September 2022 - Page 2 of 3 - Adulting: Second- Half

Take It Soft

I am having a rare case of writer’s block. I have my mind on too many things. I like this post made this morning by the Wise Connector on Twitter. It’s so easy to hone in on the “bad” things that have happened over a time period. Part of this might be because “bad things”, thankfully, are more rare than the good or even neutral things in life. My own summer, I could dwell on my youngest leaving the nest and how much my life has changed, and the health problems of loved ones, and the unrelenting heat, or I could be delighted that my daughter acclimated well to college and that my husband and I were able to enjoy some wonderful one-on-one summer trips together – something we haven’t been able to partake in, in quite some time.

I read a quote from a book about escaping slavery by Francis Bok. He said, “No matter what happens, try to take it soft.” To me, this means to remain hopeful. It means to understand that life will always have its ups and downs, so breathe and stay in the moment. Another thing I read over the weekend was a quote from Mark Nepo. He says, “The antidote to pessimism is admiration.” If you look out of your window right now, you will see a heck of a lot of things to admire. Don’t hone in on the garbage cans, instead, be overwhelmed by the plants, and the trees, and the flowers, and the sunshine. Try this with anything. You will be feeling more optimistic in no time.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday-Funday

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

I think this is why there is such an outpouring for the loss of Queen Elizabeth II. She didn’t sit on her throne of entitlement. She didn’t expect or demand people’s respect (while arguably, she had more “titles” and “higher up duties and obligations” and “familial roles” than almost anyone). She earned people’s respect. There are so many examples in life, where people have expectations of treatment just because they have a certain title or a function, and they believe that’s all it takes for others to bow down to them. And then they sit in their victim chairs and pout, when they don’t get the respect which they think that they “deserve.” That’s not how life works. Respect is earned through our actions, our values, and how we treat others. Respect is not “a given”, just because of the titles and roles one has in life.

RIP, dear Queen Elizabeth II

You have earned our respect.

Soul Sunday

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Good morning. Tranquility. Peacefulness. Wisdom. Acceptance. Deep knowing and appreciation. Awe. Gratefulness. Love. Unrelenting hope. Comfort. Health. Music in your heart. These are the things that I wish for you, on this lovely Sunday morning. Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Sometimes I write a poem and sometimes I find poems which other writers have written that are just plain magical. Please witness the magic below:

Taken after a big storm in Florida, about a week after the New Mexico sunset

Stronger People

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Yesterday I was driving my car and I was about to turn into a shopping center. Out of nowhere, another driver swerved around me and cut in front of me, causing me to have to slam on my brakes. I know that this action deserved a good honking, but I am a terrible honker. I usually get too flustered and I often wonder what honking out of anger and astonishment will really do, since the dirty deed has already been done. Further, I know that I have done some idiotic moves while driving in times past, so my thought is usually to just let these things go.

What delighted me though, was that another driver who had witnessed the whole scene, gave an aghast look at the driver who had cut me off, and then gave me a look of communal exasperation. We both held up our hands and shook our heads, and then smiled knowingly at each other. I love it when people stand up for other people, especially strangers. I felt, in that moment, that someone else, whom I didn’t even know, cared about an injustice which had happened to me. It warmed me enough to write about it.

Frizzle Sizzle Friday

Friday is wonderful. It is a day so full of relief, yet excitement and anticipation. Friday is full of the world’s most fabulous feelings, even though technically, it is just another day in the work week. Happy Friday! On Friday, to keep those fabulous feelings flowing, I focus on my favorites. (Say that sentence, three times in a row, quickly. I dare you.) Every Friday, I list a favorite thing, or book, or song, or website, etc. that helps to make my life more interesting and fun. Today’s favorite is this:

This is “Curly”, a succulent plant known as Albuca Spiralis, or “Frizzle Sizzle.” I love this plant’s delightful curls! She looks just like curling ribbon. You can purchase the likes of Curly from sellers on Etsy, along with many other rare and unusual plants and succulents. Plants make amazing pets. This baby is the “poodle” of the plant world.

