Month: November 2021

(D)anger

I have sciatica that has been acting up lately, particularly on my left side. I’ve been doing stretches. I have tried massage and acupuncture and ibuprofen. What I haven’t admitted to myself is how much I have the tendency to repress my anger. Repressed anger often manifests itself in our hips.

It’s easier for a lot of us (especially us women types) to admit that we are sad, than to admit that we are angry. Anger sometimes gets labeled as “a bad emotion.” When anger is used to lash out at others, it can be scary and dangerous and ruinous. Therefore, we often repress our own anger, in order to “protect” ourselves and others. However, when we repress anger, these angry feelings end up hurting us deeply, in internal, physical ways. Also, ironically, the build-up of pressure from angry feelings that we are trying to keep inside, makes it more likely for us to have uncontrolled damaging outbursts that we regret, leading to the vicious cycle of continuing to deny and to repress our anger.

Sometimes we are not actually angry at any particular person. We can have anger about situations that aren’t in our control, such as the pandemic. We can feel angry at ourselves for not doing, or saying something, that we wish we had done. We can have a lot of stored up anger in our bodies, starting from the times when we were very young children.

In order to be healthy in mind, and body, and spirit, we have to feel all of our feelings, and then we have to let them go. Anger scares us. It makes us feel out of control and despicable, so anger is often, one our most suppressed feelings. Nonetheless, there are safe ways to express our anger, but first we must admit to ourselves that our anger even exists. Anger is an emotion full of energy, so finding a private place to scream, or to hit something safe, like a pillow, or to have a private tantrum/meltdown are all ways to release anger, in a healthful way. Taking a brisk walk or run, keeping a journal, and being present with your thoughts which are causing your anger, and perhaps challenging the validity of these thoughts with a different perspective, are all ways to process anger safely. The bottom line, is it is important to allow yourself to acknowledge, and to feel your anger, or it will inevitably cause bigger problems in life, in regards to your precious bodily health, and your meaningful relationships.

Top 50 Quotes About Anger and Frustration - Quotes Yard
21 Quotes About Anger And Frustration With Pictures - Picss Mine

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Bougainvillea

bougainvillea | plant genus | Britannica

The first time I saw a bougainvillea flowering bush, I was visiting Puerta Vallarta, Mexico. My husband had just finished a grueling MBA program, which he worked on obtaining, at night, for three years, after working all day at his regular job. We were celebrating his graduation, and our growing family. We had our two-year-old son with us, and I was very pregnant with our second son. Our eldest son has curly, red hair and the older Mexican women were convinced that his rare hair meant good luck. They made a point of coming over to us to pat his head for the transfer of good luck, wherever we went – the beach, the stores, the restaurants, the pool, the bus. My son loved the attention, and we found it amusing and endearing. I’ll never forget it.

Back to the bougainvillea – I became as entranced with the plant, as the women were with my son’s silky red curls. The bougainvillea was everywhere I looked. It was so robust and beautiful and apologetically flowing. I had never seen such a bright, vibrant, cascading waterfall of flowers. I honestly fell in love with a plant, for the first time in my life.

Now I grew up in Pennsylvania, and that is where we were living at the time. We had a townhouse with a large window on the second floor, directly above our front door. Despite the fact, that Pennsylvania does not at all have a climate that suits a bougainvillea, I decided, against all odds, that we would have one. I found a lovely wrought iron window box and somehow, somewhere in Pennsylvania, I was able to obtain a small, hopeful twig of a bougainvillea plant. I proudly planted it, in that showy window box, as an homage to all of the gorgeous window boxes, filled with bougainvilleas, everywhere I looked in Mexico. I couldn’t wait for the window box to overflow with flowers.

My bougainvillea plant did okay. It half-heartedly made it through the summer, with a couple of sparse blooms. It tried its best. The bougainvillea inherently knew that it’s a naturally, hardy plant, so it soldiered on, but honestly, the plant just wasn’t “at home”, at all, in the northern state. It’s a tropical plant. Before the first snow, the bougainvillea was nothing more than a few leafless sticks, sitting like a plant cemetery, unwelcomingly on top of our front door. Here was another lesson in life, learned by me, the hard way.

