Tag: Oprah Winfrey

Fluidity

Everything is fluid. Even how you think about things is fluid. Especially how you think about things is fluid. We have started getting Christmas cards and a couple of them have come from people who were from a time when we lived in a whole different state. I have really fond memories of the people there. We were young families, literally raising our kids as a village. The neighborhood we lived in was mammoth. It was so big that it was essentially our neighborhood kids filling the entire elementary school. But yet, the neighborhood felt small, due to the wonderful circle of people we cavorted with there.

Many of our former inner circle there, like us, have left the neighborhood, for different neighborhoods (upsizing and downsizing) and like us, have even left for different states. We had to leave that neighborhood, and that state, back in 2011, for the necessity of greener pastures to support our large family quickly descending upon college age. So, leaving there, was truly bittersweet. We had poured our heart and souls into re-designing and adding on to the home where we lived there, with the faulty assumption that it would be the home that even our grandchildren would come to visit. And then, almost immediately after we finished the totally draining (both emotionally and financially) years long housing project, the Great Recession housing crash happened. We essentially had to give that home away for pennies on the dollar.

For many years, I had bitter feelings about that home. It had become a financial burden and albatross around our necks. It became “the thing” that made it hard to get “a fresh new start” in our new state. It was amazing that a creation that I had once had been so proud of, and had poured so much of my heart and creative vision into, had quickly turned into one of my biggest nightmares. It was a really humbling, shocking, disillusioning time in the lives of our family. And for years, only thoughts of anger and disbelief and frustration and regret, surrounded any ideas of our former home.

Today, out of curiosity, after receiving the cards that reminded me of our “former life”, I looked up our former home. It had been sold again in 2017 and the owners had added on even more beautiful updates. Interestingly, I noticed that all of my feelings of anger and disgust, had dissipated. I am back to feeling proud of “my former creation.” I am back to feeling deeply proud of the fingerprints, and the heartbeats, and the creative vision that we had for that home. I am mostly proud of the happy history and memories that we added to that place which we called home for a time in the life of our family. I am back to feeling only a full fondness for a lovely time in my life, and the lovely nest which we had created for our family at that time. And at the same time, I have no desire to go back. I am truly fulfilled at where I am in my life right now, and I see how all of the dots in my life have been connected and are being connected, as the picture of my life is being lived.

I have noticed this circling around of feelings and perspectives many times, about many people and situations, in my own life. I have also noticed this in the lives of others. Life has a way of softening the edges, after processing the hard stuff. How many people, having gone through vicious divorces, end up deeply hugging each other at their shared children’s major milestones? How many people have been able to find the gifts of lessons and silver linings, and forgiveness of self and others, in even the worst circumstances of their lives? Oprah Winfrey is credited with saying this: “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different, it’s accepting the past for what it was, and using this moment and this time to help yourself move forward.”

If you are going through a tough time in your life, give yourself the knowing that someday you will likely look at this situation with a different perspective. The worst, sharpest edges causing the gashes, and the bleeding, and the pain, will dull with time. The sharpest edges will stop being able to hurt you anymore. That’s the beauty of true forgiveness. It’s an acceptance of what is, and deciding to only take the “good stuff” from the situation. Forgiveness is finally stopping the continually gashing of yourself with the sharp edges, and allowing yourself to heal the wounds, so that when you come back to viewing the situation, you will see that the now dulled edges, can’t really hurt you anymore. You will find that with time and distance, the healing has created a strong (and sometimes scarred, but often stronger for the scarring) barrier to what was once a truly visceral, seemingly unending pain. Believe this. Stop poking at your pains and let them be. Allow the miracle of the change of perspective to appear when the timing is just right. Believe in impermanence and fluidity because they really are the only constants in life, besides the underlying Love that holds us all afloat.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Hi all. We’re fine here, just lots of rain and intermittent random power outages. It’s a soggy Monday in these parts. Here are two fun activities I discovered over the weekend. First, Google “cat” and then on the right side of the screen, by the word cat, you will see an orangish paw print. Click on it and then click again all over your screen. Cute, right? When you quickly bore of that bit of fun, try this: look up various “Octopus eyebrows” tutorials. Are things getting a little stale on your face? Is it time for a new look? Want a distraction from wrinkles? Octopus eyebrows. Google it. It’s a thing.

