The Virtue of Patience

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When I fire up the computer every morning, I like to check out Twitter to see what is trending. This morning, there was yet another clip, trending hard, related to the Kardashian clan. I’m ashamed to say that I instantly put on my cynical, snarky hat right away, as I pressed play on yet another LOOK AT ME “Hollywood brat” video. This video was depicting, the young mother, Kylie Jenner teaching her little toddler, Stormi, about patience. She left a giant bowl of candy (they kind of look like designer M&Ms), right in front of the little girl, and then Kylie, the gorgeous, young billionaire mom, said that she had to go to the bathroom. (For those of you who don’t know, Stormi’s parents are Kylie Jenner, a 20-something make-up mogul billionaire (yes-billionaire), and her father is Travis Scott, a rap music megastar.) When Kylie got back from going to the bathroom, she told Stormi that she could have three pieces, out of the giant bowl of candy, sitting right in front of her. But, she had to wait for her mother to return. Stormi nodded, showing that she understood the directions from her mother. Kylie then leaves little Stormi, in her adorable outfit, on a beautiful designer couch the size of California, seated right in front of a giant bowl, of designer, color-coordinated M&Ms. The audience watches the little girl hemming and hawing and keeping a good, constant eye on the bowl of candy. At one moment, Stormi wraps her arms around the bowl, as if to hug it, or perhaps to just dive into it, like our dog Ralphie does, with his food bowl, every night when he is fed, but the teeny, tiny, adorable toddler stops herself from her own impulse. Instead, she sits back on the couch, and starts singing to herself, a sweet little song about patience. When her mother returns, she claps excitedly about finally getting to eat three little pieces. The two-year-old little girl did better than I would have done, even now, and she is only two! I personally would have done the Ralphie dive right into the candy bowl, probably from the get-go and I certainly wouldn’t have stopped at three pieces.

Some things stick with you your whole life. This video on patience reminded me of one of those things. When I was just a young kid, a friend of mine taught me a little song which she had learned at Vacation Bible School and it stuck with me. I never forgot it. I sang the song to my children (despite the eyerolls) when they were little ones. It goes like this:

“Be patient! Be patient, for God is patient, too! And think of all the times that God has had to wait for you!”

It struck me that little children and little songs have a lot to teach all of us. We are all going through an enormous lesson in patience with this coronavirus nightmare. We can do it. We can weather through this storm. As a darling little two-year-old shows us, patience, as hard as it is, has already been programmed into us. We have the ability to be patient, even if we have to remind ourselves, with simple, little, catchy tunes. Sometimes we just have to be reminded of the fact, that we are able to remain patient, in the simplest and in the most heartwarming of ways.

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The Prisoner

I remember watching a movie, decades ago (sorry, I don’t even remember the movie’s name, I really just remember this one particular scene) where an old-timer, who had been in jail for decades, was finally released, having finished up his time spent in punishment for his crime. The former prisoner even had a job as a bagger in a grocery store, and a small, but clean apartment, all set up for him, upon his release into society. The problem was, however, that the man had become so institutionalized, that being in the outside world, overwhelmed him. It scared him to death, to be free. So, the prisoner ended up committing another serious crime, soon after he was released from jail, so that the police would have no other choice than to lock him back up. The prisoner, it turns out, preferred to be in jail.

The memory of this movie came back to me recently, as the world is slowly starting to open back up again, after our several weeks long, quarantine. As hard as being quarantined was, it was very simple. Unless you were an essential worker, you had to stay in your house. Going to the grocery story was your only outing, and you were to do that, for as limited amount of times as you could. And if you were lucky, like we were here in Florida, as long as you used six feet of social distance, you could exercise outside as much as you liked. These were the rules, and most of the people in the entire world were voluntarily united, in following these exact same rules. It was not easy, but it was quite simple. There were very few decisions to be weighed and to be made.

