spirit Archives - Adulting: Second- Half

Fluidity

Everything is fluid. Even how you think about things is fluid. Especially how you think about things is fluid. We have started getting Christmas cards and a couple of them have come from people who were from a time when we lived in a whole different state. I have really fond memories of the people there. We were young families, literally raising our kids as a village. The neighborhood we lived in was mammoth. It was so big that it was essentially our neighborhood kids filling the entire elementary school. But yet, the neighborhood felt small, due to the wonderful circle of people we cavorted with there.

Many of our former inner circle there, like us, have left the neighborhood, for different neighborhoods (upsizing and downsizing) and like us, have even left for different states. We had to leave that neighborhood, and that state, back in 2011, for the necessity of greener pastures to support our large family quickly descending upon college age. So, leaving there, was truly bittersweet. We had poured our heart and souls into re-designing and adding on to the home where we lived there, with the faulty assumption that it would be the home that even our grandchildren would come to visit. And then, almost immediately after we finished the totally draining (both emotionally and financially) years long housing project, the Great Recession housing crash happened. We essentially had to give that home away for pennies on the dollar.

For many years, I had bitter feelings about that home. It had become a financial burden and albatross around our necks. It became “the thing” that made it hard to get “a fresh new start” in our new state. It was amazing that a creation that I had once had been so proud of, and had poured so much of my heart and creative vision into, had quickly turned into one of my biggest nightmares. It was a really humbling, shocking, disillusioning time in the lives of our family. And for years, only thoughts of anger and disbelief and frustration and regret, surrounded any ideas of our former home.

Today, out of curiosity, after receiving the cards that reminded me of our “former life”, I looked up our former home. It had been sold again in 2017 and the owners had added on even more beautiful updates. Interestingly, I noticed that all of my feelings of anger and disgust, had dissipated. I am back to feeling proud of “my former creation.” I am back to feeling deeply proud of the fingerprints, and the heartbeats, and the creative vision that we had for that home. I am mostly proud of the happy history and memories that we added to that place which we called home for a time in the life of our family. I am back to feeling only a full fondness for a lovely time in my life, and the lovely nest which we had created for our family at that time. And at the same time, I have no desire to go back. I am truly fulfilled at where I am in my life right now, and I see how all of the dots in my life have been connected and are being connected, as the picture of my life is being lived.

I have noticed this circling around of feelings and perspectives many times, about many people and situations, in my own life. I have also noticed this in the lives of others. Life has a way of softening the edges, after processing the hard stuff. How many people, having gone through vicious divorces, end up deeply hugging each other at their shared children’s major milestones? How many people have been able to find the gifts of lessons and silver linings, and forgiveness of self and others, in even the worst circumstances of their lives? Oprah Winfrey is credited with saying this: “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different, it’s accepting the past for what it was, and using this moment and this time to help yourself move forward.”

If you are going through a tough time in your life, give yourself the knowing that someday you will likely look at this situation with a different perspective. The worst, sharpest edges causing the gashes, and the bleeding, and the pain, will dull with time. The sharpest edges will stop being able to hurt you anymore. That’s the beauty of true forgiveness. It’s an acceptance of what is, and deciding to only take the “good stuff” from the situation. Forgiveness is finally stopping the continually gashing of yourself with the sharp edges, and allowing yourself to heal the wounds, so that when you come back to viewing the situation, you will see that the now dulled edges, can’t really hurt you anymore. You will find that with time and distance, the healing has created a strong (and sometimes scarred, but often stronger for the scarring) barrier to what was once a truly visceral, seemingly unending pain. Believe this. Stop poking at your pains and let them be. Allow the miracle of the change of perspective to appear when the timing is just right. Believe in impermanence and fluidity because they really are the only constants in life, besides the underlying Love that holds us all afloat.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Unplugged

