Tag: mommy blog

Zoom Bomb

My daughter was traumatized yesterday afternoon. She was having an online meeting with her Future Business Leaders of America club, and the meeting was “Zoom bombed” by racists. The videos that were released into the meeting were horrific, including swastikas, guns, and images of people hanging. The teacher moderating the club meeting was powerless, as the hackers had locked out any functions that would have enabled her to close the meeting. The school is doing what it can to find the awful perpetrators. As a mom, I am doing what I can to offer open arms and listening ears, whenever my daughter needs me.

It sickens me that I have had the thought, more than once throughout this whole pandemic, that at least with having my daughter doing her schooling from home, I don’t have to worry about her being a victim of a school shooting this year. It makes me want to vomit that a school shooting is an actual, real concern of mine. This is a concern that would sadly seem reasonably plausible to most people, and a concern which many parents share in.

When I kissed my daughter goodnight last night, I reminded her to wake me up at any time, if she couldn’t fall asleep, or if she had nightmares. I told her that if her thoughts went to the disturbing images that were thrust upon her, she should try to change her thoughts to people and to things that she is grateful for in her life. In this way, she could transmute her thoughts away from evil, and into the light of love and good and joy. All three of her protective big brothers (and of course the strong arms of her father) reached out to her throughout the afternoon and the evening. There is no doubt in my mind, that despite being viscerally violated, my daughter ended the day knowing how completely loved she is by her family. She was able to sleep through the night.

evil-quotes-hd-wallpaper-9.jpg (1024×768) | Evil people quotes, Evil quotes, Lincoln quotes

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Can’t Touch This

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I saw this post on Twitter yesterday and it made me proud to be a Gen X, 80s kid!! Our rappers are brilliant. They paved the way. What I like about 1980s rap is that a lot of it, is fun and goofy and upbeat. Don’t ever believe that there isn’t brilliance underneath lighthearted jams. It’s Hammer Time!! You can’t touch this!!

MC Hammer Quotes - BrainyQuote

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Late Night

I did something last night which I haven’t done in a long, long time. I stayed up late into the wee, wee hours of the night reading a work of fiction, from its very beginning, to its last beautiful page. I loved the book. It resonated deeply with me. This book is worth my exhaustion this morning. I am not going to tell you the title of the book. It feels too personal. It feels too revealing to just put it out there, to people who I don’t know very well. To tell you about a book that struck me this personally, would be like cruelly and neglectfully, putting my own very, sometimes fragile heart out on to the internet, to be shredded casually by the sharks that swim around us, sometimes.

My beloved and deeply appreciated readers, I tell you a lot about me, and everything that I share with you is true, but I don’t share everything. I’m not sure that I ever will. I did share some quotes from the book that I read last night, with my husband, and with my anam cara (Gaelic for soul friends). They get it. They get me. Treasure those people in your lives who really “get you”, all of you, and love you, and accept you, and understand you, and “see” you, and only want your happiness, for you. These people are incredible gifts. They are those “believing mirrors”, like Julia Cameron writes about. Your anam cara are the safes, and the strongboxes for your heart, and for your whole being. When you cultivate your anam cara in your life, never let them go. Love them deeply. And most importantly, make sure that you are one of them. Be a soul friend for your anam cara, and also be a soul friend, for yourself.

I believe that the mark of an excellent book is one that makes you feel like it has pages written about your own life, as viewed from the inside of your own head, and from the inside of your own heart wells. It feels intensely personal and echoing and vulnerable, to read a book whose words you feel deeply, and whose words keep reverberating in your mind, long after you are done reading. Treasure those kinds of books. They are rare. Like your anam cara, these books are incredible gifts in your life, too.

“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it is raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.” – E.L. Doctorow

My friend shared a parable yesterday, about a little boy who broke one of those Dollar Store glow sticks, in order for the light of it, to comfort his upset little sister. The moral of the story was that the glow sticks only glow brightly, when they are broken. Don’t be afraid of your broken parts, friends. As we all know, it is often the broken parts of us and of others, that glow the brightest and the truest and the clearest. Our broken parts often become like the glow of the lighthouses, which act as beacons to save others from crashing into the jagged rocks and drowning. And helping to save others, helps us to save ourselves, too. That’s how Love works. Love turns our pain, back into Love, which helps each other to survive, and to thrive, and to walk this path together peacefully.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Hello readers! I hope that you are having a lovely weekend, full of delightful surprises and calming rejuvenation and rest. Sundays are devoted to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. On Sundays I either write a poem or I share a poem, written by another poet, that has moved me. Poetry has the ability to hit the deepest target of emotion, in the most mysterious of ways. Poetry adds magic and alchemy, to otherwise, ordinary words. Please feel safe and comfortable to share your poems in my Comments section. Here is my poem for today:

WITH ME

I am so thankful when you share the deepest part of yourself

with me.

