December 2019 - Page 2 of 4 - Adulting: Second- Half

Pit Stop

My middle son leads quite the interesting life. He is always busy. He has been busy since the day he was born. My son wants to go to medical school. Earlier this week he shadowed a urologist doing seven different surgeries. He texted the family, that he held a person’s kidney in his own hands, for the first time. He was so excited. My daughter and I tried to keep our dinners down, as he described, in vivid detail the different surgeries that he had observed, involving the kind of anatomy that urologists care for, in their line of work. When I glanced at my husband, a few times, I noticed that he had a greenish hue about him. There was a lot of leftovers left on our plates that night. I have a sense that I already know more than I have ever wanted to know about surgeries, and we’ve only just begun on this journey. It’s kind of like having a relative who is a pilot (I have a couple of those) or in law enforcement or in the military or even the restaurant industry. Ignorance is bliss. I believe that statement to the very bottom of my soul. But I never want to squelch anyone’s zest for life and I am one of those people whom other people love to tell their stories. I am very open and curious, sometimes to my own detriment.

I just had a quick chat with this same son this morning, as he was headed out the door to play an early morning alumni soccer game with previous coaches and players from his alma mater high school. He mentioned that he was going to an ugly Christmas sweater party tonight and then he talked about the Ferrari and the Rolls Royce that he drove last night. He is a valet during the summer and his company allows him to take on some jobs during his college breaks, to make extra money. Since cars are one of his passions, the tips that he gets are the icing on the cake. Being a valet is a dream job for him. (And if you are as curious as I am, the Ferrari driver and the Rolls driver both gave him a twenty each.)

I love that I have reached the stage of life where I am mostly now just a sideline cheerleader, an awestruck observer, and sometimes a student who is mostly just inspired by and thrilled for, my almost grown children. If you want to stick to the car analogy, it’s like I’ve done my job, helping to build the machines and now I am just eager to see what they can do. Occasionally the machines come roaring back for a pit stop or to get recalibrated and restored by us, their pit crew, but then they head roaring off again, at a clip pace to their lives’ destinations. I just sit in my overalls, holding my wrench, with a little grease on my forehead, and I shake my head in utter amazement. Then I turn inward, and I realize that it is time to put more of that fine-tuning focus on my own little machine, on that cute, little, jumpy car that I call “me.” I get out my tool box (my tools have pink handles, but they are solid and steely and strong) and I get to work.

Sausage Friday!

The perfect pack of sausages! Owner Liam Beach lined up the 17 sausage dogs. From top, left to right: Buster, Daisy, Ziggy, Wallie, Zac, Bonnie, Saffie, Duke, Diamond, Ruby, Kizzy Sammy, Kandy, Kiki, Lottie, Benji and Dudley

Happy Friday!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! A man in England got his 17 dachshunds to pose for this picture. He also has a Labrador retriever, but that dog would not cooperate. As someone who lives with a big old goofy lab, I understand. This picture just put a smile on my face and a giggle in my heart. New readers, Fridays are fun and fabulous here at Adulting – Second Half. Nothing is taken too seriously here on Fridays. Fridays are only for serious fun. On Fridays, I typically list three favorite household items, beauty products, songs, websites, pet products, etc. that just put the sizzle in my swizzle. I strongly encourage you to mention your own favorites, so that we can keep this economy humming along.

Mandalorian – My husband and I are old-school Star Wars fans. We remember when the first Star Wars came out in theaters (1977, baby!). Truthfully, we were sort of disappointed when Disney bought the Star Wars franchise. However, our college boys insisted that we give the Mandalorian (Disney Plus TV Series) a look, and now, we have surpassed the boys by watching all of the episodes available (and we eagerly await more). One look at Baby Yoda, and you are hooked. Baby Yoda is a cross between an adorable baby, and a precious puppy, even though he is green. (kind of like Baby-Monkey-Puppy, but actually cute) The Mandalorian is fascinating. I keep wondering how I can read the emotions of a metal-helmeted man, whose face is never shown. Give the series a look and may the force be with you!

Orville Peck – Speaking of masked men, check out the music of Orville Peck, which is a pseudonym for a gay, masked country singer, who nobody really knows who the real man is, but that doesn’t really matter. His music, is old-timey, haunting Western style and his voice is mesmerizing. At the beginning of each of his songs, you expect the Lone Ranger to appear in your living room. Fascinating and unique and certainly worth a listen!