In retrospect, this was one of the many times in my life, when I didn’t let what was coming to me, come at its own accord, and in its own divine timing. I impatiently tried to push my own agenda, before it was time. It’s a lesson in which I have had to repeat again and again and again, many, many times in my life. It sometimes seems impossible for me, to learn to surrender to the higher forces in my life. I am still trying to learn to trust that what is meant for me, will arrive for me, when the timing is right, and it will be even more wonderful than I ever imagined. (I should trust this fact. It has been proven to me, again and again and again.) If I am honest with myself, at the ripe old age of 50, I am still learning to trust the process of Life. I am still learning to trust God/Universe to provide for me in all of the ways in which I have imagined. The Higher Forces do so much better for me, than I do for myself, but alas, I’m a stubborn fool (again and again and again).

Today, we live in Florida. When we purchased our home, one of the first things we did, was to go to the local nursery, which is filled with inexpensive, overpowering, over-flowering bougainvilleas. Bougainvilleas are so common here, that I think that some people may consider them to be giant, overbearing weeds. We purchased two small potted bougainvilleas, and we planted them on either side of an arch, which leads to our front door. In less than a year, the two small potted plants, furiously grew and came together at the top of the arch, becoming one with each other. The plant has flourished ever since. Our bougainvillea is so healthy and happy, that it has survived over-zealous tree trimmers, being split in two during a hurricane, and being roughly pushed around by painters and plaster repair people. In fact, we have to give our gorgeous bougainvillea “a haircut” more often than we get our own haircuts. This plant is the bougainvillea that I always dreamed about since the minute I laid eyes on bougainvilleas in Mexico. It is perfect. I knew that I would have this beautiful bougainvillea to gaze upon whenever I need a shot of inspirational vigor and exuberance. I just had to wait for my bougainvillea to arrive in the perfect way, at the perfect time, just as my deepest self knew that it always would. When will I learn?

Lovely quote on perfect timing. | Inspirational quotes motivation, Words quotes, Words

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday Fun-Day

“everything funnier when yοu nοt allowed to laugh” -@slvppy (Twitter)

The other day my daughter and I got the giggles over something entirely inappropriate to laugh about. I was hating myself for laughing, but then watching her eyes bulge from trying to stifle her laughter, made it all the more funny. It’s like getting the giggles at church or at a funeral. You are filled with self-disgust, but yet you just can’t stop, so you fidget, and your lips start vibrating, so you bite your lips and then you try to pretend that you are just coughing. All of this overdone reaction just makes for more comedy. This is what Wikipedia says about laughter:

“Laughter is a physical reaction consisting usually of rhythmical, often audible contractions of the diaphragm and other parts of the respiratory system. It is a response to certain external or internal stimuli. Laughter can arise from such activities as being tickled,[1] or from humorous stories or thoughts.[2] Most commonly, it is considered an auditory expression of a number of positive emotional states, such as joy, mirth, happiness, relief, etc. On some occasions, however, it may be caused by contrary emotional states such as embarrassment, surprise, or confusion such as nervous laughter or courtesy laugh. Age, gender, education, language, and culture are all indicators[3] as to whether a person will experience laughter in a given situation. Some other species of primate (chimpanzees, gorillas and orangutans) show laughter-like vocalizations in response to physical contact such as wrestling, play chasing or tickling. ”

Sometimes we are overwhelmed with emotions, and laughter can be the quickest, easiest release of those feelings. Laughter is just a physical response to emotion, like crying, shaking, or yelling. Maybe we should always be allowed to laugh. Unfortunately, I am one who tends to cry when I am angry, and laugh when I am embarrassed or overwhelmed. Maybe I would better be able to control my physical responses, if there weren’t such stigmas and rules attached to them.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning. Isn’t the extra hour of sleep delicious? Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Poems say it all, by often saying very little. Today, I am sharing a beautiful poem by Mary Oliver. If you are new to poetry and you are not sure that it’s really “your thing”, read some of Pulitzer Prize winner, Mary Oliver’s poetry. I bet you won’t be able to read just one. Here is one of my favorite poems, of hers:

Tim Ferriss on Twitter: "A short and beautiful poem from Mary Oliver. Not everything important shouts for attentio... https://t.co/cR270rYXWp… "

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Happy, Peaceful People

credit: wise connector, Twitter

These are the hard truths which we don’t always like to accept: We decide to feel happy or not, and no one can make us feel happy, nor can we make anyone else feel happy. Happiness is an inside job. We can all name people we know, who based on their great luck and fortune, and high income, and their families and their “things”, and their health, and their opportunities etc. , should be among the happiest people on the face of the Earth and yet, these people are instead, utterly miserable. And then we all have met people who have experienced some of the most tragic of circumstances imaginable, who still have the brightest, shiniest smiles on their faces, and we wonder, how can this possibly be?