You think that it is too ugly, and tangled, and unguarded, and scary,

to bring it out into the open.

But usually, most ferocious things, tend to get blinded by the light.

And smoldering sadness gets smothered by the love that my heart holds for you.

I love you the most, when you give to me, all of you,

not just the polished, protective surface.

Your deepest part of yourself, is safe, and cherished, and understood, and loved.

I am so thankful when you entrust the deepest part of yourself,

with me.

Your beautiful, fragile, open heart is always safe,

with me.

You are,

with me,

Always. Always,

with me.

Monday Funday

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I love nerds. I’m pretty sure that I am a nerd. I think that we nerds are just oblivious nonconformists. People think that intentional nonconformists don’t care about what people think, but that is not true. Intentional nonconformists are rebels with a cause. These instigating people are often looking to get a lot of attention, and a rise out of people. Often the rebels care about what people think, every bit as much as the strict, careful conformists do. Oblivious nonconformists are just their authentic selves. My eldest son once dated a very confident young lady (I think that she was a physics major), who would sometimes wear a t-shirt that said “NERD” in lovely, fancy lettering. I loved her for that . . . . Nerds rule. We all have a little wee bit of “nerd” in us. Find it and embrace it. You’ll have more fun. Hint: your nerdiness can usually be found in activities that you enjoy so much, that you would do it to the point of abandon, if you allowed yourself to be free. Whatever activity which you like to do, so much, whether it be reading, or dancing, or painting, or singing, or wood carving, or fish keeping, or collecting cow figurines, that you might forget to eat, or to sleep, or forget where you even are, in the midst of doing said activity. When you leave judgment out of the equation (who cares if you are “good” at your favorite activity or not – in other words, who cares what anybody thinks??) and you do whatever activity speaks to the most joyful part of yourself, and you do it to pure abandon, you are experiencing your inner nerdiness and geekdom. Doesn’t it feel great?? Again, nerds rule.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Broken Crayons

“Trauma breaks you into pieces. Healing teaches you broken crayons still color.” – Inner Practioner

I don’t think there is anyone on Earth, who can say that this coronavirus situation hasn’t caused them any amount of pain and trauma. If there is such a person, they are either in deep denial, or a complete sociopath. Even if your own life has been relatively unaffected, it still breaks one’s heart to see the news stories of others who have lost loved ones, to this disease.

So with the assumption that my readers are people of feelings and empathy, I am going to go with the idea that we all have suffered some amount of trauma, concerning the coronavirus. It’s okay to admit that you have undergone some trauma. In fact, the only way to heal from any kind of trauma, is to admit to yourself, that it actually happened in the first place. That is usually the hardest part. If you keep trying to artificially scab over, or put a band-aid on a festering wound, it won’t heal properly. You’ve got to dig deep into the wound, pull out all the growing infection, and administer the correct daily medicine, for the pain to properly heal. This is what allows the trauma to be a thing (or a scar) of the past, and not an ongoing, unconscious driver that negatively affects elements of your every day life and relationships.

I think that the reason why a lot of people choose denial, versus dealing with their trauma, is two-fold. First, people think that it is strong to gut through situations, keeping a stiff upper lip. Somewhere along the way, we got the strange notion that admitting that you have a problem, makes you weak. How messed up is that! It is the opposite of strength, to stay in denial about a situation that has caused you pain. Still, we often choose to stay in denial because we fear that if we squarely face everything about how a certain trauma has affected us, we are afraid that we will fall apart at the seams, and stay stuck forever. And that is the second reason, why we keep our traumas, unfortunately, all bottled up.

When we finally get brave enough to look at our traumas honestly, and with sincere acceptance, that is when the real strength and healing begins. That is when we fully understand that broken crayons are still able to make the same vivid colors and artwork that they did before. And you know what else? Typically broken crayons end up being stronger than when they were whole. They aren’t as fragile. It is much harder to break a small piece of a crayon, than a long, elegant, fresh crayon, just coming out of the box. Also broken crayons recognize themselves in the other broken pieces, and that is where the truest compassion arises, giving the artwork of life, an even deeper depth of color, and meaning, and emotion, and joint, mass strength.

