Tag: middle age

Monday – Funday

Summer often likes to leave with a bang in our state. I am not too concerned. We live pretty far inland, and we’ve lived through many big Florida storms and many big Florida storm scares. If you don’t get a daily blog post from me later in the week, just figure that our power is out. Still, I’ll take any extra prayers and good juju for the people in the path of Idalia.

Have a great week, friends! Here are some bonus thoughts that I wrote in one of my inspirational notebooks this past weekend, from my readings. I’m sorry, I don’t know who to credit some of them to:

+ When a human reaches the end of his or her rope, he or she reaches the beginning of God.

+ Choose change before change chooses you.

+ We all have gifts that we don’t recognize, not because they are hidden but because they are so much a part of us that we can’t see them. Other people are the mirrors that allow us to see. – Holiday Mathis (***I really like this last one. We are often told that other people mirror the traits about ourselves that we don’t like and which we tend to disown in ourselves, so it’s a nice turn to think about people being mirrors to our positive traits, too. It’s also true that the traits that come naturally to us, we tend to discount. But these unique attributes of ours are gifts to us, and to others. My husband has the uncanny ability to find lost things. He’s found glasses buried in sand in the shore of the ocean. He’s found tiny earring studs at the bottom of a pool. If I lose something, I often wait for him to come home, because I know that he’ll find it. This gift of his, was the first thing that came to my mind, when I read this quote. What are some uncanny traits that you have that are so naturally a part of you, you can’t see them? I bet that your loved ones could tell you.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning. Welcome to poetry day on the blog. On Wednesday, we have a Blue Moon. It’s not actually blue, it’s just the name for the rare occurence of two full moons in one month. The second full moon in any one month is called a blue moon. Make a wish, and put it into poem form today. Once in a blue moon, wishes do come true, in the most magical of ways. Here is my poem for today:

The Sunday stillness feeds my soul,

The quiet sunlit room hears only an occasional

sigh from a tired, warm, rug of a dog, bathing in the light.

The plants outside of the window slightly sway,

to the gentle rhythm of an imperceptible breeze,

it all creates the peaceful symphony of tranquility,

that I soak in: pure, satiating nourishment for my spirit.

I hear my soul chanting: All is well. All is well. All is well.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Sixth Sense

I happened upon an interesting podcast the other day, in which a self-proclaimed psychic medium was being interviewed. The psychic insisted that all of us have psychic abilities, i.e. “the sixth sense.” Our intuitions are a part of all of us. The psychic said that the reason why most of us don’t trust our “gut feelings” is not that the feelings/sensations are ever wrong, but it is our interpretation of the sensations that often prove to be wrong, thus causing us to mistrust our hunches and instincts, when they show up again. The body knows something is up, but our egoic, know-it-all minds and imaginations quickly take over and create, ever-growing narratives and stories about what our intuitions are trying to tell us.

Those of us who call ourselves creatives (artists, writers, actors, poets etc.) are often considered to be sensitive people. Being called “sensitive” unfortunately has taken on a negative connotation in society. It implies, weakness or softness, or touchiness, but nothing could be further from the truth. Sensitive people are just deeply attuned to the energy and feelings within themselves, and all of the energy and emotions surrounding them. It’s easy for sensitive people to get overwhelmed in crowds and highly emotional situations because they feel everything fully and profoundly. Their perceptions of even the slightest changes in mood or atmosphere are noticed immediately and felt deeply and acutely. Sensitive people are actually quite strong. They live vividly. A wise person once told me that there is no such thing as being “too sensitive”. You are as sensitive as you are made up to be. Being extra sensitive can make life a little harder, especially during sad or difficult times, but on the flip side of the coin, sensitive people experience beauty and love and elation and awe at higher levels than most do.

The psychic who was being interviewed on the podcast I listened to, insisted that most of us are more sensitive than we own up to being because of society’s conditioning that “sensitive = bad.” Being sensitive is nothing more than being highly attuned to every element of life. If you shut your sensitivity down too much, you miss out on so much awe and depth and seeing past the surface of things. Some would argue if you shut down your sensitivity and intuition too much, you could even miss signals that could save your life. Dulling the senses, always means dulling every sensation, even the positive ones.

So how do you learn how to trust your own intuition and sixth sense? Listen to your gut feelings. Listen to those hyper-aware sensations you get such as your hair standing up on your neck. Notice dreams that are particularly compelling and memorable. Be aware of things outside of yourself that seem to be signaling to be noticed by you. Don’t immediately start a dramatic, narrative story about why you are feeling that particular sensation, but don’t discount the feeling or sensation either. When you just notice that your intuition is signaling you, take a deep breath, so that you can best hear your own intuition’s calm, quiet, wise, all-knowing voice, which will lead you to the next best step for you to take. Save the stories about what your intuition is telling you, for later. Live in the sensations and the fullness of now.

