Month: August 2023

Monday – Funday

And even those who know the content, bring their own perspectives and experiences and projections to “reading” us. In the end, only us and our Creator know our true “content” and sometimes our “content” even reads as a mystery to us, as we go through the chapters of our lives.

When I was young, we were taught to respect and revere books. Books were considered sacred. We weren’t to fold or tear the pages. We treated the cover gingerly, sometimes even putting a cover on top of the cover, in order to keep the book protected. We were taught never to judge nor pick a book by its cover. Sometimes the most wonderful books had the plainest of covers and/or most banal of titles. Often a book that resonated with me, might not resonate with my friends, and that was okay. There were a sea of books in the library, for all of us to find our match. The library was the quietest and most peaceful part of the school. Each precious book had its own spot on the shelves, where it rested, until small hands and eager minds picked it up and opened it, to see what wonders lie inside. It was intoxicating to get to know a new book and to learn something new and interesting and unknown.

I like the thought that we are each our own book. Though I cannot possibly read all of the books ever written, I do know that books are so much more than their covers and their introductory descriptions, and what other people think of them. Each book holds a story, told like no one has ever told it. And that is precious and unique and sacred.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning! Welcome to poetry day on the blog. On Sundays, I often implore you to write yourself a poem. This poet says it best:

I follow a man named Joseph Fasano on Twitter. He’s an English teacher in NYC, but he is also a published prose writer, poet and a musician. Joseph Fasano is also an incredible curator of other people’s poetry. I highly recommend for you to follow Joseph Fasano on Twitter. You will learn so much. Recently he assigned his students this: “Your assignment tonight is to read a writer someone told you not to“. Readers, let’s follow that assignment. Go to a banned books list and amaze yourself by just how many of the books on that list you have already read, and loved (and perhaps, were even assigned to read in school). Let’s not let sterilized AI and limited, fearful ideology take over the beauty, creativity, honesty and humanity, that comes from the written word of so many different perspectives and experiences, told in the voices of true, vulnerable humans, seeking some form of wisdom and understanding. Empathy is uniquely human when we decide to utilize it.

Below is one of Joseph’s most excellent poems. (anyone who has ever had to leave a terrible situation, can relate to this one):

And he posted this poem the other day. This poem so reminds me of my grandparents’ generation. They just had a way with living life in acceptance that I think we may have somewhat lost throughout the years:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Little Tidbits

Our dog, Ralphie, the yellow Labrador retriever has an enormous mouth with folds and folds of lips. We feed all three of our dogs, a mix of three different kinds of kibble that our veterinarian recommends. One of the brands of their food has three different sizes of kibble, just in its bag alone. Lately, we have figured out that “Ralph, the mouth”, who eats everything you can imagine (he loves bananas!), does not prefer one of the kibbles in that mix, which are little dark brown pieces smaller than the size of a pea. He picks them out and sort of hides them under his bowl. How he is able to quickly scarf down everything (we feed him with one of those slow feeder maze bowls, to help keep his weight down, by making him eat more slowly) and still pick out those tiny little pea-sized kibbles and hide them, using just his enormous, lippy mouth, is still a mystery to me. I’ve never met a dog like Ralphie before him. Like our son says, “Ralphie is always on a mission.”

Changing the subject, I read a cute story about Paul Newman yesterday. A woman happened to be on vacation in the same beach town as Paul Newman and his family. Early one afternoon she went into a little sweets shop and she saw Paul sitting at a corner table eating a donut. She didn’t want to appear flustered and starstruck, so she ordered an ice cream cone and then quickly left the shop. After the woman walked a few steps, she realized that she had been flustered and starstruck and had left her ice cream cone in the shop. As she turned around, Paul Newman was right behind her. He gave her a flash of his gorgeous blue eyes and a big smile and he said, “It’s in your purse.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Smiley Friday