Credit: Gregorio Catarino, X

The picture above kind of sums it all up, doesn’t it? My husband, two of our sons and our daughter all had plans to go to the gym this morning. (I didn’t. The gym is not my thing.) Needless to say, those plans never came into fruition. The day after any big event/holiday/vacation is such a hodgepodge of emotion and sensation, isn’t it? Satisfaction. Relief. Exhaustion. Disbelief. It takes a while to process everything that goes into “the biggies” once they are completed, right? We are made up of our minds and bodies and spirits, but sometimes these three aspects need to get synched up, in order to move forward. Our minds are already going to: “Time to clean up and let’s move on to the next thing. Get your calendars out.” Our spirits are going: “Wow. A lot just happened over these last few weeks. How am I feeling about everything that went on? I didn’t realize that I could feel this many things all at once. I need a good laugh/cry/bath/sigh/hug from my better half/last piece of pie, before I can move on.” Our bodies are going: “Ugh. Help me. System overload. Can we please get back to normal before I explode?!”

Try not to jump right back into the saddle until all three of your aspects of yourself are ready to move ahead into the new year. If we all made “overall health” a desire for 2024 what would that look like? What does your mind need to stimulate itself more healthfully in the new year? Our minds are like German Shepherds. They need to work constantly and if they are not given a task, they will make a mission for themselves. Have you let your mind run amok like an untrained German Shepherd? Get a leash and be the leader of your mind this year. What about your body? What could be tweaked (or even overhauled) for a healthier new year for the daily vehicle which allows you to experience life? And spirit . . . Sweet spirit. Has your spirit been neglected? Is it a tangled ball mess of emotion that could stand some dedicated quiet and safe detangling time, perhaps at the end of each day with some meditation or prayer or with a good listener?

Sometimes when we are utterly depleted, these are the times that make us most open and receptive to what needs to be tweaked and even changed in our lives. These times of overload, force us to stop and to reboot. Are the programs that we are running “in all three facets of the game” the same ones that we want to utilize in 2024? What’s ready to be shut down? What’s ready to grow? It’s not lost on me that we end every year with the bang of “The Holidays.” It’s overwhelm by design. It forces us to collapse and to refocus, just in time for a precious, fresh new year in our lives.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Muddled-Ment (new word by me)

When I was with my best friends from college a couple of weeks ago, we got to talking about the young girls’ body confidence these days, and the fact that most young women these days often wear, on average, about a third of the body coverings that we wore at their ages. Some of my friends are thrilled with this evolution, some of my friends are struggling with it (especially when it comes to our own daughters) and I, myself, sit somewhere in between these two opinions. I think that it is important to have pride and confidence in the precious, unique vehicles which house and transport our souls. But sometimes it seems to me, that putting so much focus and emphasis on “in your face”, look at my body, look at my body, look at my body, look at my body, puts too much emphasis on physical looks (especially for women) and not enough emphasis on the person as a whole. (which ironically is what I think the whole “body positive” movement is trying to do – bringing the emphasis back to unique qualities of the individual) As in anything, the pendulum always swings back and forth, this I know.

Anyway, I’m not here to debate the merits of any side of this story. I can see all sides which is often the case in my own life, which leaves me in an almost constant state of “muddled-ment” and puzzlement about many things. (An unmade mind is a messy, sleepless, frustrated thing. Sigh.) Today, though, I would like to share this beautiful piece below by the writer, Molly Burford. It’s easy to compliment someone on their looks or their outfits. Take some time today to compliment someone in your life for what makes their own unique spirit so special. Take some time today to compliment yourself about something distinctive that makes you stand out from the crowd (and make sure that it has nothing to do with looks.) I imagine that a lot of these compliments below, apply to you, my readers. Consider yourself complimented and as always thank you for reading the blog. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Pause

Merry Christmas Eve. I hope that this finds you well, and warm, and in good spirits. This time of year is a big time of reflection for us, isn’t it? The world slows down, just a little bit and we start thinking about the past year in review. We also start musing about what we want in the new year and beyond. I’ve heard a lot of people mention that the year 2023 is a year for healing. I like that thought. Collectively, we’ve been through a lot in the last few years. I don’t feel like we’ve had a lot of downtime, or much of a “pause”, in order to process everything which we have been through. It is my hope that 2023 is a calming, healing, easy going, “let’s catch our breath and recalibrate” kind of a year.