Yesterday, I watched Melinda French Gates interview Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King about their incredible lifelong friendship. Melinda is doing these interviews with various public figures, because she herself is turning “60” and she wants inspiration from other women who are around this middle stage in life. Oprah said that Maya Angelou told her that the 50s are a time when you become who you were meant to be. Oprah says if you don’t feel like you are there yet, you should listen carefully to the whispers of your heart. What’s whispering to you?

Author Heather Havrilesky claims in a recent column, that one of her older mentors told her as she turned 50 that she is entering “the most luminous time of her life.” If you are not feeling illuminated, listen closer to your whispers. It is time to allow yourself to fully become who you were meant to be.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2574. What is your favorite style of architecture?

The Right Questions

The quote above doesn’t fully apply to what I am writing about today, but I heard it in a TED Talk while researching more about the subject that I am writing about today, and since I use my blog as a thought catalog for me, and also for anyone else who wants to use it that way, Reba’s quote is clearly “a keeper.” I understand that it is one of those wonderful Irish wisdoms that has been passed down for many generations.

What do I want to write about today? Asking the right questions. I was listening to a podcast the other day in which a life coach said that the biggest problem in her business is that rarely do people come to her, for help in their lives, asking the right questions. So that perked my ears, but then as podcasts do, the conversation meandered away and I never heard “the right answer” to asking the right questions. Obviously it is an important skill. If you look up “asking the right questions” on the internet you get a gazillion quotes from highly respected, successful people about why asking the right questions is so important:

“The wise man doesn’t give the right answers, he poses the right questions.” – Claude Levi-Strauss

“One of the many qualities that separate self-made billionaires from the rest of us is their ability to ask the right questions.” – Justine Musk

“Ask the right questions, and the answers will always reveal themselves.” – Oprah Winfrey

“To ask the right question is already half the solution of a problem.” – Carl Jung

“If I had an hour to solve a problem and my life depended on it, I would spend the first 55 minutes, determining the proper question to ask, for once I know the proper question, I could solve the problem in less than 5 minutes.” – Albert Einstein

There are many, many more quotes emphasizing the importance of asking “the right questions” which I could list here, but if you’re like me, these quotes just create undue stress. As I’m reading them, I’m thinking, “I get it. I get it. I totally agree! But how do you know how to ask the right questions??” The answer to that question (which I would put into the category of a “right question”), proved to be a lot more elusive than the emphasis of just how important it is to ask the right questions in life.

Stephen Graves, who also has a life coaching business, and writes a blog on LinkedIn recommends learning how to ask the right questions by starting with asking yourself these five main questions about your own life, and answering them in a journal:

  1. Where did I come from?
  2. Who am I?
  3. Why am I here?
  4. How should I live?
  5. Where am I going?

Interestingly, the key to answering these questions shown above, is also the key to learning how to ask the right questions about anything. When answering these questions, get really, really curious about your answers. We adults are sadly not nearly as curious as we were when we were children. We think that we already know all of the answers, or we dread appearing stupid or naive for not knowing something that we deem that we should know. When answering the questions above, let your natural curiosity and the open mind of your inner child, take over with more questions. Why did I answer the question that way? Are there other ways this question could be answered? In her TED Talk, Caroline Reidy says that the best philosophers/inventors/innovators in the history of recorded time, are always looking at problems and situations in their own lives, and in the world around them, with these questions in mind: What could be better? How can things be improved? Why is this particular problem not solved?

Pretend that your own answers to the questions listed above, about yourself, are magical. They don’t have to be “realistic”. Let your imagination take over completely. You are writing the answers just to yourself, in your journal. What have you got to lose? Keep your questions about your answers open to potential and possibilities and wonderment. Stay with your child-like mind. Don’t go straight to the negatives. Einstein also said this, “Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.”

