middle age Archives - Page 114 of 205 - Adulting: Second- Half

Soul Sunday

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

A few years ago, I was vacationing in Yosemite National Park with my family. We were about to embark on a big, long, steep hiking trail to see one of the most incredible waterfalls which I have ever witnessed, Vernal Falls. (and I am fortunate enough to have visited a lot of beautiful waterfalls in my lifetime) Now, my four children at that time, were all teenagers and young adults, but there was a family slightly ahead of us on the trail whose children were a good bit younger than ours. Not far from the trailhead, basically just a little bit past the heavily trafficked paved part of the trail, one of the little boys from the family ahead of us, threw himself dramatically upon a boulder, totally exasperated, completely spent, and he started sobbing and wailing, “Is it over yet?!? Are we almost done?!” I never forgot that moment. It was cute and amusing, but I felt sorry for the parents. They were in for a long day, and I was thinking to myself that they probably wouldn’t get to the falls on that particular trip. I only bring this story up, because this is how I have been feeling about this particular September. “Is it over yet?!? Are we almost done?!?” And the funny thing is, at least it makes me giggle inside. I am wailing on my own proverbial boulder. As Sanhita Baruah says, “Every day is a gift, but some days are packaged better.”

I am little off-track today, with the telling of my Yosemite story. As my regular readers know, Sundays are not a day for prose on the blog. Sundays are devoted to the waterfall of words which we call poetry. I either write a poem, or a share a poem from another writer that has intrigued me. Today is a day when I share another’s poem. Please write a poem today (it’ll do you good) and if so inclined, please share your poem in my Comments section. Today’s poem was written by one of the “Astro Poets”, Alex Dimitrov:

Saturday Musings

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

When we dropped off my middle son at medical school earlier this year, there was a beautiful fountain on the medical campus, with this inscription engraved around the circumference:

“So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.”

It felt so fitting to see that lovely quote, as we were watching our son embarking on his dream of going to medical school which he had worked so hard towards, for so many years. It turns out that the quote is by Christopher Reeve, the incredibly inspiring actor and activist, whose birthday would have been today. Christopher Reeve also said this:

“Once you choose hope, anything’s possible.” Always choose hope. When you look back at your life, you see so many things which have worked themselves out, in the most amazing, unexpected ways than you could have ever imagined, right? Hop on the hope train, and never get off. Always keep hope in your back pocket, as you journey through your life adventures. Hope’s compass always points north.

On a less serious note, I passed a store window the other day, and I saw this:

As my long time readers know, back in 2020, during quarantine, I temporarily lost my mind (didn’t we all?) and I decided that our family needed to get on the pandemic puppy bandwagon. My husband was not on board, mostly because we already have two other young, large, energy-filled dogs, Ralphie, the Labrador (the one who is currently on a diet, firmly against his will) and Josie, the elegant, yet noisy collie. Still, in the end, we “compromised” and we got Trip:

Now, honestly, I can’t pretend that having a three dog family is necessarily an ideal situation. I fully admit that there is often quite a bit of chaos, involved with living with three energetic, young dogs. That being said, all of us, in our family, have fallen quite hard for our crazy little Trippy. Interestingly, Trip has chosen my husband as “his person” and although he won’t ever admit it, I think that my husband is just a little bit smitten with our little brown dog.

“Dogs are like potato chips. You can’t have just one.”

“The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.”

“When an 85 pound mammal licks your tears away, and then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.” — Kristan Higgins

“This home is filled with love and dog hair.”

Scarce Asset Friday

Less Monday More Friday: 2018 Daily/Weekly/Monthly Engagement Planner Datebook Bright Day Calendars Publishing (2018 Monthly Planner) (Volume 1): Plan, Daily: 9781978440531: Amazon.com: Books

Hi friends! Welcome to the best day of the week. Fridays are awesome!! Fridays are hopeful, full of anticipation and relaxation. On Fridays, I typically list three favorite things, or songs, or websites, or books that have captured my attention. This has been a rough week for me. My singular focus, all week, has been on my son’s health and well-being. (he has epilepsy) So, I’m just catching my breath on this lovely Friday. I don’t have my typical list of three favorite things. What I do have, is some incredible quotes from a recent article in Adweek, from an interview with Jennifer Lopez. Jennifer Lopez is almost other-worldly in her beauty, and in her abilities, and in her talents and ambitions, but her quotes, from this interview are such good reminders for all of us to remember that we are all “scarce assets“, which Jennifer describes this way:

“For me, what I realize is … no, there’s only one me. There’s only one that person. There’s only one that person. There’s only one that person. And what they each have to offer is uniquely different than everybody else.“

“I have a small circle and I like it that way. I’m not the person who gets a hundred texts a day or whose phone rings constantly. That’s not who I am. I have a very small group of very close people I trust and that I love who I know have my best interests at heart and who understand me as a public person but also as a private person.“

“I don’t think you start thinking about a personal brand. You become it because of what you create, what you do, how you live and who you are. Ultimately, I think it’s about what you reflect and what people see because in the end, you represent something. I’ve been incredibly fortunate in my life, and I live out loud through my artistry and my creativity and try to stay as authentic to myself as I can. I’m real. That was important to me—to stay connected to my roots and not ever change or make what people said or thought about me influence who I really was inside. It’s about being limitless and never allowing anybody to put me—and limit me—within a box.“

Remember that you are a precious, scarce asset in this world. Treat yourself as such. Have a great weekend.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

It’s All Okay

Dear Beloved Readers,

I’m okay. My family is okay. We are just going through a particularly dark season with my son’s epilepsy. I never mean to scare you, nor to disappoint you.

