“The biggest communication problem is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply.” – Stephen Covey
I wish this statement wasn’t true for me, but it is, unfortunately, very true. It’s like when someone starts talking, key words that they are saying start pinging and all of my experiences that have anything to do with those key words come to the forefront of my mind, banging loudly and insistently, to get out into the open.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I said, “I don’t mean to interrupt but . . . ” I wouldn’t need to buy Mega Millions lottery tickets.
A friend in a book club of mine was a psychologist who studied group dynamics. In order for group communication to be effective, she said that you should let at least three other people speak before you speak again. I wonder if waiting that amount of time makes you finally start listening to others or if it just means you are better formulating in your mind what you are going to say next?
I guess not being a good listener kind of makes you a “know-it-all.” It means you must think that you have already heard it all, seen it all, processed it all and it is only you there needed to spout it all out. It is like arrogantly believing that the person you are talking to hasn’t gone through meaningful life experiences that you could gain any knowledge from. It’s assuming that they are just lumps of clay there to absorb all of your thoughts, explanations and stories without believing that they have anything interesting or insightful to say. Ugh! When you look at it that way, you realize how much you miss out on by not really being present to what someone else is saying. By devising your next soliloquy while the other person is talking, you are cheating them out of an attentive listener and you are cheating yourself out of absorbing some possibly truly important wisdom and delightful observations.
“You can’t fake listening. It shows.” – Raquel Welch