Now life is about to get complicated again. The coronavirus is not gone, but our freedoms are starting to open up again, and in some places, quite widely, with more and more openings, every single day. I’m not here to debate whether this is a good thing or not. I don’t have that answer. I can easily empathize with both sides of this argument. What I am noticing and what I am choosing to write about (and what brought up my memory of the prisoner in the movie) is a growing anxiety in myself, about all of the freedoms and choices that are becoming more and more available, every single day. Where I live, beauty salons and barber shops are opening back up today. And that thrills me and it terrifies me, all at the same time. Everything that every member of our family, (meaning the five of us who live here together, at our house), decides to do, has to be a calculated decision, considering all of the risks involved. And as the heads of household, my husband and I get to dictate what risks are worth the rewards, for any of us. And we have to be fair about it. If one kid gets to go to a graduation get-together, than the other two should be able to go to their friends’ celebrations, as well. We all desperately need to be personally groomed (including the collie), but is this really the time to do it, yet? Is possibly getting the coronavirus and spreading it to the rest of the family, worth the price of vanity? Should I reschedule my daughter’s dental cleaning that I had canceled less than two months ago, for now? If not now, than when? And don’t we need to support the livelihoods of the professionals who have been mainstays in our lives, for years and years, especially if we want to be able to partake in their services in the future? None of us want to contract the coronavirus personally, for certain, but also, we don’t want to inadvertently infect the elderly and more vulnerable members of our community, of which there are many. Every choice that we make, about just about anything, that any one of us in the family chooses to do, outside of our home, equals exponential exposure to the virus, a disease that still has a lot of mystery and unknowns attached to it. We’ve reached a point in the cycle of trying to contain the coronavirus, that we have to consider the struggling economy as well, and we, as a large, consuming family, play a big part in that very real scenario, as well. Venues are opening back up, almost as quickly as they first shut down, and every choice which we make, carries a lot of weight. Choices that used to be almost robotic, now can have very serious consequences. Nothing can be taken for granted, anymore. This is all more than a little bit overwhelming. The coronavirus quarantine was never easy, but it was simple. Now we are back to “not so simple” and “not so uniform”. Things feel a little murky out there. It’s still very emotionally raw. And it’s more than a tad scary. I guess that I just have to be brave and sensible, to the best of my own abilities, on a daily basis, as we all trudge forward, towards the faint light at the end of this dark, fearsome tunnel. And during this journey, I have to be kind to myself and kind to others, as we all deal with these difficult dilemmas, and make our own best decisions, as we all make our way out, to the light, together.

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Soul Sunday

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Thank you, Mom, for bringing me into this world and raising me. Thank you to my mother-in-law for raising the man whom I adore. Thank you to all of the women and female forces in my life, who have helped to mother me, and to nourish me, and to protect me, and to help me to evolve to become even more of me. Thank you, my beautiful children, for allowing me to be your mother. It is my greatest privilege and purpose. I am filled with love and gratitude and awe for all of you.

Readers, Sundays are dedicated to poetry here a Adulting – Second Half. On Sundays, we share poetry. I share a poem that I, or someone else has written and I love it when you share your poems in the Comments section. Poetry gives us freedom in words. The rules are loose, the emotion is at the surface, and yet mystery flows. There are no critiques here. We are just sharing our intimate selves through word song. Try your hand at poetry. It’s asking to be released from your heart. Here’s my offering for today:

The Bouquet

The bouquet has been delivered.

It’s in your hands. It’s in your care.

The blooms are so easy to love, yet there are some thorns to contend with.

Underneath the facade of it all.

In the right light, the bouquet looks so lovely, so perfectly, harmonically put together.

A song in a vase.

Yet sometimes it’s a tangled mess.

And it fades and withers and drops leaves.

It was never meant to last forever,

but if you hold on to the cherished moment . . .

the time when the flowers came into your arms, and you couldn’t stop

lovingly gazing at their beautiful sight.

You remember that their blooms came from seeds,

And the seeds hold all of the mysteries of Life.

And the blooming never ever ends, even when the vase is empty.

The blooms carry on in infinite fields of color and growth,

Season after season after season.

The bouquet was just a captured moment.

A reminder of what is eternal.

Love.

Sunny Friday

Meme from BettinasCollection on Instagram

Happy Friday!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! I tried to kill two birds with one stone, by sharing a meme that tickled me and showing you the beautiful sunflowers which we picked at a local sunflower farm yesterday, at the same time. If you ever want to feel your soul cleansed, take a “bath” in a field of sunflowers. The sun loves these huge, gorgeous flowers, and so do the bees, and so do I. My dear friend told me about this farm that typically attracts large, eager crowds to their sunflower fields in May. This year, due to corona, the farm owners are being very stringent, requiring advanced and limited ticket purchases, strongly encouraging masks, and strictly enforcing 6 feet social distances between family groups. It was a unique experience, yet the magic was not lost. Sunflowers are my number one favorite, today. New readers, Fridays are dedicated to the frivolous and fun in life. On Fridays, at Adulting-Second Half, I typically list three favorite items, books, songs, stores, that have made my life just a little more full of life, and I ask you to share your favorites in the Comments section. Please check out previous Friday posts for more favorites.

