“The only thing someone spying on me would learn is how many of my meals I eat in bed.” – someecards
I read an article the other day talking about how people are now doing a new form of cyber-stalking by watching people’s Venmo transactions. What?!? Apparently, unless you change the setting, all Venmo transactions that you have made, sending money to various people for various reasons, are public, for all the world to see. As a mother who does scan the transactions in my college son’s bank account, I am acutely aware of how much information you can glean from just looking at bank statements. Late night and early morning uber charges, are very telling.
I have a friend who can always give me “the skinny” on all of our kids’ mutual friends. I asked her once how she knows all of this stuff and how she can keep up with it all. She told me that she has insomnia and that teenagers are very public and open about their lives, on-line.
I’m still guilty of the “what I don’t know, can’t hurt me” mentality. I like living in my own fantasy land, believing that the world is a prettier, neater, kinder, place than it often is, sometimes. There is a lot out there that I really just prefer not to know, even with The Truth (if it is the truth?!?) being available to me with just a couple of Google searches and a click of the mouse. I guess I would have made a terrible detective.
“I’m not a stalker. I’m just curious and oh and, by the way, you are out of milk.” – someecards
Last night, I ordered the fried seafood extravaganza at a local little restaurant my husband and I love to frequent. With a side of fries. It arrived, a giant, overflowing pile of various shapes, in crispy brown. Yes, it tasted great, but now my mouth is still coated in grease, my stomach is churning and burning, and my mind is trying to come up with a formula for the number of cucumbers and kale leaves I must eat today, to counteract the damage done. I’m going to have to cut this short today, friends. (Friend is a much better word than fried, it’s amazing what one little letter can do . . . ) Virginia Woolf said it best:
“One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.”
Nor can one write well. Well, maybe Virginia Woolf could, but she was Virginia Woolf.
“Tuesday would be a lot cuter if it were Friday.” – Anonymous
“I love Fridays like Kanye loves Kanye.” – Anonymous
Happy Friday!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!!! New readers, I let my serious side go on Fridays, and I keep it light and airy. I describe three things, songs, websites, food sources, etc. that I just delight in. Please check out previous Fridays for more delicious ideas for how to spice up your life. And please share your own recommendations in my comments section! My “favorite things pile” is depleting fast, especially as I try to simplify and pare down my clutter and just my life in general.
Here we go, Friday, here we go:
Double Doggie – Most of us who love pets, see animals like we see potato chips or cookies – you can’t just have one. As my regular readers and friends know, we have two big dogs. Ralphie, is our energy-filled 82-pound labrador retriever and Josie, is our sweet and nosy, 60-some pound collie. I purchased the Double Doggie at an animal charity event years ago and I am so happy that I did. You see, I have gotten a concussion walking Ralphie as he walked me right off of my feet and Josie is a herding dog. My next concussion is probably going to come from Josie tripping me. The Double Doggie is a swivel handle that holds both dogs’ leashes and allows the dogs to be walked together, even as Ralphie’s nose takes him into 500 different directions and as Josie tries to herd Ralphie, me, and all of the toads on our sidewalks, all at once, as we are walking. Worth every penny!
Fanola No Yellow Shampoo – If your hair has the tendency to get brassy like my hair does, and you don’t feel like going to your hair salon every two weeks for a tone-down job, this shampoo does the trick! It is very, very purple shampoo that keeps the brass, by-passed. Just be careful, because although it doesn’t stain, the deep dark purple color of the shampoo has a tendency to land all over the bathroom for some reason and it looks alarming, like it will stain. Overall, cheap and magnifique!
Hookless Brand Shower Curtains – We are having a couple of our bathrooms renovated and I just bought one of these shower curtains for my daughter’s bathroom. This is one of those “no duh” inventions that you can’t imagine why it wasn’t thought of earlier than in the last few years. How many times did I mismatch the holes in the liner with the holes in my shower curtain and then have to do and re-do the fancy little hooks (praying I didn’t lose one, or that one of the hooks would break or rust) when I didn’t have Hookless shower curtains?? Countless times! Hanging my shower curtain before my Hookless shower curtain, seemed to take years, and it was a huge lesson in patience and frustration. I hung the new Hookless shower curtain in three minutes, tops. The liner just snaps on the back of it, making the liner easy to remove and to clean. There are so many pretty patterns to choose from. Love it!!
