January 2022 - Adulting: Second- Half

Monday-Funday

credit: Rex Masters, Twitter

The truth is, we did actually reclaim our middle sons’ bedroom this weekend and it feels incredible. A place that I used to avoid like the coronavirus, is now a place that I run to, to just sit in, and to bask in its simplicity, order, and peacefulness. Of course, it will always be our boys’ room, and they are welcome to be in it at any time, but since their busy lives have taken them elsewhere for most of the time, it feels so good to have a place of stillness and tidiness, in what has been, for most of my adulthood, a rather chaotic, often sloppy household. (a four kids and three dogs family lends itself towards a little bit of disorder) My husband said that the boys’ room is like a physical manifestation of our new stage in life. I can see that I am going to appreciate some aspects of this new stage, for sure. (Although, in fairness, on Saturday, as we were giddily buying up accent pieces in a store, and proudly telling the clerk that we were reclaiming our kids’ room, one nosy, snarky shopper pointedly interrupted us to say, “You know that they come back, don’t you?!? Prepare yourself.”)

The responses from my sons, to the pictures I texted to them:

“Yo, is that for real our room?”

“I can’t believe that was our room.”

“Wow, that looks so much better.”

The one thing about empty nests, is that they sure are easier to keep clean and well-kept. I imagine that I will feel winsome for the chaotic mess, at times, but for now, I am going to go back into their bedroom, smile a little, and just breathe.

25 Funny Parenting Quotes - Hilarious Quotes About Being a Parent

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

“Some people are museums of little things that matter.” – ghost @dead poet ______ (Twitter)

I love this quote. We all know people like this, don’t we? These are people who have a knack of putting neat little touches on anything and everything. Or these are the people who know just the right words to say, or the things to do, just at the right time. I have always said that I want this blog to be a sweet little museum of thought and ideas. I like being a curator of “things that make you go hmmm.” I like being a curator of little thoughts that can make a big difference. I like being reminded of the little things that matter.

With that thought in mind, Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog and I have discovered a new (new to me, anyway), interesting, spicy new poet. He’s a little profane and to the point, which makes his poetry so good. My amazing aunt, who has been a wonderful supporter of my blog, since day one, recently told me that she likes all of the different “voices” which I bring to the blog. She was paying me a kind compliment, but I, of course, had to make the joke that the blog’s different “voices” all come from my multiple personalities (you know, all of the little voices in my head 😉 ). Today, I celebrate the naughty, edgy side of my personality, by sharing this poet’s work. If you prefer to keep Sundays sweet and holy, perhaps it is best to read Jonny Ox’s poetry, tomorrow.

Jonny Ox | Words, Daily affirmations, Quotes

Jonny Ox — Just in case you don't know what's happening,...

Someone should knock on common sense's door and make sure that fucker's still aLIVE. -Jonny Ox - America's best pics and videos

There is enough pain in the world nd those of us who recognize it are obligated not to cause a@ single drop more -jonny ox - America's best pics and videos

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

These Five Statements

The Wise Connector on Twitter posed this question a few hours ago. Most people answered “I need help” but many people admitted that all of the above are difficult things to say. I wonder if you could test your own personal evolution with the idea of reaching the point in your own life, that none of these statements would be hard to say. All of these statements could just roll off your tongue, as easily as “I’m hungry,” or, “I like Netflix.”

For the longest time, I didn’t tell people that I loved them. I just assumed that they knew and honestly, it felt a little squirmy to say it. Then, something clicked in me, probably about ten years ago, that made it much easier and pertinent for me to tell my people that I love them. If I am honest though, it mostly comes out as, “Love you!” For some reason “Love you!” feels light and casual and less vulnerable. Lately, I have been making the conscious effort to add “I” in front of “love you.” I’ve been telling my people, “I love you.” The “I” connects and commits me to the the love which I so deeply feel for my loved ones. So, my wonderful readers, know this: I love you.

The things that I am most proud of in my life, I have had to make a conscious, deliberate decision to do, and to be. Usually these decisions came from wanting to make a change from something that was causing pain in my life. That’s the beauty of pain. Pain is viscerally telling us that we need to take things in a different direction. I wonder if we all have some areas of pain in our own lives, that could be healed by us being able to say, any and all, of the statements written above, with purity of heart and intention and commitment? It could be that simple. It really could.

“To anyone afraid to love, Unconditional love is the greatest of gifts. My dad loved with everything he had. He had so many reasons to be scared to love. So many loved ones kept dropping the body. Instead of being scared, he loved more. I am beyond grateful to receive and to give that love.

