Breathe.

Why is it that all of your year’s biggest events all seemed to get bunched up into a three week span, in any one year? I’ve lived long enough to have experienced this phenomenon, again and again and again. And of course, at the same time, all of the regular daily stuff, and all of the little pop-ups (and even sometimes, unexpected big pop-ups) that show up in life, still happen, too. I spent most of this morning so far, making arrangements and changing arrangements, and letting people know arrangements, etc. And this morning, I have also had quite a few people tell me to, “Breathe.” At the tennis tournament yesterday, while watching our daughters play a very tight tie-breaker, all of the other tennis moms, looked at each other and reminded each other, to “Breathe.” Last night when I was trying to fall asleep, which I couldn’t do, even though I was utterly exhausted, my husband whispered to me, “Breathe.”

Now of course, we don’t need a command to breathe. We don’t even need to tell ourselves to breathe. It’s automatic. And if we aren’t breathing, we’re dead. So what do we mean when we tell ourselves, and we tell others to “Breathe.”? I think “Breathe.”, is shorthand for “Bring your attention back to your breath.” “Breathe.”, is shorthand for, “Get out of your crazy, over-wheeling mind, which is living in the “What ifs?” and the ramifications of all of the “what ifs” of the future, and notice how your body is taking care of you. Your body is your vehicle that’s going to take you through all of your experiences that are crammed into a two-and-a-half week time period, and you don’t want your body to get sick. You don’t want your mind to stir up all sorts of emotions such as fear and distress and overexcitement with its whirl of endless streaming thoughts. These thought storms, when overdone, cause all of these overwhelming emotions, which are taxing on your body, and can cause your body to break down. So, Breathe. Take each moment at a time. That’s how life works. Life works in “the now” and the easiest and quickest way to remind yourself of that fact, is to Breathe. The Universe has got this. You’ve got this. Don’t miss out on anything. Don’t miss out on any moment, or on any nuance. Just breathe. Breathe.”

Breathe.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday Fun-Day

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

This is one of my favorite magnets. I’ve had it for decades. I think that I’ve shared it on the blog before, but it’s worth another laugh. I’ve gotten hundreds of laughs from it, over the years.

Earlier last week, I went to visit my friend/confidante/spiritual uplifter/therapist/wise sage/mentor/consultant, otherwise known as my long-term hairdresser. (We decided that it is okay for my generation to still say “hairdresser.” The older generations than mine sometimes still say “beautician”, and the title in vogue right now is “hair stylist”. I have reached the stage in my life where I stumble on the “right words” for a lot of things. I have reached the stage in my life that many of the things that I say, may now be considered to be outdated and/or even taboo. I try to keep up. It’s important to notice the changes, and even more so, to try to understand why the changes have come about.)

My hair stylist is a few years older than me. We got to talking about retirement. I asked her if she had plans for what to do in her retirement. (Although, I am not encouraging her to retire. The day that my hairdresser retires will be a very upsetting and depressing day for me.) She looked kind of puzzled and sad. “I hope that I never have to retire. I love cutting hair. I’ll do it until I physically can’t anymore, but I hope that day never comes.”

Wow. Okay, simple lesson there. “LOVE WHAT YOU DO. “

Good Friday

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

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My husband said that I better be nice to my readers today. Please forgive my indulgence in fun yesterday, at your expense. At least my blog keeps surprising you, right? My regular readers know that Fridays are called Favorite Things Friday here at Adulting – Second Half. On Fridays, I don’t go much further than skin deep. I list three favorite things, or songs, or TV shows, or food items, etc. that rock my world and I ask you to share your favorites in my Comments section. Here are my favorites for today:

Redecor – This is my new phone game obsession, which I mentioned earlier this week. By now, I am sure that you are thinking, “Wow, this lady plays a lot of phone games!”, but I do other things while I am playing the games, such as watching TV, laying in bed, cooking, driving (kidding). Anyway, this is a perfect game to enjoy the fun of home decorating without the expense, mess, logistics, mood swings, or chaos that comes with actual home decor. It is almost like an adult coloring book. The fun of the game is that you get to vote on other people’s designs, which has opened up my mind to a whole new level of impressed. People are so creative. I love that feeling of, “Wow, I would never have thought of that combination and yet, it looks so amazing!”

Napa Hills Wine Antioxidant Water – This stuff is awesome! It makes you feel like you are drinking an adult beverage, when you aren’t at all. You can drink this for breakfast and not worry about saying something ridiculous and slurry, nor feel like you might need to check into a rehab. The marketing on this flavored water is genius. From their website:

“One bottle of  Napa Hills water delivers 10 times the amount of antioxidants found in one glass of red wine, but without the alcohol or wine taste. Our first product is a refreshing Cherry flavor, inspired by Napa Valley Rosé, flavored with hints of cherry and lingering pomegranate finish.”