McDonalds Star Wars Happy Meal Prizes – Getting back to Star Wars, my regular readers know that I had a Christmas feast with one of my favorite friends this week, which included McDonalds Happy Meals. The prize in the meal was so cool, that my little flower insisted that she was going to hang it on her book bag to show it off. I thought that the prize was so neat that I drove back down to McDonalds and bought these prizes for my big kids at home. (you can buy the prizes separately from the food, $2 each) The Star Wars Happy Meal prizes are keychains, depicting the classic Star Wars characters, with a little button that makes a hologram show up, much like how the Star Wars characters communicate in the movies. These prizes are a big upgrade from Cracker Jack trinkets, I am telling you. They would make for fun stocking stuffers for the kids of all ages, in your lives.

Have a fabulous Friday!! Have a glorious Holiday Week!! I will post every single day during the holidays. I’m here for you, friends!!

Too Weird

So, the above is a tweet from Think Smarter, which those of you who are my regular readers, know is one of my favorite and most oft-quoted Twitter feeds. This tweet has been posted on Think Smarter, at least three times. Honestly, I have always related to it, but I felt too shy or vulnerable to admit to you readers that I relate to it. The fact that it has been repeated so often on the Think Smarter feed and already, this current posting of it has 265 retweets and 780 likes, tells me there are quite a few people who sometimes feel like weird, passionate loners. So, maybe we are not the “loners” who we think we are, in this confusing world. Being honest and vulnerable with others, or at the very least, with yourself, is a brave and a beautiful thing. The level of intimacy you feel is one of the most “alive” and vibrant feelings that there is in this world. Unfortunately, our modern way of going about life, encourages us to numb out, in one form or another, putting on layers of masks and performances and then looking for something outside of ourselves, to fill the hole. We miss so much when we do that. Just for today, allow yourself to be as open and honest and real as you have ever been, even if it is just with yourself, your “one man wolf pack.” Sit with that vulnerability and rawness. Cry, laugh, scream, whatever – feel all of your feelings, and sense where your feelings are experienced in your body. In short, give yourself permission to fully experience being totally and unguarded-ly, alive. My guess is, that instead falling back to your go-to of routinely “dulling out”, you’ll be attracted to coming back to the vulnerability. You’ll repeat it, like Think Smarter keeps repeating the above post.

“How beautiful it is when one lives completely and not with just a part of oneself. When one is full to the rim and calm because there is nothing more to get in.”
― Erich Maria Remarque

“I feel therefore I am.”
― Amit Abraham

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Other People’s Children

I have been enjoying some really fun, celebratory lunches and dinners this holiday season, celebrating birthdays and the overall holiday season with my family and with my friends. I am looking forward to a warm dinner tonight with some of my closest friends and I can’t wait for a very special lunch today. Today, I have a Christmas lunch with a very good friend, whom I just met this fall. We have lunch together every Wednesday. I enjoy her company so much. She makes me feel like a giddy little kid again. Often, our lunches together, are one my highlights for the week.

Today, we are going to munch on McDonald’s Happy Meals, as a special treat. We’ll probably eat inside today because of the weather, which is a bummer, because my friend really prefers to eat outside. She wants to be an opera singer, but she’s too embarrassed to sing in front of big crowds. She sings and dances in front of me sometimes, on warm, sunny days. She’s very talented and animated. Sometimes, when we eat lunch, my friend and I wear brightly lit headbands, or headbands that have unicorn horns or kitty ears. My friend is very neat; much neater than I am. She brushes my crumbs off the table, right after I finish eating. She and I talk about important stuff, like the proper way to eat cupcakes. We both love fashion. We use our imaginations a lot. I love to hear stories about my friend’s dolls named Nuneia, Bonita, Rock, Paris and France. My friend is kind, funny, loving, thoughtful, smart and cute as a button. Her name means beautiful flower and she is in the third grade. My friend is my “lunch buddy”, which is a county-wide program, setting adult mentors up with kids who could use a little extra attention in life. (which is really just about every kid. Like they said at mentor training, being a mentor is just all about being a good listener, a good friend, and a believer and shower of all of the potential and abilities of their “buddies”. Like they kept repeating at mentor training, “Who couldn’t use a mentor?”)

Our county school system is the 8th largest in Florida and the 27th largest in the country. Our county has over 3500 homeless students and 54% of our students receive subsidized lunches. Our county wide graduation rate is 86% but it is rising, in part, because of an emphasis on programs like the mentoring program, which works to ensure that every child knows how special and vital they are, to this overall, interconnected Web of Life, which we all share. We were taught in mentor training that most kids have three major concerns: Am I normal? Am I liked? Do I fit in? (sadly, some things never change, right?)

