays are devoted to poetry. On Sundays, I either write a poem or share a poem written by someone else and I strongly encourage you to add your poems in my Comments section. I consider Sundays to be a poetry workshop day for us. There is no judgment, just creative wordplay and word flow. Please see previous Sunday posts for more poetry to feed your soul.
I mentioned that we added a new fur member to the family a few weeks ago. Little Trip, the Boykin spaniel, has implanted himself into our hearts and into our pack. Still, adding a new member to the family pack is a process, and despite doing it many, many times over the years, adding kids and pets into the mix, every few years or so, I was a little out of practice and my dogs showed me that I needed to “get my alpha back.”
Most pet owners understand the theory, that as much as we try to turn our pets into people, by putting them in clothes and walking them around in strollers, reality is, animals are animals, dogs are dogs, and dogs feel most secure when their “pack” is lead by a strong, alpha pack leader, who keeps everyone in their place, with a kind, but firm countenance.
A good alpha isn’t a screamer and yeller. No, a good alpha leader is always in control of himself or herself and leads by example. A good, strong alpha can keep everyone in the pack, in line, with one firm stare. A good alpha is captain of a well run ship and always has that ship pointed in the right direction.
Josie, our collie, understood right away how to make it clear to Trip, the puppy, that she was an alpha over him. From the get go, she made the rules very clear, about what was going to fly and what wasn’t going to fly with her. Josie and Trip bonded almost immediately because Trip clearly understood where he stood (way below) with her. So, about a week into things, Josie and Trip were playing together, sleeping together and he would dutifully stand, for as long as Josie deemed necessary, for a good “lick down” when Josie felt that Trip needed a good cleaning – a tongue sponge bath, so to speak. Josie has become a good cross between Mary Poppins and Nurse Ratchet with Trip, and he respects her greatly. It is safe to say that they have a healthy bond.
Now, Ralph, our Labrador retriever and I, did not start out on the right foot with the puppy. We essentially let Trip walk all over us (as witnessed in the picture above). We did not set up our standards and our expectations, straight out from the beginning and we were allowing a tiny eight pound puppy, to be the alpha of us. Noticing that I was allowing a little puppy to call a lot of the shots, appeared to make Ralph, our Labrador retriever, feel somewhat insecure (some would say jealous, and that might have been part of it, but for a dog, with pack mentality, insecure is even a worse feeling than jealousy). If a twerp-y fur baby was ruling one of the main alphas of the pack, what did that mean for the welfare of our pack overall? Ralph’s patience was running very thin with the puppy, and one night, very uncharacteristic of Ralph, he let his evil dark twin make a rare showing, which quickly woke me up to the fact that if I wanted our pack to be a peaceful, happy family, I would have to get “my alpha” back into working order.
In the process of quickly re-establishing law and order in my household, it struck me how important it is for we women to remember that we must be the alphas of our own lives. A good alpha is calm, knows what she will accept and won’t accept, and has high standards for herself and for others, who want to be part of her life. Yesterday, I was watching a interesting Zoom call, which my husband’s company produced, discussing race relations. In the call, a very dynamic and impressive black woman, called white women out, challenging us to “use our power and our privilege” for good. Honestly, it felt good to be reminded that I am powerful. And that I can use the power that I have for good, in my family, in my community and in my country.
We can learn from every experience that we go through, if we open our eyes to the fact that we still have a lot to learn. My dogs have been my best teachers these last few weeks and I’m so grateful to them, once again. It feels good to feel my alpha rising in me again. She is strong and powerful and wise and kind, and she knows how to lead me through life, the best. We are all feeling more secure around here these days, most especially, me.
My friend just sent the above quote to our group chat. Maya Angelou will always be one of my favorite writers. What a gift of inspiration her words were to all of us!! Today is “Favorite Things Friday” here at Adulting- Second Half. On Fridays, I share three of my favorite anythings and I strongly encourage you to share your favorites with us in the Comments section. Please see previous Friday posts for more favorites. Here are my favorites for today:
Gevalia Mocha Latte Espresso K-Cup Coffee Pods & Froth Packets – My new favorite cafe is my daughter’s bedroom. I don’t have to wear a mask or wait in much of a line, at this delightful place. My daughter has a little corner nook in her bedroom where her Kuerig is set up and she is always trying new concoctions with her magic machine. These lattes are divine!! My daughter sprinkles a little bit of cinnamon on top and the result is Heaven in a coffee mug. She says the mocha option is amazing, as well, but I haven’t “ordered” one of those yet. But I will soon, and I know that it will be scrumptious!