The Wise Connector asked his Twitter followers to list three things that they have learned in 2022. I plan to ponder on that thought for a little bit. I like to integrate important lessons, so I am better equipped for my journey moving forward. This year I have learned to trust the mysterious ways of the Universe more, and the way that the Universe works in my life. I have learned that if I am pushing against a wall that isn’t ready to move, I only hurt and frustrate myself. When the wall is ready to be moved, it’s almost like magic how quickly the wall just disappears, like it was never there before. When it is time for me to walk through, and past a problem, it’s almost like the wall was never there. I hope to stop myself from knocking my head against walls in the new year and into the future to come.

I’ve also been telling my body lately, “I’m listening to you.” I’m taking care of you. You need rest? You’ve got it. You need to stretch and loosen up? We can do that, and you’re right, it feels amazing. Going along with the 2023 “Year of Healing” idea, I plan to start offering up the same courtesies of listening more to my mind and to my spirit, and really heeding the needs of all three entities which make up the whole of me.

I am wishing for peace and for pause for all of us during this holiday season. Thank you for being daily witnesses to me and to my writing. I love you. I appreciate you and our feeling of understanding and connection. Merry Christmas. All is well. Believe it. The walls will dissipate at just the right time and the path will be clear and bright.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

(D)anger

I have sciatica that has been acting up lately, particularly on my left side. I’ve been doing stretches. I have tried massage and acupuncture and ibuprofen. What I haven’t admitted to myself is how much I have the tendency to repress my anger. Repressed anger often manifests itself in our hips.

It’s easier for a lot of us (especially us women types) to admit that we are sad, than to admit that we are angry. Anger sometimes gets labeled as “a bad emotion.” When anger is used to lash out at others, it can be scary and dangerous and ruinous. Therefore, we often repress our own anger, in order to “protect” ourselves and others. However, when we repress anger, these angry feelings end up hurting us deeply, in internal, physical ways. Also, ironically, the build-up of pressure from angry feelings that we are trying to keep inside, makes it more likely for us to have uncontrolled damaging outbursts that we regret, leading to the vicious cycle of continuing to deny and to repress our anger.

Sometimes we are not actually angry at any particular person. We can have anger about situations that aren’t in our control, such as the pandemic. We can feel angry at ourselves for not doing, or saying something, that we wish we had done. We can have a lot of stored up anger in our bodies, starting from the times when we were very young children.

In order to be healthy in mind, and body, and spirit, we have to feel all of our feelings, and then we have to let them go. Anger scares us. It makes us feel out of control and despicable, so anger is often, one our most suppressed feelings. Nonetheless, there are safe ways to express our anger, but first we must admit to ourselves that our anger even exists. Anger is an emotion full of energy, so finding a private place to scream, or to hit something safe, like a pillow, or to have a private tantrum/meltdown are all ways to release anger, in a healthful way. Taking a brisk walk or run, keeping a journal, and being present with your thoughts which are causing your anger, and perhaps challenging the validity of these thoughts with a different perspective, are all ways to process anger safely. The bottom line, is it is important to allow yourself to acknowledge, and to feel your anger, or it will inevitably cause bigger problems in life, in regards to your precious bodily health, and your meaningful relationships.

Top 50 Quotes About Anger and Frustration - Quotes Yard

21 Quotes About Anger And Frustration With Pictures - Picss Mine

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Back in the Saddle

Hi friends! I’m back to my usual writing corner. Josie, our collie, is keeping a watchful eye on me, making sure that I am staying put, and not leaving any time soon for another adventure. She likes to herd every member of our family, right where she can keep a careful eye on all of us. Our trip was incredible, and thankfully, my youngest son, who is epileptic, remained seizure free for the duration of the trip, after suffering two major seizures, hours before our departure. Thank you for your love and prayers. I felt them and they sustained me. We are hoping and praying that this is just a matter of upping the dose of a new medication that my son has been trying since the beginning of the year. Time will tell.

I am in that digestion stage, which we all go through, after experiencing major incidents in our lives. I just experienced the trip of a lifetime, seeing things I have never seen in my lifetime, and may never see again. I also experienced a major disappointment, realizing that once again, my son’s epilepsy is determined to remain a terrorizing part of our lives. I have been through an onslaught of stimulation this past week. Now, I am just sitting with it all, trying to absorb what I want to keep, and also to find peace with what I cannot control. Mostly, I want to remain in that flow of love and faith, that allows me to move forward, to live my life in trust and in wonder, no matter what is happening to me, and around me.