Fun tip: The psychic suggested that the next time you have a strong hunch about something, write it down and mail it to yourself (or you can even send yourself an email). So when your hunch proves to be the truth, you have time-stamped proof of the validity of your own intuition’s capabilities. It will help your analytical mind to become less negating of your intuition over time.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Hip Hoppity Friday

Yesterday, during a text conversation with friends, when one friend remarked about how it is interesting to note the things that really excite us now, as we are older, which may not have excited us as much when we were younger, I enthusiastically agreed and I then sent this picture (above) to the group. This big boy decided to visit me on my side porch, out of nowhere yesterday. And yes, I got excited. Really excited. I decided that the toad was a good luck sign. Then, my very practical friend, who has lived in Florida a lot longer than I have, warned me that it looked to be a poisonous Bofu toad, whose poison could easily kill my dogs if they messed with it. So then it became obvious to me, that the only good luck was that our dogs were inside when the Bofu showed up. I was reminded of the Chinese parable about the farmer who goes through a series of experiences that show that good luck can be bad luck and vice versa. As my husband often likes to say, “Don’t get too high with the highs, and too low with the lows.”

Happy Friday!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! My favorite for today, is supposedly an old, classic beauty secret which I only recently discovered. It’s called Bio-Oil Skincare Oil and it has been used for scars and stretch marks for decades, but what I find its best use to be for me, is for my legs when I shave them. The skin on my low legs has become thin and dry and so lately, when I was shaving them, I ended up with itchy scrape marks. Bio-Oil Skincare Oil took care of that problem for me. (Just be sure not to get it on your clothes, for it will leave oily stains.) The nice thing about Bio-Oil, for an oil, it melts into your skin fairly quickly and it leaves long-lasting moisture. (perhaps my toad friend could use a bottle of Bio-Oil)

Have a wonderful weekend! See you tomorrow!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

More Little Nuggets of Truth

This is another sweet nugget of truth which I found in one of my inspirational folders, while cleaning out cupboards:

The Symptoms of Inner Peace by Dr. Jeff Rockwell

1. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experiences.

2. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.

3. A loss of interest in judging self.

4. A loss of interest in judging others.

5. A loss of interest in conflict.

6. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

7. A loss of ability to worry (this is a very serious symptom).

8. Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

9. Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.

10. Frequent attacks of smiling through the eyes of the heart.

11. Increasing susceptibility to love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

12. An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than to make them happen.

And also in these same folders, I found some notes that I learned from one of my mentors when I was in my early 30s (which was over twenty years ago, sigh.) She said that she had seven rules/reminders/wisdoms to live by, in order to live a good life. Here are her rules that she laid out for herself:

  1. I am responsible to state and meet my own needs. Other adults are responsible to state and meet their own needs.
  2. Do not be a hypocrite. We are all always changing and growing. Don’t say “I’ll never”, instead say, “As it stands today, with my current scope of wisdom and knowledge, I don’t see myself doing ‘whatever’. ”
  3. The only person you can ever change is yourself.
  4. Don’t judge others on their preferences and habits. No one is 100 percent evil and those who hurt others were often hurt themselves. Still discern who belongs in either of these two categories: “Allowed to be close to me” and “Not allowed to be close to me.” Boundaries are for you, in order to protect yourself.
  5. What people think of me is none of my business.
  6. I am only in competition with myself. I am the only “me” that will ever be, thus I am my only project.
  7. I am human. I will make mistakes. Make apologies and amends where possible. Change my actions and move forward in a healthier direction. Forgive myself.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

It is Your Turn

I’ve been cleaning out cupboards and closets lately, and when doing this yesterday, I came across three stuffed folders of writings/pictures/philosophies, etc. that had inspired me throughout the years enough to want to print them, and to keep them, and to even stuff them into moving boxes to take to our next homes. (I have plenty of those folders all around my house. This was just from one shelf, from one cupboard.) In it, I found a list of all of the children, and their birthdates, and their middle names, born to nine of us women who have remained good friends since college. (Interestingly we have had 24 children amongst us: 12 boys and 12 girls. Nature knows what it is doing.) What was really cool is that when I came across this list, I realized that the youngest baby born to our friend group was having her ninth birthday yesterday!

Another thing that moved me (once again) was from a eulogy of a friend of a friend’s father. This man grew up in a working class family from my hometown, Pittsburgh, PA, and he ended up being a very successful dentist, builder and developer, after he had successfully served in the Marine Corps during VietNam. He raised five children with the love of his life, and together they had seventeen grandchildren. He died in 2008. The eulogy mostly consists from what is written at the top of the eulogy: “Our gift to you from the family is a list of sayings, thoughts, that our father expressed to others and advice from his personal letters. They may not all be original, but they do represent how he lived his life.”