Happy Friday, friends!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! Today my daughter officially heads back to her university for fall semester of her sophomore year. She and her father managed to fit all of her things into her car. (I stayed hidden under the covers. I wasn’t sure what types of emotions might be erupting from this situation, and I decided that my excitable energy would not be good for the mix. I kept our crazy spaniel, Trip, with me, too, for this same reason.) Speaking of emotions, ours are a big ol’ mixed bag here. Back to school (even when it comes to college) has a tendency to bring up nostalgia, excitement, wonder, fears, hopes, relief, and exhaustion with adjusting to a new schedule. I know the “mixed bag” well. Our family has done the “back to school” experience for over two decades. As I send prayers and blessings to my own daughter, I do the same for your own back-to-schoolers. Praying for safety, wisdom, knowledge, fun, confidence and inner growth this school year, for all of our babies and our grandbabies (and for their teachers, and for all of us who love these precious kids more than life itself)!!!!

Today my favorites are going to highlight two of my most loyal, wonderful readers whom I have never met in person. (It turns out that they both live all of the way across the country from me, in beautiful California.) I feel so grateful that they both found their way to my blog somehow (I like to believe that it was a mystical sort of fate). Both of these women are excellent writers, and they have supported my blog for years with their daily presence, their frequent comments, and their financial generosity. Kelly and Gail, I love you for what you have shared on the blog, in so, so many ways. I am grateful for you both. I am humbled by you both. I am inspired by you both. I appreciate you both. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (Please know that I feel this way about all of my dear readers, but these two women deserve this special recognition from me, in a way that I can give back to them. This I know.) Please go to these links for Kelly’s and Gail’s websites to enjoy their own amazing gifts for the written word:

Home

https://gaillfontana.com/

I know that some of my other wonderful readers are also great writers and poets. Please add your own links to your websites in my Comments Section. I am so greatly honored that other writers like to read my work. It means the world.

****Also speaking of support, I added a new tip jar to my Home page (see the Leave Tip black button on the Home page). It is safely and securely run by Stripe, and it accepts Google pay. I have decided not to add distracting advertisements to my website, and nor do I make “fake reviews” for financial support from companies, so I rely on keeping this website alive from the generosity of my dear husband’s support and from other donations. (you have to pay for a web host, and for WordPress in order to maintain many blog websites) I write daily, and I offer my blog up to anyone in the world who wants to read it. (I don’t do Patreon or Medium or Substack, which require paid subscriptions.) Therefore, if you feel an urge to help with the costs of keeping Adulting – Second Half going, I am ever so grateful!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Thoughts for Thursday

+ I’ve been complaining a lot in real life, and also even here on the blog, about how “stuck” certain situations seem to be in my life. I’ve often heard organization gurus talk about how clearing out your living space helps to bring movement to “stuck” energy, and I know this, in my heart, to be true. Yesterday, I got proof. I’ve spent most of this week, cleaning out some closets and organizing my things, and that in itself has felt amazing. (Why do we put this chore off when we know just how good that it feels when completed??) Anyway, two small situations in my life that had felt a little angsty and “hopeless” to me, miraculously turned around yesterday. If you feel “stuck”, put that irritation and angst away for a little while, and instead go all in with cleaning out a couple of your drawers, or a shelf, or a closet. As within, so without.

+ Dr. Nicole LePera recently wrote this Tweet on Twitter:

LIFE ACCOMPLISHMENTS THAT GO UNNOTICED: 1. Being happy in your marriage 2. Taking a pay cut to do a job you love 3. Making a major life shift at 50 or 60 4. Enjoying your own company 5. Being able to say “no” comfortably 6. Using your gifts to help others 7. Divorce from a dysfunctional situation.

Isn’t this the truth? I know many people who are financially/professionally successful. But I know a lot less people who have accomplished any or all of the things listed above. These things are rare accomplishments because they require a lot of self-awareness, prioritizing, sacrifice, authenticity and bravery. And interestingly, these accomplishments listed above, are what often brings the most intrinsic satisfaction to one’s life. Bravo, to my courageous, dedicated friends and readers, who can count yourself as accomplishing at least one of those items on Dr. LePera’s list! Your accomplishments do not go unnoticed. They are admired, respected and appreciated.