Shovava Shop on Etsy – I have a thing for owls and I have a thing for shawls/scarfs and this Australian shop on Etsy marries both of my obsessions perfectly. These thin, beautiful, hand-painted scarfs drape around your shoulders perfectly, providing warmth and comfort and elegance, while still being very breathable. They are also able to be folded very compactly, so they are easily transported to airports and restaurants and theaters, when these things become part of normal life again. What I like best about the owl variety that Shovava makes, is that you literally get wrapped up into the wings of the owl. Mystically beautiful! Please note that the scarves take a while to arrive to the United States, since they are coming from Australia during the coronavirus.
Daily Peace Quotes – I have an email subscription to the Daily Peace Quotes from LivingCompassion.org. I usually find them among the most thought provoking items that I read throughout the day (and I LOVE to read. I read A LOT.) The quotes are typically short and sweet and yet, quite deep. For example, here’s today’s Peace Quote:
We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine. – H. L. Mencken
On that note, I read that people keep “moon gardens” which are gardens that only contain flowers that bloom at night, by the light of the moon. I think that is a fabulous idea, especially during summertime. Have a wonderful, celebratory weekend, friends!!!
Eating and praying are activities that I have been partaking in a lot lately. I know that I am not alone in this. By the way, the above meme is another good one posted on Rex Master’s Twitter account. For more information about Rex, please read yesterday’s blog.
I’m tired today, friends. I’m going to go into the kitchen now, for a little mid morning snack. I’m going to say a little prayer for the strength to not over-indulge, and then I am going to write yet another grocery list and head to the store. See you tomorrow!!
Lately, all of the protests, the political divides, and the attention to injustices and systemic racism, has made me more self aware. I’ve been trying to look at everyone who I meet and I see and I know, under the lens of what our similarities are, instead of our glaring differences. Recently, I had an “aha” moment, awakening me to the fact that I may not be as open minded as I like to portray myself to be.
I share practically the exact same sense of humor with two people in the world. The first person is my sister, and the second “person” is a furry named Rex Masters. Several months ago, someone “normal” who I follow on Twitter would retweet hilarious memes from a Twitter thread by someone who goes by the name of Rex Masters. Rex’s Twitter profile picture is a dog, or more so, a person in a fancy, colorful, furry dog suit, much like a college mascot. I started following Rex on Twitter, and it never fails, every single day, he gives me something to laugh about, usually something worth a hearty, laugh-out-loud guffaw. Now to be clear, at the time that I started following Rex, I was very, very naive. I didn’t know about “the furry subculture.” For those of you who are as “innocent” as I am, this is what Wikipedia says about the “furry fandom”:
“The furry fandom is a subculture interested in anthropomorphic animal characters with human personalities and characteristics. Examples of anthropomorphic attributes include exhibiting human intelligence and facial expressions, speaking, walking on two legs, and wearing clothes.” Wikipedia
Now, for the longest time, I didn’t realize that Rex was part of the “the furry fandom”. I honestly didn’t know that the furry fandom existed. I just figured that Rex had the dog picture on his Twitter as a way to keep his privacy and to be cute and funny. I figured that he liked dogs as much as I do. I didn’t realize that Rex was a hard-core fur-suit wearing member of the furry fandom, until I started noticing Rex’s posts about where to buy fur suit items and other posts expressing disappointment about furry conventions being cancelled due to COVID. So, I did some more research, to try to understand what the furry subculture is all about. It turns out, that a big part of being a furry, is having an alter-ego and often acting out that alter-ego, in a fur suit.
I pride myself in being a “live and let live” kind of a person. Or, at least I try to be. My thought is, whatever your hobby or interest is, as long as it doesn’t hurt you or anybody else and as long as all of the activities concerning the hobby, are among consenting adults, that is your business. Variety is the spice of life. I can’t pretend that I fully understand the appeal of being an adult and wearing a fur suit around for the “fun” of it, but of course, I am a menopausal middle-aged woman who is hot and sweaty, almost all of the time. Right now, in the midst of menopause and summer in Florida, even the act of wearing clothes, is starting to lose its appeal for me. Perhaps I should look into nudist colonies?!