Sunflowers are my number one favorite today. A picture says a thousand words. Sunflowers scream of huge, happy hopefulness. They aren’t necessarily sophisticated flowers, but there is probably not a more cheerful flower on the face of the planet. Nature has been my sanctuary more than ever, throughout this pandemic. The healing properties of the soft grass beneath your feet, the harmonic songs of birds, the new, bright blooms on a recently dormant plant, the meditative sound of slow, trickling water, the sun glowing through the trees, are all of the many buoyant assurances and signs that life goes on, and that life goes on optimistically and confidently and assuredly and abundantly. Nature’s constant promises are a much needed element for our robust health. Nature heals holistically. Nature quiets our minds, soothes our souls, and reminds our bodies that we all have connected roots to the whole system of Life. Let nature’s good medicine fill you up, this weekend, friends. It is strong, good medicine.

No Mo-Stache – I bought this little tin of wax strips on a whim a few months ago in Target. I guess that I have good intuition. Typically, I go to a salon for my waxing needs, but we all know the rest of that story. I’m a wimp about doing my own facial hair waxing, but this little kit is surprisingly effective, yet not incredibly painful. It also has a little packet of aloe cream, included. No Mo-Stache has been one of those unexpected, surprising gifts, through this whole virus mess.

Dakota Extra Strength Elderberry Gummies – I’ve mentioned before that I take about 800 supplements a day. Lately, my supplement intake has been geared towards tricking me into believing that my immune system is bullet-proof. (the placebo effect is stronger than you think, look it up!) These gummies are delicious. They are like gummy bears that are good for you. They have elderberry, Vitamin C, bee propolis, zinc and echinacea. I got mine on Amazon. As always, please check with your doctor first before taking any supplement. I am not a medical expert.

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Are You Certain?

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Our state of Florida is starting to open up a tad, and we are getting back to my least favorite part of parenting. We are putting limits on things, that other parents are okay with, and our kids are frustrated. We get to be “the bad guys” once again. We’ve agreed to have weekly family meetings to discuss what our current house stance is on summer jobs, outside interactions, masks, beach trips, shopping trips, restaurants, etc. It would help me more, if I felt more concretely solid about what is the right thing to do, too. We have been very fortunate to not know anyone personally who has been infected with the coronavirus. Our zip code has less than five cases of it. Like all places in the world, there are a fair amount of restless people here, wanting things to get back to “normal.” I don’t like the idea of living in fear, but I must balance that with being responsible to myself, to my family, and to my community. With the onslaught of so much information, it’s hard to know what and who to believe. There still seems to be a lot of mystery surrounding this virus. How are you all coping with this uncertainty? Feeling uncertain is admittedly my least favorite state of being. I trudge strongly forward when I feel resolute. Uncertainty kind of paralyzes me. I’m going to try to take this perspective seen below, on uncertainty. It screams “hopeful.”

Margaret Drabble - When nothing is sure, everything is possible ...

Brutally Indescribable

I was reading an article that said that the Dutch people have about 700 new words in their lexicon, all related to the coronavirus. Here is just a few of them:

Huidhonger / skin hunger: a longing for human contact while in isolationAnderhalvemetereconomie / six-feet-economy: an economy constructed to avoid spreading coronavirusHoestschaamte / cough-shame: the anxiety one may experience about possibly triggering a panic among the people nearby when making a coughing sound for whatever reasonCoronahufter / coronajerk: shopper at a supermarket or store who violates the six-foot social distance prescription or other safe-keeping protocol.Druppelcontact / spray-contact: exchange of little droplets when sneezing or coughing, esp. as source of infectionOnthamsteren / dehoarding: processing long-stored shelf-stable food into a meal.Straatschaamte / street-shame: the embarrassment someone experiences when being out for urgently necessary errands during lockdownToogviroloog / blather-virologist: dilettante who spreads false or unsubstantiated information about the virus, its transmission, or its treatment (CNN)

This isn’t a new thing. I read this in an article about how wars have brought new words and new meanings to words, into our regular, every day vernacular.

Through wars, some words have changed or garnered new meanings while others were newly coined for specific places and things. During the Civil War, “skedaddle” became “skeet” or “scoot.”

In World War I, the word “lousy,” which was intended to describe lice infestations, came to mean weary. In the same token, “trench coat” — a jacket worn in the trenches during battle — to this day remains an iconic outerwear style. “Jeep” came from the letters “G.P.” emblazoned on the side of each general purpose vehicle used during World War II.”- (Business Insider)

Why do we create new words, particularly in hard times such as wars and pandemics?