Readers, there are quite a few of these sayings and thoughts and philosophies that the family attributed to this wonderful man. I am just going to list a few:

Tell your family and your friends that you love them . . . every day.

If it’s going to be, it’s up to me!

Always, always, always treat everyone with respect.

If a poor kid from Pittsburgh with average intelligence could do it, then anyone can.

Do small things for others – leave notes, compliment them, smile, you will make their day.

The glass is half full.

Lead by example. You don’t always have to tell someone. They will see.

Only ask of others what you are willing to do. Be humble and sweep the floor and take out the trash.

We are the stuff of stars.

See God in nature – everywhere.

Never forget that freedom comes from responsibility and discipline.

You must constantly thank others.

Life is but a series of learning experiences.

We adults miss so much. We become wrapped up in success and worldly things.

Tell others how proud you are of them. Do it often and tell them specifically.

Be patient. Things may be difficult now, but there will come a time when these will be your most happy moments.

Always be questioning everything. Have a hunger and thirst for knowledge.

A man’s life expands and contracts in direct relation with his courage.

If I listed everything that this man did and accomplished in his life, your head would spin. He died at the age of 68. Here is the last of his words printed on the eulogy:

I am the bow and you are the arrow. I have pulled the string tight and true. Soon I will release the tension and you will enter the universe of life. It is your turn.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Museday-Tuesday

+ The sun’s light looks a little different on this wall than it does on that wall, and a lot different on this other one, but it’s still one light. We have borrowed these clothes, these time and place personalities, from a light, and when we praise, we’re pouring them back in.
– Rumi

This week, instead of looking for things to criticize and to critique, let’s look for what’s to praise. Let’s pour the light back in, this week. When we pour light into something, we illuminate it. And illumination helps us to truly see the full scope of everything, and to understand.

 + Speaking of “different”, a spotless baby giraffe was born at a Tennessee zoo recently. She’s spotless! She’s not albino, she’s all brown. This baby giraffe is believed to be the only spotless giraffe alive in the world today. The zoo is holding a naming contest for her:

“the naming contest list to four choices: Kipekee, which means unique; Firyali, which means unusual or extraordinary; Shakiri, which means “she is most beautiful”; and Jamella, which means “one of great beauty.”

Those aspects which each of us have, that make us unique to anyone else, is our own special brand of “kipekee/firyali/shakiri/jamella”. Show off your own “kfsj”. When you’re purely yourself, you’re spotless!

+ Do you remember when almost all writers had pen names? I decided this weekend that if I ever decide to use a pen name it’s going to be “Anole Dogsmile”. It came to me this weekend. It started when I had that uncomfortable feeling you get when someone is staring at you, and I finally noticed that what was staring at me was a tiny, little, newborn anole. He was sitting on the screen behind me, just holding his ground, and staring me down, and around that same time, I glanced at Ralphie, our Labrador retriever, and I had an epiphany that all three of our dogs’ lips naturally turn upwards. They are almost always smiling, and then I thought about it and I realized that most dogs have this same trait. Dogs not only smile with their tails, but they were born with natural perma-grins (much like dolphins). So if you ever pick up a book by “Anole Dogsmile”, that’s me.

+ I read an interesting expose by Donna Cunningham about the difference between two different kinds of “guilt.” One type of guilt is true guilt. This is the guilt that you were designed to feel when you have done something against your own moral code: such as steal, cheat, lie, etc. This type of guilt is used as a healthy course correction. You feel true guilt in order to get yourself back on track, and to perhaps even make amends to people you may have hurt. True guilt tends to dissipate quickly after you change your actions. The other kind of guilt, is more of an emotional manipulation/power play that is unfortunately a frequent transaction in our society. We use it, and others use it on us, to get people to do what we want them to do. This is not healthy, “true guilt.” This is an unhealthy, passive-aggressive/emotional power trip, which often leads to holding resentment. Resentment is as dangerous to our bodies as toxins and pollutants. Built up resentment makes you feel like your insides are being eaten up. When you are feeling the emotion of “guilt”, ask yourself, “What have I done wrong?” Disappointing someone for not doing what they want you to do, is not doing something wrong. Why are anybody else’s feelings/needs more important than yours? You should not do things out of FOG – fear/obligation/guilt (the unhealthy guilt) nor worry that if you don’t do what they want, you’ll be abandoned. You may sometimes choose to do things that you don’t necessarily want to do, with the awareness that you are making this choice, not out of FOG, but out of kindness and consideration. You haven’t given your power away when you make a conscious choice. What is the remedy to the unhealthy kind of guilt? (Cunningham defines unhealthy guilt like this: “Guilt is resentment turned inward . . . (it) is no more than secret resentment of unwanted obligation.) The remedy is essentially, to grow up. Own your own life and your own power. Be cognizant of your own needs and your responsibility to your own adult life, and for meeting your own needs. Learn to be comfortable with sometimes disappointing others, and be respectful of others’ right to say “no” to you (don’t just manipulatively “give to get”). Healthy, wholesome, true adult relationships are based on love and mutual respect for the other’s right to live their own lives as they see fit. A true relationship is not based on fear, obligation and guilt. A true, loving, healthy relationship is based on respect and autonomy and mutual affection and honesty. As Cunningham says, “Resentment alienates us from our fellow man. Guilt alienates us from ourselves.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

