I am having some less than flattering self-awareness moments recently. First, someone was trying to schedule something with me and I started rattling off, “Well, I have a mammogram, and then my husband has a colonoscopy, and then I am going to be having some dental work done (interspersed with the thought, “Oh yikes, did I pick up our prescriptions?) and then my husband has a dermatologist appointment . . . “
And that’s when I realized that I belong on one of those Progressive Dr. Rick commercials. “Help for people who are becoming their parents.”
Second, my poor, sweet husband asked me what I planned on doing yesterday afternoon and he opened a Pandora’s box that he didn’t see coming. I honestly knew that he meant the question innocently. As he calmly (and tentatively) explained at dinner yesterday, he didn’t want to make the lunchtime conversation all about himself, and I knew that this was a fact, even as snakes were popping out of my head, and fire was shooting out of my eyes, when he originally asked the question. There was no judgmental, accusational tone in his question. The judgment was all mine, and I was projecting.
“What are you going to do now? What’s next? What are your plans?”
I’ve been doing this same judgmental projecting a lot lately, when friends, family members, and acquaintances, innocently ask me what my plans are now that I am an empty nester. The question stresses me because I haven’t honed in on the answer yet, and that bothers me. I’m a goal directed person. I am a Sagittarius with a pointed arrow. I am used to my time being so scheduled up by other people’s schedules, that I barely have time to think. Now I have time to think. Now I have a pretty empty slate. And my judgmental, bitchy, pressuring alter-ego, loves to ask myself those same questions, but with an unquestionable judgy, impatient, hypercritical, tsk-tsk tone. Hence, beware the poor person who is just being kind, and curious, and interested in me, when they innocently ask, “Oh, so what are your plans now?”
If I don’t contain myself, my defensive response is an either frosty, or fiery (depending on the day and the importance of keeping the relationship), “I plan to rip your head off and feed it to my flying monkeys.”
The key to any kind of change in life is becoming self aware. This I know. I think that if I become more kind and patient and allowing of myself to take my time strolling on to this new path in my life, I am less likely to take offense of other people’s questions about my life. If I allow myself to become less high strung and stop the need for fast-pacing and marching straight ahead, and instead, allow myself some slow meandering, I will see other people’s interest in me, and concern for me, in a different light. I don’t have all my plans set out for this new path, but one thing is for certain, I don’t want to have to walk my new path alone.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Hi Kelly,.
While reading your post today, you brought back memories of how I thought & felt when I was a senior in high school and everyone kept asking me my plans for what I would do next. I remember thinking, I can barely stand one more person asking me those same questions. It was certainly a time when a change was coming and I needed to act.
As my current situation has dramatically changed, (since my father’s passing, and my mother living here in Florida & is having to adjust to my dad’s passing and completely being uprooted from her home of 67 years) I envy the thought of thinking what I will do next, or even the ability to think of what I am going to do next…. My life has significantly changed and I can say, I am not comfortable with it. At this moment in time, I fulfill everyone’s needs except my own. I keep busy doing mundane things. I know things will not be like this forever, nothing ever is, but this transition is a difficult one. I run from one place to another always feeling rushed & hurried…and it’s not for me or about me. Sounds selfish, but real. So, your post is forcing me to look closer & deeper into what I can do to change this, albeit, this has only being going on for a few weeks, but the need to make a plan & act with intention is critical for me. I’m wearing thin!
So, I didn’t mean to go on & on, I just feel more aware of what I need to do.
What will feed MY soul?
What are MY needs?
What are MY desires?
Because I know one thing for sure, there’s only one person who can fix it…and that is me.
A significant change has happened, and I need to act.
Thanks for the post and holding the mirror up, so that I can take a closer look at me and act accordingly!
Oh, Joan, I love this self-introspection. I have been thinking about you, friend, and holding you in my heart and prayers. You will find your path, especially because you are being so intentional about it. <3
Good morning, Kelly. Your post made me laugh…and happy that I’m not alone (and neither are you). I spend a lot of my time writing–which doesn’t have the “wow” factor that, say, a 3’x5′ watercolor has or a collection of photographs…or even a clean house. When my son calls and asks what I’ve been doing I find my brain scrambling for something Significant! Adventuresome! Fun! But still I write because, for me, it’s all those things. So when people ask, “What are your plans?” I say, “Writing,” and they stifle a yawn and move on to the next person, leaving me free to make up stories about them in my head. 🙂 Enjoy your day, Kelly.
Gail, you and I are so alike!! Some people might not understand the time and effort writing takes, so I guess that means we need to be more open to the idea that anyone’s vocations and hobbies are “important” because they are vital to that person.
Absolutely. I “see” you!