+ I read an interesting article recently that talked about when we are going through a big change in our lives (such as empty nest, relationship changes, job changes, etc), we have a tendency to want to torch everything to the ground, and to start fresh, but this is a major mistake for most. Our everyday routines give us structure and predictability, in a world that often appears chaotic. Our daily routines help us to stay disciplined, feel purposeful, and they stop us from ruminating and overthinking. When going through major changes in our lives, it is best to stick with the routine, but also to “watch” ourselves in it. What needs tweaking? What could be added? What could be let go? You’ll learn more about yourself, by observing yourself right where you are, than chucking it all, to go meditating on a mountain in a different, exotic country. And when you do decide to go on your mountaintop meditation journey, you’ll already know exactly who you are, and you’ll have brought your healthiest, wisest self with you, in order to just enjoy the major change and the sensations that you’re experiencing.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Four Laws

Anne Lamott likes to repeat this often in her writings, and in her social media:

The Four Immutable Laws of Spirit

by Harrison Owen

1) Whoever shows up are exactly the right people to show up.

2) When it begins is exactly the right time.

3) Whatever happens is the only thing that could have happened.

4) When it’s over, it’s over.

Harrison Owen was an Australian writer, explorer and photographer who wrote these principles after observing the interactions of many different people and types of groups, all over the world. He developed a process for running large group meetings, based on these four observed principles. He called this process “Open Space Technology.” Harrison Owen drew up these principles with the idea of getting the most out of large meetings of people, in the way of creativity, and open-mindedness and the flow of concepts and perspectives and ideas.

Nowadays, The Four Immutable Laws of Spirit are often used as a spiritual reminder to individuals and to groups, to help them come into a peaceful acceptance of what is, and also, to let go of what is not in our own control.

If you are having a circumstance or a happening in your life that you are struggling with accepting and/or you are trying to control the outcome to no avail, does it bring you comfort to apply “The Four Immutable Laws of Spirit”? We often spend way too much time in the “would of/could of/should of”, “hindsight is 20/20”, things didn’t turn out exactly how I had hoped and planned, thoughts and feelings of regret, about events that have already passed in our lives. If we can consider that the “The Four Immutable Laws of Spirit” may possibly be the undeniable truth, then we can shift our awareness to the lessons, the awakenings, the positive gifts and elements that came from the situation, and our own personal growth that occurred from the circumstance, which will help us in our lives’ experiences, going forward.

When something is in the past, it is what it is. It happened the way that it did, with the people who were part of it, during the circumstances that are already over. And when an event is over, what is best left, is not to ruminate on wishing that things had gone differently, but to accept the event for what it was, and to explore the truths, and the emotions, and what is salvageable and helpful to bring forth into the now experience of your present life. If you can get yourself to believe that the circumstance happened exactly as it did, in order to bring to you (and to the others who were involved) these very life lessons and skills and awakenings, you can find peace about the situation, instead of staying mired in frustration about your regrets, and your own lack of control. If you can believe that there is a bigger process in play, with more meaning and intricacy and overall connection involved in it all, than you could possibly understand with your one small, human mind, than you can find peaceful presence in every moment of your life. Use what works.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Are We Having Fun Yet?

Fun is defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as “Light-hearted pleasure, enjoyment, or amusement; boisterous joviality or merrymaking; entertainment” (Wikipedia)

What do you do for fun? Do you do what society says is fun, or do you really know what you, yourself, find to be fun? Are you caught up in a rut of doing the same old things that you used to do for fun (perhaps from childhood on), that if you are honest with yourself, you don’t find to be fun anymore? Maybe if you are excruciatingly honest with yourself, you might find that what you do for “fun”, has never really been fun for you, but something you have done to please others, or something that you think that you should find to be fun, because others seem to find it fun. Have you turned something that used to be fun for you into a goal-oriented chore? (For example, perhaps you used to love to run, or workout, or play golf, for fun’s sake, but now it has evolved into a strict, time-consuming regimens, full of self-judgment? Or perhaps that club that you joined, used to be fun, until you took on a leadership role that now just makes it another added stress in your life.) Remember that the dictionary describes fun as “light-hearted pleasure and amusement.”

