Tag: pandemic

Acceptance

The question is, “What to write about when the world seems like it is a mess?” I started writing this daily blog in 2018. I have written this blog, almost every single day, living through many “messes” already (both globally and personally): the unprecedented pandemic; the leaving of each of my four precious children out from our comfortable, safe nest into their own adult lives; the worst year to date, of the seizures that come with my youngest son’s epilepsy; the long drawn-out, debilitating illness of my mother-in-law which culminated in her death; suicides of loved ones, the craziness of seeing horrific wars erupt, and witnessing multiple divisive elections, multiple hurricanes, multiple societal horrors, etc. etc. . . . . .and yet here I am, sitting in my writing nook, in my peaceful stillness, looking out my large windows at the gorgeous, sunlit nature teeming all around me, my beloved dogs all afoot, dozing quietly and comfortably. Throughout all of the messes, I have experienced so, so many joys: witnessing each of my children thrive into their adulthoods, in both love and in their careers and studies and health; amazing, mind-blowing trips and adventures with my husband, family members and friends; countless delicious meals and vibrant conversations and stimulating walks and fascinating reading, on an everyday basis; and of course, Writing. I write practically every single day and it is one of my greatest joys and sense of being and purpose in my lifetime. Writing is one of my daily doses of joy which I freely give to myself with gratitude for my ability and propensity and enthusiasm to do it.

Messes, big and small, are part of life. Joy is part of life. Just because there are messes does not mean that you should deny yourself your joys. If anything, the bigger the mess, the more we need to double-down on our joys and our sense of purpose and meaning. We might never be able to make sense of the messes (although we often survive the messes, and sometimes even thrive because of them), but we can always find meaning in our own every day experience, even if that meaning is just to focus fully on the sensual, visceral experience of each moment that we are alive and breathing. When we bring ourselves to a deep level of peace, and calm, and awe, we add these beautiful elements into our collective experience, and the more that we do this on an individual basis, the more the joys outweigh the messes, in our own lives and also, in the shared experience of our world. And this is how, the whole world subtly gets lifted out of its painful messes.

“Acceptance is the key to unlocking the door of contentment.” – Celestine Chua

“Acceptance doesn’t mean you agree with, condone, or give up. It simply means you stop fighting reality.” – Dan Millman

“Acceptance does not mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.” – Michael J. Fox

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1181. Have you ever built a snowman? (I think snow is a good thing to focus on, during this ridiculously hot summer).

Summer Intentions

Are you spending some time this week thinking about (and feeling around) your intentions for this summer? I am. I am thinking about my summer intentions probably more than I ever have done in my life. And it feels so good.

Last summer was an emotional doozy for me. Last summer my mother-in-law became quite ill, so ill, that her illness ultimately ended with her death this past December, after months of suffering. Also last summer, our youngest child and our only daughter decided to start college by going to campus and taking summer classes. And so my husband and I entered the rocky road of the beginning of our empty nest, already feeling rattled, unsettled and stressed. Reading over my journal from last summer, one word seems to come to mind that encapsulates it all: “turbulent.”

Lately, when I am with my family or my friends, I notice that we have already started to kind of “reminisce” about the beginning of the pandemic. The worst part of the pandemic seems far enough in the past that we can actually start to process the experience, and what it did to evolve us individually, and as a whole. We talk about how scary and isolating and disappointing the beginning of the pandemic was in so many ways, but we also surprisingly, have some fond memories, too. Last night at dinner, my daughter and I were both saying how much we loved our weekly family movie nights, especially when my daughter took it up a notch, with themed food and decorations. It seems, for many of us, enough time has passed that we can really start to examine our emotions, and our changes that have come from experiencing such a devastating event in our collective lives. This summer may be a start to some serious healing around this pandemic experience, for many of us.