This drink is pricey, but it is tasty and has zero calories. It makes an ordinary lunch feel more special and Mad Men-ish, without any guilt. Splurge! It’s the little things in life, right?

Thriving as an Empath by Judith Orloff – If you are a person who has been described as “too sensitive”, first of all, you are not. You are wonderful, just the way you are! You are just more attuned to all of the energy surrounding you, more than the average Joe. And that’s not good or bad, it just is. Sometimes this “sensitivity” can make life a little more emotional and difficult, but other times, it can make the world seem more vibrant and overwhelmingly beautiful, than some others could possibly ever imagine. This is a great book, written like a daily devotional, to help you to navigate your beautiful, empathic nature. I have given this wonderful book as gifts, and it is one of those gifts which friends have told me they liked, more than a dozen times. It might come off as “woo-woo” to some, but take a look inside of it, and you’ll know right away whether it resonates with you or not.

Okay, I loathe to do this after my nasty trick, but I honestly take Easter weekend off every single year. I’ve done this since I started my blog (you can look in the archives to see this). As a Christian, there is not a more appropriate time in the year to hit the “reset” button, than during Easter weekend. It’s like a Lenten sacrifice for me, in a way. I love to write! I love to commune with you, so taking this time and space away from my blog, honestly makes me appreciate it, even more. It’s just something that I must do, for reasons I don’t even fully understand. Here’s last year’s Good Friday post to verify this, (since you may have trust issues with me now 😉 ) Have a miracle- filled, delightful weekend and I shall be back on Monday!

Thank you and Good-bye

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Best Beginnings And Endings Quotes with images to share and download for  free at QuotesLyfe

Friends, it is with a heavy heart that I am announcing that this will be my last blog post. I have written a blog post for practically every single day since my eldest son officially left our family’s nest to start out in his “real” adult life in 2018. We have gone through so much together, my readers, and you have been with me every step of the way. I love you with all of my heart. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your support, and your validation. You have added so much meaning to my life and as much as I try, I do not have the words to fully convey the significance that this blog, and my readers hold in my life. Adulting – Second Half gives me a sense of purpose. It helps me to better understand myself, and others, while I am going through this very transitional stage of my life. The blog, in many ways, has been a lifesaver for me, in the sense of helping me to get back to “myself”, instead of just getting all of my identity from my various roles that I hold and I “play” in my life. I hope that you all have “a blog” in your lives, if not a literal blog, than a figurative one, which speaks to the deepest part of your being and to your most creative force. In some ways, I consider this blog to be one of my babies. And anyone who knows me well, knows how fiercely I love my babies.

Why is this my last blog post, you ask? Because it is April 1st. And in the words of Ashton Kutcher, you have just been “punk’d.” Do you honestly think that I would give up this blog and you, and everything which I just explained that it all means to me, without a major fight??? I’m a fire sign and my fire burns brightly. You aren’t getting rid of me anytime soon. Other than the part about today being my last blog post, everything else that I wrote about you, and about my blog, was the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God. I adore Adulting -Second Half and I adore you. Happy April Fools Day! Don’t be angry. Just groan and giggle. See you tomorrow.

Me, Myself and I

So, I’ve been banished from my house today. I am writing this from a coffee spot. We are having some drywall work done in my home today, and I suppose I am somewhat of a pistol on days when my house is crawling with strangers. My husband and my daughter have been doing work/school from home since this time last year, and more than a few times I have cried from my victim chair that I don’t get any “alone time” anymore. Well, today they kicked me out. Okay, it was more like an insistent coax or a persistent, strong nudge, but clearly, together they decided that things would be more peaceful at the house today, without me whirling around like a stressball, sighing and complaining, wringing my hands, huffing and puffing, and working up my sensitive trio of dogs, like a frenzied entourage, behind me. I own my eccentricities. I get it. I’m getting what I asked for; I get alone time all day today. And honestly, it’s kind of delicious. I’ve missed me. It’s kind of nice to get reacquainted with me. And I hope to bring the refreshed, grateful, more centered and peaceful version of me, back home to my loving family. Sometimes my family knows what is best for me, even before I realize what I truly need. That’s called love.