This is not to say that we must deny or suppress our other feelings. It is not healthy nor is it realistic, to not feel the wide spectrum of human emotions. We were designed to feel our feelings, and to use them as a compass, and as a way to guide and to heal ourselves, throughout our lives. You can still be a happy, peaceful person and feel great sadness about a loss. Happy people still shed tears. You can still be a happy, peaceful person and process your anger about an unfair situation. Happy people learn to be assertive when their boundaries are trampled upon, which is noticed when we feel the burning alert of righteous anger. You can still be a happy, peaceful person and feel the worrisome rush of fear when encountering a circumstance in life, in which you have very little control. Happy people know that fear can be helpful to remind us to move with caution, but also happy people know that fear can be overcome. In fact, to truly be a happy, peaceful person, you must allow yourself to feel all of your feelings without judgment. Feelings just are. Happy, peaceful people know this. They don’t allow any of their feelings to stay stuck inside of them. Happy, peaceful people observe the thoughts and the stories which they are telling themselves, which are helping to create these feelings, and they make course corrections, as necessary. Happy, peaceful people feel their feelings, and then they let them go. Happy peaceful people stay in their core. They stay in a pleasant state of presence and awareness, just observing and experiencing life and emotion, as it happens and unfolds.

Years ago, I worked for a woman who owned an insurance business. During this time, her brother whom she was very close to, died of throat cancer. She became depressed after he died and she would call me every single day, for many weeks, to say that she wouldn’t be coming in to the office that day. My employer told me that she sat on the same spot of her couch for hours at a time, day after day, to the point that the pillow of her couch became permanently indented. Then, one day, out of seemingly nowhere, she bustled into the office, her usual energetic, optimistic self, full of new ideas and directions in which she wanted to take her career. When I looked astonished to see her almost miraculous recovery, I remember her saying to me, that it was quite simple. She was sick of feeling sad.

Happy, peaceful people are typically full of acceptance. They accept reality as it is, not how they would like it to be. They accept the people in their lives, as they are, not how they would want them to be. They create healthy boundaries, in their relationships and in their circumstances, because they deeply value themselves, and the one life in which they have any bit of control over, their own life. I read something recently that made sense to me. You don’t need to care for other people, in order to care about them. In fact, other than in emergencies, most adults should be perfectly capable to care for themselves. It is disrespectful to not allow other adults, to have their own autonomy. Happy, peaceful people respect themselves, and they respect others. Happy, peaceful people trust Life.

Amazon.com: It's sad when you can't make everyone happy... - Stephenie Meyer quotes fridge magnet, Black: Home & Kitchen

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Favorite Things Friday

➕➕Miriam➕➕ on Instagram: “Endlich Wochenende... #schöneswochenende #freitag #friday #cozy” | Its friday quotes, Weekend quotes, Happy friday quotes

Many times my friends and family who read my blog, tell me that they really like my “Friday Favorites” posts the best. This tells me that people like to stay on the light side of things. It is fun to be in the frivolity of life. Life can be just too damn serious, at times. I like the light side, too. It’s just that lately, I have been in a simplify mode. I haven’t been wrapped up in my usual, lustful consumerism. The older I get, the more I know myself, thus, my favorites stay pretty steady. I know what fits, what tastes good, who my favorite singers and authors are, and I stick with them. It’s hard to find new favorites all of the time. So on that note, I am going to write about an article I read this morning that mentions our collective, favorite, “un-cancellable” celebrities. These are celebrities that have very few, if any, detractors. These celebrities are considered to be greatly loved by the masses. These celebrities are among our favorites of all celebrities. Here are some of the celebrities on the list:

Betty White, Dolly Parton, Mister Rogers, Julie Andrews, Alex Trebek, Tom Hanks, Keanu Reeves, LeVar Burton, Jim Henson, Jack Black, Dev Patel, Chadwick Boseman, Hugh Jackman

I look at this list of celebrities, and I think to myself, “It’s true, I’ve never met any of these people, but I do feel a fondness for all of them.” I have never heard anything hateful about any of them. And I ask myself, “Why are these particular people so well-liked?” Universally, on this list, I see people who appear (or who appeared to be, when they were alive) to be kind, true to themselves, in love with what they do in life, generous, full of purpose, self-deprecating, warm, gracious and grateful.