My intention for this summer is to relax. Relax. Relax. I plan to do everything that I can to keep “my waters” still. I think still, quiet time is needed for me to absorb and to process everything that we have been through (good and bad), over the last few years. Luckily for me, I am a person who loves solitude. I actually crave it. Our youngest son moves to his own apartment and starts his first “real” job out of college this coming weekend. Our daughter is living at home this summer with us, but her schedule is filled with work, a couple of online classes, and catching up with local friends, so I actually see some actual, nice-sized blocks of peaceful solitude forming on my calendar. I am grateful for this fact. I’m fully aware of the old Yiddish platitude, “Man plans, God laughs.” But it is always in my solitude where I find God, so I like to think that God is as excited about my plans for big chunks of peaceful, calm, solitude, as I am.

Spend some time with your own summer intentions this week. If you don’t, your time will become unintentionally filled, and you’ll find yourself in a state in which you have no time to yourself, and for yourself. Intentionally block off some completely unscheduled time that is available for you to spontaneously do whatever you feel like doing in that particular moment. (no have-tos, just “want-tos”) Make an easily accessible, summer bucket list of local haunts where you like to go to: a cozy bookstore, an artsy jewelry store, the best ice cream place in town, a beautiful local park, and when you find yourself wondering what to do with some of your unscheduled time, you’ll have a list to jog your memory. Make these dates with yourself, every bit as important, if not more so, than other plans and commitments you have made, involving other people. Make yourself feel as obligated to yourself, and as embarrassed to cancel on yourself, as you would be for anybody else who you’ve made plans with this summer.

There is no better way to get back to your most steady, centered self than to luxuriate and savor being just with yourself. Summer often feels like the most heady, hazy, luxurious time of the year. It is the perfect time of the year to soak-in yourself, “take yourself in”, in order to revitalize and to restore yourself to your most vital state of being. Spend at least a few minutes meditating on your own summer intentions this week. You will be so grateful that you did this for yourself. Look forward to getting to know your deepest, most peaceful, undistracted self again.

“We need solitude, because when we’re alone, we’re free from obligations, we don’t need to put on a show, and we can hear our own thoughts.” – Tamim Ansary

“Spending time alone in your own company reinforces your self-worth and is often the number-one way to replenish your resilience reserves.” – Sam Owen

“It is hard to love yourself if you never spend time with yourself. ‘Alone Time’ is Necessary.” – Izey Victoria Odiase

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Invitation

Good morning. This is travel home day, so I don’t have a long time to write like I usually have on Tuesdays. That is the beauty of travel, it opens up your inner and outer landscapes, but it also makes you appreciate the wonders and comforts of home.

More than many times on this trip, I felt thankful. I felt thankful for full flights, and for being on crowded shuttle busses, and I felt thankful for waiting in long lines at national sites. I felt thankful for crowds, and I am not one who generally likes crowds. I mostly felt thankful that we all felt safe to be fully alive again, after the scourge of the pandemic. There are silver linings to everything, and these silver linings are often painted by a brushful of gratitude.

I typically save poems that I like for Sundays, but I will share this one today, so that you don’t feel cheated by a short blog post. It was by the elevators in one of the places we stayed in this weekend. I think that it is a lovely, soulful poem.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Good Story

The other day, I was riding my bike around our neighborhood and I noticed several signs in many yards (similar to the one that we have in our yard) proudly announcing graduates. I naively thought that they were all high school graduates, and I was really surprised that we had that many teenagers living in our neighborhood, whom I didn’t know, but then with closer inspection, I noticed that a lot of the signs were from our local elementary school. So, in reality, there are quite a lot of fifth graders who live in our neighborhood. This makes more sense.