Love completely and be kind. Of all the lessons he taught me, these feel the biggest.” – Lara Saget, about her late father, Bob Saget

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Funny Fabulous Friday

30 Funny Friday Memes That'll Make You Say "TGIF" | Reader's Digest

Hi friends! We made it!! Happy Friday!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! On Fridays, I keep it on the surface. On Fridays, I typically list three favorite things or songs or books or whatevers that have made my own life a little bit more interesting. What are your favorites? Here are my favorites for today:

Parker Thatch “143” sweatshirt – I fell in love with Parker Thatch, back when the company was called Iomoi (which stands for “I owe me”) and they mostly sold really cool and quirky stationery. Parker Thatch is much easier to pronounce. I miss their stationery, but I came across this offering and I think that it’s wonderful. Unfortunately I noticed that only the XL is still available, but my guess is that they will get more of these sweatshirts in stock, with Valentine’s Day right around the corner. The hyperlink isn’t working, so just Google “Parker Thatch 143”. It is worth going there just for the story of “143”. Most of us think that “143” originated with Mister Rogers, but honestly, it all started with a light house in Boston back in the 1800s . . . . Parker Thatch is a pricey place, but it is fun to check out their website. It’s stylish and cool and interesting.

One Love Baseball Caps – Staying with the theme of love (don’t forget about Valentine’s), I love wearing my “One Love” baseball cap. I particularly enjoy wearing it when I am hiking. It is such a good reminder that together, we all create “One Love.” It makes me feel better about everything and everyone when I wear it. Seriously. You can get your own “One Love” trucker cap at this website:

https://www.portsandz.com/onelovelandingpage

Genuine Fred Subversive Cross Stitch – My son got me a Daily Sampler Desktop Affirmations by Fred, for Christmas. And I love it. I enjoy changing it every single day. Today’s sweet little cross stitch sampler, sitting right by me, as I write my blog post says this, “What Fresh Hell is This?” Fred also sells subversive sponges and bag clips. This is the kind of kitsch that I just love. Funny is fabulous.

Subversive Cross Stitch

Friends, I forgot my tagline the last few days on the blog. Until I find a better one, here it is (Remember, you are a vital part of “One Love”. Do you. Do your part.):

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Passing of Storms

Honestly, these past few weeks, I have been feeling really good. But one of my good friends from college is having one of those weeks in which everything that could go wrong, is going wrong. It’s at the point where I can tell that she’s almost embarrassed to tell us, her friends, what else has gone wrong, because it’s almost become unbelievable, to have that many things go wrong in a short span of just a few days. I texted her a mantra which I’ve used to get myself through my rough spots, my entire adult life, “Just hang on. One Day at a Time. The clouds always pass.”

As my regular readers know, last fall, I may have experienced the worst time of my life, to date. Our youngest son’s epileptic seizures were not being controlled by medication, and he was having major seizures, at least once a week (after experiencing many seizure free years). Our son had to come home from his university, and stay with us. Ask a 21-year-old man what it feels like to be “babysat” by his parents. Ask a 51-year-old woman what it feels like to fear for her child’s life on a daily basis. Both answers would be nothing short of “pure hell.”

However, as scared as the superstitious part of me is to write this, our clouds have passed on, from that dark period of this past fall. Our son’s new cocktail of medication has kept him seizure free for a couple of months now. He is back at his university. And I am starting to let myself exhale. I am also reflecting on how different I feel right now, in this moment, than how I felt back then. I clearly understand now, that I was pretty depressed last fall. I was just surviving to get to the next day. The contrast in my optimism, my energy levels, and my overall excitement for future goals and plans, from where I was this past fall, is night and day. I have gone through some harrowing, dark periods before in my lifetime, but going through last fall, desperately worrying about the well-being of my baby, was probably the darkest that I have ever felt, in my entire life. At the very least, it is the “freshest” dark period, in my mind’s eye.

Those of you who are suffering from depression, I want you to know that I empathize with you. It is such a draining, harrowing, soul injuring, exhausting, frustrating experience. And honestly, I was never diagnosed or medicated for depression, during this past fall’s upsetting events. So if it gets even darker than how I felt (such as a clinical depression), my heart bleeds for you. Know this: You are strong. You are brave. This is not your fault. You deserve better. Do whatever you need to do, to get help to feel better. And please know that “The clouds always pass”. I’m experiencing the blue skies right now, after the storm of my lifetime has passed. I am not so naïve to believe that I won’t have more storms roll through, but I have proven to myself, once again, that I have the faith and the fortitude to get to the other side of storms. And so do you. Believe it. Hang on. One Day at a Time. The storms always, always pass. They always do. And even through all of the destruction that the storms wreak, they do leave tiny, little unexpected lessons and gifts in their wake. If nothing else, the storms leave you with the gift of the realization that you are stronger than you ever believed yourself to be, and the joy in savoring the feelings of relief, and peace, and even some happiness, as you bask in your blue sky moments, with your face tilted towards the sunshine.