Nonetheless, when I figured out that I was following a “furry” on Twitter, I got a little nervous. I wondered if I should “unfollow” him. What would people think?? What would this make people think about me, a middle-aged woman with a mommy blog, following a furry on Twitter??? Would people think that I was a furry?? Would people think that I was a kinky furry???
Now, I’ve always hated the question, “What would people think?” That particular question always brings out the righteously angry rebel in me. I usually bark out, “I don’t give a sh*t what people think,” any time that I hear that question being asked out loud. Still, I wish that was entirely true for me. While I may not be as image conscious, or embarrass as easily as some people, I still have my own large load of insecurities that I am weeding through. I care about what people think, more than I care to admit that fact, to myself or to anybody else.
I decided to keep following Rex Masters on Twitter, but I found myself refusing to ever retweet any of his tweets. Instead, I would take a picture of my computer screen with Rex’s memes and send them to my family and friends, almost daily. I would take a picture of just the memes – never, ever, ever including the source.
Recently, my eldest son, called me and asked me, “Mom, where do you get these memes?? They’re hilarious.” Now, I don’t make it a regular practice to lie to my children. So with a big sigh, I confessed that Rex Masters, the furry – a card carrying enthusiastic member of the furry fandom, was my source of my funniest shared memes. My son laughed out loud. I started giggling, too, mostly out of embarrassment and a little bit of shame. Why did I find the need to hide the fact that a person who wears a fur suit around as a hobby, makes me laugh almost every single day? I was more focused on outside appearances, than the very real connection and joy, I get from having a very similar sense of humor, to a man in a fur suit who calls himself Rex Masters. His memes have added a great deal of laughter and joy to my life, at a time in the world, that laughter is direly needed.
Rex Masters typically posts funny, silly, irreverent memes, but he shared this meme about thirteen hours ago:
Me, and a guy in a dog suit, think alike, in a lot of ways and that is what I need to keep my focus on. Good boy, Rex! You are a good, good dog. You deserve a treat, my friend!
“You are the most perfect you, there is” – Meraki (Etsy)
Think of the most wonderful person in the world, to you (or your pet or your family group or your friend group, or your God, just think of the most meaningful relationship(s) of love to you, that you have in your life). Think about how much you love that person, you admire that person, you care for that person, you treasure that person, you feel gratitude for that person, you feel beyond lucky beyond belief, to have that person in your life. Feel all of those wonderful feelings that just the thought of that person brings into your heart. Feel how much you light up around that person. Feel how secure and comforted you feel around that person. Think about all of the kind things that you do for that person to take care of that person and show them how much you love them. Think of all of the lovely things you have said to that person, all of the lovely things that you have done for that person, how much you consider the thoughts and actions and feelings of that person. Think of all of the kind things that you say to that person, to uplift them and to cheer them up when they are down. Think about all of the wonderful things and experiences and happiness that you want for that person. Think about how much time and energy and thought, you put into that person. Your person(s). Your familia. Your heart.
Now, just for today, try letting “your person”, be you. Today, “your person” is yourself. Treat yourself to all of the love and admiration and care and adoration and gratitude and pride and comfort, that you typically feel and give to “your person.” Realize, the true and amazing fact, that all of the love and admiration and care and adoration and gratitude and pride and comfort that you give to others, doesn’t go away when you give the same to yourself. No, in fact, all of this wonderfulness, will be amplified because you won’t be needy or full of expectations or full of resentments towards others in your life. You will be satiated with the love which you are craving, the love which you are often trying to get outside of yourself. If today, you allow yourself to be “your person”, you will find that you are so full of love and peace, that these feelings can’t help but to over-spill on to everyone you meet.
Just for today, just for experiment’s sake, allow yourself to be “your person.” When you catch yourself being mean or neglectful or judg-y or demanding or demeaning to yourself, apologize immediately – just as you would do for your “your person” when you have hurt them. Then do something nice for yourself, for reparations – just as you would do for “your person.” Compliment yourself. Thank yourself. When you make a choice or decision today, ask yourself if this choice is one that you would make for “your person,” with their best interests at heart. When you feel yourself in need of advice, ask yourself what advice you would give to “your person” in this situation? When you make a mistake, forgive yourself, just as you would do for “your person”. Don’t admonish yourself, endlessly. Help yourself to do better, as you would do for “your person” . When you feel yourself feeling scared or down or lonely or sad or angry, cheer yourself up, like you would do for “your person.” Empathize with yourself. Don’t dismiss your feelings. Be kind to yourself just like you are kind to “your person.” Let yourself feel and visualize holding yourself, just as you would do for “your person.” Protect yourself, like you would protect “your person”, from cruel people and negative places and experiences.