Make an off-the-cuff list of things you do for fun. Then really study that list and ask yourself the questions from above. Narrow down your list only to the things that actually bring to you “light-hearted pleasure, enjoyment, and amusement.” If your list is sparse, think about things that you could add to this list, to bring more light-hearted pleasure and enjoyment into your life. If parties aren’t on the list that’s okay. Perhaps sitting in a quiet corner with some needlework is more fun for you. Maybe you used to find shopping to be fun, but now you crave a simpler life with less stuff. All of the sudden, organizing and purging might be more fun for you at this stage in your life. We change all of the time in all different facets of our life. It’s okay to no longer find joy in tennis, book club, yoga, art collecting, going to concerts, scrapbooking etc., even if at one time this thing was a true passion for you. Passions burn out (passion comes from fire, and fire always burns out when its fuel goes damp or empty). Don’t feel guilty if you have spent a lot of time and money on skiing or boating or stamp collecting. You can sell your equipment, or you can charitably give it to others who are just discovering their own varied interests. Or you can just lessen your time commitment to certain pleasures that aren’t as fun as they used to be for you. Maybe instead of skiing every weekend, you choose to take a ski trip once or twice a year. This opens up some space on your calendar to try something new. Just because you are good at something, or highly skilled at something, doesn’t mean that this particular thing has to be your source of fun and pleasure. A lot of people work at what they are talented at doing, in order to afford to do what they truly love to do, and on what they really find to be fun and intriguing.

One of my friends swears by the app, Meetup. Meetup is an app/website to help you to find groups and clubs with similar interests as you have, in your local area. She said that when she first joined Meetup, it was like dating, she had to be open to exploring. My friend soon figured out what groups were right for her, and which ones were non-starters. My friend laughingly tells the story of walking towards a group of people who all looked to be at least her parents’ age and older, and so she turned right back around and went home. She knew right off that this particular group wasn’t for her. However, it was through Meetup, that my friend ended up trying kayaking, which is now one of the greatest sources of fun and activity and friendships, in her life.

People tend to discount fun. Fun isn’t “important” enough. We don’t have time for fun. And then we question why we have so much anxiety and depression and burnout in our society. If you ever watch animals, they love to have fun. Our three dogs (none of them are puppies) turn our home entrance into wrestle mania at least once a day. Two of our dogs would play fetch to their deaths, if we didn’t stop throwing the ball. Wild animals frolic with each other all day long, even when grown. Fun is not just for puppies and children.

Today, make your honest list of what you find to be fun. Make a list of things that you would be interested in trying for fun. (if you have a hard time with this one, think about things that you loved to do as a child and see if you can incorporate some of “that” back into your life) Take a time slot in your life where you know that you are in a rut of just doing the habitual, same-old/same-old, and insert something new from the “things to try for fun” list. The worst that will happen is that you will find your curiosity satisfied about something that you had never tried before. It may be “not your thing” but that will just leave an empty slot on your list for another new thing to try.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday-Funday

Meme Credit: Achalika, Twitter

Yesterday, I had an interesting observation. If you consider the idea that all living things are just various containers/receptacles/vehicles for Life Force, the energy that gives the spark of life and vitality to every living thing, then it occured to me, despite my human smugness, Life Force, in that very moment, was having a much better time being contained in my robust, leaning towards the sunshine bamboo plant, and also being contained inside of my contented, little brown dog, Trip, as he lay napping happily at my feet with one paw resting on my foot. I, at that time, was grumbling over my weekly calendar, all the while worrying about the people and the details of the upcoming week. So the Life Force inside of me got to feel tumult and angst and a little bit of agitation about things maybe not going exactly as I had hoped and planned. Maybe being in a human container, is not the highest goal for Life Force. Maybe Life Force is much happier being contained in a tree, or in a bird, or in a fish. These entities do a much better job of acceptance and joy of just being peacefully themselves, in the moment, than we humans ever do, that is for sure.