They say when you volunteer, you get so much more out of it, than what you put into it. Honestly, that statement has rung hollow to me before. I have volunteered for things/programs/events that made me question why I was even there. There are cynical times in my volunteering life, when I have felt like I was just a warm body to fill a quota, in order to get some funding needed, or for a tax break, or to provide an “image” for a company or other entity, to show that this particular entity is “making a difference.” This is not one of those times. I have been mentoring a high school student and a “little flower” this fall semester, and this experience has changed my views and my outlooks and my patience and my compassion and my hopes for the future, PROFOUNDLY. Our school district can’t find enough mentors. Our already overtaxed teachers often mentor a few kids, on top of everything else that they do, because there are not enough volunteers. If you have a little extra time for some fascinating insights, and communication with today’s youths, please check out the mentoring programs in your local school district. You ARE qualified. You ARE needed. You WILL love it!

“Each of us must come to care about everyone else’s children. We must recognize that the welfare of our children and grandchildren is intimately linked to the welfare of all other people’s children. After all, when one of our children needs lifesaving surgery, someone else’s child will perform it. If one of our children is threatened or harmed by violence, someone else’s child will be responsible for the violent act. The good life for our own children can be secured only if good life is also secured for all other people’s children.” – Lillian Kate

Forties

Yesterday was my 49th birthday. I’m in the final year of my forties. My forties have been excruciating, enlightening, exciting, enlarging, enlivening, but mostly awakening. I honestly dreaded turning 40, but looking back, I see this decade as the most growing, interesting, “coming back to myself” period in my entire life. If you are one of my younger readers, don’t dread your forties. These middle years will give you a new lease on life. They will remind you of what is really important to you, and in that sense, your forties are very freeing. The forties help you to value yourself and to value your own life more than you ever have before, which in sort of a paradox way, helps you to respect others’ lives better. The forties decade requires you to enter a greater level of acceptance – an acceptance about aging, about the preciousness of time, about the fragility of life and the frailty of unhealthy relationships. You come to an acceptance of just how little you can control others, and you start to really hone in on the one person who you can control and improve – that being yourself. You experience a lot of lessons about change and about letting go, when you are in your forties. You often experience changes in vocations and locations, you experience the passing on of waning elders and the surrendering of your children, growing and moving on, into their own adult lives. You experience struggles and hardships and also, you offer support to others, in their times of tragedy, more than you probably had to deal with in your younger years. That’s okay, though. Because once you reach your forties, you have enough experience under your belt, to understand and to appreciate your own strength, your own stamina, and your own fortitude. In your forties, you believe in your own capabilities more than ever before, and your contemporaries also seem to share that steely confidence. You have enough courage to share with those in need, and enough humility to accept help when you need it. Life becomes more meaningful and precious in your forties. Nothing is taken for granted. You recognize your blessings so much more vividly than ever before, and that makes you feel more hopeful about growing old. You can only imagine that the richness of experiencing life, can only get more enhanced as you age, because on reflecting on the younger half of your life, you see the metamorphosis which you have already undergone and you feel very grateful. You feel so very, very, awestruck and grateful, all at the same time. Young people always think that we older people would go back in time and do it all over again, but I daresay, most of us would not. That’s an exhausting thought. We have earned where we are in our middle years, and that hard won acquired wisdom, is dearer for the time and the energy and the emotion that we’ve put into making our way into our middle years. Young readers, your forties aren’t likely to be easy. No one really gets ten years of “easy”, at any stage of the game. But your forties will better help to guide you to “simple”, in terms of peace, in terms of faith, in terms of Love. Your life will not become easy, but it will become more simple. And simply wonderful, at the same time.

Game On

My son was almost arrested a few days ago. He had only been home from college for about a day and a half. He is an excellent student and he attends a prestigious university. He was with three other friends, with the same kind of pedigrees. It was in the middle of the day. What was his offense? He and his friends were visiting their previous high school teachers and coaches. Despite being what would be called “distinguished alumni”, they are never allowed on the school property again, for the rest of their lives. Why? They entered the school through the back teachers’ gate (on advice from a former teacher). My son and his friends were technically “trespassing” and in today’s world, that is a serious, serious offense.

