Glass Down

I’m not a big believer in the categories “good” or “bad” or “normal.” I think that there are very few things that 100 percent fall into any of these categories and a lot of that is relative to different perspectives. I believe that it is best to discern things and people and places by “Is exposure to this person/place/thing, healthy for me?” and also, “How much exposure to this people/place/thing is healthy for me?” The answers to these questions are only for me to decide. These questions also apply to social media. Social media is not in its essence, “good” or “evil.” It can be used for both. The question for any of us is, “Is how I am utilizing social media on a daily basis, healthy for me?” A good way to judge your health (mental, physical, spiritual) is to examine how you feel. Generally things that are all-of-the-way-around healthy for you will make you feel “alive”, energized, hopeful, grounded, peaceful, pain-free, rested, calm, creative, connected, even-keeled etc. So when I am starting the new year, and when I am considering the tweaks that I want to make in my life in this new year, I examine what is making me feel overall healthy, and also what is detracting from my overall health, and then I make adjustments accordingly.

The social media platform which I spend most of my time engaging on is X (formerly Twitter). This is because I’m an insatiably curious person. I like to learn more about things that I am interested in. One of my favorite accounts to follow is Vala Afshar, who is a business leader, scientist, and author. There is nothing controversial on his thread. Usually he posts videos of amazing robotic inventions, or fabulous works and marvels from the fields of engineering and architecture, or famous, inspiring speeches from business leaders like Warren Buffett, or sometimes he posts beautiful facts about nature (for instance, today he posted a video of a gorgeous, golden 1400 year-old gingko tree in China and he said that gingko trees existed in the days of the dinosaurs!) In short, following Vala Afshar’s X account is a reminder of just how incredibly amazing our natural world is, and just how ingenious humanity can be, when we put our minds to it.

Recently, Vala Afshar posted two different videos of the same professor teaching interesting, inspiring lessons to his students. Unfortunately, I can’t discern who this professor is, or what he teaches, or where he teaches (or taught), but the professor appears to be an American, he is charismatic and he puts me in mind of Dean Martin. In the first lesson, the professor offers up a $20 bill and asks the class who wants it. Of course, everyone raises their hands. He then puts the bill on the ground and stamps on it, and then he picks the $20 bill up and asks his students who wants it now. Not surprisingly, everyone still raises their hands. He then crinkles it into a ball and rubs it between his hands. When he offers it up, everyone still volunteers to take it. The professor says that this is a lesson in value. The $20 bill had the same value, despite everything it had gone through and what had worn it thin. He said to use this lesson to never forget your own intrinsic value, no matter what happens throughout your lifetime.

In the second video, the professor picks up a glass of water and asks his students to guess its absolute weight. They throw out their guesses: Eight ounces? Twelve ounces? The professor quiets his students down. He said that it really doesn’t matter how much the glass of water weighs. The professor says that what really matters is how long he holds on to it, up in the air. If he holds on to it for a few minutes , the glass of water is easy to hold, and not that heavy. However, the longer he holds on to the glass of water, the heavier it feels. The professor compares our stresses and worries in our lives, to the glass of water. If you spend a few minutes on them, you’ll be fine, but the longer you hold on to them, the more you’ll start to ache, and if you spend all of your day on your problems, the professor says that you feel “paralyzed and incapable of doing anything.” The professor ends his lesson by telling his students that when they start to worry: “Always remember to put the glass down.”

Both of these lessons are wonderful reminders and excellent visuals to put into our “tool box” for better, overall and invigorating health in 2024. I hope that you are enjoying the holiday season for its own everlasting intrinsic worth (no matter what it looks like on the outside), and when you are getting frazzled, you’re able to “Put that glass down!” Cheers! Now, put the glass down.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Child Stars

I heard an interesting advertisement for a podcast on the radio yesterday. The people on the podcast were talking about the fact that Generation Z are the first generation to have had all of their growing up “moments” plastered all over the internet on social media platforms like Facebook, and Instagram, and now TikTok, and how upsetting and embarrassing this can be for some kids, especially those that had their “cute/silly/funny/outrageous” posts go viral, and now having people curious to see them as “grown-ups.” The woman heading the podcast was questioning how many of us in the older generations would have wanted “those moments” (i.e., bathtub pictures, temper tantrums, crazy falls, etc.) that a few of our family members had on VHS tape, to be visible for anyone in the world who wanted to view it.