And even those who know the content, bring their own perspectives and experiences and projections to “reading” us. In the end, only us and our Creator know our true “content” and sometimes our “content” even reads as a mystery to us, as we go through the chapters of our lives.

When I was young, we were taught to respect and revere books. Books were considered sacred. We weren’t to fold or tear the pages. We treated the cover gingerly, sometimes even putting a cover on top of the cover, in order to keep the book protected. We were taught never to judge nor pick a book by its cover. Sometimes the most wonderful books had the plainest of covers and/or most banal of titles. Often a book that resonated with me, might not resonate with my friends, and that was okay. There were a sea of books in the library, for all of us to find our match. The library was the quietest and most peaceful part of the school. Each precious book had its own spot on the shelves, where it rested, until small hands and eager minds picked it up and opened it, to see what wonders lie inside. It was intoxicating to get to know a new book and to learn something new and interesting and unknown.

I like the thought that we are each our own book. Though I cannot possibly read all of the books ever written, I do know that books are so much more than their covers and their introductory descriptions, and what other people think of them. Each book holds a story, told like no one has ever told it. And that is precious and unique and sacred.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning! Welcome to poetry day on the blog. On Sundays, I often implore you to write yourself a poem. This poet says it best:

I follow a man named Joseph Fasano on Twitter. He’s an English teacher in NYC, but he is also a published prose writer, poet and a musician. Joseph Fasano is also an incredible curator of other people’s poetry. I highly recommend for you to follow Joseph Fasano on Twitter. You will learn so much. Recently he assigned his students this: “Your assignment tonight is to read a writer someone told you not to“. Readers, let’s follow that assignment. Go to a banned books list and amaze yourself by just how many of the books on that list you have already read, and loved (and perhaps, were even assigned to read in school). Let’s not let sterilized AI and limited, fearful ideology take over the beauty, creativity, honesty and humanity, that comes from the written word of so many different perspectives and experiences, told in the voices of true, vulnerable humans, seeking some form of wisdom and understanding. Empathy is uniquely human when we decide to utilize it.

Below is one of Joseph’s most excellent poems. (anyone who has ever had to leave a terrible situation, can relate to this one):

And he posted this poem the other day. This poem so reminds me of my grandparents’ generation. They just had a way with living life in acceptance that I think we may have somewhat lost throughout the years:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Little Tidbits

Our dog, Ralphie, the yellow Labrador retriever has an enormous mouth with folds and folds of lips. We feed all three of our dogs, a mix of three different kinds of kibble that our veterinarian recommends. One of the brands of their food has three different sizes of kibble, just in its bag alone. Lately, we have figured out that “Ralph, the mouth”, who eats everything you can imagine (he loves bananas!), does not prefer one of the kibbles in that mix, which are little dark brown pieces smaller than the size of a pea. He picks them out and sort of hides them under his bowl. How he is able to quickly scarf down everything (we feed him with one of those slow feeder maze bowls, to help keep his weight down, by making him eat more slowly) and still pick out those tiny little pea-sized kibbles and hide them, using just his enormous, lippy mouth, is still a mystery to me. I’ve never met a dog like Ralphie before him. Like our son says, “Ralphie is always on a mission.”

Changing the subject, I read a cute story about Paul Newman yesterday. A woman happened to be on vacation in the same beach town as Paul Newman and his family. Early one afternoon she went into a little sweets shop and she saw Paul sitting at a corner table eating a donut. She didn’t want to appear flustered and starstruck, so she ordered an ice cream cone and then quickly left the shop. After the woman walked a few steps, she realized that she had been flustered and starstruck and had left her ice cream cone in the shop. As she turned around, Paul Newman was right behind her. He gave her a flash of his gorgeous blue eyes and a big smile and he said, “It’s in your purse.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.