Keep taking time for yourself until you're you again. - Lalah Delia | Words  quotes, Self love quotes, Quotes to live by

Spend time for yourself quotes Top 86 spend time with yourself quotes  sayings | Dogtrainingobedienceschool.com

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Tuesday Tidbits

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+ I have seen “Not all those who wander are lost” before, but I had never seen the whole verse, nor did I realize that it was written by J.R.R. Tolkien. I love it. I love all of it. I am a bit of a wanderer. I get bored easily. All this being shut in, is starting to make me want to burst. I sat next to the most colorful character at the nail salon the other day. We were all wearing masks of course, but this woman was also wearing a big, elaborate, flamboyant orange hat and her loyal, chubby little dachshund sat at her side, as still as a statue. Apparently, she had ties to Hollywood and whether true or not, her stories were entertaining and enthralling. I have often dubbed myself, “freak magnet,” which is not very nice of me at all. Honestly, I love the “freaks” in the world. I’m probably kind of freaky. I think we all have some “freak” in us, and the freer ones among us, let it fly. People tend to open up to me and tell me their fascinating, intimate stories, and I love it. The other day at the salon, I realized how much I miss that element of my life. Like the flowers starting to bloom, my fascinating encounters with interesting strangers are soon coming back into play as more and more of us get vaccinated, this I hope. Hope springs eternal.

+My word of the day from Word Genius was “amuse-gueule” which means, “a small savory item of food served as an appetizer before a meal.” It struck me that this is the first time I have seen “savory” used in a positive way, in a long, long time. Usually it’s used in an emphasized negative form – “He’s such an unsavory character,” or “That’s not a savory place to go.” It must really suck to be a positive word, always used in a negative way. Savory is going, “Geesh, I’m supposed to mean delicious, and scrumptious. Let’s keep it positive, guys!” (See, I told you that I’m kind of freaky. Words don’t really talk.)

+I took a little Ted talk lesson this morning on “The Dunning-Krueger effect”. That’ll bring you down to earth, real fast. The Dunning-Krueger effect speaks to the idea that most of us think we are better at most things, than any of us really are, at doing anything. In short, all of us think that we are above average humans, which is statistically impossible. Apparently, we are all amazing drivers on the road. HA! The supposed remedy to this damn humbling rule of humanity is 1.) Keep learning and 2.) Be willing to ask for, and to consider constructive criticism. Oh, fun. HA! On this note, I have a new favorite phone game which I will tell you about on Favorite Things Friday. It is called Redecor. I love the game, in an obsessive, stalky way, but like a friend full of brutal candor, Redecor has helped me to discover that “The Dunning-Krueger effect”, is indeed a real thing. A couple of 9th places out of 10, will do that to you.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday Fun-Day

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Who says that men age better than we do? Cher is about as ageless as they come. I remember watching the “Sonny & Cher” variety show with rapt attention, when I was a kid. Just typing that sentence, made me feel really, really old. But hey, Cher makes “old” look pretty damn good!

TOP 25 QUOTES BY CHER (of 137) | A-Z Quotes

Make up your mind to believe in yourself for the rest of this year, friends! Over this past weekend, we experienced the first day of spring. Astrologers believe that this is the true start of the year. Aries is the first sign of the zodiac. I love all of the redos and retakes we get at the beginning of the year. If you were a little foggy on January 1st, that’s okay because you could reset your intentions for the new year on February 12th, which marked the Chinese new year. And if you were particularly unfocused through the first couple months of the year, that’s not a problem because March 20th marked the first day of spring and the start of the astrological new year. Three times is the charm! Trying to pretend anything after this date, is the beginning of the new year, could be perceived as a stretch, but at the same token, it is never too late to start anything. It makes sense for spring to start the new year, I think. There’s so much hope, promise, and freshness in springtime. Miracles abound in spring. Happy New Year, friends! This is what I think this beautiful spirit of Spring of 2021 is confidently saying to us: “I got you, babe!! . . . . . I. Got. YOU. Babe!”

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Thought Provoking Thursday

Today, I am going to list the quotes which I have collected for my own thought museum, these past couple of weeks. These quotes all speak for themselves, and do not require commentary from me. Food for thought is delicious, nutritious and calorie-free. Devour!

“Most of us spend our lives as if we had another one in the bank.” – Ben Irwin

“Admire someone else’s beauty without questioning your own.”

“If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything, it is open to everything. In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s mind, there are few.” – Suzuki Roshi

“Hope springs from realizing we are loved, can love and are love with skin on. Then we are unstoppable.” – Anne Lamott

“Focus on being productive, not busy.”

