“Before you say it, Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?” – Bernard Meltzer
I used to espouse the above quotation to my children so much that my youngest son took it and ran with it. He said it so much and so loudly in school, that his second grade teacher made a giant poster board of those three questions and credited it to my son. For the record, my son is not Bernard Meltzer.
In all fairness, this was more of a “do as I say, not as I do” teaching. It is something to strive for every day, but I admittedly fall short. I have a tendency to be blunt. I also have a tendency to blame my bluntness on the fact that I’m a Sagittarius. (As if a pseudoscience based on the alignment of planets excuses me for being an ass, but hell, taking accountability is a work in progress, too.)
We’ve all heard the saying that we have two ears and one mouth for a reason, but in a loud world filled with so much information, it sometimes feels like we need to shout to be heard. And quickly. The trick is to stop and to think and to ponder before shouting, I guess. There is a Latin saying that when translated goes something like this, “Truth speaks for itself, if we let it speak.”
I have learned from experts that there are 5 simple rules for good communication. The first rule is to be in a place of empathy and compassion. The second rule is to stay calm and try not to speak from an angry place. The third rule is to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements to avoid blaming and shaming. The 4th rule is to ask questions instead of lecturing. “How do you think this situation makes me feel?” is a good question to ask another person for getting them to see things from your perspective. And the 5th rule is to make an agreement about things going forward and to forgive the past. Of course, these rules work best if you are superhuman, or the emotionless Mr. Spock or the incredibly kind Dalai Lama, but nevertheless, they are something to strive for in our every day relationships.
There is a neat tee shirt company called Om + Ah London. One of their best selling tees says this: Be the reason someone believes in the goodness of people. I imagine that being a thoughtful communicator would go a long way in achieving this goal. The quote is certainly a worthwhile goal to strive for and possibly might be worth putting on a giant poster board right beside my desk.