Month: March 2024

Values

The last three weeks or so, I have been completely off of my normal, regular routine schedule. I’ve had a marvelous, fun and productive time, but I’m feeling pretty fried. I overheard someone say, “I need to catch up with myself.” That words it perfectly. I need to slow down and catch up with myself. If you don’t give yourself these slower, regular scheduled times to assimilate everything that you’ve experienced, you start just going through the motions, and you start behaving like a zombie. At least, this is my experience. I am someone who craves a fair amount of solitude and I’ve been starved of solitude for a while now. This morning I am being nourished by solitude and I feel myself “catching up with myself”. As an extroverted introvert, solitude is what plugs me into my replenishing energy source. I feel myself getting charged back up.

I listened to a podcast the other day, and one of the participants, Jessica Lanyandoo said this: “Happiness comes as a direct result of living in accord with our values. When you are living in a self-appropriate way, you’re happy. I mean, I’m not saying you’re giddy. But (living in accord with our values) is what leads to authentic happiness, inner peace (and) inner balance.”

It’s so true, isn’t it? Often what we say what we value, is not what we are showing the world what we are valuing. We can say that we value family time, but in reality, we are spending most of our time trying to climb the corporate ladder. We can say that we value health, but we get take-out for dinner every night. We can say that we value peace, but we allow ourselves to get caught-up in online drama and arguments. We can say that we value financial security, but we get ourselves into debt in order to “keep up with the Joneses.” A good exercise to get back into alignment with your own values is to quickly, and off-the-cuff, without thinking too much, list 5-10 core values that you deem the most important for yourself, in your own life. (and do this activity privately. Be honest. List your own true values. Do not list what you think that you should value, based on the judgments of others. No one will see this list.) Then, rank these values in order of importance to you. Finally, look at this list of what you believe are the most important elements in your life, and get brutally honest with yourself if you are truly living in accordance to your own values. Is where you spend the majority of your time, energy, attention, and money, truly in line with what you deeply value? If you are not experiencing mostly happiness, inner peace and inner balance, why is this? When you look at where you are spending the preponderance of your time and energy and mindspace, is this in true alignment with your core values? What’s pinging you to change? What area or areas in your own life, are asking you to steer the ship in a different direction, in order to get us back to your own true north?

Our values are what define us. Our values are what give us purpose in living our lives. Our values speak to what we think is most worthy in our life experience. If we are not living up to our own values, we know. We feel the negative emotions that are trying to get us back on track to our core truths. If we live in alignment with our deepest values, we generally feel peace. “Happiness comes as a direct result of living in accord with our values.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1604. What do you think is the most dangerous profession in the whole world?

Monday – Funday

(I’ve never been a big fan of squirrels.) I’ve taken an informal survey of friends and family and we all agree that this last Daylight Savings change has been a bigger doozy than usual. I still don’t think that I have fully adjusted to it. Have you?

I just glanced at a good article by Chani Nicholas that contained these questions to utilize when you find yourself triggered by something:

“What am I feeling and why? What was the incident that got me here? Is my feeling a proportionate response to this event? And if not, what is the situation reminding me of?“

By bringing ourselves out of the emotional aspect of happenings, and by looking at the situation under an analytical lens, we can do less reacting and thus more healthy responding. We can also learn more about ourselves in the process and about what areas in our lives could use some healing. The next time that you feel a strong negative emotion about a happening, use the questions above to journal about the situation. The insight that you glean by doing this, could be priceless, and it can lead you to some area in your life that you can change, or at least help you to change the way you are thinking about it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1087. Who would call you their biggest cheerleader?

 

Soul Sunday

Good morning. Happy St. Patrick’s Day! (I apologize for not publishing a post yesterday. Distractions abounded!) Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. In honor of St. Patrick’s Day, I am going to feature some poems by Irish writers. The Irish have a way with melancholic writing like no others . . . .

“The Last Rose of Summer”

’Tis the last rose of summer
Left blooming alone;
All her lovely companions
Are faded and gone;
No flower of her kindred,
No rosebud is nigh,
To reflect back her blushes,
To give sigh for sigh …

-Thomas Moore

“The Lost Land: Poems”

This is what language is:
a habitual grief. A turn of speech
for the everyday and ordinary abrasion
of losses such as this:
which hurts
just enough to be a scar
And heals just enough to be a nation.

-Eavan Boland

“The Lake Isle of Innisfree”

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,
I hear it in the deep heart’s core.

-W.B. Yeats

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2552. What’s your favorite cereal? (Especially in honor of today, I am going to say, “Lucky Charms.”)

Sorbet Friday

Happy Friday!!! On the blog on Fridays, I get out of my overthinking mind and I discuss the tactile stuff in life which makes it more fun to be alive. Today’s favorite is for you, if you are feeling girly and summery and splurgy. The website is actually based in Greece. The items are fun and not incredibly expensive, although the shipping can be. Even if you just want to browse to feel the excitement of summer being right around the corner, check out Sorbet Island. The items are girly, summery and have a “bring a smile to your face” kind of a feel. Here is their website:

https://www.sorbetisland.com/

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2240. Are you scared of the dark?