Have a wild and wonderful weekend, friends. See you tomorrow!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Rug Bumps

credit: @TrainingMindful, Twitter

I don’t have much to write today. I am more in a pondering mood today. I do know that the meme above is true. It is an extremely difficult skill to bring up “hard things”, and to discuss them in a meaningful, healthy, helpful manner. And I also know that I haven’t mastered this skill yet, but it is something that I am working on, and I constantly do so. For healthy relationships with others, and with yourself, this skill is vital. And if “the difficult conversations” are ignored, dysfunction goes on and on and on, sometimes for generations. These days, there is a lot of talk about breaking cycles. Dysfunctional cycles aren’t broken when there is a lot of bumpy terrain underneath the rug.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Spanky

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

I’m at an IHOP this morning. I haven’t been to IHOP in forever. I was concerned that they wouldn’t be open this early, but then I saw the sign (OPEN 24/7). How comforting! I love the idea that lonely people almost anywhere, could probably find an IHOP, and sit among other people, any time, day or night. As I stated in yesterday’s post, reliable, steadfast, stable, consistent people and institutions are our national treasures. These are the things and the people and the conditions that are so unassuming and behind-the-scenes that you forget to be grateful for them. But in the end, the things that are so dependable that we often take them for granted, are the things that are missed the most when they are gone. Didn’t the pandemic make this abundantly clear?

Walking into this restaurant, I giggled to myself thinking of a family memory when our children were little. We took our family to a Waffle House for breakfast, which is a similar establishment to IHOP. Our server looked at our youngest son, and he smiled and he said, “Now, what can I get for you, Spanky?” We all laughed until our stomachs hurt, with this new nickname for our little guy, which seemed kind of fitting at the time. To this day, on occasion, my husband still likes to call our 6’2″, strapping, almost 22 year-old youngest son, “Spanky,” and we all laugh remembering this shared memory. It’s part of our family folklore. A stranger has no idea that he created a long-lasting, fun, happy, element to our family’s story.

Yesterday, I picked up our dry cleaning and as I was leaving, the clerk said, “Thank you for being kind.” I had noticed nothing unusual about the pleasantries that we shared. Honestly, I felt like I had been a little distracted. But I am a naturally friendly person. I have a hard time containing myself in my body, if that makes sense. My emotions tend to bubble over and thankfully, I am usually in a good mood. I am happy that she found me to be “kind” in a day that she probably needed some kindness. Think of all of the times, strangers did or said, just the right thing for you, on a day that you needed it so badly, that you couldn’t help but question whether that person had perhaps been an angel on earth, sent specifically to you. Treasure those moments. Send love and good energy to all of those strangers who are currently coming to your mind. I know that there is more than one. Remember to be that “angel”, too. Don’t wait for the “work order” from Heaven. It’s already implied.

Mother Bear

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

My husband was giddy yesterday, talking about the football games that had happened over the weekend with his officemates. Mondays at the office can be rough, yet my husband seemed to be in a particularly good mood. Football is a unifier. Even if you aren’t a big sports fan, you still usually have “a team” because it is the team of the city where you live, or your city of birth, or the university you attended. You identify with your team and your fellow fans. You feel united with an energy bigger than yourself.

I know that this overwhelming outpouring for the Queen of England, before she is put to rest with Prince Philip, is hard for some people to understand. There is a reason why western civilization has evolved away from monarchies and aristocracies. The Queen herself was essentially a figurehead, yielding not much more than what they call “soft power”, which is more of an influence, than any right to demand. And there are a lot of questions as to whether the monarchy is even necessary, or should be supported, considering its sometimes sordid past.

I believe that the grief which is being shown over the death of Queen Elizabeth, the world over, is an outpouring of the loss of a long-standing, consistent, unflappable, dedicated being whom anyone could claim as their own favorite, if they so chose. In a world so full of change that seems to be happening at the speed of light, a world so full of stark polar opposition in our politics, a world that seems to be questioning and rewriting so many of our long standing traditions, laws, and rituals, we cling to the things that are steadfast. We cling to the people and the things that will be there for us, in some form or other, no matter what else is happening. We cling to football, and “the holidays”, and pizza, and classic movies and ageless songs, and the moon and the stars, and all of the things that have stood the test of time, because these are the things that unite us, and the things that we can mostly agree on (even with playful rivalries). In a world of heightened disagreement and divisiveness, we cling to the things that we can all dedicate ourselves to – we cling to the things that are available to all of us, to claim as our own. We cling to anything that reminds us that despite all of our differences, we all make up one humanity. We cling to the people and the institutions which allow us the shared security and enthusiasm to unite with each other, and to band together over shared loves and losses.

