Bad Men

Detective Martin Hart:
Do you wonder ever if you’re a bad man?

Detective Rustin Cohle:
No. I don’t wonder, Marty. World needs bad men. We keep the other bad men from the door.

The scene and the written dialog above is from Season 1 of True Detective. It’s one those inconvenient truths that when we are resting in our most idealized selves, we don’t want to believe. We don’t want to believe that the amazing freedoms that we have in our lives were sometimes hard won by people who were capable of doing things that we, ourselves, might not have it in us to do. It often comes down to the question, do the ends justify the means? And that’s a squirmy question.

I come from a family that has a lot of military veterans. So does my husband. I am proud of how much military service is in the history of my family. I remember, many years ago, getting into a heated discussion about something related to peace and war, during a book club meeting with another club member. Her background was that of a long history of academics and professors. I respected this member quite a bit. I considered her to be a friend and an interesting, thoughtful, intelligent woman. And I believe that she felt the same way about me. After making the whole book club feel immensely uncomfortable, we quieted down and we agreed to go out to eat together, and to talk about our different viewpoints further, with just each other. It was a nice dinner. It was civil. Nothing stands out about the conversation to me. Neither of us changed each other’s mind. But the friendship lasted. The mutual respect lasted. There were a lot of viewpoints that we completely agreed on, in different matters that we read about, in other books. We still exchange Christmas cards to this day.

I admittedly sometimes get into my woo-woo/yogi girl states of being, and I belt out John Lennon’s “Imagine All the People” at the top of my lungs, and I fervently wish that I could manifest this state of peace instantly for all of us. I don’t believe that there are many people in this world who don’t wish for peace and abundance for all. However sometimes, my romanticized, utopian view of the way things Should Be sometimes clouds my vision for truly seeing the way things are right now. And yes, I believe that we all can do our individual parts to “be the change that we want to see in the world”. (attributed to Gandhi and Joseph Ranseth) That’s really the best that any of us can do. And this “being the change” often looks like different things and different roles for different people.

We creative types love nuance. We love to see things in a different way and bring these “different ways” into fruition with our art and in our general ways of being. But sometimes we forget that looking at things “different ways” for other people, in other, more rigid, mechanical fields, other than that of the creative arts, can often be about having to make difficult, snap decisions between the lesser of two awful evils.

Perhaps instead of condemning others for their “stupidity” and their “war mongering”, we might be able to find some level of gratefulness for “the “bad” men who keep the other “bad” men from the door”, so that we are able to do our art, and our protests, and our comfortable day-dreaming about a utopian world where “bad men” don’t exist at all.

“The older I get, the less I know. By that I mean the less I am sure of. I view people with strong opinions on the big stuff with distrust. I don’t think we should have certain certainties on faith and politics; I think we should be open-minded.” _ Pam Ferris

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Tuesday – Museday

+ I hope that this child never changes. What is better than a person who carries emergency confetti, because they are always anticipating something to celebrate? May this sweet child need tons and tons of brightly colored, glittery confetti throughout their entire lives, in order to have it for everything that they feel the need to celebrate.

+ My husband and I have been watching the True Detective series. We are currently in the middle of season 2. Vince Vaughn plays a gangster character named Frank Semyon who says this to a young boy who has just experienced the death of his father:

 “Sometimes, a thing happens, splits your life. There’s a before and after. I got like five of them at this point. And this is your first. But if you use it right, the bad thing, you use it right, and it makes you better. Stronger. It give you something most people don’t have. Bad as this is, wrong as it is, this hurt, it can make you a better man. That’s what pain does. It shows you what was on the inside. And inside of you, is pure gold. And I know that. Your father knew that, too.”

(On an aside, the main writer of the True Detective series is Nic Pizzolatto. He is an incredible writer. The True Detective series is gritty and dark, but the character development and the quotes from the series are also ‘pure gold’. I love a show or a movie that makes me think long after I have watched it. Even if the series is too uncomfortably dark for you to watch, read some of the quotes from the series, especially Season 1. It will get your brain whirling.)

The “split your life phenomenon” is something that I have heard before. It is usually said after an enormous, untimely tragedy. But the Frank Semyon character gets it right. By the time we are fortunate enough to reach middle age and beyond, we all usually have at least one event that has happened in our lives that splits our lives into before and after. And as much as we would have preferred not to experience this said event, it does make us stronger. The grievous event makes us more compassionate. These types of events tend to awaken us and to jar us into understanding what is most meaningful to us going forward. And the silver linings can be alchemized into “pure gold” if we let the process happen.

+ “So many people need you to behave in a certain way for them to feel good. They condemn you for your selfishness. ‘How dare you be so selfish as to follow what makes you feel good. You should follow what makes us feel good.” – Esther Hicks

This is a good one for the holiday season. Are you expecting others to make your holiday season wonderful, by expecting them to do your bidding? If this is the case, are they the selfish ones, or are you? Why would you let something as important as your own well-being rest in the hands of others and their actions? Why would you give away control of your own peace of mind? Are you trying to make others feel good by walking on eggshells, doing their bidding, spending the holiday season on “shoulds” and traditions of others, only to feel resentful that no one is doing the same for you? This holiday season make your own peace of mind of utmost importance. Only do things that feel good. (and yes, that can often mean doing things for others, but only doing them because it feels good to do them, not with some kind of expectation that they will respond accordingly) I assure you that the best gift that you can give your loved ones this year is an inner peace that permeates all around you. They will feel it. They will rest in it. They will emulate it. Only do things that add to your own inner peace. Don’t allow anyone to steal your peace. Don’t give others control of your peace. Don’t expect peace to come from anywhere, or from anyone else, than your own inner wellspring. That’s where your peace lies, eternally.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.