What’s a little broken in you, since the pandemic started? Has the pandemic triggered old, unhealed traumas in you? Have you allowed yourself to shed some cleansing tears? Have you reached out to others for support? Have you allowed yourself to be a little broken, realizing that even the most “perfect crayons” have little imperfections and will wear down a little bit, over the years? (Remember that the shrinking down of a crayon, comes from love and use, over the years. Everyone knows the favorite crayon in the box. It is the one crayon that is barely there, from being so useful and loved so much. It’s the “Velveteen Rabbit” of crayons.) What if, right this very minute, you had your favorite crayon in front of you, in your hand? You know the one. Your favorite crayon is that “go-to color” that you always looked for in that big, old Crayola 64 box, and you always tried to incorporate it somewhere in every one of your “masterpieces”. My favorite Crayola crayon was called “Burnt Sienna”. Now, what if, right now, you took your favorite crayon between your fingers and you broke it like the “Karate Kid”? (Don’t pretend like you never did that. Or at least, don’t pretend that you never witnessed that naughty boy in class who you secretly had a crush on, breaking the crayons with one hand, as you feigned shock and disgust, but secretly thought that this move was kind of cool and daring. . . . .until he got his dirty mitts on the Burnt Sienna crayon.) So now, your favorite crayon is broken right in front of you and you are required to draw a lovely picture of your life. You are drawing a picture of a path, leading into the sunshine of your future. The path is your life. It must be drawn in your favorite color, the one that really speaks to you, from the depths of your soul. So you pick up your broken crayon, and you cradle it or put a little tape on it, and you understand that while the crayon is a little broken, it can still draw your path in the very color that you had been envisioning that path to look like. And now you also have a little spare piece of crayon, in your back pocket, for those times in the future, when the path gets a little rocky again, and you need to draw on, a new direction. It is almost as if, in some ways, the brokenness of the crayon, has multiplied its capabilities. You now have the knowledge, that came from experience, that you will be ready for that rocky piece of road, up ahead in your path, because you now have the inner depth, and the experience, and the acceptance, to know that broken crayons will always have the ability to draw and to color, until they are completely used up, and then disappear into the horizon, and into the completed master piece of Love.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love. 

Good morning, friends and readers. I hope that this post finds you well, and rested, and peaceful, and hopeful, and thoughtful, and in the moment. My regular readers know that Sundays are devoted entirely to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. I think that this is fitting, because poetry is the form of writing that is the most closely entwined with our deepest feelings and soul. I was very moved by Amanda Gorman’s recital of her beautiful inauguration poem. I love the ending suggesting that we should be brave enough to be “the light”, which we are all really made of, underneath all of the noise and masks and insecurities and ego. Please, as always, feel safe to share your poetry in my Comments section. I would love to read what your soul has to say today. Here is Amanda Gorman’s poem in written form:

