Tag: middle age

TS

I’m taking my daughter to the Taylor Swift concert tonight.  She and one of my best friends from college are going together.  We got the idea from two other best friends from college who recently did the same thing in another city.  I’m so excited!

This will be my daughter’s first time at a music concert ever.  I’m so honored and pleased to share that moment with her.  I’ll never forget my first music concert.  It was Olivia Newton John’s Physical concert.  My awesome, hip, glamorous Aunt Beth took my sister and I to it.  She bought us the big fancy concert magazine.  I held on to the magazine for years until it got tattered.  However, the fond memory of being at the concert will last a lifetime.

I don’t know a whole lot about Taylor Swift, but from what I have seen and heard, I like.  She’s obviously extremely talented and a wonderful businesswoman.  From all reports, Taylor puts on a fabulous show for her fans who she seemingly truly appreciates.  She is charitable and classy.  I think what I like best though is that Taylor Swift seems to be so unapologetically herself.   The older I get, the more I appreciate authenticity.  It’s a rare quality.  It seems Taylor Swift is authentic.  Oh, and she’s a Sagittarius and I’m a Sagittarius, so there you have it.  Icing on the cake!

I think this will be a great first concert experience for my daughter.  I think this will be a great memory for all of us.  Mostly though, I hope that my daughter will take this Taylor Swift quote to heart and be true to it the rest of her life:   Just be yourself, there is no one better.

 

Baby Goes to High School

My youngest child, my only daughter started high school today.  She showed the same kind of nervous excitement she had when she started kindergarten and then middle school.  She has always been full of energy and excitement.  When I would drop her off at her elementary school, she would literally skip into the school.  Today her older brother drove her to school.  I doubt that they will be skipping into the doors, but I could tell that there was a kick in her step.

She got up very early.  Her hairstyle was the prettiest of all of the different styles she has been practicing for the last couple of weeks.  Her outfit had been laid out for days.  I wish I could have laid out a magic invisible shield for her to wear, too.  The shield would protect her innocent little girl’s heart from the inevitable growing pains that come along with the high school years.  Hopefully, our love for her will serve as that shield.  That and her protective big brother, the senior who has been through the ropes, will be her strength when her confidence gets clouded from peer pressure and academic stress.

My daughter has to worry about all of the things I did when I was in high school, but nowadays it seems taken up a notch.  Bullying has a whole new realm with so many different social media options.  The academic pressures are ridiculous.  My two older sons graduated from high school with a year’s worth of college credits under their belts and that was the “norm”; nothing outstanding.  And then there is the fear of violence.  My teacher friend just underwent two intense days of school shooter training, required to be taken by everyone in the district, even substitute teachers.  Dating has to be even more confusing in a day and age when exposure to every walk of life is just a click of a button away.  The sports competitions are intense.  I can’t believe how many of my kids’ friends have sustained serious sports related injuries requiring surgeries before they have even graduated from high school.

It is not my nature to be negative, nor is it my daughter’s.  The trick is to balance hope with practicality, I guess.  Today, I try to put a cloak of faith around everyone I care about with an extra prayer that they use the good sense and the intuition that they were blessed with to make wise decisions.  The first day of school for all of us mothers is a day of Let Go and Let God, and also, where is that extra box of tissues?

Normal Days

Normal day, let me be aware

of the treasure you are.

Let me learn from you, love you,

bless you before you depart.

Let me not pass you by in the 

quest of some rare and

perfect tomorrow. – Mary Jean Iron

A couple of my younger girlfriends are sending their first babies to kindergarten tomorrow.   That will be an extraordinary day for all parties involved.  That will be a day that their families will never forget.

Most days don’t fall into the “extraordinary” category, though.  Most days are not particularly fabulous or extremely awful.  That is why we remember those significant days so well.  Big lessons and big blessings roll in on the rare “stand out” days.  Thankfully, most of our days fall into the category of “ordinary” or “normal.” If they didn’t, I think our nervous systems would be shot!

Sundays tend to be calm, relaxing days for me.  I have learned to treasure the “normal” days.  Drama free, schedule free, go with the flow type days are the cornerstones of our lives.  They equip us with a centering that we can lean on and hold on to, when the unusual days of high highs or low lows, take us on a surprising ride full of twists and turns and surprises.  The “normal” days are a gift that is easy to take for granted.  That’s why I appreciate the poet so much to remind me to treasure what is solid, steady and reliable in my life.  This is not just in my days, but in the dependable people I love and rely on, the stores and services and systems that I never worry won’t be available to me, and in the very air that I effortlessly breathe without thinking about it.

