May 2019 - Page 3 of 4 - Adulting: Second- Half

Talking ‘Bout My Generation

I wrote an answer, not too long ago, on Quora that seemed to resonate with people and now unfortunately, some people have mistaken me as some sort of an “expert on aging.” Almost every morning someone poses a question to me, about being old. I’m not sure that I am ready, mentally or emotionally, for the “wise old lady” reputation. I mean I’m only 48, for goodness sake! Still, Quora fits my “know-it-all”, “let’s sit around and philosophize about life” personality to a tee, and I have a hard time not answering questions, which people have asked me to answer. Today, someone asked me to answer a question on how old people feel about the younger generations having it easier than we did. This was my answer:

This question is written with the assumption that the younger generations DO actually have it easier than we do and I do not necessarily believe that statement. I think that whenever we compare generations, we are already starting with faulty premises, because it is not a level playing field. It is always comparing apples to oranges because the circumstances each generation are born into are always different i.e., technology, leaders, economics, social movements, world problems, health issues etc. etc.

I have four children ages 15–23. In some ways their childhoods were easier than mine, but in other ways, I think that they had it harder. I think there seems to be more pressure for kids to succeed in school and in sports, at levels that are insanely difficult, compared to when I was a kid. Further, the fear from violence in our society has been taken to whole new levels. When I was a kid, you could still meet your loved ones at the gate when they were getting off of an airplane, without even going through security. The only drills we ever had in school were sporadic fire drills. These negative changes, make me sad for the younger generations and sad that our previous generations have allowed these situations to spiral.

I believe that the duty of any generation is for the individuals in that generation to be the best individual version of themselves, and to foster their own individual talents and gifts, to the highest degree, so in turn, a world of inspiration, beauty and wonder is being passed on to the next ones, inspiring them to do the same. This is the only way that this world will elevate and prosper. That is the sacred duty of all of us, regardless of what generation we were born into in our lifetimes.

Now, in all fairness, I am not the only “old lady guru” on Quora. In fact, this answer had over 100 other answers from other “gurus”. I never read the other answers on Quora’s questions before I answer a question, because I don’t want to be influenced by other people’s answers. However, I do read the answers after I have written and posted my answer. What made me sad about this question/answer was that most of the 100+ “answerers” felt the same way as I do. The conclusion seemed unanimous: Our younger generations don’t really have it as good as we did, in many, many ways. What does that say about us???

Friday Frenzy

*****Ugh. I lost my entire post into the abyss and I had to start all over again. This has only happened to me one or two other times. My mouth needs to be cleaned out from the filth that was erupting from it.*****

Here we go again! Happy FRIDAY!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday, friends and readers!!! We keep it silly and surface-y, here at Adulting -Second Half, on Fridays. (I just hit Save Draft) On Fridays, I typically list around three favorite anythings, whether they be products, websites, songs, books, etc. etc. that have helped keep a spring in my step and joy in my life. I encourage you to add your favorites to the Comments section. Please also check out previous Friday posts for more favorites. Share the love!!

As my regular readers know (I know that you are getting really used to my complaints), we have had a little renovation project going on here at our home, that we are finally wrapping up. (I just hit Save Draft) The final touch to most projects, is the paint. I am very happy with the paint colors which we have chosen, so I thought that I would pass the paint colors on to you. All of these colors are neutral, background, subtle colors. None of them are color popping, statement colors, just so you know. (I just hit Save Draft) Some fun, helpful painting tips: Paint the color sample on to a white piece of poster board and tape it to the wall. This helps from the distortion of the color that may happen, if you just paint the color on the old paint, underneath the new paint. Also, the magical internet has pictures of rooms painted in the colors that you are considering and often, you can find more than one picture in different lighting. Finally, artists and crafters are happy and grateful to take the little containers of paint samples off of your hands for their projects. Just advertise them for free on Craigslist or neighborhood social media venues. (I just hit Save Draft) Win-win for all, including Mother Earth!!

Here are my paint color recommendations (they are all Sherwin Williams, as that is the brand of paint that our painter likes to work with):

(I just hit Save Draft)

SW6099 Sand Dollar – warm, slightly tan, slightly peach, glowy, dreamy. This is the color that you would have picked out of a crayon box, as a kid, to depict white people’s skin, but not pasty people.

SW7013 Ivory Lace – creamy, warm, glowy, very slightly pinky/ peachy. Matches anything. Clean and bright.

SW9166 Drift of Mist – slight, slight gray. Mist describes it perfectly. Bright, light, clean, crisp tint of gray.