Considering some of the celebrities who are our collective favorites in life, I imagine we could all add a few more to the list, with smiles and appreciation. Sometimes the noisier, more outrageous, opinionated, brash, attention hound, “trainwrecked” celebrities get more of our attention, but our true favorites in life are not the people whom we “love to hate”, but more so, the people who personify love. They unassumingly love their lives, love their crafts, and they are grateful to have the support of the Universe to carry out their purposes. There is a wholesome goodness about these people that seems to emanate from their true cores – well beyond their images. What makes anyone or anything “a favorite”? Who are your favorite people and why? Remember that the traits that you really like about other people, are traits that you secretly like about yourself, too. A favorite person, place, or thing, is something that makes us feel deeply good, in the truest, non-fleeting sense of the word. A favorite anything, is consistently good, and true, and authentically and unapologetically himself, herself or itself. We love our favorites because they vividly bring out our favorite parts and attributes and inclinations, of our very own selves.

Favorite People, Favorite Places, Favorite Memories of the past... | Picture Quotes

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Unbreakable

Yesterday, I received the terrible news that my cousin’s wife died. They have two very young daughters. Honestly, friends, I am a little overloaded with the feeling of sadness these days. It’s getting to me, and “glum” is so not my “go-to” state in life. I think most people would describe me as cheerful, upbeat and optimistic. I would describe myself that way. I still am cheerful, upbeat and optimistic. It’s just that lately, I feel like I am clinging to these states of being with white knuckles and angry, indignant frustration, added to the mix of my stubborn peace and happiness.

In all truthfulness, my life is mostly amazing. But I have also gone through my fair load of sh*t in life, just like everyone else. I could list some of my worst experiences and you would say to me, “Yikes. That’s really, really crumby.” But on a much bigger list, I could list all of my life’s blessings and miracles and wonderful experiences and you would say, “Wow, you are so damn lucky!” I suspect most human lives would fall along these lines. In most of our lives, the good still outweighs the bad.

My college friends recently bought me a beautiful pendant. It is a Celtic knot and it holds the word “UNBREAKABLE”. It means a lot to me, that my friends see my strength, and know that I will survive whatever life has in store for me. And I will thrive through the thrilling times, too. I wish that I didn’t have to focus so much on my steely, “unbreakable” side these days, but this part of me is what is forcibly carrying me to the softer, kinder times, surely to be close around the bend. Sometimes being strong and unbreakable, means remaining cheerful, upbeat and optimistic, no matter what!

Hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable | Mood quotes, Love quotes, Words quotes

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Epilepsy Awareness Month

Credit: Epilepsy Foundation

My regular readers know that our youngest son suffers from a seizure disorder called epilepsy. I won’t be writing much today, because we are headed to yet another appointment with his neurologist, where my son will be getting yet another EEG test (his third EEG in just the last two months). This experience is the hardest situation that our son (and our family) has to live with, and to manage day in and day out, with the knowledge and empathy for the many other people and families, who also have to live with, and manage this devastating disorder. Here are some truths about epilepsy taken from the Epilepsy Foundation’s website:

1 in 10 people will have a seizure and 1 in 26 will develop epilepsy during their lifetime. We need more people to learn seizure first aid to help save a life.

There are 470,000 children in the U.S. living with epilepsy. Kids can change the world by educating those around them.

Epilepsy receives 10 times less funding than other brain disorders. We need to raise funds for care, advocacy, research and education.