I am grateful for normal days.

Sleeping In

I slept in this morning.  It was delicious.  Why do I feel guilty, lazy and un-American for saying that?  I love sleeping in and I love when I have the choice to get up whenever I want to, whenever the urge to get on with the day supersedes the warm, slumbery comfort of my bed.  I love when the room is semi-light and the morning sun is peaking over the dark curtains reminding me that it’s always there for me when I’m ready.  I love giving in to my body and respecting its need for the feeling of complete, deep relaxation after a busy, stressful week.  I love morning dreams.  They are so vivid, close to the surface and easy to remember.  I love my hazy morning thoughts, when they are so slow, I have to question whether I am still dreaming.  I love the feel of when my feet hit the cool floor and I feel like I should tiptoe to keep the energy of stillness and peace still surrounding me and my household.  Sleep is a wonderful gift given to us by our Creator, sleeping in and savoring our sleep is a wonderful gift we give to ourselves.

Fav Things Friday The 3rd

Woop! Woop!  It’s Friday!  Happy Weekend!

“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.” – Jack Handey

I found this quote on one of my favorite things which I will explain below in the favorite things section.  Years ago there was a sketch on Saturday Night Live called “Deep Thoughts with Jack Handey.”  I always found them to be so funny.  Anytime I find a quote or a thought or a musing that makes me think or makes me laugh I find somewhere to put it.  A lot of them are in a notebook I have, which is now almost full, but I also tape them on things like bathroom mirrors and refrigerators and inside the cover of my Barnes and Noble Hardcover Daily Desk Diary, which brings me to my favorite things.

Barnes and Noble Hardcover Daily Desk Diary – By now, you all have figured out that I’m kind of the old fashioned type who loves to write things down.  This is the calendar my family lives by and I have been buying the same style since 2008.  Why is it so great?  First of all, the monthly calendar blocks are nice and big and the weekly section is huge.   There are little blurbs about books and authors throughout the pages, which is interesting, but it doesn’t take a lot of space.  The maps in the back of the calendar are gorgeous.  The best part is that the calendars are black leather bound book style calendars that look terrific on our book shelves.  So I will keep them forever, and my kids can look back at them and say, “Oh, that’s when we went to Seattle or oh, that’s when I studied in Europe,” or “Wow, our lives were crazy busy and look how messy mom’s handwriting looks.”  Like I said, I tape things on the inside cover that tickle me, like cute pictures or funny sayings throughout the year so that makes for an interesting look as to where my headspace was that particular year, too.

Meditations for People Who Worry by Anne Wilson Schaef – This is my latest favorite meditation book.  I worry that I worry too much and this helps with that situation.  I found this book in the bargain section of my bookstore.  Some of the best books I have ever read, I have gotten in the clearance section or at garage sales.  I always feel like this is on purpose.  The right book comes at the right time.  Someone once told me that coincidence is God being anonymous and I definitely think that’s how it works with books.  This is a great, comforting daily read and I highly recommend it!

iRobot Roomba vacuum cleaner- We first saw the Roomba rolling around by itself vacuuming the floors of Jesse’s house after a big party on an episode of  Breaking Bad.  My husband and I felt right then and there, that it had our family’s name written all over it.  Six people, two shedding dogs and a lot of foot traffic makes for some nasty floors in our house.  Our Roomba has been going strong for years on a daily basis.  I still marvel at how well it works!  The only thing that it ever disappointed us with, is it’s lack of smelling capability.  When our ancient dog, Bojangles, started having “getting outside fast enough” issues, Roomba, unfortunately felt the need to spread the love. Overall, though, A+++++ product!!

Thank you for supporting this blog!  We’re getting more readers every day! Please spread the word to others who might enjoy it.  I really appreciate it and you.  🙂

****Hi readers!  Please feel free to add your favorites to Favorite Things Friday in the comments section.  I’m always looking for new Favorites! 🙂

The Best Half

I think I need an attitude adjustment.  I think I have been “resigning” to aging.  I think I have fallen a little into to that “it’s all downhill from here” trap.  I got to thinking yesterday that the second half of anything is always the better half!  The Second Half of Adulting is going to be amazing!