My daughter is a sophomore, at that same high school. Every day that I drop her off at school, I anxiously scan the crowd going into the high school, trying to get a feel for the energy of the kids and of the other people entering the school, each day. I say a little prayer for everyone’s safety (I’m pretty sure that I am not the only parent who does this) and I wave to the school officer, the same officer who almost arrested my son. Earlier in the school year, I thanked the lead school police officer for making me feel safe, and for giving an aura of calm and authority, to all who enter the school.

My feelings are very conflicted on this entire situation. The police officer acknowledged that my son and his friends are “good kids”. He knows that I volunteer every week at the high school, as I wave to him as I head into the office, to mentor my student. These are some of the reasons why the school police officer gave my son and his friends “a break.” By banning them from school property forever, they got off lightly. They won’t have arrests on their records. The officer assured me that he will probably have to do a lot of explaining as to why he didn’t arrest them for trespassing. Their principal was in tears, begging the officer not to arrest this group of kids, all who had been in the top ten of their graduating class, this past spring. But ever since the horrific Majory Stoneman Douglas massacre, that occurred right here in Florida, the laws are incredibly strict. And as a mother of a student at the high school, I am grateful for this fact.

I have been letting this situation churn inside of me for several days now. It has been unsettling and upsetting, to say the least. My son played basketball for the school, but he is never allowed to attend one of their basketball games again. His friend, a former baseball player, can never go on to the baseball fields. My son will never be able to pick up my daughter from school, for me, nor will he be able to attend one of her high school tennis matches. The teacher who texted the kids to use the back gate, has taught students for years on end. His students consistently have the highest passing rate for the AP Calculus exams, in the entire county, sometimes even in the state. Nonetheless, he is in serious trouble and he may lose his job.

The kids were wrong. The teacher was wrong. The rules are in place for a very good reason. I think that the biggest pit in my stomach lies in the fact that this is a prime example of where we are, in today’s world. This is what it has all come to, and I despise it. For the sake of our children and for our grandchildren and for all future generations to come, we need to change the direction that we are headed in, and we need to find a way to come to a common ground that makes sense for the greater good of our society. Politics, partisanship, superiority, sensationalism and hate, have proven to do nothing for this problem, except to make matters more divisive than ever. We need to wake up.

I wish that I had the answers. I don’t. But I believe that a Higher Good has the answer and if we make it a priority as a WHOLE, to feel in our hearts, our intuitions, and in the deepest parts of our souls, what the right answers are, we can then take loving, tangible steps towards the greater healing of our collective hearts, and of our unified minds. We need to stop living in fear and judgment. We need to stop being narrow-minded and righteous, seeing anyone who doesn’t see things as we do, as the enemy. We need to visualize this problem, as if our entire society was stuck on an elevator car, which is hanging by a loose cable that is about to break, and is about to come crashing down. We need to work together, feverishly, to find an answer to our violence problem. We need to do this, as if our lives depended on it. Because they do. We need to look upon each other as bright, hopeful, capable, sincere people who only want the best for our families, for our friends, for our communities, for our country, and for our society. We need to stop playing coy games. The real game is on, and it is CRUCIAL that we all play on the same team, against the evil that is taking us down.

Soul Sunday

Poetry workshop day. Please share the love/the feels/the words that try to convey the love/the feels. Here’s mine:

Nostalgia

Giggling about a Sesame Street video with my friends . . . .

When I’m approaching fifty.

Driving past the houses with their Christmas joy on parade . . .

With my son driving the car, this time.

Putting up the ornaments reminding me of people, places and pets . . .

Many, who have long passed on.

Trying to recognize the child’s face from a long ago play group . . .

In the Christmas card picture of a lovely young lady, dressed in a wedding gown.

Trying to find just the right thing to eat . . .

to soothe the funny swirl of feelings, aching around in my insides.

The longing that I am pulled to, yet try to avoid, all at the same time . . . .

Nostalgia.

Theme Party

Do you ever have the sense that each holiday season seems to have a certain universal trend or vibe or energy to it? I suppose the holidays, in one sense, are really an end cap/recap of the year gone by. To me, every year, the holidays seem to kind of summarize the year, in a very general sense.