This is a link to an excellent resource to best understand how to help a person who is having a seizure:

https://www.epilepsy.com/living-epilepsy/seizure-first-aid-and-safety

The Epilepsy Foundation and CURE Epilepsy are two outstanding organizations working to find cures, and treatments, and funding research, so that people who have epilepsy, have a better chance at living normal, healthy lives. Please consider giving to these organizations when you are making your charity choices. Also please peruse their websites to learn more about, and to understand what people who live with epilepsy go through, while dealing with this deeply frustrating, and debilitating, and sometimes even deadly disorder. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Small Stuff

When I let someone in traffic and they don’t wave, I picture myself using their guest soaps. – @a_simpl_man (Twitter)

This morning, this tweet literally made me laugh out loud, in recognition of myself – in more ways than one. I always find myself getting into a little tiz when someone doesn’t acknowledge my various small acts of kindness and consideration. But then I start admonishing myself that “I should do good, just for the sake of doing good, not for the appreciation and the pat on the back.” And then I spend more time thinking about how I really spend way too much thinking about situations like these, anyway. “For goodness sake, just let the guy come on to the road, and move on. Life is too short to waste time on overthinking about teeny perceived slights, by strangers. Grow up already!” Sometimes I honestly even waste my time spending it on the question, “Did the person I let on to the road, actually wave a thank you to me, and I somehow missed it because we were at a bad angle to each other?” Seriously. I can be that neurotic.

On the other hand, when someone lets me into traffic, I become almost frantic about making sure that they see my “wave of thankfulness.” I want to make sure that they see my gratefulness, so I become this crazy caricature of myself, waving like a maniacal buffoon. Sometimes I even stick my hands outside the window or through the sunroof, to make sure that the driver sees my symbol of gratitude and acknowledgement that I see them as one of the kind and thoughtful and patient people, that in my mind, makes this world a better place. Then, I imagine that the driver who lets me into traffic is thinking, “Calm down lady. It’s not like I bought you a new car. Take a chill pill.” And then once again, I get mad at myself for spending way too much time overthinking inconsequential happenings in my daily life, such as these.

This tweet also gave me a giggle about guest soaps. I grew up with guest soaps in every single bathroom of our house. And we knew NEVER to use those guest soaps, nor the fancy towels arranged pertly, by the ornate soaps. That would have been a deathwish. Those guest soaps sat there in their designated dishes, until they were infused with dust, stuck to the dish like they were super-glued onto the dish, and their once vibrant colors, faded to dingy dullness. These guest soap molds would start coming undone by time and by air, to the point that a soap which was once an intricate, detailed, lovely, expensive mermaid, was now nothing more than an oddly shaped lump that would more easily pass for maybe a hint of a manatee (and soon, even that became a stretch of the imagination).

I personally have Christmas guest soaps that I have owned for more than two decades. I put these soaps out in our powder room, every single year in an intricate Spode Christmas china soap dish. These soaps are clear glycerin with words like “Joy” and “Merry” infused inside of them. Last year I noticed that the clear glycerin has turned more into a muddled, dirty, grayish brown. These guest soaps have become so unsavory, that of course, now, no one would ever even dream of actually using the soaps, for sanitary purposes. (what an oxymoron) Still, I’m attached to these gaudy Christmas guest soaps. I contemplated it, but I just couldn’t throw them away last year. I will unpack the guest soaps again this year, and I will put them in the Spode dish, and all will feel right in my world this holiday season.

The other odd thing about fancy guest soaps is that they almost look edible, like fancy chocolates. When I was a kid, these soaps were scarily tempting to put into my mouth, to try and eat them. (It’s kind of like when you were a kid and no one could convince you that the Hershey cocoa powder would not, at all, taste like delicious hot cocoa packets. I think I had to learn that lesson more than once as a kid. I was a slower learner, in these ways of life.)

So, I just realized that I have spent about 40 more minutes of my life contemplating minutiae. And that’s okay. Just like waving or not waving to polite strangers, or using guest soaps or not using guest soaps, does not totally matter in the bigger scheme of things, it sometimes feels good to spend some time on “the small stuff.” Still, at the same time, it’s good to remember Richard Carlson’s famous, important, poignant line, “Don’t sweat the small stuff and it’s all small stuff.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday-Funday

Image

Credit: Rex Masters, Twitter

We didn’t get many trick-or-treaters last night. My husband read that only 16% of parents planned to take their kids out trick-or-treating this year, as compared to 12% last year. COVID does not want us to have any fun. At least the percentages are going up, slowly but surely.

Have a great week, friends!!! Happy November!!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.