Absolute Truth & The Four Hour Rule

 “All things in this world, including ourselves, are aggregate sums of atoms, which are made up of rotating electrons. The ultimate history of mankind is moving toward a happy ending for people of all races. The Earth, the galaxy, and the universe all rotate. In other words, I think rotation is the absolute truth. So as long as I’m thinking about pi, I think I can live a life according to truth.” – From the Morning Brew quoting Akira Haraguchi who is the first person to recite 100,000 digits of Pi

Happy Pi Day!! I believe in the truth. I believe that we are headed towards the happy ending for all people. Let’s all just make sure that we are rotating in the right direction.

Yesterday was our annual termite inspection day. Recently we figured out that we have lived in our current home for ten years which is longer than we have lived in any home in the entirety of our married life (and is also why I should be currently cleaning the damn clutter out instead of writing my blog). Anyway, our termite inspection guy is a nice, older chatty guy who, since around 2019, has told us his fondest good-byes, mentioning that he won’t see us next year because he plans to retire. But of course, this same guy showed up at my door yesterday to inspect our house for termites (none, thank goodness) and of course, I teased him. And as usual, as I followed him around the house, as he put a flashlight on to every nook and cranny (and I cringed, embarrassed by the dust), we chatted. Our chat was mostly about “the what nexts” of retirement. I’ll call our inspection guy “M” from here on out. M told me that he really does want to retire, so he has made some, what he considers to be, outlandish demands on his company, like no more Saturday jobs, and that he has to be done inspecting by 2:30. The company keeps happily meeting his demands.

“M, this means that they really love and respect you! They appreciate you. They don’t want you to leave,” is what I said.

And he nodded, looking both proud and sheepish at the same time. “It’s hard for me, ya know,” he said. “There is still that young competitive guy inside of me who wants to be the best in the office, at every facet of the game.”

“M, maybe you just need to change your mindset a little bit,” I said gently. “Maybe there comes a time when we stop the climb, climb, climb, and we turn around, and we become the elders who reach back our hands to help show the youngers the way. Maybe it becomes our job to make the climb a little bit easier for those who are coming up behind us, and pushing them along to surpass what we were able to do. And just maybe, by doing this act of passing on the wisdom, knowledge, and confidence to our younger successors, this is really the true pinnacle of our careers, and of all of the success that we have had in our careers. And maybe we also have to show them that it is possible to leave the game, and to go on to do other things.”

M looked at me thoughtfully, like he wanted to agree, but he is clearly still in a state of flux, thinking everything out before he makes his true retirement move. He did tell me that he is clearly thinking out how he would spend his time if he retires, by checking out local gyms, buying an electric bike, and turning his garage into a mancave. M told me that he didn’t want to ruin his successful, many decades long marriage, in his golden retirement years. M said that the reason why his marriage is so successful is because they took advice that he got from his cousin many years ago. She called it “the four hour rule.” She told M to never spend more than four hours at a time with each other, without taking a break, (sleeping is not included) throughout their marriage, and they will live happily ever after. His cousin reminded him that most major arguments in marriages happen on the weekends, or on vacations and holidays. Couples rarely argue during the week, when they spend just about four hours together in the evening, eating dinner together, talking about their days, and then perhaps watching a show before heading to bed.

Since 2019, when the inspections have been over, I have shook M’s hand and wished him well in his retirement, thanking him for his excellent service throughout the years. This time I didn’t do it. We both laughed when I told him that I’d probably see him again next year. But when I closed my door, I felt a little lump in my throat. This time did feel different. I’m pretty sure that it will be a different person doing the inspection next year. I felt a mix of resignation/excitement/planfulness in M’s demeanor this go around, that told me that M is now truly ready to take his next steps into a truly different stage of his life. And who’s to say what will be happening in my own life at this time next year? Will we still be at this house? Whatever does all happen, I do know is this: M, and me, and everyone else in this world, are ultimately all rotating towards the absolute truth . . . . . and this is all that really matters.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1762. What do you consider yourself an expert at?

Cocksure

A couple of weeks ago my husband and I took a ride in a helicopter, over a large mountain range. I had never taken a long ride in a helicopter, so I was admittedly a little bit apprehensive. We got to talking to the pilot before the ride, and I was instantly reassured. I felt very little fear from the beginning of the ride until the end, despite it being a big thrill. In turns out that our pilot had served in the marines, flew planes for firefighters in the west, and he had an entirely “cocksure” attitude. Typically, I don’t care for this kind of arrogant cadence in people, but there are certain professions where it is absolutely what you want to encounter, such as from your doctor/surgeon, your lawyer, your financial accountant, and absolutely any kind of driver or pilot who is in charge of getting you safely to and from your destination. And reflecting back, this pilot was extremely likable. He was definitely more confident than truly arrogant.