This year’s holiday feels a tad more subtle to me than the last couple of years, so far. The parties which we have attended have been nice and warm, but nothing too outlandish. People seem to be “calling it a night” a little bit earlier than usual. The Christmas cards that we have received so far, seem a bit simpler, too. They seem to be less newsy and to contain less pictures. The outdoor decorations didn’t go out as early this year, as they had been put out in previous years, on many homes in our neighborhood. I’m not sure if it is just my own projections, but the holidays just feel a little more toned-down, a tad more introspective, in a broader sense, this year. It’s not a “sad/worried” energy that I am sensing, but more of a quiet, inquisitive, slowed down atmosphere. Is that what you all are sensing?

I notice and analyze quirks all of the time. I suppose that is part of being an observer/writer type person. Last year, about 90 percent of the Christmas cards that we received, had pictures of our friends’ pets on them. Pictures of pets on holiday cards are not unusual, but last year it seemed to be the complete norm. Last year, I was surprised when I opened a card that didn’t include a picture of a pet. I said to my husband, that indicates to me, that people were needing to feel warmth, and comfort, and unconditional love more than ever, last Christmas. Last year’s holiday season seemed to have more of outwardly frenzied neediness to it, than this year seems to have, to me. So far, anyway. This year’s holiday, thus far, seems to have more of a universal theme of acceptance, relaxation, and introspection. Tell me what you are sensing. I would be curious about everyone’s unique observations. And if you think that I am completely “off my rocker”, go ahead and tell me that, too. It’s often been suggested that I move to the beat of my own drum. (Don’t we all? Some of us are just better at hiding our drum beat under the cloak of conformity than others, I think.) My current calm presence can take any suggestions, right now, I am sensing, with a semblance of light bemusement. It’s just something in the air, this Christmas. Right?

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Friday 13

I’m not really in a bad mood at all. It’s Friday, for goodness’ sake! I just thought that the meme was hilarious. The minions will always be a “favorite” of mine. Happy Friday!!! Happy Friday, the 13th!! (extra lucky) Happy Favorite Things Friday! New readers, Fridays are all about the material world. We keep it light and on the surface on Fridays. I typically list three favorite songs, downloads, gift items, gadgets, whatevers and I strongly encourage you to list your favorites, as well. Please check out previous Friday listings for more favorites. Favorites never go out of style. Here are today’s favorites:

Wsky Laptop Cooler – My laptop computer runs really hot. I need an oven mitt to move the laptop to a different location on my desk. This laptop cooling stand is quiet, only comes on when the computer is on, and is unobtrusive. I ordered it on Amazon and I truly believe that it is adding years to the life of my computer. I wish that they would make a person sized one, as it would be a wonderful way, to lay out in the sun. (shhh, I admit that I still do that, but I do wear sunscreen)

Derin Collection Coin Purses – I love small little bags to put all of my little minutia in. My friend once emptied out one of my colossal purses and counted 15 different bags, inside of the bag. (wallets, eyeglass cases, checkbook holders, makeup bags, you get the gist) No exaggeration. Hey, I own my idiosyncrasies. I love bags of every shape, size and color. I just found these Derin coin purses and I am in love. They look like tiny little Persian rugs for your purse. They are wonderful and the bottoms expand to hold all of our lucky pennies. Every purse needs a Persian carpet, right?!

Jillatay Etsy Store – I decided to add to my nativity scene collection this year. I typically like simple nativities that are only one piece (like Mary and baby Jesus) or a few simple pieces. (The larger sets are beautiful, but do not fare well in a chaotic household of six active people and two large dogs with long, wagging tails that tend to take these elaborate nativities out, in one full sweep) Anyway, I found some adorable nativity additions at this store and I fell in love with this ceramic artist’s complete whimsy and spiritually artistic viewpoint. (she makes art from many religious/spiritual/natural viewpoints) Check her site out. Eye candy! See an example below.

Have a great weekend, friends!!!! Happy Friday!!!

Santy Claws Red Jizo Kitty Cats Porcelain image 0

Cray-Cray

I don’t have much to say today. Just a little Thursday rant, I guess. I was doing laundry yesterday and as I was putting the dryer sheets in with the laundry, I noticed that the box emphasized that these dryer sheets have new “technology.” What?!? They are fabric softener infused dryer sheets. They are essentially sweet smelling, waxy, paper towels. That is not technology and that is okay. Simple is okay. If fact, sometimes “simple/no technology required” is refreshing. Does everything have to have “technology” these days? Should I download an app so that I can connect with my dryer sheets?!? Really?!?

That’s all. Sorry. I realize that I sound like the angry, stuck-in-her-ways old woman whom I swore I would never become. Happy Friday Eve, friends!!!