(I just hit Save Draft)

SW7656 Rhinestone – the whitest of white, blues. White that might be a little bit blue. Subtle white, light blue. This does not scream light blue, it hints at it . . . .

I hope that you all have a very colorful weekend, as colorful as what was coming out of my mouth when I realized I lost my entire first draft. (I just hit Save Draft)

Heaven’s Waiting Room

People like to say that Florida, where I live, is Heaven’s waiting room. There are a lot of older people in Florida, that is true. However, I must add that the older people in Florida are among the healthiest, “youngest” elderly citizens whom I have ever encountered.

There is a man who lives in my neighborhood, who I have only talked to a handful of times, yet I consider him to be a major inspiration for what I want to be like when I am elderly. He is in his 80s and every time that I see him (which I feel like happens on almost a daily basis), he is doing two things: smiling and exercising. This man waves to everyone, whether he is walking or biking. I don’t think that I have ever encountered him in a bad mood, even when he was an officer for our neighborhood’s homeowner’s association. (This is no easy feat.)

Pablo Picasso said that we don’t age – we ripen. Florida is a good state to ripen in. Smiling and exercise and sunshine are good conditions to ripen in. This man proves the point that age is just an attitude. I think all of us who are getting older should have gratitude for that fact. It means that we have been given more days to age and to ripen. Every day that we are alive is a precious gift of wonder and miracles. There is no wonder why my neighbor is smiling and soaking in the sunshine as he waves to everyone on his bike. He gets it.

Potty Break

Yesterday, I ran a lot of little errands. And I had stop at the restroom, at almost every errand stop. That is one of the biggest physical changes, I have noticed with the aging process. I used to have a super-charged, extra large bladder. It was like I had an internal super sponge. Not to brag, but my bladder was like an internal extra-absorbent adult diaper. Even when I was pregnant (many times), I could hold it longer than most people. I got annoyed with people who had to stop a lot, when we were on road trips. I would ask trip buddies to eat grapes, instead of drinking any liquid on the road. (okay, not really, but my friend’s dad used to implement that rule when they traveled on vacation, for real. I thought that this was a pretty novel idea before I could empathize with the need for frequent bathroom stops.) Then, when I got deeper into my 40s, looking for the bathroom, became first priority, no matter where I went. I suppose that a big part of aging, is gaining compassion. Everything that annoyed you about other people when you were younger, will be inflicted on you, personally, when you are older, to drive the empathy and compassion lesson, home.

“You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.” ~George Bernard Shaw

Cool Cats

“Life is the most difficult exam. Many people fail because they try to copy others, not realizing that everyone has a different question paper. ” – Smart Thinking, Twitter

I thought that this was an apropos quote for this time of year, with so many high schoolers and college kids taking their final exams and AP exams. And of course, the Met Gala just happened. No one tries to copy each other at the Met Gala. They totally try to out-do each other, and especially, to out-do their own previous Met Gala red carpet entrances.

Wouldn’t life be so much more interesting if we lived Met Gala lives, versus copy cat lives? When I look around these days, it sometimes feels like we are headed in that direction of unique, enthralling and strange, but in a good way. Instead of being threatened by it, I think that I am going to embrace it. I’m going to think outside of the box, a little bit more.

I’ve mentioned before that I love to check out Nature’s Lovers on Twitter. Today there was a beautiful picture posted of a Eurasian Lynx. I found out that there are actually four different varieties of lynx and 40 different known species of big cats in the world. The Borneo Clouded Leopard is not trying to be a Fishing Cat and the Caracal is not trying to be a Margay. (there, I gave you some interesting things to Google on this fine Tuesday)

I suppose that this post is just serving as a reminder to all of us to “Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.” – Oscar Wilde

Yes to the Dress

My teenage daughter and I did some dress shopping for her this weekend. She has a couple of end-of-year awards ceremonies, her brother’s graduation and a tennis banquet to attend, and she needed some dressier clothes for the occasions. My daughter and I usually shop quite contentedly together. We never have any issues finding cute casual clothes for her that meet both of our approvals and time constraints. Dresses are a different story. We both HATE dress shopping.

Unfortunately, I could feel both of our negative energy stewing under the surface, as we headed out to look for the dresses. Our conversation was stilted and edgy, even as we both pretended to be excited for the outing. My daughter astutely reminded me that SHE had to feel good about the dress, so that she would feel confident and happy, at the above-mentioned events. I think the implication that I sometimes reach a frustration level and get a little demanding.