I live with a lot of men and a very athletic daughter.  So despite the fact I didn’t own a good pair of tennis shoes until my thirties, I have come to be a sports fan.  I have watched a lot (A LOT) of sports games over the years and to save time, I’ve come to believe that you only need to watch the second half of any game.  The second half is better and way more exciting.  By the second half, the players “get each other”.  They are in their groove with their teammates and they know what they are up against with their competition.   At halftime, they’ve reviewed their mistakes and they have experienced trick plays.  The players know that there are more trick plays to come, but they are better prepared and not surprised when these plays happen.  They get that “time is of the essence”.  The players appreciate that they don’t have all the time in the world to meet their objectives, so they play with urgency.  They play ALIVE!  It’s exciting, the second half of any game!

Think about movies and books and plays.  Once again, the second half is always better.  How many times when reading a book have you snuck ahead to the second half?  The second half of any good story is where the rubber hits the road.  The second half has all of the action, the climax, the moral of the story and the happily ever after.  The first half is just about character development so that you can get to the excitement of the more meaningful second half.

What about a really good meal?  The second half has the dessert cart.  Need I say more?  Pregnancy?  The second half comes with the baby!!!

So, here’s to all of my fellow Second Halfers!  We’ve made it!  The best is yet to come!  Go over your game plan, make sure your character has developed the way you want it to and enjoy your just desserts!!

Summertime Blues

I have a little of that “end of summer” melancholy going on right now.  My high schoolers are headed back to school on Monday and my college student son heads back to the university in about a week and a half.  His girlfriend came over to the house to say good-bye to us last night as she is heading back to college early for her sorority rush season.  We released our eldest son into his own adult world earlier this summer. I wonder when we are complete “empty nesters” if the seasons will seem as acutely distinct as they do right now.

It’s not that I’m entirely sad that summer is over.  The heat has slowed everything to a molten glob of inertia.  I’m eager for a faster pace.  The summer jobs that the kids have had at the beach and eateries have lost their novelty and newness and the “wind down” is obvious.  I remember how shockingly disrupted I felt the first summer after all four of my kids had started going to school for full days.  I’m a person who likes my “alone time” and I am eager to feel the uninterrupted quiet of my thoughts and my own personal rhythms again.

Still, it’s the little things that make each summer special and a little unique to previous summers.  This year when I drove my daughter to tennis every morning, we enjoyed a routine of listening to the same crazy radio show and laughing along with the antics of the DJs who we have both grown to really like.  We saw on a country road, the same elderly man, dressed formally, always smiling, walking with his cane and this mop of a dog that my daughter and I have nicknamed “Smoothie.”  “Smoothie” gives us the most hilarious “stare down” every morning, annoyed that we have disturbed the peace of she and her beloved.  The few times that we haven’t seen them on their daily walk, we have been concerned.  We missed them.  I will miss them this fall.

Summer is the time of big, new adventures and the anticipation of big, new adventures.  It is the time of slowing down and baking, prepping for the feast of the banquet of new learning and growing in the fall.  It is a pause in the schedules of life.  I have to hit “play” again here soon and I think I’m ready, but I’ll keep the bright memories stored on my life drive forever.

Did You Write That?

I miss handwriting.  I never wanted to be one of those old people who laments about the “good ol’ days”, but there are certain things that I wish could have a revival.  Handwriting is one of those lost arts that we don’t see too much of anymore.  It needs to be brought back.

What is more personal than handwriting?  It’s funny, but back when I was in school, we spent as much time learning handwriting as we did learning geometry.  It was always taught by the most anal-retentive, meticulous teacher in the school.  We all had the same practice books with the connect the dots configurations and yet, in the end, despite the hours and hours of “practice makes perfect”, none of our handwriting looks the same.  Handwriting is one of our own personal markers, almost like fingerprints.  When you get that rare card (never a letter anymore) in the snail mail, you usually know who it is from before you even open the card.  Even if the handwriting is awful and messy and hard to read, it is lovely, because it is a true personal stamp of a person you care about.

Today’s conversations are mostly done in digital form.  It makes sense. Email and texts are efficient, easy and convenient.  They are easy to read.  But none of that is nearly as personal as our own handwriting.  The emoticons and GIFs and many fonts are all somebody else’s creation, borrowed and apropos, but missing the element of “uniquely you.”

My handwriting has definitely gotten worse and less legible over the years.  I imagine that this is due to a combination of age and lack of use.  My husband always teases me about my vast collection of pens that I store like they are hurricane supplies.  I have an entire shelf devoted to beautiful stationery.  I delight in those chalkboard signs that cute eateries have where the employee with the prettiest handwriting has displayed the day’s menu highlights in a rainbow of chalk colors.   I think it is possible that handwriting is a lost art that will someday be featured in art galleries around the world.  I’ll buy a ticket to see that exhibition.  It will be wonderful!