These yard signs for graduates are a relatively new phenomenon in our parts. We didn’t get them from the high school, when our three sons graduated from there. I think that the proliferation of yard signs mostly came about during the pandemic (so that kids could be celebrated, even from afar), and I think that they are wonderful! No doubts, the pandemic has been horrible, terrible, no-good, miserable, sad and unbelievable. Still, there are a few things that have come from the pandemic that I am grateful to have come into my life. I love the celebratory yard signs (I have seen a lot more of them for birthdays, and babies – more than I ever did before the pandemic). I love that my husband works a hybrid model now, spending a couple of days during the week, working from home. My husband is happier, and I like having someone else in the house during the week, sometimes, too. If I am running a lot of errands, I have peace of mind that my husband is home with the dogs, or that he can let in a person, who might be fixing something in our home. It’s definitely been a win-win, and a situation that we never dreamed could have happened before the pandemic. I have a gratefulness now for all of the everyday things that I used to mindlessly take for granted: toilet paper, cleaning supplies, meat. There is something to be said about noticing and appreciating the things that we used to just unconsciously count on being there for the taking. I sigh with relief and happiness that my local grocery store’s paper products and freezer sections are mostly full these days. And truthfully, I’m a little more hygienic than I ever was before. I am more careful in crowds. I use hand sanitizer like I never did before, and I think that these new habits have helped me to stave off a lot of germs, besides just the coronavirus. Even in the bad times, there are always kernels of good that come from these times. It has been proven to me, again and again, in my life’s experiences. No matter what concrete jungle you find yourself in, there is no doubt that you will find some little green, hopeful, resilient plant poking its plucky little leaves out from the teeniest of cracks in the dirty, grey concrete. There is good that defiantly grows out of bad, every time and everywhere.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Version 2.0

I can honestly say that any time I have dealt with a personal challenge or tragedy, I have come out, at the other side of it all, as a person with more depth. I like who I am now much better, having bore the brunt of scars and pain and fear from any of the struggles which I have experienced and I have survived, and even sometimes thrived through. I believe that all of our experiences, whether we deem them “good” or “bad” have brought beautiful hues and nuances to our overall beings, making us deeper, more interesting, more reflective, more empathetic, stronger and yet more sensitive, all at the same time. Our experiences and our reactions and responses to our experiences hone our creativity and our understanding of Love, like nothing else does.

Our collective humanity has been going through a shitstorm (for lack of a better word) in these last few years. We are taking our licks and we have been forced to watch the people whom we love and care about, take their own licks, which is sometimes even more painful than bearing our own wounds. There was another generation, that comes to mind, whose some members are even still alive. This generation absolutely got more than their fair share of tumult and pandemonium to deal with in their own young lives. They experienced World Wars, and the Great Depression, and The Holocaust and vast discrimination, without many of the technological advances, and the medical advances, and the rights, and the comforts and the conveniences that we so easily take for granted today. They are called “The Greatest Generation.” This Greatest Generation is widely known for their collective character, their foresight, their sacrifices for the greatest good of all, their work ethic, their integrity, and their commitment and loyalty to their people and their causes.

I have forgiven, but I have not forgotten the naïve, sometimes selfish, sometimes impulsive, uninformed, judgmental, know-it-all younger versions of myself. My life experiences have shaped me into a more authentic, honest, patient, introspective, self-aware person than I started out to be and I hope that I continue to grow in that direction, until my last living breath. I hate what we are experiencing right now in this world of the pandemic, fractured politics and crimes against humanity. However, I also have no doubt that it is fire that forges steel. I believe with all of my heart, that it is often the worst of circumstances that can bring out the best of humanity and of creation. I think that our world would definitely benefit from “The Greatest Generation” Version 2.0. Don’t you?