“JUST PICK SOMETHING!” has been known to come flying out of my mouth, in desperation, in a fitting room of the 43rd store that we have entered, in the “quest for a dress”. My daughter and I are really quite similar, in that we are both very clear on what we like and what we don’t like. The difference is, that I think I have a broader spectrum of “what I like.” She would say that I have a tendency to settle.

In the end, though, (may miracles never cease), we ended up with two lovely ensembles in just a few hours, without a nasty blow-up, tears from either of us and we didn’t even have to break the bank. We even had time for a nice mother/daughter, side-by-side pedicure, at which time we giggled about what it will be like when we go wedding dress shopping for her, some day. My daughter even suggested that we would make a perfect, hilarious duo for the TV show, “Say Yes To The Dress”, a TV show that surprisingly, we both enjoy watching together. I suppose that it is good to laugh at yourself, sometimes. This is easier to do, after you have found the perfect dress.

Sea Shells

This is from Nature’s Lovers (Twitter). It is a photo that was taken after the first low tide after Hurricane Matthew passed. What a poignant reminder that beauty can, and often does, come out of the worst experiences of our lives. By the time we have reached middle age, most of us have experienced this first hand, probably more than once.

23 Great Inspiring Quotes and Words of Wisdom #inspiringquotes #wisdom #greatquotes #wisequotes #bravequotes

What is the Question?

To work on and practice my writing, I starting answering some questions on Quora. Today, I was flattered to have someone ask me, specifically, a direct question. I started to question in my mind, why they wanted me to answer their question. Most questions are Quora are not black and white. Some people post riddle-like, mathematical equation type questions that I suppose may have factual, right or wrong answers. Still, most of Quora seems to be more philosophical, “from your life experience”, what is your opinion on such-and-such topic?

I didn’t reach out to the person asking me the question, but I have to assume that she must have liked some of my previous answers and thus thought that I might have some good wisdom to share for her query. This reminded me of this quote I read a while back:

“People sometimes say be honest when they really mean validate me.” – Holiday Mathis

That statement is a hard truth, isn’t it? There are very few people in your life who will give you their complete, unvarnished truth, as they see it. The older that I get, the more I value these people in my life, even if I want to slap them silly, first. A book that I just finished and recommend reading, called Maybe You Should Talk To Someone by Lori Gottlieb, describes therapists’ work as the intricate process of supporting patients, while confronting them at the same time. That must be almost impossible work. Talk about a tight rope act.

Along these same lines, I love this:

Image result for discussions are always better than arguments

Have a wonderful weekend, my treasured friends. My prayers and thoughts are going out to all of us, but are particularly intense for those of you who are going through some of life’s tougher uncertainties and situations that cause fear, pain and grief. You’ve got my arms around you from afar. See you tomorrow!

God Bless You, Friday

My son was telling me a story about one of his science professors. She is a strict, brilliant German woman. She is currently teaching him Organic Chemistry 2. He said that the most interesting trait about her is that no matter what is going on in the class, no matter if she is in mid-discussion of a highly complicated subject or demonstrating a lab experiment, if someone sneezes in the class, she stops and says, “God bless you.” My son said that this has become such an obvious trait of hers, that he sometimes thinks that students fake sneeze on purpose, in order to get her blessing. I love that story! It clearly demonstrates the truth of the saying that what people will remember about you won’t be as much about what you said, your brilliance, your looks or your possessions, but more so, how you made them feel.

On that happy note, “God bless you, readers!!” It’s Friday, the easiest day of the week to feel blessed!!! Here at Adulting Second Half we call Friday – “Favorite Things Friday”! I typically list at least three favorite things, songs, websites, videos, books, etc. that have added positive vibes to my life and I encourage you all to do the same in the Comments section. (please feel free to Comment on anything, any time. I see the stats, I know that you are out there – I would LOVE to hear from you!) Please check out previous Friday posts for other favorites.

Today’s favorites are all quotes. I took these from a list of 77 of supposedly the world’s most popular quotes. I narrowed that list down to my favorites (at least for this Friday)! Here goes:

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
– Dr. Seuss

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
– Oscar Wilde

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”
– Aristotle

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
– C.S. Lewis

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”
– Marilyn Monroe

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
– Albert Einstein

“If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything.”
– Malcolm X

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”
– Mahatma Gandhi

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”
– Helen Keller

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.”
– J.K. Rowling

“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
– Abraham Lincoln

And to end with where we started:

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
– Maya Angelou

Happy Friday, friends!! God Bless You!! Thank you for blessing my life and making me feel heard, interesting, and worth your time!!