周末愉快 – According to Quora, this is Happy Friday in Chinese! Happy Friday, my dear friends and readers! Have yourself a fabulous weekend . . . if you want to!
Starting out on an aside, I write my blog on WordPress and when I press the Publish button, it says “The Title of Today’s Blog” is now live! That makes me feel so excited. It’s like I am on a production set or something. It’s often the accumulation of all the little special extras that can make a day in your life so grand.
One of my favorite Twitter feeds is called Think Smarter. Think Smarter posted this the other day: Please share the best lesson your life hastaught you. So far.
Here are some of my favorite answers that rang true to me:
This too shall pass.
Your choices make you.
You are the architect of your own life.
Be patient.
There are always two sides to every story.
Know what matters.
Respect yourself, respect other people and they will respect you.
All actions and in-actions have consequences.
God has your back.
You are responsible for your own happiness.
Never give up.
Don’t judge a book by its cover.
Never buy a cheap frying pan.
Don’t take your health for granted.
God always has a better plan for you than you have for yourself.
Don’t piss in the wind.
Happiness is not outside. It’s inside.
Tough times don’t last, tough people do.
Your kids will follow your example, not your advice.
All of these rang true to me and have been proven to me again and again in my 48 years of life. I saved my favorite for last:
Everything happens for a reason. Someday it will make PERFECT sense.
I had to clean out a closet yesterday in preparation for more renovations. I was dreading it. It was one of those deep closets that I wasn’t sure what I was going to find beyond what had been stuffed up in front, holding the avalanche of rest of the stuff, at bay. It was actually like going through a time capsule of our family’s lives. I found a darling picture of my soon-to-be high school graduate riding his tyke-sized John Deere tractor around. (brought a tear to my eye) I found a collage of pictures made for us by friends when we had to move from our previous home, from our previous state, from our previous lives. (brought several tears to my eyes, mostly nostalgia for our friends and a different era, but also nostalgia for my younger face and body) I also found our paperback copy of “Where Did I ComeFrom?” (this one just brought a chuckle to my heart)
“Where Did I Come From?” is a most user-friendly, easy-to-read, straight-forward, clinical, yet cartoon-ish book that explains “the birds and the bees” to your kids. It was published in 1973 and this book is how I got my knowledge about the “birds and the bees” from my mom. I couldn’t find a better way to go about “home-schooling” human sexuality, so I kept the family tradition up. Basically, all you have to do is hand the interesting, curious book to your kid, let them read it, ask a couple of probing questions to make sure that they have actually read the book and then ask them if they have any further questions. The only question one of my sons had after finishing the book was, “Ugh, is there any OTHER way?” Keep in mind that he was probably in the 4th or 5th grade.
My kids were always a couple of years older than most of my friends’ kids (we got an early start), so when the time became necessary, I lent the book out quite often. I think that this particular copy of “Where Did I Come From?” taught most of our play group, the neighborhood pool club kids, and even perhaps most of our local elementary school all about human reproduction (in an age appropriate manner, with parental supervision, of course). In retrospect, I should have had everyone sign it, on a specialized book plate, after they had read it. It would probably have made this copy even more valuable and interesting. I threw away a lot of clutter yesterday, but I couldn’t come around to tossing out this funny little book. It might come in handy to give to my kids, when they have kids who are starting to question certain things. Family traditions are precious and amusing and usually have good stories from whence they came.