The same article says this:

War words are often invented to describe things that are brutally indescribable, bring humor to things that are not funny, and create designations for things that are otherwise unidentifiable.” (Business Insider)

I think that is why I love writing. It is the act of trying to describe, to put meaning to, to bring a familiar understanding, and to even bring humor out of an all-encompassing experience. Writing tries to bring order and sense and logic and description and familiarity and emotional inclusion, to any striking event in our lives. The other creative arts do the same thing. A photographer tries to capture the emotion, the beauty, the total awesomeness of one single moment. The same can be said for the works of an artist, a musician, a film maker or a dancer. The creative arts try to translate life, so that the precious moments are not forgotten. There is an argument that the minute you pin a description or a meaning or a perspective on to an experience or on to an object, you have lost the essence of just experiencing it. You have limited your experience. You have diminished the object. That may be the case, but there is still great satisfaction in trying to cage in any happening, with emotional description (which is what I think, creativity really is). The creative product is the leftover heavy pebbles, as the constant movement, of the stream of change, moves forward rapidly into the distant unknown. As travelers, we can pick up the pebbles and have a remembrance of where we have been, what we have felt. We get a small glimpse, of a standstill of one moment, of any one experience. We get to pick up a pebble, put it in our pocket, and thus, we get to keep a tiny sliver of any one particular major (or minor) experience, on our person, forever.

Sunday Soul

Hi readers. I’m terribly sorry to be late posting today. Sundays are a big readership day for me and I appreciate that fact. I think people like poetry more than they pretend to like it. I’m late because I got myself involved in a “little” painting job this weekend. I decided to paint some window panes. The job seemed simple and painless, enough. Ha! I decided to complete the finishing touches this morning before the hot Florida sun baked even more dark bronze-y paint into my skin. I look like a leopard.

New readers, Sundays are devoted to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. Poetry is the unedited, free-flowing sounds of our souls. I already got my creative juices out by painting this morning, so I am going to reprint a poem today, that you may have seen already. The poem has gone viral and many believed that it was written by an author during the 1919 Pandemic. Alas, this is not true. It was actually written in March of 2020 by a chaplain from Wisconsin named Kitty O’Meara. It is untitled and it is beautiful. Please add your poems (your writings or someone else’s writings) to the Comments section. Here is the lovely words of a very much alive, Kitty O’Meara:

By Kitty O’Meara
And the people stayed home.
And read books, and listened, and rested,
and exercised, and made art, and played games,
and learned new ways of being, and were still.
And listened more deeply.
Some meditated, some prayed, some danced.
Some met their shadows.
And the people began to think differently.
And the people healed.
And, in the absence of people living in ignorant,
dangerous, mindless, and heartless ways,
the earth began to heal.
And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again,
they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images,
and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully,
as they had been healed.

Friday! Friday! Friday!

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Happy Friday! Happy May Day! Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit!! (we’ll take all the luck we can get these days, right?) Happy Favorite Things Friday!! I’m so happy that it is Friday. Aren’t you?? As you know, I love Fridays. New readers, Fridays are light and on the surface here at Adulting – Second Half. On Fridays, I discuss three items, books, songs, beauty products etc. that have made my material life more special and I ask you to share some of your favorites in the Comments section. For more favorites, please see previous Friday posts. Here are today’s favorites:

“I Believe” by Moon Dog Mane – This song is my number one favorite for today. The other day I went for a mind-clearing drive with my convertible top down and this song came on and all at once, me, my car, my driving and all of my emotions became one with this song. I turned the volume all of the way up and I jammed. Yes, I jammed. Now, typically I think that it is a very obnoxious move when people play their music so loud, forcing everybody else to listen to their own musical tastes, and at high volume. But, at that moment, I was outpouring, and this song just felt like it was the anthem for everything that we’ve all been going through. And I needed to feel it, and I needed to share it. And happily, there were a lot of people who agreed with me, on that day. I got the thumbs up from a few motorcyclists, a couple of teenagers walking on the side of the road, some landscapers and even an old lady and her poodle. We were all jamming to this tune. I have unofficially named Moon Dog Mane’s “I Believe”, the anthem of the coronavirus situation. “I Believe” that it’s just the right song for what we are all feeling and what we are all going through. Play it right now. Bang your head, put your arms up in the air and feel the strength of the conviction that “Everything Will Be Alright!”

Lithops – These darling succulents look like tiny little colorful stones (kind of like Fruity Pebbles). Lithops originated in Africa, but I got mine from a seller on Etsy. They are tiny and they are so sweet and adorable. If you are a succulent lover, treat yourself to a little sprinkling of these little babies, to make your heart happy. I have purchased a few of my succulents from sellers on Etsy and I have never been disappointed.