Somebody

I’m hesitant to write this because I am fully aware that this will come across as a brag, or at the very least, a “humble brag”. It will make it seem like I need approval and accolades. I don’t. For the most part, I deeply know and I understand my own intrinsic worth (and thus, everyone else’s worth – it’s a package deal). I also recognize that we all volunteer our time and our resources to entities that are important to us, in order to make a difference in this world. Many people volunteer a hell of a lot more of their time, money and energy than I do. I am grateful for all of the generous, kind people who surround me in this world.

Still, I must share what is on my heart. I received a card from my elementary school mentee yesterday and this is what she wrote:

“I want to thank you for being with me this whole time and talking to me when I need someone to talk to. You also listen when I’m talking to you. You make me feel like I am really somebody!!”

I am choked up every time I read it (which has been around 600 times since yesterday). I haven’t always been a great listener. In fact, for most of my life I have been a great interrupter. Being an active listener is something that I have had to make an earnest effort to work on, over the years. I also have a “save the world complex”. Being an avid reader has made me feel like I can find the answers to mine and everyone else’s problems, if you just give me enough time to research it, and then explain it. I love to spout out knowledge and advice. (Ask me how that’s worked out for me. The world is still a little bit of a mess, isn’t it? And frankly, I have probably lost a couple of frustrated friends along the way, due to my overreaching.)

What this note from my dear young friend reminded me about, is that it doesn’t take much to make a difference in someone’s life. What most people want, in order to feel like a “somebody”, is just someone to be there, and to listen to them. My young friend didn’t write about the gifts which I have bought for her, nor about my treating fast food on occasion. My young friend wrote about me holding space for her.

The Inner Practitioner (Twitter) writes about these steps for holding space for someone, in order to give them the most honor and respect, and in order to show them that we value them. When we hold space for someone, we are showing them that we know that they are fully capable of “doing this thing which we call life.” When we hold space for someone, we are sharing our pleasure in being part of their support system. We are happy to witness their life’s experience. (The steps below are in the Inner Practitioner’s own words and quoted):

STEPS FOR HOLDING SPACE
1) Really listen to understand.

2) Feel what they are saying.

3) Don’t take on their energy.

4) You don’t need to solve their problems.

5) You don’t need to agree with them. You don’t need to share your disagreement with them.

6) Let them be themselves without any judgment.

7) No matter how they feel, their feelings are valid. Support their feelings. Let them know that their feelings are valid.

8) If you can, use empathy instead of sympathy. Sympathy means understanding from your own perspective. Empathy means putting yourself in others’ shoes to understand them.

9) Practice makes perfect.

I know that this “holding space” effort, will be a lifelong lesson for me. But I also realize what an important lesson it is. Everyone on this earth deserves to feel like they are “a somebody” because they are somebody. What a privilege and an honor it is, to be able to show someone what an amazing “somebody” they are, just by holding space and listening to them. We are all stitches and blocks and material, in this quilt of life which we all share and create together. We are all a “somebody” that helps to keep the immense quilt of Life all sewn together, and to make it a delightfully beautiful, never-finished, work of art.

No Mud, No Lotus

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

I was surprised to read about the death of Thich Nhat Hanh. (pronounced Tik-Nat-Hahn – I just looked it up). I am embarrassed to admit that I believed that this Vietnamese Buddhist monk and peace activist and sage writer, had passed on long ago. Why does it always feel like the wisest people have long past on, before our own lifetimes? I think that it’s hard to recognize true wisdom in living people because we are all flawed. We have the tendency to give our mistakes the glowing glare of a spotlight, and thus, they often overshadow our finest attributes. Once someone has passed on, we are more prone to focus only on the good that they brought into this world. Why do we struggle with doing this while people are still alive? I think if we were kinder in our valuations of our own selves, it would be easier to focus on the best in others.

Thich Nhat Hanh said this:

“People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don’t even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child—our own two eyes. All is a miracle.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh

When I read this quote, I couldn’t help but think about all of the hype about the new metaverse. I even read that someone was going to have their wedding in the metaverse. I’m all for progress, but are we skipping over experiencing our own incredible world for “greener” pastures? Have we really soaked up this experience enough before searching for new worlds? Do we appreciate the miracle of our every living moment, right where we are? Along these lines, Thich Nhat Hanh also said this: “Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.”

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh

I’ve read that if you smile for no reason, your body starts loading up on happy endorphins. I’ve also read that if you smile before picking up a phone call, the listener will hear your smile in your voice. There is nothing wrong with having “a stupid grin” on your face. In fact, “stupid grin” is a stupid oxymoron. Smile. Smile often.

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh

You are beautiful. Know this. Treat yourself as such. If you love yourself, you will give your best love to others.

“I promise myself that I will enjoy every minute of the day that is given me to live.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh

I hope that we are all able to savor every minute of today. Today is another miraculous gift, given freely to us to experience as deeply as we allow ourselves to experience it.