So, I have been in a “funk” for the last few days. There isn’t any one particular reason for my funk, just a bunch of petty grievances, nostalgic feelings regarding my kids growing up, aggravations with the renovation process that we have going on in our house, letting myself be brought down by sad news stories and a busy schedule, etc. etc. Yesterday, my funk reached its crescendo point. At that point, I had let all of my molehills turn into mountains and I was feeling very lowly. Now two things have happened that have jarred me out of my funk and I can feel that my switch has been flipped (luckily, I don’t have clinical funk and my heart goes out to you who do have to deal with that very real pain). The first thing that happened to help me get back to my happy place, is that, while I was spiraling with what many people now call “first world problems”, my friend texted our group chat requesting prayers for a family who she works with. Let’s just say that this family has real problems, severe problems, life or death problems,” just getting by” problems, severely ill child problems, overwhelming problems. Let’s just say that my perspective changed really quickly. Of course, I let the perspective change then spiral me into a guilt funk, where another friend reminded me of my own words, “Just because someone is having a heart attack, doesn’t mean that your broken toe doesn’t hurt.” Still, I was letting my broken toe turn into a gangrenous, oozing wound that I wasn’t working on healing.
So the number one thing that helped me flip my switch was a perspective change that caused me to count my very many blessings. The second thing that helped me, is that I really don’t like feeling bad. It’s not my natural state. I started getting really sick of feeling down. So, I started looking for healthy ways to get “out of my head.” If you are a regular reader, you know that I love animals. So, as I was perusing the amazing Twitter site Nature’s Lovers (talk about a “healthy upper” – you MUST check this website out!), I saw a video of a full grown cheetah kneading on a full grown tiger. Both big cats seemed to be enjoying the process. I honestly couldn’t believe my eyes. I didn’t think that it was safe to house two different animal species in the same enclosure (particularly large predators), so I decided to do some research. The truth is, that animals in the wild rarely choose to live and bond with other wild animals species (although there have been isolated cases), but apparently in captivity this practice is much more common, particularly if the animals bonded when they were still babies. The most interesting case of this phenomenon is the “BLT” case in an animal sanctuary in Georgia, called Noah’s Ark. There, for many years, until the sad recent natural deaths of two members of the “BLT” crew, a full grown male lion, a full grown male tiger and a full grown male brown bear lived together, peacefully and happily, as brothers. In fact, when the sanctuary tried to separate them for fears that they would start fighting, they all cried incessantly for each other. You see, they were held captive in a drug dealer’s basement when they were young and they bonded fiercely to each other. When the police raided the drug den, they found the animals, malnourished, mistreated and ill, but they since blossomed after getting good care, and became a favorite attraction at the sanctuary. Right now, Baloo the Bear, is the only living member of BLT, but they say that he is thriving. (on an offside, if you were wondering like I did, the reason why Leo, the lion didn’t have a mane, is that he was neutered at a very young age) It’s feel-good stories like this, that I like to fill my head and my heart with, when my mind keeps trying to stay in a negative spin cycle.
Changing my perspective, remembering that my blessings far outweigh any of my grievances and looking for the good, miraculous stories out there (and there are A LOT of them), made my funk fade away.
“What consumes your mind, controls your life.” -Bryce Lewis
“I refuse to entertain negativity. Life is too big and too short to get caught up in empty drama.” – Bryce Lewis
Over the weekend, my eldest son purchased his first “adult car”. The experience is what any of us who have been to that rodeo a few times would expect. It was tedious, painful, long, boring, and on the shady side. My son didn’t get his fair, bottom line price until my husband insisted that they were leaving the dealership without buying a car. Even then, the haggling didn’t stop. The sales people desperately wanted my son to get his financing through the dealership, even though my son already had good, fair financing procured and he did not want to change it. My son prevailed, but the final paperwork took so long that he had to go back to the dealership the next day to finish signing papers. This was not a fly-by-night car dealer. This was a large dealership of a major American brand of cars. How sad! Had the managers of the dealership had good long-term vision, they would have seen an opportunity to make a successful young man, a brand loyalist for life, by making his first-time car buying experience fair, painless and easy. That chance was squandered over ridiculous, short-term, aggravating bargaining and by constantly trying to up-charge a vulnerable young consumer.