My third favorite is a great video from Angie of Hot and Flashy YouTube video fame. Hot and Flashy is a series of videos featuring helpful beauty tips, particularly for middle-aged women, and the above video is especially helpful and apropos for today’s times. Despite the fact that Angie, the creator and the host of Hot and Flashy is stunningly beautiful, she is so down-to-earth and real and honest about what she does to maintain her looks, that you can’t help but to love her and to appreciate her. With all of this time staying at home, it is a good time to experiment with your hotness and your flashiness. Own it, ladies. And have a great weekend!!!!

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The Healing

“Nobody tells you this but sometimes the healing hurts more than the wound.” – Think Smarter, Twitter

Think Smarter nailed it once again. I remember when I gave birth to my first child. He was nine pounds, which a baby that size was much less common, over twenty years ago. Of course, going into labor and giving birth to my son was quite painful, but no one prepared me for the fact that I would feel like I had been hit by a Mack truck, for a good long while afterwards. Pushing my robust baby out of me, ended up spraining my tail bone and I had to sit on a rubber doughnut for weeks. Of course, my son is worth it. I’m not complaining. He is one of the greatest joys and loves of my life. Still, when I saw the quote mentioned above, this is one of the many instances, in my life, that came to my mind, to validate it. Before my first son was born, I read a million books on childbirth, listened to a litany of frightening childbirth stories, (which any woman who has ever given birth to a baby herself, and notices a young, pregnant woman, feels a compulsion to share every gory detail), and of course, I took the requisite neighborhood Lamaze classes. Everyone focused on giving birth to the baby. All of the advice was geared towards the birth episode, which typically lasts less than one day. Not once, not ever, did I feel warned about how physically terrible I would feel after the birth, and I didn’t even have a cesarean delivery.

We’ve been wounded here with the coronavirus, folks, in a big way. The initial gash of realizing that people were dying at an alarming rate from a disease for which we have no cure for, nor protection from, and then having to quarantine for weeks on end, and all of this happening, in a time span that felt nothing short of sudden, was shocking, alarming and intense, to say the least. The initial wound of realization was overwhelming and numbing. The initial injury hit us like a sledgehammer. It still seems utterly surreal. Still, we are going to heal from this coronavirus situation. We know this. We have already started to slowly open things up, to air the wound out, and we are trying to scab over this horrible situation, a little bit, in any way that we can. We have the smartest people in the world, working 24/7 to find solutions to cure the coronavirus and all of the damaging side effects and complications, that has come with it. We are all in a state of mourning for our losses, with some of us having paid the worst price of all, but still, we shall heal. It’s just that the healing is not going to be quick and easy and painless. No real healing ever is, from any kind of major trauma. The healing from any wound or trauma, is often the hardest part.

Today, I read on the internet, a quote that said, “Enjoy the space between where you are and where you are going.” Life is mostly made of those in-between spaces. And I don’t think that we were meant to waste the in-between spaces, by wishing them away. The vast amount of healing and growth and life, happens in those in-between spaces. We just don’t notice what happens in the in-between spaces, as much, because they are not nearly as jarring and life-stopping, as the unforeseen traumas and dramas, that stop us in our tracks. The in-between spaces are lulling and less interesting than the joyous, raucous conclusions and celebrations. But what do we celebrate on graduations? We celebrate the hard work of years and years of wisdom gathering and knowledge building and a child evolving into an adult. We celebrate the in-between space, starting with the first day of kindergarten, to the last day of high school, for a senior. There’s a lot of life that happened in that in-between space. And also, a lot of experience and growth that occurred in that span of many, many years, in-between. Every birthday is really a celebration of the in-between space between birthdays. Birthdays celebrate the life that happened in the in-between space, in the time period of one year. The in-between spaces are so very important. We need to be patient and grateful for the spaces. Right now we are in an in-between space that started with a horrible virus infiltrating the world and it will end with a calming, healing conclusion. We know this. Right now our job is to live as healthfully and peacefully and patiently as we can, in this in-between space. Little do we realize, that we are currently growing, exponentially, as individuals, as families, as communities, as nations, as the world, so that when we finally get to the healing conclusion, we will have globally transformed into a wiser, stronger, more compassionate, more clear version of what we were before. That’s what healing does. Healing is not easy. But a true healing, while inevitably leaving a scar, brings about such an authentic transformation in us, that sometimes we find ourselves perhaps even a tad grateful for the initial, sharp, deep pain, that brought us around to the in-between space, which helped us to heal into our most whole, our most authentic, our most enlightened versions of ourselves .