Big Balls

So, I did something really strange this week. (perhaps regular readers are used to me doing strange things) An electrician doing work in our house, was listening to the radio and AC/DC was playing. The song was “Big Balls.” This triggered a memory.

For those of you who are not familiar with “Big Balls”, here are the lyrics to the chorus:

I’ve got big balls
I’ve got big balls
And they’re such big balls
Dirty big balls
And he’s got big balls,
And she’s got big balls,
But we’ve got the biggest balls of them all!

The memory that got triggered by this interesting song is that the first time that I heard the “Big Balls” song is when I was introduced to it, late at night, at a sleepover, when I was in elementary school. We were giggling a lot, listening to it, and I am sure that my eyes were the size of saucers but I probably pretended that I already knew the lyrics. What bad-ass little kids, my friends and I must have been! Ha!

So, I thought about the friend who hosted the sleepover. She was one of my best friends in elementary school but we lost touch after that, as we never went to the same schools after elementary school. I remember her being daring, brutally honest and smart as a whip. Now, I don’t go on to Facebook very often, so I decided to just “Google” her name and the first site to come up, was her professional website. Turns out that my elementary school friend is currently a successful tax attorney in Chicago. Even though we haven’t seen each other in 40 years, I immediately recognized the piercing, “see right through you” expression on her face, on her professional, attractive, lawyer-ly picture that came with her bio.

Now, here comes the crazy part. I emailed my friend, at her law firm email address and I entitled the email “Blast from the Past.” I admitted, in my email, that the reason that she came to my mind was because of the “Big Balls” song. I gave a little blurb about my life and I asked how she was doing, hoping that she remembered me and then I sent it before I rationally thought about how weird and desperate and stalker-like the email could come across. (and I sent it to a lawyer . . . )

And then I waited. And then I started thinking rationally and feeling uncomfortable about the whole thing. I mean, people expect you to reach out on venues like Facebook and Instagram and Linked In, but sending a random email to someone you haven’t had contact with, in over 40 years, to their place of employment, discussing a song called “Big Balls”, started to seem a bit “out there”, even for me, the lady who doesn’t embarrass all that easily.

So then I started rationalizing. I allowed myself this crazy blip. This was perhaps, just an unfortunate lack of judgment. I have been very stressed, having my house swarming with workers and dust clouds. I’m probably in some kind of mild midlife crisis. I miss my kids. . . even the kids who still live here. (those of you with teenagers, know what I mean)

I had just finished reading a great book, a thriller, and I got to thinking that even if I didn’t hear back from my elementary school friend, I could turn this whole scenario into an excellent start of a psycho-thriller novel. A bored housewife reaches out on a whim to an old, intriguing friend, who still lives on the edge (remember she’s the one who introduced me to “Big Balls” when we were probably only nine or ten years old) who ends up working for a “law” firm, which secretly does espionage work for the government or the mob or the Russians. And somehow the bored housewife innocently gets involved in all of the intrigue, and has to outsmart the government (easy) or the mob or the Russians (less easy and more dangerous). I realize that this makes for a great premise of a best-selling novel. (and someone out there who is better at writing fiction than me, should definitely steal the idea – it has Hollywood written all over it) Anyway, I started getting overwhelmed thinking about all of the research and fiction writing classes, a book like this would entail, when I noticed that I had a new email message.

It was from my friend, of course. And she remembered me! And she was thrilled to hear from me! And she was glad that I didn’t look for her on Facebook because she, like me, has dropped off of that scene for the most part, too. The best part of the email was that she had recently heard a different AC/DC song (Dirty Deeds) and when she heard that song, she said that she thought about our fifth grade picnics and she reminded me of a few more people that were good childhood comrades who I had long forgotten about. She laughed about us listening to “Big Balls” at her house and she said while she doesn’t remember the instance, she now realizes that it was “wildly inappropriate”. (her words) I thought about that and I thought that probably a less “wildly inappropriate” song would not have stuck in my memory and I would not have likely reached out to her, forty years later and experienced some really nice email exchanges and fond laughs and impressions, about shared childhood memories.

I think that this is how the Universe works. The Universe does not know time. The Universe does know that “wildly inappropriate” can be used in wildly appropriate ways to bring joy and remembrance and connection to people, perhaps when they need those feelings the most. At the very least, I don’t regret my “Big Balls” decision to email my long, lost friend.