The whole world seems to have lost a symbolic, steadfast grandmother when Queen Elizabeth died. Just like our own grandmothers, she wasn’t perfect. She made mistakes. But she was utterly dedicated and dutiful to her family, to her responsibilities, and to what was required of her. There was no question that the Queen was on the watch, and she wasn’t going to stop, until it was time for her to pass on. I think that so many of us can relate. So many of us have been supported by strong, determined women, who see “their duties” out to the very end, with a steely dedication to do right, by what life has required of them. I mean no disrespect to my male readers here, but in my experience, it comes more naturally for women to fully dedicate themselves to something more than just themselves. Look at nature. No one wants to run into a mother bear. We have lost a universal mother bear. This hollow sadness and almost disbelief which so many of us are feeling about this loss of the longstanding queen – this sadness is something that actually unites us. And that is why we are carrying on our grief, as long as we can. Feeling united feels good, even in times of pain.

Monday-Funday

“In Irish when you talk about emotion, you don’t say “I am sad”, you say “sadness is on me.” “Tá brón orm” I love that because there’s an implication of not identifying yourself with the emotion fully. I am not sad, it’s just, sadness is on me ..” ~ Pádraig Ó Tuama

What a healthy way to look at emotion. The statements, “I am angry,” or “I am sad,” or “I am lonely,” take on too much ownership and identity. We are humans. We experience a myriad of different emotions every single day. One emotion may be more dominant than another for a while, kind of like a smothering blanket, thus, “Sadness is on me.” When you say it like this, you have the power to throw the sadness off of you, when the time is right. You can uncover yourself from the emotion that is lying heavy on you. Sadness is an emotion. You are not sadness. You are a beautiful spark of life, and of being, and of creativity who is capable of experiencing all sorts of emotions, and thoughts, and occurrences. It is good to feel your feelings, but you never want to become your feelings. When you do let your emotions take over the whole of you, it becomes too overwhelming, and it also diminishes your overall being, at the same time.

Janey Mack! Get off the stage! This is way too serious a post for a Monday-Funday, correct?! Here is another good one from the Irish, more in line with our usual Monday fun:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Even still today, there never seems to be adequate words for this day. There is this beautiful poem though, written in 2001, by a New York journalist named Kevin Powell. This poem is called “September 11th: A Poem,” I think that this poem is fittingly beautiful for a poetry day, here on the blog .

Might it be, as my mother said to me on this ugly, sinful day,

That the world is on its last go-round?

Hijacked wild birds strip the sky of its innocent morning breath

Steel towers crumple like playing cards on an uneven metal table

Unrehearsed screams we dare not hear leap from windows

Into the open, bottomless palms of God

I cannot stand to watch life reduce

Itself to powdery dust and soot lathering the devil’s inflamed mouth

But I am fixated on the television anyhow:

Is this what slavery was like?

Is this what the holocaust was like?

Is this what famine is like?

Is this what war is like?

Is this how you felt, dear mother, when King and the two Kennedys were killed?

I want to stitch up the sky, deny humans the right to fly

Cry until my tears have washed hatred

From the mildewed underarms of history

And I want to say to the firemen

Ah, yes, the firemen:

Your husband, your father, your brother, your uncle, your friend

Thank you for speeding to the end of

Your time and thank you for showing us that

Courage is a soul so unselfish it would

Scale a collapsing building to liberate a stranger

Even as your blood relatives wonder if you are alive —

From the remains of this madness

I detect a heartbeat called life

From the remains of this madness

I smell an aroma called love

From the remains of this madness

I embrace a body called humanity

From the remains of this madness

I construct a dream called hope

From the remains of this madness

I will ride the wings of the deceased

Into the clouds, scribble their names on the sun

Erect a memorial to the moon, chant the blues

For New York City, then resurrect a world

Where a new-born rose will jut through the broken concrete.