“Around us, life bursts with miracles–a glass of water, a ray of sunshine, a leaf, a caterpillar, a flower, laughter, raindrops. If you live in awareness, it is easy to see miracles everywhere. Each human being is a multiplicity of miracles. Eyes that see thousands of colors, shapes, and forms; ears that hear a bee flying or a thunderclap; a brain that ponders a speck of dust as easily as the entire cosmos; a heart that beats in rhythm with the heartbeat of all beings. When we are tired and feel discouraged by life’s daily struggles, we may not notice these miracles, but they are always there.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh

RIP, Thich Nhat Hanh

Monday Fun-Day

(credit: Rex Masters, Twitter)

I think one of the biggest lessons in aging is coming to terms with how little we actually know about anything. The so-called “experts” change their minds about everything all of the time. And we all have a really hard time keeping our “slants” whether they be political, personal, spiritual, etc., out of anything. As one ages, you gain a lot of insight and experience into how little we really know about anything. When you can finally relax into the acceptance of this fact, it makes it far easier to savor the mystery and intrigue of it all.

TOP 25 MYSTERY OF LIFE QUOTES (of 112) | A-Z Quotes

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning. I hope that this blog finds you warm and well. Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Last night, our daughter, the baby of our family and currently a senior in high school, came out to dinner with us. This is a rare occurrence these days as she naturally soaks up her social time with her friends and her boyfriend. My husband and I soaked up her presence with us, as every moment of her still being the baby in our nest, is a numbered one and part of a quickening countdown. My husband asked me the other night, “Why do you keep bringing up her being a senior?” I laughed to myself. I foolishly like to believe that I am preparing myself ahead of time. It works out well in our marriage though. I tend to put myself through all of my emotions before something happens and it always hits my husband the hardest after things happen. We have been able to support each other well, this way, throughout the years. We take turns being strong for each other.

I don’t really have a poem of my own today. I am feeling sentimental, though. I introduced poetry to my own children with the fun and funny poems written by the late, great Shel Silverstein. Here’s one to bring a smile to your face:

Shel Silverstein's Poems Live On In 'Every Thing' : NPR

I hope that you welcome today as a day to accept “everything on it.” It gets heavy, but life is delicious when you welcome all of it, on to your plate.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Good Advice

I read an excellent article by Karen Nimmo, a clinical psychologist, the other day. The article was stating that we make a big (while well-intentioned) mistake by telling our young adult kids that we just want them to be happy and do what they are passionate about. Nimmo says that kids will look around the world and see that very few adults are great examples of that over-simplified formula for life satisfaction. In an already confused and sometimes even panicked state of trying to figure out their next steps into their burgeoning adulthoods, this “just be happy and do your passions” sometimes just adds more anxiety and frustration to their psyches.

I thought to myself, as my empty nest stage is a few short months around the corner, if someone told me to “just be happy and to live my passions” in this new stage of my life, I might want to hit that person. Life isn’t that simple. Sometimes we’re happy. Sometimes we’re not. Sometimes we know our passions and sometimes we don’t. What once made us passionate, can lose its luster, and many times our passions remain elusive.

Nimmo says that a healthier thing to say to our young adult children is this:

“I want you to get to know yourself. To keep it real. To understand that sh*t happens to everyone. And to have skills to deal with it when it does.”

The above statement is a lifelong process, isn’t it? Perhaps that is the biggest adventure and opportunity of each of our lives – the pathway to getting to know our own selves and to have the skills to deal with life’s surprises, and ups and downs, along this pathway.

In support of Nimmo’s statement above that she advises us to tell our kids (and perhaps ourselves at any new stage of our lives), she recommends several reminders and hints that make that goal such a good one:

First, she says, remember that you don’t need “a grand plan.” Very few people have such clarity of purpose at a young age (or at any new stage in life) and Nimmo reminds us that a lot of the fun in life, is not knowing where it’s headed. She says to follow your curiosities. These experiences may lead to your passions, but even if they don’t, they’ll add to your life’s knowledge base and they’ll broaden your perspectives. Nimmo also reminds us that a single decision isn’t going to shape your life. Don’t overthink it. We get something from every path we have taken in our lives. There are lessons gained from every kind of experience we have in life, even the ones which we deem to be negative. Nimmo ends her thoughts with these ideas: Put your whole heart and fully engage with everything that you do. Make sure you have fun along the way, and “keep topping up your tank” with self-care, so that you can do all of the above, with your best and fullest abilities.

It’s not lost on me, that at my stage of life of trying to guide and support my children into the beginning stages of their own adult lives, I am also taking baby steps into a new stage of my own life. Isn’t the Universe brilliant? As we know, we are all the children of the Universe and the lessons of life always apply to every single one of us. As we guide, we are being guided. Maybe this truth about life (Guide and be guided.) is easier to understand, digest, and live, than “Be happy and live your passions.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.