Tag: progressive

Gulp

I am having some less than flattering self-awareness moments recently. First, someone was trying to schedule something with me and I started rattling off, “Well, I have a mammogram, and then my husband has a colonoscopy, and then I am going to be having some dental work done (interspersed with the thought, “Oh yikes, did I pick up our prescriptions?) and then my husband has a dermatologist appointment . . . “

And that’s when I realized that I belong on one of those Progressive Dr. Rick commercials. “Help for people who are becoming their parents.”

Second, my poor, sweet husband asked me what I planned on doing yesterday afternoon and he opened a Pandora’s box that he didn’t see coming. I honestly knew that he meant the question innocently. As he calmly (and tentatively) explained at dinner yesterday, he didn’t want to make the lunchtime conversation all about himself, and I knew that this was a fact, even as snakes were popping out of my head, and fire was shooting out of my eyes, when he originally asked the question. There was no judgmental, accusational tone in his question. The judgment was all mine, and I was projecting.

“What are you going to do now? What’s next? What are your plans?”

I’ve been doing this same judgmental projecting a lot lately, when friends, family members, and acquaintances, innocently ask me what my plans are now that I am an empty nester. The question stresses me because I haven’t honed in on the answer yet, and that bothers me. I’m a goal directed person. I am a Sagittarius with a pointed arrow. I am used to my time being so scheduled up by other people’s schedules, that I barely have time to think. Now I have time to think. Now I have a pretty empty slate. And my judgmental, bitchy, pressuring alter-ego, loves to ask myself those same questions, but with an unquestionable judgy, impatient, hypercritical, tsk-tsk tone. Hence, beware the poor person who is just being kind, and curious, and interested in me, when they innocently ask, “Oh, so what are your plans now?”

If I don’t contain myself, my defensive response is an either frosty, or fiery (depending on the day and the importance of keeping the relationship), “I plan to rip your head off and feed it to my flying monkeys.”

The key to any kind of change in life is becoming self aware. This I know. I think that if I become more kind and patient and allowing of myself to take my time strolling on to this new path in my life, I am less likely to take offense of other people’s questions about my life. If I allow myself to become less high strung and stop the need for fast-pacing and marching straight ahead, and instead, allow myself some slow meandering, I will see other people’s interest in me, and concern for me, in a different light. I don’t have all my plans set out for this new path, but one thing is for certain, I don’t want to have to walk my new path alone.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Tidbits

+ I wrote a blog post when I first started blogging about my love of throw pillows. To this day, it remains one of my most popular posts. Apparently those of us who love throw pillows are en masse, so much so, that the latest Progressive Insurance commercial pokes fun of that love of throw pillows in their latest segment of “you are turning into your parents” commercials. My family loves to give me the side-eye with sly smiles on their faces when that commercial comes on the TV. I pretend to not notice as I closely hug one of my gorgeous, soft, luxurious throw pillows into my body, with careful contemplation of how hard to throw it at the family member who dares to chuckle too loudly. They are called “throw pillows” for a reason.

+ I start mentoring my two mentees from last year again this week. The mentoring sessions will still be via Zoom, which is not my favorite, but it is better than nothing. I can’t wait to hear all about their summer adventures. I kind of expected to continue mentoring with my elementary student. We’ve bonded and I have met her family via Zoom. The volunteer coordinator at her school is very involved and dedicated. However, I honestly didn’t know what would happen with my high schooler. The mentoring program for her is more of a box that needs to be checked, so that she can keep a scholarship opportunity available to her, that will help her pay for college expenses in the future. Unfortunately, the volunteer coordinator at her school retired due to the coronavirus situation, and no one has been hired to fill the position yet. So you can only imagine how touched I felt yesterday, when the county-wide volunteer supervisor contacted me saying that my mentee had sought her out, asking for me to mentor her again!! Friends, that made my day! When I first met my mentee, I was told that she was shy and hard to connect with, but that was not the case for us. We connected immediately and when my very talented, artistic, empathetic and observant mentee, herself, told me that she was shy, I corrected her. “You are not shy, you are reserved, and that is a big difference,” I said. I distinctly remember her sitting up a little straighter after that conversation. We also talked a lot about going after what you want, and getting what you deserve. It seems that the lessons paid off and I am overjoyed that something that she wants, and made the effort to go after, is for me to mentor her again. My heart is filled.

+ I read something this morning about the term “emotional labor.” Emotional labor is usually used in the context of a work situation, such as when a customer service agent has to keep a smile on their face and a calm demeanor, with a frothing-at-the-mouth, beet-faced, candidate for anger management classes who is snarling at them, ferociously. Still, there is a broader sense of the word. We all have been putting in more hard emotional labor than usual, in this year so filled with anxiety and animosity and fear and divisiveness. We all have probably spent more time than usual, with false smiles on our faces (even when covered by masks), desperately trying to live with “the fake it ’til you make it” mantra, in many situations. There’s a reason why it’s called emotional LABOR. Labor is work. After you do hard physical labor, your body is exhausted. After you take a big exam or finish an intricate, puzzling project, you are mentally taxed. When you are having to work hard at keeping your emotions constantly in-check and regulated, due to circumstances outside of your control, that is when you have to realize that you are doing extensive emotional labor. What do we do when we are physically spent or mentally overloaded? We rest. So, remember this also applies to emotional labor. If you are emotionally fatigued, it is important to keep healthy boundaries with temperamental people, or overwhelming experiences, or overexposure to the news and social media, or to limit exposure to other kinds of upsetting circumstances, beyond your control. When we have spent a lot of energy on emotional labor, we need to rest. We need to prioritize and to do the actions which bring us to a peaceful, calm, balanced, centered state of being. Mind, Body, Spirit. All three elements are equally important for our overall health and well-being.