Today, be real with yourself. Be authentic. Be as you are. You know that you love “your person” authentically, “flaws” and all, because the totality of “your person” and the intimate knowledge of that totality, is what makes you so close to “your person.” You know and accept “your person” like no one else does. Today, be that “knower” of yourself, and accept yourself completely and totally. Give yourself this great gift. If “your person”, asked you for this genuine love and acceptance, you would say, “Honey, you had me at hello. The gift is already yours.” Give yourself the pure and freely given gift of total love and acceptance that you give to “your person”, just for today.
Try this experiment, just for today. What have you got to lose? Today “your person” is you. I think that maybe if all of us did this experiment a little bit more and a little bit more, we’d be surprised about how much better our lives would get, individually, and collectively. Love is infinite. Love has infinite supply. Love is. Why would we deny something for ourselves, that by its very definition is infinite? We have put up the barriers, we have closed the doors, and we have created the false conditions. Love hasn’t done any of that. Love just waits patiently, surrounding us, waiting for us to wake up from the illusion that we don’t deserve, what we already have.
Love “your person” today, with all of your heart. Love “your person” today with everything you have. Today, your person is you and you deserve real Love.
I love this video. It must have been taken during Australia’s wild fires a few months ago. There is so much comfort in having your hand held. Someone holding your hand is a total energy transfer of love, and strength and stability and comfort. A couple of years ago, I was on a trip with my best friends from college and I ended up with a corneal abrasion on my eye. I was so scared and I was in a lot of pain. One of my dear friends just quietly sat with me, in the car, on the way to the doctor and held my hand. I vaguely remember how scary and painful the eye injury was, but I VIVIDLY remember how comforting it was for my friend, to just confidently, hold my hand. That part, I will never forget.
A while back, I was about to do a reading at my grandmother’s funeral. I was sad, nervous, emotional and anxious. My sister grabbed my hand and held it and squeezed it before I headed up to the pulpit. I’ll never forget that caring moment and how much it conveyed it to me, in just a couple of seconds of human touch. Who knew that there was so much electricity and power and knowledge and wisdom, swirling in our hands?
I suppose healers and massage therapists and wood workers and sculptors understand better than most of us, how to convey the love in our hearts, out into the world, through the use of our hands. These wise people understand that our love doesn’t want to be trapped inside of us all day. Our love gets restless, and it wants to be set free, in order to grow and to expand. What is a more beautiful, tactile way to set free love, than through the tenderness and warmth of holding hands? Is there a more perfect universal communication of our unity and our energetic connection than holding hands?
If there were ever a time that the world needed to be holding hands, it is now. Threaded hands signify our connection, our compassion, and they remind of us of how much power and energy each of us has coursing through our veins. Holding hands transforms that power into love and strength and allows Love to pass, without disruption, through all living things. If we can feel all of that power and vigor, just in our own two hands, imagine that power amplified by millions and millions of hands being held together at one time. That power would be incredible. It would be overwhelmingly amazing.
If ever there was a time in the world, that needed more hand-holding, that time would be now. If you are living with people who you love, take some time to hold their hands today. Think back fondly to your own memories of when the human touch, meant the world to you and let the warmth of that memory melt into your heart. If you are by yourself today, put your hands together in prayer position. Did you ever stop to ponder as to why we put our hands together to pray? Think about it, as you hold your hands together, firmly in front of your heart. Sometimes the vital power of this energy we feel in our hands, is so great that we feel a great deal of heat, or a jolt of electricity, that is almost overwhelming. We hold so much power in our hands. Let’s use that power to hold and to connect and to uplift and to feel. Let’s not turn that power into fists of hate and hurt and violence. Let’s use our hands for what they were really made for, and what nature intended them to do. Hands were made for love, and for connection, and for creation. Even a little koala fellow innately understands this truth about holding hands. Simple nature is so very, very wise.