The Hill We Climb by Amanda Gorman

When day comes we ask ourselves,
where can we find light in this never-ending shade?
The loss we carry,
a sea we must wade.
We’ve braved the belly of the beast,
We’ve learned that quiet isn’t always peace,
and the norms and notions
of what just is
isn’t always just-ice.
And yet the dawn is ours
before we knew it.
Somehow we do it.
Somehow we’ve weathered and witnessed
a nation that isn’t broken,
but simply unfinished.
We the successors of a country and a time
where a skinny Black girl
descended from slaves and raised by a single mother
can dream of becoming president
only to find herself reciting for one.
And yes we are far from polished.
Far from pristine.
But that doesn’t mean we are
striving to form a union that is perfect.
We are striving to forge a union with purpose,
to compose a country committed to all cultures, colors, characters and
conditions of man.
And so we lift our gazes not to what stands between us,
but what stands before us.
We close the divide because we know, to put our future first,
we must first put our differences aside.
We lay down our arms
so we can reach out our arms
to one another.
We seek harm to none and harmony for all.
Let the globe, if nothing else, say this is true,
that even as we grieved, we grew,
that even as we hurt, we hoped,
that even as we tired, we tried,
that we’ll forever be tied together, victorious.
Not because we will never again know defeat,
but because we will never again sow division.
Scripture tells us to envision
that everyone shall sit under their own vine and fig tree
and no one shall make them afraid.
If we’re to live up to our own time,
then victory won’t lie in the blade.
But in all the bridges we’ve made,
that is the promise to glade,
the hill we climb.
If only we dare.
It’s because being American is more than a pride we inherit,
it’s the past we step into
and how we repair it.
We’ve seen a force that would shatter our nation
rather than share it.
Would destroy our country if it meant delaying democracy.
And this effort very nearly succeeded.
But while democracy can be periodically delayed,
it can never be permanently defeated.
In this truth,
in this faith we trust.
For while we have our eyes on the future,
history has its eyes on us.
This is the era of just redemption
we feared at its inception.
We did not feel prepared to be the heirs
of such a terrifying hour
but within it we found the power
to author a new chapter.
To offer hope and laughter to ourselves.
So while once we asked,
how could we possibly prevail over catastrophe?
Now we assert,
How could catastrophe possibly prevail over us?
We will not march back to what was,
but move to what shall be.
A country that is bruised but whole,
benevolent but bold,
fierce and free.
We will not be turned around
or interrupted by intimidation,
because we know our inaction and inertia
will be the inheritance of the next generation.
Our blunders become their burdens.
But one thing is certain,
If we merge mercy with might,
and might with right,
then love becomes our legacy,
and change our children’s birthright.
So let us leave behind a country
better than the one we were left with.
Every breath from my bronze-pounded chest,
we will raise this wounded world into a wondrous one.
We will rise from the gold-limbed hills of the west.
We will rise from the windswept northeast,
where our forefathers first realized revolution.
We will rise from the lake-rimmed cities of the midwestern states.
We will rise from the sunbaked south.
We will rebuild, reconcile and recover.
And every known nook of our nation and
every corner called our country,
our people diverse and beautiful will emerge,
battered and beautiful.
When day comes we step out of the shade,
aflame and unafraid,
the new dawn blooms as we free it.
For there is always light,
if only we’re brave enough to see it.
If only we’re brave enough to be it.

The Start of Something

Today is Inauguration Day. The word “inauguration” means a ceremony to mark the start of something. In my life, I have family and friends whose views would span all areas of the political spectrum, although most of “my people” would land as dots, around the center spot, from what I can tell. I steer clear of political talk, as much as I can. Still, I’ve always prided myself in being open-minded. I like to get to know all different kinds of people. People are way too complicated to pigeon-hole. The older I get, the less I like labels and definitions. I am more attracted to sensations and nuances and the stories behind the stories. I like movement versus stagnation.

If I wanted to personalize Inauguration Day, what would I like to do, to mark the start of, in my own life? What parts of my life would I choose to continue with and to grow and to nurture, and what in my life has given me its lesson, and is ready to be let go? What would a new governing body look like in my own personal life? Things to ponder to make Inauguration Day, a way to help me “to be the change I want to see” (Gandi):

You are the CEO of your own life. Hire, fire and promote accordingly. (Think Smarter)

Drama does not just walk into your life. Either you create it, invite it, or associate with it.

You can’t have change without loss.

Be a good person, but don’t waste your time proving it. (u. fo)

Real growth starts when you are tired of your own shit. (F of F)

Any concern too small to be turned into a prayer, is too small to be made into a burden. (Corrie Ten Boom)

A mistake repeated more than once, is a decision.

A deadline causes stress, a purpose causes motivation. (Holiday Mathis)

A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything.

How your life feels, is more important than how it looks. (Think Smarter)

Your direction is more important than your speed.

Your mind is a beautiful servant, but a dangerous master.

Please understand this: Bad chapters can still create great stories. Wrong paths can still lead to right places. Failed dreams can still create successful people. Sometimes it takes losing yourself, to find yourself. (Cynthia Thurlow, NP)

*****I apologize, these quotes all came from one of my many inspirational notebooks. When I see something that stirs me, I write it down. I have to get better at writing down who to credit with these beautiful wisdoms that were shared to me, one way or another. I will make that goal of remembering who to credit, part of my inaugural plans.

These are all good starters to contemplate when doing your own personal inauguration ceremony. Please share some of your own helpful “starter wisdoms” in my Comments section. Here’s to new beginnings, at every level of the game!!

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love. 

Monday – Funday

26 All Time Best Betty White Quotes & Funny Memes In Honor Of Her (98th!) Birthday

Betty White’s 99th birthday was yesterday. Talk about a walking smile – Betty is that!! What an inspiration she is to so many people, mostly by being so alive and joyful!