Also over the weekend, I was eavesdropping at my nail salon. (those of you who are my regular readers know that I do that – shame on me.) Anyway, one woman was telling another woman that after getting hassled over a $5 return at her local Walmart, she stopped going there for ten years. This was a woman who had five children. Walmart lost out on probably thousands of dollars of business over a $5 return. When I told this story to my husband, he reminded me that we have essentially done the same thing with Best Buy because they did not honor a computer warranty, on a stupid technicality. We have four kids. We have bought a lot of tech items since that incident many years ago, and not one of those expensive items was purchased from Best Buy.
It’s amazing that just like retailers, we can get stuck on the small stuff, losing sight of the bigger picture. We build small aggravations up to the point that they balloon out and block our vision of the bigger journey ahead. Perspective can so easily be lost and unfortunately, the cost is sometimes great. With everything that upsets me in life, I try to ask the question, “Is this a hill worth dying on?” Sometimes, the answer is yes, but at least it is a thought-out response with the long-term consequences being considered, and not a knee-jerk reaction that has soon passed, with costly ramifications that cannot be repaired.
“Life is about perspective and how you look at something… ultimately, you have to zoom out.” – Whitney Wolfe Herd
Today my eldest son is buying his first, “on his own, as an adult” car. This will be his first major purchase since obtaining a regular, “adult” paycheck. My grandmother generously gifted my son her car when he got his driver’s license. From then on, he drove that car or one of our cars or a rental car that his company gave to him to use, during a long training process. However, he just received a nice promotion and he needs his own car.
Who doesn’t remember their first adult car? Mine was a little red Miata convertible. My dad called it my “Barbie Car.” I lived in Pittsburgh at the time and it was perfect . . . in the summer. One winter, it was so snowy we had to dig through the snow to find it. The Miata was so tiny that it had been completely covered in snow. One time my sister was driving it and she got it stuck. Four guys from the local high school football team were able to lift it up and out of the rut that it got stuck in. I’ll never forget that precious, little car. My aunt and I were discussing her first car which was probably the inspiration for my Miata. My aunt was the hip, glamorous career lady in my childhood who took my sister and I to our first concert and bought my sister and I our first private telephones for our bedrooms, among other special, fun treats. She drove a teeny Karmann Ghia convertible. My aunt would let my sister and I sit up in the back of it and do the “queen wave” to our imaginary crowds of adoring fans. The Karmann Ghia didn’t have a working heater, but the woolly blankets made for a cozy ride in that adorable car!
Your first adult car is just another rite of passage into the adult world. My husband is with my son right now. He is relegated to the “I’ve got your back” position, just to make sure that no one unsavory tries to take advantage of someone new to the car buying experience. He is trying to balance his take-charge, fatherly side with the wisdom to allow my son the independence to take the lead. There is such a mix of emotions when your children go through the gates of adulthood. There is nostalgia, excitement, pride, astonishment, a little bit of worry and a lot of hope. My biggest hope is that this car takes him safely and gently through this first leg of his adulthood journey. Just as I’m sure that he’ll never forget so many of the “firsts” in his adult life, I know that he’ll never forget this car. May it be a special one, because my son is so special to me.
This was my wake-up call this morning. This is why I love Fridays! For new readers, the adorable lab on the left is Ralphie and the beautiful collie on the right is Josie. They are my fur babies, as my four babies are growing up and leaving me. 😉 There are a few funny fur baby stories in my blog. Search up their names and you’ll find the fun posts. New readers, I don’t probe the depths of my mind, heart and soul on Fridays. I keep it light and airy and list three favorite items that have added fun and delight to my life, therefore I call it Favorite Things Friday. Please check out previous Friday posts for other favorites and readers, please, please share your favorites in the comments. Nobody bites here. My readers are all really cool (like me 😉 )! Plus, as I’ve told some friends, I’m running out of favorites. Here we go:
No 7 Laboratories Line Correcting Booster Serum – Damn, I really like this stuff! A woman working at Walgreens used her male manager as an example and took some before and after pictures, after about 3 weeks of him using it. After seeing those pictures, I bought two tubes. I have really big smile lines. I like to think this is because I laugh a lot, but they look like parentheses and parentheses in bold, when I just have a blank stare on my face. I have noticed a definite reduction in these lines since using this serum. The great thing about this stuff is that it won’t break the bank (find it at Walgreens and Target), a little goes a long way and it looks scientific.