Confidence is not something that is easy to fake. And some people are so stupidly, unwarrantly confident/arrogant, and that attitude stands out like a sore thumb, and makes anyone around these people feel less confident in them than ever.

Arrogant people need to feel “better than”, in order to feel good about themselves. Other people are desperately needed for arrogant people to feel good about themselves, as either adoring audiences or as people to compare themselves to, whom they consider to be “lower standard” than themselves. The feeling of superiority is an aching need for arrogant people. Ironically, most arrogant people are extremely insecure. Confident people get all of their self-assurance from their own inner knowing, their faith in life and/or in their Higher Power, and in their own individual purposes and gifts. Other people really don’t figure into the equation of how confident people feel about themselves. Confident people assume that everyone has the ability to be confident in their own lives and in their own purposes and talents, and they wish the best for us all. Confident people feel assured that any of us have the ability to live life to the absolute fullest. And thus confident people inspire us, and they lead the way without even realizing that they are doing it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

488. Fill in the blank: Working _______ hours a week is too much for me.

That’s What They Said

+ I’m not a huge fan of the royals and I try to keep my gossiping in check, but I find myself going down this “Kate Middleton rabbit hole”, like so many others. Where is she? What really happened? Are they headed towards divorce like Diana and Charles?

“The Kate Middleton Photo Scandal has now got me seriously questioning this.” – Cian McCarthy, X

“I’m not generally into conspiracy theories but this Kate Middleton photo has got me feeling like a flat earther” – Cara Lisette, X

“I consider myself a serious person, but I keep clicking on the trending Kate Middleton link. I cannot help myself.” – Joyce Alene, X

+ And some good quotes from the Oscars:

“I’d like to thank my terrible childhood and the Academy, in that order.” – Robert Downey, Jr.

Honestly, the best parts of our own selves often come out of us after our hardest, most taxing experiences. I love that Robert Downey, Jr. can find the blessings, sort them out, and then soar with the good stuff.

“I always wanted to be different, but now I realize that I just need to be myself. Thank you for seeing me.” – Da’Vine Joy Randolph (she won best supporting actress for The Holdovers, a must-see film. I’ve seen it twice, which is a rare experience for me.)

+ And from the fashion illustrator, Izak Zenou:

“Whimsical, elegant funny sexy, always glamorous and Certainly not pretentious. With a smile on your face, here you go for the big life!”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2047. What makes you feel unstoppable?

Monday – Funday

This is good information to have in our back pockets. (ha ha)

I am coming off of a couple of weeks of one exciting, interesting, unique, fun event after another. And it’s all been really great, especially being with my loved ones. However, I am exhausted. I am “spent.” Energy is energy, and wherever you are spending your every load of energy, whether it be on good times or on bad times, it all needs to eventually be replenished, in order to get on with things, in a healthy way. I hope to replenish my coffers this week with some sleep, with some solitude, and with some unscheduled moments to just be.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2388. Do you know your own worth?

Soul Sunday

Welcome to poetry day on the blog. Sundays are devoted to poetry here. Emily Dickinson’s poems were not widely published until after she died. She was known as a recluse and as a rebel. One of her most famous poems is below. I like it. I’ve never quite understood the desire for fame (admiration, sure, but fame – No thank you.) I believe that fame would limit your individual freedom so much, and also make you feel quite misunderstood and not quite “seen” despite being ever so seen. But honestly, I wouldn’t know. I’m nobody! Who are you?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

666. What is one thing you do that you consider practical?

Saturday’s Snippets

+ We just dropped our eldest son and his girlfriend at the airport after a lovely visit with them. That’s something you never quite get used to with your children, from the moment they leave your womb . . . . the letting go and the saying good-bye. But the reunions are always so wonderful. Like so many things in life, it’s two sides of the same coin.

+ We have our first grand-dog!! Our middle son and his girlfriend adopted a “furry Frenchie” from a rescue. He is beyond adorable! Frenchies do the “zoomies” like no other dog can do. Until I get an actual grandchild, I plan to be as obnoxious as I was last night, passing on videos of our “grand-dog” to anyone who will watch them. (or at least politely pretend to)

+ I learned a new wonderful word the other day. It is a German word. The word is “Nachkussen”. It means to do the kind of kissing which compensates for the lack of passionate kissing that has been needing to happen between two lovers for a while. Purposely schedule some “Nachkussen” with your baby tonight and then thank me in my Comments section tomorrow. (I want to see a lot of gratitude . . . .)

+ The author, columnist and poet Rob Brezsny said that one of the best compliments that he ever received was from one of his readers who said to him, “I want you to know how often your process of being yourself has helped me in the process of being me.” By being fully and truly your entire authentic self, you give others permission to do the same. How beautiful and inspiring! This is how we become “wayshowers.”

“Wayshowing means showing others the way by simply awakening to and living your truth. By being it rather than preaching it. Leave room for people to notice the incredible shifts you are experiencing and they’ll naturally want to have what you’re having.” – Embodying Wild

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2982. Were you ever a member of a celebrity fan club?