Later last evening, my husband started talking about his excitement for the upcoming football season and the Vuelta (which is a bike race in Spain that lasts 21 days. “We” just finished up watching the equally long Tour de France about a week ago.) So, I put my foot down and I announced that last night was my night to choose what we would watch. I was in the mood for an uplifting, heartwarming movie. So I Googled “uplifting, heartwarming movies”. Many websites that I looked at that contained lists of “uplifting, heartwarming movies” had overlaps of the same suggested movies, and we have already seen the majority of these movies, but what struck me the most, is the fact that most of the movies listed were from the year 2000 and below. Little Miss Sunshine (2006) and La La Land (2016) seemed to be the most modern movies on the lists. Despite having seen it several times, we chose Jerry Maguire (1996). It never disappoints. Still, using just this one example, it was a reminder that society desperately needs an infusion of “uplifting and heartwarming.” We’ve collectively been through a lot, particularly in the last few years, so maybe it’s time to set aside dark and depressing for a little bit. A large dose of “uplifting and heartwarming” would do us a world of good. Large doses of anything are made up of small particles of the same matter. Maybe if we each choose to be a small particle of “uplifting and heartwarming”, we will start seeing “uplifting and heartwarming” in masses, everywhere we go. Maybe we will even see “uplifting and heartwarming” in the movies, again.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning, friends. I’ve experienced a lovely weekend. I hope that you have, too. Today, I decided to stop slacking, and I finally wrote my own poem for today. (Write a poem today. If I can do it, you can do it. Trust me. I consider poems to be messages in a bottle sent from the deepest recesses of your heart, up to your head to be translated, with understanding and resonation.) Baudelaire once wrote, “Always be a poet, even in prose.” Here is my poem for today:

Light breezes, finding the perfect seashell,

puppies, babies, foreign lands, spicy food,

the joys and angsts of raising children,

flowers, books, singing robustly when driving my car,

laughing, playing, loving with intimate vigor,

sunny, clear days, and calm, fire-lit starry nights,

As I ponder of what trinket of beauty to write a poem about,

I ask myself,

If I were to be thrown into a small, dark, dank prison with iron chains,

Or I found myself tied to a lonely hospital bed for the rest of my days,

would have I let myself experience enough life and unbridled emotion,

from my vital, gifted, assumed days of freedom and health,

to fill those lonely, lost days with poems of lush and vivid memories?

Am I living the poetry in my heart that is begging to flourish right now?

There is nothing sadder than a heart without poems.

Living life is what beats a heart.

Poetry flows from the beat.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Lightning Strikes

Last night we went to an event with our youngest son and his friends which was held in the arena where our local hockey team plays. Our local hockey team is our city’s pride and joy. We’ve won three Stanley Cups, two of them in back-to-back years. It always gives me a giggle, particularly now, in the August heat of a Florida summer, to think about how dominant we are at a winter sport that was invented in Canada, whose winters are as brutal as our summers. One feature of our event tickets was to be able to tour the locker room, which was surprisingly small, humble, and modest when you think of it as an area that these great champions spend a fair amount of their time. This actually made me smile. It made me think of the unpretentious Ted Lasso. When we turned the corner to a small sitting area with a couple of well worn couches, there were these words printed on the walls (as always, the words were my favorite feature of the night, besides laughing with my family and friends):

“The Standard is set by our action and mindset – Our action is swift and without hesitation, our mindset is one of quiet calm in the heat of battle, we will win as a result of our values. We are Fearless, Accountable, have Integrity, are Tenacious and Humble. We have Faith in The Standard.

Fearless – I am not afraid to fail.

Accountability – There are no excuses.

Integrity – I honor my word with my actions.

Tenacity – I will do whatever it takes.

Humility – Team above self, always.”

With a Standard like this, is it a wonder that they have become The Standard to beat???

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.