“True forgiveness is when you can say, “Thank you for that experience.” – Oprah Winfrey

“The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.” – Think Smarter (Twitter)

“If you can’t find joy in a cup of coffee, you won’t find it in a Lamborghini.” – SeekMastery

“No one should have the power to ruin your day.” -Valencia (Twitter)

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Spaces and Flies

Certain spaces and places fill your soul. My writing nook fills my soul. It is in the corner of my living room, which has views to a little pond on our porch, which I affectionately call my “tranquility pond”. I often crack the door by the pond, and I listen to its calming little trickle of water, as I write. My writing nook also has a view of our backyard, which backs up to a lovely little, hidden lake. It is not uncommon for herons, cardinals, wild turkeys, ducks, deer, tortoises and even the occasional alligator to come into view from my large glass slider window, begging for my attention, like a constantly evolving, moving wild zoo. In the morning, the sun rises up, brightly over the tall trees of the forest behind the lake, and in the evening, the sunlight illuminates the whole scene so hazily and beautifully, bringing everything into a crisper, outlined view, like seeing out of a nice, expensive pair of sunglasses. The setting sun gives the lake and the trees and everything else in the scene, this holy sheen and illumination. My family has affectionately and reverently named this particular time of the day, “the golden hour.”

I found another new personal “soul space” earlier this week. I rode along with my husband, who was picking up a piece of hardware we needed from a specialty store. Right next to that store, was a lovely little antique shop, which I decided to duck into, while my husband ran his errand. I instantly felt at home in this little gem of a curio shop. Sometimes when I walk into antiques stores, I feel like I have entered a storage container for a hoarder. There is dust everywhere, and there is no seeming rhyme or reason for what is being displayed. This was not one of those haphazard antiques stores. This particular store has a beautiful, tranquil energy, from the minute you walk into it. Everything offered for sale has obviously been curated with great care. It feels as if everything displayed in this store, has a fabulous story to go with it – a story longing to be heard. When I was in the store, I wanted to disappear into time and into space a little bit there, but it was my husband’s lunch break and we had to get back home. Inevitably, I will be drawn back to visit the little shop, soon. Soul spaces always draw you back to them, with a subtle, but strong force, almost seemingly against your will, like having an invisible hand against your back, guiding you gently, but firmly back to your heart zones.

Now, if you can, I want you to imagine one of your soul spaces, like the couple of soul spaces that I have described above. Picture yourself in your own soul space and conjure up every detail about that particular soul space which makes you like it so well, and what draws you to be there. This soothing soul space makes you feel so comfortable and perfectly connected to Life, in almost a timeless sense. Sense those feelings of comfort, security, and love. Now, I want you to imagine a few pesky flies swarming around your soul space. (If you are having trouble picturing this, then imagine flies buzzing around me as I write in my treasured little nook, or as I peruse my favored little shop.) When the flies come in, naturally you are annoyed. You want to get rid of the flies. You implement tools like swatters and bug spray, and you open doors and windows, in hopes for the flies to leave. While, the flies are swarming around you, you are missing out on all of the amazing beauty and tranquil energy surrounding you in your soul space, because all of your attention is going towards getting rid of the flies. All of your attention is on a few tiny little flies, instead of on all of the beauty, and attractiveness, and comfort, and uniqueness, of your serene, special soul space.

I’ve been doing a lot of deep thinking, lately. (story of my life) I’ve been thinking about how important it is to make peace with our aggravations, our grievances, and even the deepest forms of our grief. By the time we are middle aged, most of us have experienced many aggravations. Further, by this time in our lives, very few of us have escaped from experiencing major grief, perhaps because of the passing on of a loved one, or the ending of a marriage or another important relationship, or the loss of a job and the stability that comes with that job, or having to deal with a major, chronic health issue. Unfortunately, aggravations and sadnesses and even deep grief, come with the territory of living a life, for many years.

If we compare our daily lives to our physical soul spaces, we can see how many wonderful people and things and interests and unique experiences surround us, every single day. But most of our soul spaces (our unique individual lives), also have a few flies (aggravations and grievances and things that make us angry and sad) buzzing around us, vying for our attention. We can always do healthy things to try to get rid of our “flies”, like singing, and praying ,and meditating, and talking to loved ones, and going to therapy, and taking good care of our physical bodies with good nutrition, exercise and sleep. We can also do unhealthy things to try to distract ourselves from our “flies” using mind numbing, instant gratification types of activities and addictive behaviors, such as overeating, and overdrinking or doing drugs, or mindlessly shopping or exploring the internet, or gambling, or creating a lot of meaningless, distracting dramas in our lives. Still, no matter how we try to “handle” the flies in our soul space, some flies are never going to completely go away. Again, reality is that some flies are never going to completely go away. They are too deeply entrenched. And also, even as some flies leave, some other new flies will sneak into our soul spaces, often when we least expect them. The choice remains for us to focus on the space (our lives in totality) versus the flies (our grievances). We can choose to focus on how good our space feels to us, everything that it gives to us, and all of the beauty contained within it. And we can come to a peace, and an acceptance, that a few flies do not nearly make the overall impact of the lovely space.