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

I read a news story over the weekend about a very courageous waitress and an equally courageous little boy in Orlando, Florida. The boy was with his family in a restaurant, and the waitress noticed how frail he looked, and that he was covered in bruises. The family did not order him a meal. The waitress wrote a note on a piece of paper. “DO YOU NEED HELP?”, the paper sign read. She held it so that only the boy could see it. At first the little boy shook his head in a slight “no”, but she persisted a few more times, and he finally nodded “yes” assuredly. The waitress called the police, and it turns out that the boy and his sister were being severely abused and malnourished by their parents. The children were taken to safety, and their parents were arrested. The police officer handling the case said that this kind of bravery, shown by both the waitress and the little boy, is extremely rare. In most cases, people just look the other way. And also in most cases, people aren’t brave enough, to ask for help when they need it. This is the year to be a new kind of brave – the bravery shown by a waitress and a little boy.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love. 

Declutter Our Minds

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love. (this will be the daily mantra of the blog, for the rest of this year.)

“You spend most of your time inside of your head. Make it a nice place to be.”- Growth Hub

This is the time of the year, that a lot of us do some decluttering in our homes. My husband went to town on his closet the other day, and he filled up a nice, big bag for Goodwill. My closet cleaning is still at the intention stage, but it is a priority – a major one, that I plan to get to, in the coming days. My friend was asking a group of us for ideas about how to decorate her shelves, after taking all of her clutter, off of them. One member of our friend group, who has exquisite tastes, was singled out for ideas. She is a self proclaimed minimalist, but what I loved the best was her answer. My lovely friend said that you should fill your shelves with what you love, and what makes you happy, because truthfully, you are the only one who sees your shelves on a regular, daily basis.

The same sentiment certainly applies to our heads, right? We are the only ones with access to our minds. The inside of our heads is sacred space, so holy that we are the only ones privy to what goes on, inside of it. Sure, we can spill out what is churning in our brains, to other people, but oftentimes, what we spill out in our conversations, and our interactions with others, is usually just a regurgitation of everything which we have allowed into our minds.

When we get on a health kick, we become super conscious about what we are eating and drinking and consuming. We get real honest with ourselves about what is good to put into our bodies, and what about our diets, needs to be laid to waste. When we declutter our drawers and our cabinets and our shelves, we often use the Marie Kondo question, “Does this item spark joy in me?” Perhaps, we should use these same methods, when decorating the insides of our heads.

I imagine if we wanted to create a real ugly devil’s den inside of our heads, we could fill our minds with every negative news piece we could find. We could fill our minds with ruminations about everything that we don’t like about our jobs, our country, and the people who annoy us. We could fuel the raging fires with our fears, and our worries, and focus our imaginations on possible upcoming catastrophes. What would a decluttered mind look like, though? What if we took it down to the studs? What if we kept open doors on both sides of our heads, so that thoughts could come in, and just as easily pass on through, keeping our minds open and breezy and clear to views which might really resonate with us, down to the true command center of our hearts, where our precious souls reside.

The older I get, the more I see simple truths. What is good for the body and is good for the soul, is good for the mind. What is happening outside of us, is often just a projection of what is happening inside of us. We frequently forget just how much power and control we really wield, in our lives. Just as we clutter up our houses, we also have the power to clean out what no longer sparks joy. Just as we fill up our bodies with junk food, we can fill them up with wholesome nutrients, instead. Just as we can obsessively click on one negative news story, or triggering social media post after another, we can stop and we can breathe, and we can clean out what does not belong in our sacred mindspace. The irony of it all, is that we are always trying to control and fix “the outsides”, but if we control what is happening inside of us, the outsides usually look a whole lot better. When we take care of our bodies, we have more energy, and we fit into our clothes better. When we take time to really feed our souls with what feels good to us, by communing with nature and people and animals and our Source, we no longer have gaping holes that we try to fill with things that clutter up our lives, or substances that hurt our bodies. When we take the time to cleanse our minds of negative thoughts and beliefs and worries, we have more wide, open space to fill our brains with wonder and awe and amazement about all of the miracles of life surrounding us. When we stay in our own lanes, and when we focus on the only triumvirate that we do have any real control over, that being our own minds, our own bodies and our own souls, the outsides just have a way of taking care of themselves. When we have an inside sense of calm and control and order, we no longer need to concern ourselves with controlling anything outside of us. Trying to control “the outsides” was just our fruitless way of trying to get that internal sense of calm and control and order for ourselves, which has been available to us, all of the time. Ironic, right?

“Everyone wants peace, inside and outside, and we would all have it if we knew how. Now we know how. It begins with you.” – Byron Katie

“Create a friendly atmosphere on the inside and outside. Live Friendly. Be a friendly person on the inside. Have the attitude it takes to be smiling internally first.” – Jeffrey Gitomer