When answering the questions about yourself from above, it’s best to ask yourself open-ended questions that start with “Who? What? How?” which encourage you to add more to your answers. Don’t limit yourself. Be free and flourishing with your answers. Keep asking yourself, “And what else? And? And?” Write more and more and more . . . (Let your wrist get sore. This is in investment in YOU and your one and only life!)

In doing this exercise, you will see that asking yourself the questions, with curiosity, non-judgment and imagination, will get you to answers that are deep within yourself – sometimes surprising, interesting answers that maybe you didn’t even think were possible or worth considering. If you don’t like some of your answers, start asking yourself the questions of the greatest innovators: What could be better? How can things be improved? Why is this particular problem not solved?

A great mentor I had in my past would say that in order to help people, don’t give advice or commands. Ask them “the right” questions, in order to help them to get to their own answers and conclusions. It’s a really difficult skill to master. I’m so much better at spouting off-the-cuff advice and bossy commands (as others close their eyes, shut me out and doze off – rightfully so), but asking the right questions is one of the worthiest skills to aim for, because as so many smart people reiterate throughout the generations, asking the right questions is always the best way to get to the right answers.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here’s Some Inspiration

Image
credit: Inner Practioner, Twitter

I love this post. At this time of year, when so many of us are thinking about resolutions/intentions for what we want in this new year, this inspiration versus motivation is such an important distinction. When you think about an intention you have for the new year, for example losing weight, or travelling more, or moving to a new location, etc., the best way to get to “the heart of it all” is to ask yourself “why” you want these things. Usually the answers to the whys, always include feelings. Here are some general examples: I want to lose weight because I want to feel healthier and more self-confident. I want to feel prettier in my clothes. I want to save more money because I want to feel more secure. I want to go on a couple of vacations because I want to feel the excitement that comes from new adventures.

Feelings come from the heart. They have intensity. Feelings are powerful compared to the often meaningless blips that are our thoughts. Thoughts are only powerful when there are feelings attached to the thoughts. Thoughts come and go, unless they are attached to powerful feelings stemming from our hearts. When you are pondering ideas for what you want in 2022, write these wants down and then write down why you want these things. You will find that the answer is almost always a feeling. Sometimes, you will realize that you can get that desired feeling in an easier way, than what you originally thought you would need to do in order to attain that feeling which you are so desiring.

I love writing this blog so much, because I am inspired to do so. Sometimes I am even surprised to see the words that land on the screen. If I only wrote this blog because I felt like “I should” or “I have to”, Adulting- Second Half would have ended in the first year that I started it. Probably, it would have even ended in the first month that I started it back in the summer of 2018. Without inspiration, I am not very motivated at all. My mind can help me to write a nice paragraph and remember some grammar rules, but the meaning of my words has to come from my heart, otherwise this blog is pointless to you and to me. I am inspired to write this blog because it is an extension of what is inside of my heart. I am attached to this blog from the bottom of my heart, and by extension I feel true fondness and connection with you, my readers. Heartstrings are so much stronger and connecting, than the electrical blips that are our thoughts.

Maybe the best resolution/intention for all of us this year, is to do more of what truly inspires us. The answers to what are our own true inspirations are unique and original to each of us, and our inspirations can only be found in our hearts. Who/what/where makes your heart leap? Be inspired to live your life from your deepest creative inclinations. They were put there for a reason. We are all co-creating with the Divine all of the time, in order to build this majestic tapestry that we call Life. What you are really supposed to do in your life, you will be inspired to do it, and your motivation to do it, won’t even be a question. Once inspired, motivation is a given.

60 Best Inspirational Quotes About Life — Short Inspiring Quotes

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Definition of Beauty

I watched a snippet of an interview Oprah Winfrey was having with Sharon Stone. Sharon Stone has written a recently released memoir. In the snippet, Sharon Stone was saying that after having a stroke, and being told that she was pretty much “over” in Hollywood, she realized that she had lost her “beauty.” Oprah asked her to clarify this, “What do you mean you lost your “beauty”? Sharon Stone told Oprah that it was not so much that she had lost her physical beauty, as she had lost her “radiance”, her “magnetism”, her “presence” and her “vibrancy.” Both women concluded that it is these attributes which really make a person attractive. And they both agreed that radiance, magnetism, presence and vibrancy all come from health, well-being and confidence from within.