Mateo’s Gourmet Salsa (medium) – I love Mexican food! I love spicy food! I have been known to drink salsa that I like. Mateo’s is my favorite all-time, holy grail salsa. It’s not too chunky. It has just the right amount of spice, and you can buy it in bulk at Costco. What more do you want in a salsa?? Ole!!
Sprayway Glass Cleaner – This is an aerosol glass cleaner that works amazingly well, but that is not why I love it. I actually wish that it weren’t an aerosol, but I have done my research to see that aerosols have been regulated in the U.S. to stop their ozone depleting properties. Still, the reason why I love this stuff is that it smells fabulous! (and you regular readers know that the way to my heart is through my smeller) We have a glass top table in our kitchen that is always full of fingerprints, food residue and dog nose smudges. Sprayway takes this all away in one swoop, keeping the glass clear and mama’s nose in Heaven!
Have a great weekend! Thanks as always for your wonderful support!!
“I’m going to need Friday off for a reason I’ll think of by Monday.” – someecards
“A lot of people are going to dislike you, for reasons valid and not. A whole lot of people. This seems like it should be upsetting. What it really is, is freeing.” – 30secondtherapy (Twitter)
My eldest son once called us excitedly to tell us that he had gotten a bid to join a fraternity. The next day he called us, even more excited, to tell us that he had decided not to accept the bid. He explained that he had spent so much time trying to impress everyone, that when he finally got some breathing time to look around, he realized that he didn’t particularly like or relate to, more than half of the people in the fraternity.
I remember a good college friend of mine lamenting about a woman who wouldn’t stop trying to be her friend, almost to the point of stalking her. Our college friend told a group of us that there wasn’t anything particularly unlikable about the woman, it’s just that my friend already had “too many f-ing friends.” (in her words)
Relationships are work. They take time, effort, money and emotion. Sometimes we just get spread too thin and we have to pick and choose. Sometimes are choices are rational and sometimes they are not. I never had nannies for my children, but had I picked a nanny, I would never have picked a pretty one. That is about my own insecurities, I understand, but it is the truth. The pretty nanny I would not have picked, might have felt rejected and not understood why. I would never have said, “Well, you’re too pretty,” but that would have been the truth. If we had nannies, they all would have had to look like Mrs. Doubtfire.
The point I am trying to make is the one above made by 30secondtherapy. One of my all-time favorite spiritual teachers/authors, Anthony de Mello had this to say:
“If you wish to understand this, think of a little child that is given a taste for drugs. As the drug penetrates the body of the child, it becomes addicted and its whole being cries out for the drug. To be without the drug is so unbearable a torment that it seems preferable to die. Now this is exactly what society did to you when you were a child. You were not allowed to enjoy the solid, nutritious food of life: work and play and the company of people and the pleasures of the senses and the mind. You were given a taste for the drug called Approval, Appreciation, Attention, the drug called Success, Prestige, Power. Having” ― Anthony de Mello, The Way to Love
Anthony de Mello says if we drop the need for approval, appreciation and attention from other people, who may or may not like us, for very rational or irrational reasons, we can just live our lives in peace and appreciation of all of the pleasures that life does has to offer. And at the same time, we allow others to do the same. As the 30secondtherapy quote points out, this is a very freeing way to go about our lives.
“If you try to please all, you please none.” – Aesop
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” – Lao Tzu
“You wouldn’t worry so much of what others think of you, if you realized how seldom they do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