Quotes about Greatest Generation (59 quotes)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Happy New Year Again

This tweet made me laugh out loud this morning. For a good portion of the United States, Labor Day weekend marks the closing of many public and club pools. And that’s a hard reality for a lot of kids to accept. Having four children, I didn’t have the luxury of any idle threats. My kids greatly outnumbered me, so they had to believe that I was in control, at all times. Therefore, when I told them it was time to get out of the pool, or “something” would happen, they knew that the “something” was going to happen, no matter what. Fortunately for me (and for my kids), I never had to drag my children out of the pool with my teeth. But if I had to, I would have done it. And they knew that fact. Just like any otter mom, I have my fun and cute and playful side, but “When provoked . . . . they’ll snap. Otters boast a sharp set of canines and crushing molars. And theirs is a formidable bite, roughly comparable in force to a German shepherd’s . . .” (Outsideonline)

Last night also marked the beginning of Rosh Hashanah. Happy New Year, to my dear Jewish readers. I am not Jewish, but I love the new year celebrations of all religions and cultures. I think that they are wonderful reminders that we can start fresh and anew, any time that we want. On a day like this, that marks a transition for many of us, whether from a religious sense, or from a seasonal sense, or from a school calendar sense, this is a great day to carve out a few moments of reflection. Since the pandemic started, fear has been in control of many facets of our lives. We have had to “do” so much of our everyday lives, with an undercurrent of uncertainty and fear. What if we chose not to continue this way, no matter what is going on outside of ourselves? I am going to end this post with my favorite passage from Matt Haig’s How To Stop Time novel. It’s a good prompt for reflection today. I hope that you like it, as much as I do. See you tomorrow.

“And just as it only takes a moment to die, it only takes a moment to live. You just close your eyes and let every futile fear slip away. And then, in this new state, free from fear, you ask yourself: who am I? If I could live without doubt what would I do? If I could be kind without the fear of being f*cked over? If I could love without the fear of being hurt? If I could taste the sweetness of today without thinking about how I will miss that taste tomorrow? If I could not fear the passing of time and the people it will steal? Yes. What would I do? Who would I care for? What battle would I fight? Which paths would I step down? What joys would I allow myself? What internal mysteries would I solve? How, in short, would I live?” (Matt Haig)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Everything Parent

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

This past weekend, my husband and I took a short flight (versus a 5.5 hour drive) to celebrate with our son as he got his “white jacket” from his medical school. In my experience, the airports are indeed crowded, the flights are full, and quite honestly, no one was being a jerk. Everyone wore their masks. Everyone was polite and patient and aware of keeping as much social distance as possible. Even when we were all boarded on to a plane headed home, and then after a stuffy, 45-minute wait on the airplane, when we were told that we would need to exit the plane because there were engine issues due to a bird strike from the previous flight, everyone, on this totally full flight, quietly took it on the chin. No one complained, not even the woman whom I overheard telling her children that their connecting flight got changed to the next day, and that they might have to spend the night in the airport. “It is what it is,” I heard her say to them.

Now luckily, they found us a new airplane almost immediately. My husband and I were just flying home, so instead of getting home mid-afternoon, we were going to arrive home in the late afternoon. No big deal. My husband and I weren’t too worked up, but there were plenty of people who were going to be missing events and connections, from conversations that I overheard. Yet, people seemed genuinely patient and understanding and “rolling with the punches.” This struck me as a new and unusual experience. When I have experienced these types of scenarios in the past, I can remember hot-headed, angry, red, vein-bursting faces screaming at the gate agents, impervious yelling, tears, and overall, just a much higher level of entitlement and “woe is me” from the crowds (maybe even sometimes from myself?!). It was noticeably different this time. Could this be a good thing that has come from this pandemic? I suppose that I could have just been flying with a particularly peaceful group of people, but part of me thinks that there is something more to my experience. Perhaps like many terrible events, this pandemic has brought to us much horror, but yet also, it has given to many of us, the gift of perspective and camaraderie. We are all in this together. We are doing our best. Despite all of the pain and hardship and negativity, we are making it through, and the things that we used to take for granted (such as flying), we are just so grateful to still be able to experience them again, even when there are blips involved. I felt quite hopeful about humanity after this experience.