 

Downsizing

Yesterday we got a moving announcement in the mail.  We are starting to get more of those lately.  They are different than the ones we got when we were just starting our family, when we were just starting to be entrenched in the First Half of Adulting.  The ones we got back then were clearly because our friends were moving to different cities and states to climb in their careers or moving to bigger homes with bigger yards to accommodate their growing families.  The new variety, the Second Half of Adulting moving announcements appear to be more of the downsizing variety.  Recently my husband’s friend suggested he and his wife were starting to look at townhomes and condos now that their youngest had headed to college.  We even have friends looking at 55+ communities.  It’s the subtle little things like this that start to show you that you are shifting into your Second Half.  They kind of take you by surprise, but also make you think and reflect.  In the First Half of Adulting, you start hearing about people getting engaged, you go to wedding after wedding and then the baby announcements start appearing in the mail.  These little announcements, perk your attention, make you wonder about what you are doing in your own life and to reflect on your own choices.  So now, in this Second Half of Adulting, the pricks of attention are coming in different forms of announcements.  What would it feel like to be less encumbered?  It’s almost like getting another blank page to start creating all over again, but with a whole different set of parameters.

Life is kind of like a bell curve.  In the First Half of Adulting, you build, build, build, climb, climb, climb, and now it appears that this Second Half of Adulting is going to be more about releasing and letting go of all of that “build and climb.”  My family has always enjoyed hiking and of course, going down the mountain is always the easier part of the hike.  I’m hoping that holds true in life. No matter what though, I’m curious and I’m up for the adventure.

Broken Toes Hurt!

The wonderful thing about having years of experience under your belt, is all of the influences and people who have made strong impressions on your life.  One piece of advice that I got back in my twenties has stuck with me my entire life and I have passed it on to many people myself since then.  At the time I got the advice, I belonged to a Mommies group of very wise women who, though we have scattered in many directions throughout the years,  I will never forget their influence and kindness in the beginning years of my parenting adventures and mishaps.

The day I got the sacred advice, I was sitting in my friend’s kitchen as our children were all interacting with each other and toy cars and legos and cartoons.  I was lamenting dramatically about a problem that must have been relatively minor, since to this day, I honestly can’t even remember what that problem was about.   Mid-sentence into my dramatics, it occurred to me that my problem was almost irrelevant compared to what my friend had been going through.  After having her first child, trying for a second child had ended in endless miscarriages and several failed, expensive IVF treatments.  The situation was taking a huge toll on her body, her marriage and her very outlook on life.  She and her husband had recently decided to stop trying again for another baby.   “I’m so sorry!” I said to my friend, full of guilt and shame.  “What I’m going through is nothing compared to what you are experiencing.”  She grabbed my hand and said, “Just because someone is having a heart attack next to you, doesn’t mean that your broken toe doesn’t hurt.”

Now my third son recently broke his actual toe to the the point that he needed to have it operated on, so I can attest that yes, broken toes are indeed very painful.  While it is often necessary to look at horribly sad situations that people are going through, to keep your own problems in perspective, it is not good to diminish or dismiss your own very real feelings about your own very real experiences.  It is not possible to have compassion and true empathy for others’ blights, if you haven’t allowed yourself to feel and experience the kinds of sadness, loneliness and fears that people go through when they are having a tough time of it.  When people go through the tragedies in life, who besides God, do they often turn to for hope and direction?  Usually, the most helpful people are people who can relate.  Support groups of people who have experienced the same similar adversity and have shown that it is possible to come through to the other side of the pain, are usually the greatest inspiration to people trying to put the pieces of their own lives back together.

We’re not meant to go through this thing called Life alone.  If we were, this blog wouldn’t even exist.  When I read others’ blogs and books and listen to others’ stories, it fills me with the sense of, “Oh yes, I can relate to that.”  or “Oh good, someone else sees this the same way I do.” or “Oh wow, I never looked at it that way.  That’s helpful.”  At the very least it’s, “Hmmmm, interesting.”   I’m grateful that the downsides of my life experience have mostly been more of the “broken toe” variety, but I’m also grateful that I can share my “broken toe” experiences with people who are travelling with me. I honestly and fully feel it all, and thus, I deeply understand.