There are a lot of ramifications to how quickly our technology is advancing. And it is interesting that in some areas, we are only now starting to see and to discuss the effects of earlier technological advancements. I was strolling along a beautiful beach last weekend and I was noticing many, many young people sitting on the beach, posing themselves in all different contortions and taking photo after photo of themselves with their phones. (It seems like all kids these days, have their portfolio of “poses” down pat.) All of the while we were on a gorgeous white sand beach, on an extraordinarily beautiful day, with the water being at it’s-just-refreshingly-right-before-it-gets-to-be-lukewarm temperature. Have we conditioned all of our kids to be “child stars”? How often have actual “child stars” ended up with disastrous adult lives? How many of us would have chosen to shield our children from becoming actual Hollywood child actors?

It is interesting that at a time that technology is moving at seemingly the speed of light, there has also been a big movement towards conscious, be-in-the-NOW living, versus conditioned living. There is something inside of all of us, that seems to be screaming, “Let’s slow down. Let’s consider what is happening. Let’s notice what this feels like, and consider its ramifications. Let’s make conscious, deliberate, thought-out choices. We don’t have to move at the speed of discovery just because we can.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Big Violet Circle

credit: Mindset For Life, Twitter

Things I haven’t brought up on the blog: My daughter and I . . . . My son and I . . . The latest drama with . . . . A discussion I had with my husband . . . . Bottom line, it’s really none of anyone’s business except mine. Bottom line again, all of our lives are one big violet circle. Live your circle. Don’t compare your big violet circle to someone else’s tiny pink circle on social media. We all live one big, violet circle, filled with some amazing things, and also filled with some really hard things. How much of your precious living time and mind space are you spending on other people’s tiny pink circles? Live your big, beautiful violet circle and make it glow. Just live. Just breathe. Be real. Experience it all.

“One day you will look back and recall all the time you spent on social media and wonder why you didn’t invest that time someplace else.” ― Germany Kent

“The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on social media.” — Unknown

“The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” — Steven Furtick

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Most Popular Posts

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Earlier this week I was perusing my Nextdoor website for recommendations for some housework that we need to have done. I believe that this was the original intention of Nextdoor, as it focuses on one particular community, usually within a 20 mile radius. Unfortunately, though, like almost all social media websites, our Nextdoor has also become a political fight, “mask vs. anti-mask”, “vax vs. anti-vax” nesting ground, among other heated, controversial topics, both local and national. I usually avoid these posts, as if they were the most contagious variant of the coronavirus out there, but I somehow got curious about a particular post written by a neighbor named John Guidi, that was noted as the day’s most popular post. It turned out to be a well-written, hilarious, sarcastic post, starting with this line:

Political posts: If you feel you must make controversial posts on this board, please adhere to the following guidelines:”

Here were some of the guidelines:

5. Make sure to condemn somebody in every post.

8. Try to offend as many people as possible.

11. Always attempt to be very defensive.

15. No matter what someone else posts, always try to find fault with it.

17. State and restate the obvious.

I honestly read the post with glee and apparently so did many others in our neck of the woods, as it had over 200 likes and “thank yous” and smiley faces attached to the post, and 177 comments, comments which turned out to be a lot more of the usual back-and-forth, righteous, “rule” additions, posturing at the podium, etc.

I then took a look at the second most popular post of the day, which turned out to be a mother sincerely asking for recommendations for a local therapist for her adolescent son, who is suffering from depression. Her post showed earnest concern and desperation. Her name and her picture and her neighborhood, were all published on the post. And the beautiful thing is that the people who answered and commented on her post, were so kind and loving and honest about their own struggles and situations. She got dozens of recommendations and many tender and hopeful and caring posts, sending love and prayers for her comfort and for her son’s recovery. I got a lump in my throat thinking about how courageous it was for this mother to publicly admit that she needed some help. And the people of my neighborhood and surrounding areas could not have been more kind and understanding, and thoughtful and compassionate with the posts that they wrote to answer her plea. She wrote a sincere “thank you” post more than once throughout the Comments section.

Wow. That’s when I got my own personal “a-ha” moment. As well written as the first post was, it really wasn’t any different in tone, than so many of the biased political posts that we are besieged with, on social media today. Reading the first post and agreeing with it, I realized that right at that moment, I, myself, was in my own high-and-mighty, judgmental, “I am smarter/wiser than”, smirky, condescending ego mindset. It felt “good” and yet not good, all at the same time. Reading the second post, I was humbled. Being a mother, I felt so much empathy for the fear that we mothers feel when we can’t protect and heal our own children, all by ourselves. I felt so much admiration for that mother and equally, I felt so much gratefulness that my community responded like it did, with concern and support and hopefulness. I suspect that the people who answered her, came from many different backgrounds, political and otherwise. Reading her post and the responses to it, was affirming to me. I felt good. Just good. I felt connected to everybody in my neighborhood, not just the people who share my beliefs.