And now this:

Moms, I also had a touching and heartwarming experience on this very same flight that will show you that perhaps what this child really means, in the above tweet, is that Mommy is her favorite “everything parent.” As my regular readers know, I am an ashamed, yet admitted eavesdropper. ( I think that most of us writers are – it’s part of observing life.) On the flight mentioned above, seated ahead of me, across the aisle from each other, were two attractive twenty-somethings, one male and one female, casually chatting with each other, for the first time, from what I could gather. They young man had a large scar on his arm and he told the story that he had been in a horrible car accident, that had put him into the ICU for eleven days. He had gotten the scar from the accident. People had told him to put a tattoo over it, but he said that he liked the scar. It reminded him about how fragile life really is, and how important it is to treasure life. The young woman had a similar story related to an inoperable problem with her foot that made it impossible for her to play the sport that she dearly loved. (I didn’t hear what the sport was, but it wasn’t volleyball, because he asked her if it was “volleyball” and she laughed and she said that people always ask her that because she is so tall. I was about to ask her, “Well, what sport was “taken” from you?” but then I bit my tongue, because of course, I couldn’t ask that, due to the fact that I was eavesdropping. That’s rude to interject like that, especially when you are eavesdropping.) Overall, these two young people had amazing attitudes and I was more than impressed with both of them and their lovely conversation. (and I was kind of hoping for a romantic charge between them, like in the movies, but that was not to be.) Instead, the young woman thanked the young man for a wonderful conversation and she told him how inspired she was by his story. He said, “Thank you. I really owe it all to my mom. She has given me so much encouragement and insight, all of my life.” The young woman decidedly replied, “Yes, my mom is the same way! I don’t know what I’d do without her.” And then she smiled at him, and then turned to her book, and their beautiful conversation ended.

And I sat there in my own seat, with a big smile on my face, and a glow in my heart (and a couple of tears in my eyes) because I thought to myself, there are two lovely, wise women out there who have raised two incredible, and kind, and positive people, and these moms are getting all of the credit and unabashed glory, and they don’t even know it. Sometimes, throughout the years, motherhood can feel like a “thankless job”. This I know. But moms, I heard your children’s genuine gratefulness for you, on just a random casual weekend. And I, a perfect stranger to you and to your children, felt genuinely grateful for the promising young people that you have raised to share a world with my own dear children. I deeply echo your wonderful children’s words. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” You are my favorite “everything” parent.

I Could Never

Image

What I am writing about today, has nothing to do with the above quote. I just really liked the quote because I adore books. This one tickled me, too:

But here’s what is really on my mind today:

“I could never handle that . . . . I could never go through that.”

Yes, you could because you don’t have a choice. You would handle it. You would go through it. You would do your best and you would survive and maybe even thrive.

I remember having a friend who had twins shortly after having her first child. She said that people always told her that they could never handle her situation and she would laugh and then she would always answer them the same way, “Yes, you could, because you must.”

We always think that we couldn’t handle other people’s problems and difficult situations, because we are attached to our own problems. There is a parable that talks about throwing everybody’s problems into one big pile, and then the Universe telling us to go back to the pile and pick the same number of difficulties to take back, to deal with in our daily lives. It is said that we would be amazed by how quickly we would all run towards the pile, and take our own problems back. We know and understand our own problems. We are intimate with our own troubles. Sometimes we are even attached to them.

Dealing with, and grappling with my son’s epilepsy is probably the most difficult thing which I have ever dealt with in my life. People tell me the, “I could never handle that . . . ” line, all of the time. I know that this is their kind way to try to show sympathy and support and to compliment me on my “strength”. But I always answer it the same way that my friend with twins does, “Yes, you could, because you don’t have any other choice. You would do your best.”