Where we were traveling is an incredibly quiet place. It was probably the most quiet, peaceful place which I have ever experienced in my life. There are few roads, few cars, and even few animals, where we visited. One time my husband and I were hiking, and I asked him that we not speak for a while. I wanted to soak in the pure quiet of it all. It was intensely beautiful and healing to be able to be that quiet in myself.

I always try to make a trip, or a novel experience, a deliberate, new part of myself . What I took from this trip, was a reminder of how peaceful life can be, if we allow it. What I took from this trip, is how important it is, to find those quiet, still, peaceful moments and to sit with them and to soak them in. These still moments are the purest moments in our lives when we get to experience the most aware part of our being. These are the moments that we get reacquainted with our spirit within, and they are vital to our well-being.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Let it Flow

Thank you, Think Smarter (Twitter), for the above meme. The very young and the very old really have so much to teach us about “just being.”

We all know the wisdom of being in the now. There are whole industries and book stores filled with the importance of living for the moment. How do we get to, and stay in, that state of “just being in the moment”, though? It isn’t easy, is it? A friend, years ago, told me that she visualizes the flow of life/God/spirit coming into her, at the very top of her head and flowing in and all around her. When she finds herself to be angry or fearful or controlling, she knows that it is time to unkink her proverbial hose, so that “the flow” can come easily in and through her, once again.

When my kids were little and cranky, wanting to know when we were going to leave the grocery store or to get to a vacation spot, I used to say (in my calmest, wisest Mom voice that I could muster), “Go with the flow.” Sometimes that worked and sometimes it just annoyed the crap out of them. They still remember it, though. My mostly adult children still like to say “Go with the flow”, in a weird moony voice, when they are teasing me about their childhood years.

What if we looked at negative emotional states as a short in our system? What if, when we are feeling mad, sad, or scared (and all of the little nuanced feelings that fall under those big categories), we saw those emotions as “Check Engine” lights? What if, in those moments of unrest, we pulled over to the curb, for a pause and unkinked some hoses, with prayer, or with positive thoughts of gratitude, or a visualization of handing over our worries to bigger, more capable hands. Unless we are master mechanics, most of us don’t know how to fix our cars when the “Check Engine” light appears. But we take our cars to service stations which we trust, to fix them. We take our bodies to doctors and healers, when we get physically hurt or sick. We take our minds to classrooms and read books, to learn and to grow our knowledge and the reasonings of our minds. Where do we take our souls to get fixed? Whatever feeds your soul, whether it be at church, or at a temple, or listening to music, or communing with nature, or communicating in prayer and in meditation, (only You know what that is, as it is a highly personal thing for your Spirit to commune with what makes it whole), make sure that you are giving yourself those maintenance appointments for your Soul. Make sure that your hoses are unkinked and your electric starters are firing on all cylinders. Make sure that the energy you are burning is sustainable and not likely to burn you out. Take those much needed time-outs, so that you are able to “go with the flow” in order to live a purposeful and meaningful and peaceful life. The flow is the only way your Spirit knows how to travel.

Flow is the nature of energy; flow is another name of life | Picture Quotes

Lao Tzu Quote: “Those who flow as life flows know they need no other force.” (23 wallpapers) - Quotefancy

It is.

Image result for picture of a white heron in a forest

Behind our home is a small lake and behind the small lake is part of an expansive nature preserve. A white heron often comes and perches in the thick expanse of trees and greenery that make up the preserve. The white heron is still, elegant, peaceful. It is such a beautiful, tranquil contrast to the unruly thickness of the foliage all around it, the greenery that twists and turns and fights for the center stage of the forest, reaching and seeking desperately, upwards and outwards. When I see the heron, I often wonder if that is what our souls look like. The beautiful, quiet, placid spirit part of us, deeply nestled in the center of the thick, and wild forest of our minds and our thoughts and our lives. It quietly sits and observes and reflects without thoughts and judgments and cares. The white heron is beautiful. It is quiet. It is being still. It is being. It is.