Do You Want To Be “Right” Or “Happy”? - NICOLEVALEK.COM | Choose happiness  quotes, Strong mind quotes, Happy quotes

Tom

Tom lives in our neighborhood. He is big and bold and he’s always carousing around for ladies. He’s a handsome, confident guy. Tom spends most of his time hanging out on the corner of a major intersection in the neighborhood. Tom has become sort of a mascot or maybe a unifying symbol of our neck of the woods, and we all love him. Tom is a big old wild turkey.

The other day on our Nextdoor social media app, one neighbor posted an angry rant about the people who are supposedly feeding Tom. This was followed by righteous posts about the dangers of feeding wildlife, and then other posts about how frustrating it is when Tom is strutting his stuff and causing traffic jams, and then other posts about how neighbors need to stop being so mean and cynical, to stop driving so fast, and just enjoy the fact that we live in the midst of so much natural wonder, which was followed up by further posts from other people, who live outside of our neighborhood, admonishing everyone to just “chill out”, which sparked angry posts from inside of the neighborhood, asking those posters why they even felt they had any right to talk about Tom, because they probably had never even seen him! All of these paragraphs and paragraphs of posts continue on and on, with the usual likes and dislikes, and hearts, and happy face emoticons and angry faced emoticons. I believe that even at this moment, “the infamous Tom thread” on Nextdoor, is still quite healthy and active.

Do you know what a group of turkeys is called? It’s called a rafter. Watching the antics of the excitable “Tom thread” on our local social media, makes me realize that we have quite a rafter here, in our neighborhood. Turkeys abound. But my one and only favorite wild turkey is Tom. He doesn’t read Nextdoor. He just hangs out at the corner, doing his thing.

804,073 Turkey Photos - Free & Royalty-Free Stock Photos from Dreamstime

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Dogstagram

I know that this is going to sound crazy from a person who is willing to spill her guts on a public blog, but I’m not one for social media. You probably couldn’t pick me out of a line-up from my ancient Facebook front page photo and my kids’ pictures are so old on my Facebook page, you might think they are competition for the waiting list on competitive, hard-to-get-into preschools (three of my kids are now adults). My LinkedIn was required for a part-time job that I had, that ended almost two years ago, when they shut down their local office. I imagine my LinkedIn appears like I still work there. I don’t know. I haven’t checked. I have an Instagram for this blog. It has one post.

When I admit my iffiness about social media to people, I get a variety of responses. I think some friends and family who love their social media, take it as an insult. I think sometimes people think that I am making some kind of judgmental statement with my ambivalence. I am not. I believe everyone has their passions and that is what makes the world go round. Facebook has been a very useful way for me to get in touch with long lost friends and relatives at almost instant notice and I think that is great. About a decade ago, I was much more into posting on Facebook, but then I started getting uncomfortable with it and the amount of time that I was spending on it. I’ve always been one of those people who is much more comfortable observing. Because I’m kind of a friendly, maybe even an “out-there” personality, I think I come across as a contradiction. I’m a natural introvert, who appears to be an extrovert.

The whole “Big Brother” thing kind of stresses me out, too. I’ve got nothing to hide, but I find it disconcerting to walk into a boutique and look at my phone, and have it remind me that I have been to that particular boutique two years ago and three times previous to that. I’m a little uncomfortable being tracked and stalked by my phone and whatever forces lie behind the tracking features. The more exposure everything seems to get, the more I seem to want to dive into my own little hole, like Alice, into my own little Wonderland.

That being said, all of that has served as a preface to a wild hair I got this weekend, when I thought it would be fun to turn our dogs into Instapups. Boredom and a lack of a schedule, brings out the crazy in me. If you follow my blog, you’ve read some stories about our dogs, so you can now follow them on ralphieandjosie on Instagram, if you are so inclined. I warn you, I get bored easily and I hate feeling overexposed, so I’m not sure how long it will last, but for now, I’m having fun with it. I’m not willing to put myself or my family out there too much on public pictorial stage, but hell, I’ll throw my dogs to the dogs, so to speak. 😉 And for now, they seem all in, tails wagging.

“Don’t say anything on online that you wouldn’t want plastered on a billboard with your face on it.” – Erin Bury