The biggest mistake which a lot of us make, is that we don’t allow ourselves to fully enjoy our soul spaces, until we can get rid of all of the flies. We have a hard time understanding that all of the goodness and light and pleasure that comes with our soul space, can coexist with the flies, quite comfortably. Some days the flies are going to seem huge. These big old horseflies are going to constantly land on us and bite us and not leave us alone. No matter how hard we try to ignore the flies, they are going to noisily insist on our attention. But if we make peace with that fact, and we stop resisting them, or we stop futilely wishing that our soul space was absolutely perfect, with no flies to ever deal with, the flies have a way of shrinking into the background, and staying in their own tiny corners, mostly out of our view. The flies can live in our soul space. The flies can act as a reminder to shift our attention away from them. The contrast of the annoying flies can help us to bring into focus, and then melt into the extraordinary beauty and the astonishing wonder that is surrounding us, every single day of our lives, even if it is in just one small corner of the earth which we claim as our own special “soul space.”

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Life Of Luna (don’t worry)

Yesterday, at my daughter’s tennis match, I spotted an extraordinary and beautiful luna moth. It is an exceptional occurrence to see a luna moth because, like most butterfly types, the moths only live 7-10 days, and they are mostly nocturnal and rarely seen during the day. In case you are having trouble seeing my lovely moth in that brown pile of leaves, I outlined her for you, here:

Some sources believe that there is a spiritual meaning behind seeing a luna moth, representing rebirth and the renewal of body and spirit.

“The Luna Moth presents as a reminder that many of the battles we face are not even our own. Be sure to clean and clear your surroundings and be sure you’re not absorbing the energy and karma of others. The Luna Moth is a symbolic message of blossoming in adversity, empowerment, enlightenment and epiphany. Release all outdated concerns.” – Sacred Spirit Shaman

The above quote is the perfect segue to what I had intended to write about all along today, before even witnessing my beautiful luna moth, especially the last line: Release all outdated concerns. I took calendar notes yesterday morning, to remind myself that I wanted to write about “worry.” It all started with a quote that I saw recently, from Esther Hicks:

“Don’t worry about this world; it is not broken. And don’t worry about others. You worry more about them than they do. There are people waging war; there are people on the battlefield who are more alive than they’ve ever been before. Don’t try to protect people from life; just let them have their experience while you focus on your own experience.”

I admit that I am a terrible worrier. Taking an informal survey among people I know, I find that many of us mothers, are particularly practiced worriers. I worry about one of my children, and then I feel guilty that I am not spreading the worry evenly, so I start worrying about my other children, in equal measure. I do the same thing with my friends, and my dogs, and all of the other people whom I care about in my life. I am very calculated in how I spread out my worry and concerns among my loved ones, mostly because I have found in my life, that most of the stuff that I worry about never, ever happens. Instead, I often get blindsided by the things which I never worry about. So, knowing this about myself, I try to cover all of my bases by worrying about as much stuff as I possibly can. Yesterday, when I read the quote above, I guiltily, started worrying about how much I worry about everybody. The quote was a firm and sharp reminder to me, that “worry” is not equal to “love”. In fact, it is quite the opposite. “Worry” has its roots in fear and control and avoidance of dealing with one’s own “stuff”, in one’s own precious life. Worry says, “I don’t trust you, my loved one, to live your life the way I think you should, to keep me safe from my fears of losing you.” Ouch, sounds kind of selfish, doesn’t it? Worry says, “I don’t trust you, God/Universe/Creation/Spirit, nor Your plans for ALL and EVERYTHING that You, Yourself have lovingly brought into existence.” Ouch, sounds kind of blasphemous, doesn’t it? Fear and control and projection do not equal love. Love is rooted in faith and enthusiasm and respect for individuals to live their lives on their own terms. Most importantly, worry is fruitless and pointless. It doesn’t stop or control anything. Worry is a destroyer (a wolf in sheep’s clothing). Worry destroys health, peace, relationships and our personal connection to our Higher Source. Perhaps I should use this particular luna moth sighting, as a reminder to let go of all of my worries and worrying. It would be a wonderful tribute to her short, luminous, mysterious, beautiful life, lived on her own unique terms, and according to the mysterious Master Plan.

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Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.