Yesterday, I had a good day. I saw a glimmer of confidence and hope and excitement, everywhere I went. People are really starting to believe that there is an end in sight to all of the limits that have come with the pandemic. I could feel it. Nothing in my physical world was different. Everyone was still wearing masks, but the energy had subtle changes. There was a lightness, an optimism in the air. Maybe I was feeling this way, and so this is how my outside world appeared to me. I’m not sure, but for whatever reason, yesterday, the world seemed more beautiful to me, than it had seemed in a long, long while. And when I say beautiful, what I really mean is radiant and magnetic and vibrant. Life is coming back to life. I feel it inside of me, and I feel it outside of me. We are well on the way to healing from this past unfathomable year, my friends. And this healing is radiating, and vibrating, and bringing all of our lives out into full, mesmerizing color, once again.

Healing Quotes | Healing Sayings | Healing Picture Quotes
14 Quotes About Healing Your Heart and Emotional Wounds
150 Inspirational Healing Quotes, Prayers, Sayings and Images

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Thought Provoking Thursday

Today, I am going to list the quotes which I have collected for my own thought museum, these past couple of weeks. These quotes all speak for themselves, and do not require commentary from me. Food for thought is delicious, nutritious and calorie-free. Devour!

“Most of us spend our lives as if we had another one in the bank.” – Ben Irwin

“Admire someone else’s beauty without questioning your own.”

“If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything, it is open to everything. In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s mind, there are few.” – Suzuki Roshi

“Hope springs from realizing we are loved, can love and are love with skin on. Then we are unstoppable.” – Anne Lamott

“Focus on being productive, not busy.”

“True forgiveness is when you can say, “Thank you for that experience.” – Oprah Winfrey

“The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.” – Think Smarter (Twitter)

“If you can’t find joy in a cup of coffee, you won’t find it in a Lamborghini.” – SeekMastery

“No one should have the power to ruin your day.” -Valencia (Twitter)

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Day of Miracles

In astrological circles, today is the luckiest day of the year. Today, the sun is in a conjunction with Jupiter, the biggest, boldest, badass luckiest planet in our solar system. Ironically, this conjunction did not happen in 2020. The last time this conjunction occurred was December 27, 2019. It is believed that today is a wonderful day to manifest more of what you want in your own life.

In my experience, the best way to manifest more amazing, incredible miracles in your own life, is to swell with happiness and gratefulness, while counting your countless blessings, already surrounding you. Here are a few beautiful miracles that most of us probably share: family, friends, flowers, fruit, fragrance, fits of laughter, fabulous food, fancy cupcakes, funny fun stuff, fondue (this is just the “f”s) . . . . It is not my onus to make your Blessings list, but it is yours. It is also my experience that when I start listing and thinking about all of the amazing blessings that have occurred, and are occurring, in my own life, I get so swelled with happiness and peace and awe and love and thankfulness, that I often forget that my initial purpose for writing my blessings list, was to ask for even more miracles. Don’t think that asking for more blessings in life is selfish (which often happens when you see how much you have already been abundantly blessed with) The beauty of it all, is that we live in an ever expanding Universe that loves to create blessings. Our Universe loves creation. Our Universe is Creation. There is an abundance of everything for everybody, if we let it happen in the purest, most grateful expectancy of Love for all of us.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love. 

“An abundance mentality springs from internal security, not from external rankings, comparisons, opinions, possessions, or associations.”- Stephen Covey

“Abundance is about being rich, with or without money.”- Suze Orman

“If you look at what you have in your life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough.”- Oprah Winfrey

“True abundance is feeling worthy enough to believe beyond what you can see. Expect miracles and they will manifest.”- Sarah Prout

“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.”- Tony Robbins