Wow. There is nothing else that makes you appreciate your own health and vitality, than when it is taken away from you. I guess that’s the same for anything good in your life that is so dependable. It is easily taken for granted. I don’t know what current strains of viruses are going around right now, but this one around here decided to “take me to the party.” I still can’t hear out of my right ear, all that well, but I am feeling decidedly around the bend. Thank goodness.
Last night I had the most intense dream. (Based on the medical cocktail I’m on right now for my infections, this is probably not unusual.) In my dream, I was visiting this unusual place on a tall, dark black, steep cliff where I had the sense that I had been there previously. I looked up to see, far up on one side of the cliff, that there was an intriguing looking entrance with bright lights and a fire and what looked to be some sort of store or restaurant. It had a very over-the-top, Disney-ish, “assault to the senses” kind of look to it, and yet it was appealing and I had the feeling I had seen it before. It had a name over the entrance. The name was “Umbruch”. I don’t remember much more of the rest of the dream, but “Umbruch” stuck with me. I looked it up before writing the blog . It turns out that “Umbruch” is a German word for “to be in a state of flux, to be undergoing radical change, to be going through a period of upheaval.” (Langenscheidt dictionary)
This empty nest experience, for my husband and I, has definitely had its interruptions, fits and starts. The pandemic brought three of our kids home to live and to study, for a lot of 2020. In 2021, our son who has epilepsy was going through a tough year of regulating his medications, so he spent a lot of time home with us then. Our youngest child, our daughter, left for school in late summer of 2022, but in the meantime my mother-in-law was enduring a long, slow illness that ended in her death in December of 2022, so that was a major part of our focus. In 2023, our daughter came home from college for the summer and she lived with us. This 2024 summer is the first summer, that we have no children living with us since I was 25 years old, as our daughter is studying abroad. This is the first real taste of the “true empty nest.” We definitely have been experiencing “umbruch” for a while now, and I think my subconscious wanted to bring that to my attention. The exciting thing though, is that I did not feel frightened or worried, in my dream. I felt a mix of excitement, curiosity, and anticipation. I was on a steep cliff, yet I had a sense of reassurance that I had been to this place before and that it had ended up to be a great experience. I was excited to climb up to the entrance.
Forgive my indulgence in relaying my dream. I keep this blog mostly as a thought catalog for myself (although I am so grateful that it resonates with my readers!). I read something recently that every major stage in life can be painted as a sad, bitter end, or an exciting, intriguing new beginning. The fact is that every ending is also a new beginning. Umbruch sounds like a scary, challenging place to be, but it also sounds mysterious, energizing and eye-opening. I think that I am excited to explore what it has to offer.
And what I do know for sure is that it is great to be back to writing the blog! See you tomorrow.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
1072. What is your favorite game beginning with the letter N?