I would rather not have to prove my strength through my problems. Wouldn’t we all? But that’s just not life. I have never met an adult person who has never had any problems or worries. Still, the blessings that come from our complications, are the reminders to ourselves, that we do have it in us, to manage and to cope and to persevere and to often overcome and triumph over the hardships in our lives. We can reflect on the many times that we have muddled through the tough times in our lives and made it through to the other side, maybe not perfectly intact, and probably not exactly in the same form that we started out in, but maybe that was the purpose for the problem, in the first place? Growth is hard but necessary. Growth from our adversities usually brings us to a whole new level of understanding and faith and compassion and respect for the sheer awesomeness and yet fragility of our own living experience.

“I could never, ever go through a world-wide pandemic and have to deal with all of the fears, and uncertainties, and grief, and ugliness, and pain, and difficult decision making that would come from that kind of a situation.”

“Yes, you could. You are in the middle of doing it. And you are doing great. And you have proved to yourself just how incredibly strong and vital and capable and resilient you really are, when it comes to having to go through really tough situations. And you will have this serene wisdom about yourself, to fall back on for the rest of your life. This wisdom will help to sustain you, during any calamity that comes your way. There is a hidden blessing in every curse.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Throwback Thursday (if you still feel like reading, these are links to previous, popular posts of mine). This particular post was actually published:

Awkward Stage

Riding A Bike at Target

I am hesitant to put this out there, because the “mask situation” has been a controversy for what feels like most of the pandemic, but I am going to take a chance. My readers know my heart. I walked around Target for two hours yesterday and I wasn’t wearing a mask. I didn’t really even need to buy anything (but of course I ended up with a cart full of stuff, anyway). The experience was delightful!

My family and I have been fully vaccinated for about a month now. Our governor has lifted all mask regulations. Target has lifted their mask regulations. So, like a kid, wobbling around on a bike, when first learning how to ride it, I wobbled around with my big red cart, with a huge smile on my face, to anyone who would meet my eyes. It was kind of like learning to ride a bike all over again. It all comes back to you. I promise you, it does.

I thought to myself, in some weird way, maybe this is sort of a gift, which has come from this awful pandemic. Getting to experience things, like it was the first time all over again, is kind of thrilling. I had forgotten how much I liked to shop in Target. I had forgotten how much fun it is to leisurely amble around a store, without actually having anything really to shop for, instead of zipping around the store as quickly as possible, like I’m a super-crazy-competitive contestant on Supermarket Sweep. Yesterday, I didn’t dodge others like they were poison incarnate. And they didn’t dart away, in fear, from me, either.

I would say that only about half of us in the store (shoppers and employees) were maskless, but that’s okay, everyone learns (or re-learns) to ride a bike, in their own time. When I was checking out my purchases, my clerk, looked at me in the eyes, smiled and said, “Wow, it’s so nice to see people buying lipstick again.”

23++ Inspirational Quotes About Living Abroad - Best Quote HD

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Unstuck

I was reading an article about how, as we climb out of this pandemic, we are realizing just how out of practice we are on things that used to be a regular part of our lives. The woman writing the article was talking about having to learn how to walk around in high heels again. I could totally relate. Wearing heels to the graduation celebrations last weekend felt very precarious, almost like walking on a tight rope. It’s funny to think that I used to not be able to walk in flats, without looking like a duck. It’s time to dust off the wedges.

Lately I’ve been contemplating a lot about how a deep level of heavy, heady seriousness has taken over our collective lives, since the pandemic started. Everything that we do feels more hushed, more judged, more precise, more responsible and thought out. I miss spontaneity. I miss lightness. I miss spontaneous, light fun! It occurred to me that I am going to have to reteach myself how to do this. I am going to have to teach myself again, that it is okay and wonderful, to just have fun and lots of it. It’s okay to swim back up to the surface and to be buoyant. It’s okay to float. The storm is subsiding. It’s good to look around to see all of the survivors. We all have to remember to smile again, and maybe even to playfully splash each other, as we all drift safely to the shore. I think we have to remind ourselves that life is mostly meant to be savored and enjoyed.

25 Powerful & Inspiring Quotes to Share with Your Daughter

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.