The hardest thing about writing a daily blog is that it becomes an expected “everyday thing.” And honestly, writing this blog is one of my most favorite parts, of every single one of my days. I usually can’t wait to write one of my blog posts. I write on my vacations. I write on days filled with appointments and responsibilities. I don’t write lies. I don’t tell you every single detail of my life, but I don’t lie to you about the details that I do tell you. What you see, is what you get. I have a hard time doing this blog any other way. It’s just not in my nature to not be “authentic”. Ask anyone who knows me in real life. Sometimes I know that my loved ones wish that I wouldn’t be so honest/candid/blunt/outpouring. I have been told more times than I care to admit, that I live my life to “the beat of my own drummer”. So it is. So I am.

I am in awe of people who write daily columns in which “neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.” (U.S. Postal Service) But honestly, these columns are typically distanced from the writers’ individual lives. These columns are usually cultural interest stories, or political rants, or horoscopes, or weather predictions. I write about my life. I write about my experience. And you guys are actually interested. I appreciate this so much. My beloved readers, you will never know what you mean to me. I can’t write this feeling into words, as hard as I try.

I am, quite honestly, going through a really, really tough time, trying to keep it together for my family, and for myself. Lately, I have felt really angry with God/Universe/Spirit. But I have not lost my faith. It is always in my toughest hours that I am completely in awe about how kind other people are, to those of us who are hurting. It’s always in my hardest moments, that I deeply understand just how much strength has been imbedded into each and everyone of us. It’s always in my most difficult challenges, that I understand and I appreciate all of my abundant blessings. I have come to realize that a big part of openly and fully loving just about everyone, and everything in this world, and being willing to be completely awestruck by this incredible experience, which we call Life, also includes feeling and experiencing pain more deeply than anyone would ever wish to experience pain. It’s a package deal. But I am carried by Bigger Hands through it all. We all are . . . .

I’m okay. The people whom I love are okay. I’m not going anywhere.

Thank you for being my friends. See you tomorrow.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Little Sister

My youngest son has been home from college for a little while, in order for us to be with him, while he lets his new adjunct epilepsy medicine start settling into his system. (Thank you for your continued prayers.) While the circumstances that brought him home have not been ideal, having our youngest son/big brother back home for a little while, has been a joy for all of us. My husband has his ” armchair quarterback/football buddy” back, I’ve had great company at home during the day (my son is a wonderful conversationalist), and my daughter has had her adoring big brother back home to pal around with. All three of my daughter’s big brothers have always been amazingly loving and supportive and protective of their little sister, but my daughter has always been particularly close with my youngest son because they are the closest in age to each other. When they were little, they would often casually hold hands as we were walking along anywhere, and they went through a period of being avid WWE wrestling devotees, being sure to watch the events together, every single Friday night. Never having a brother myself, I have always delighted in watching my sons with their sister. It makes me insanely happy, and yet also, insanely jealous for at least one brother, all at the same time.

I have always told my husband and my sons, that my daughter will choose the men in her life, and accept their behaviors, based on how they treat her. They have always being kind, and loving, and respectful to her. Thankfully, so far, my daughter has always dated nice, respectful young men, and has a lot of healthy guy friends in her life. She’s one of those girls who manages to have a lot of friends of both sexes. I think girls with brothers are the best at that, but that’s just my opinion.

I would love to give my guys all of the credit for my daughter’s choices in friends and boyfriends, but truthfully, she goes into her relationships with a “good offense.” My daughter likes herself. She is proud of her achievements. She is not afraid to say “no” to someone or something that doesn’t feel right for her. She doesn’t look for her self esteem to be fulfilled by people outside of herself. I pray that this never changes. Part of this has always just seemed to be her own common-sense filled, “innate way”, but another big part of this, I think, is the fact that she has always been well-treated by those who love her. (especially by the men who have influenced her life the most – her father and her brothers)

In engrossing myself in the Gabby Petito story, I’ve been thinking about how important it is for my daughter to have this good “offense” in her life (and for that matter, for my sons, too. Toxic, unhealthy, disordered individuals aren’t just from one gender.) I think that it is extremely important to work on creating a healthy relationship with oneself, in order to ward off being attractive to the controlling, manipulative, treacherous types. As we see in the Gabby Petito tragedy, and in so many other cases, it is extraordinarily difficult and dangerous to try to defensively pry oneself away from a damaged individual, all the while trying to keep one’s own self esteem and healthy perspectives intact. It’s vitally important for us to trust ourselves, and our deepest instincts, and yet we all know how hard that can be sometimes. When teaching our children to be “nice and polite” we must remember to teach them to be the nicest and the most polite to their very own selves. And most importantly, we must all model that self-assured behavior, in order for the world to become the safer, better place that we want it to be, for our children and for our grandchildren going forward.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Good morning. This weekend, while also watching a lot of football, I was a tad obsessive, following the Gabby Petito, case. Sadly, the authorities have found her body. As a mother of a young woman, my heart aches for her parents. Her boyfriend, the man whom she was traveling with, has disappeared, and neither he nor his family, did anything to help law enforcement, in their search for Gabby. By all indications, including bodycam footage from a police stop, Gabby and her boyfriend had an unhealthy, abusive relationship. I think that one of the reasons why this case has gotten the amount of attention that it has, is that almost all of us women, know or have known women, who have experienced relationships with toxic, abusive men. When I was younger, I used to “joke” that the more together a woman was in her job, in her appearance, and in her life, was likely a total inverse to the quality of boyfriend that she had in her life. Now that I am older, I realize that this is no joking matter. We must bring attention to the dangers of domestic violence. We must help our young people grow up healthfully, so that they are comfortable in their own skin, and grow to see all relationships, as “a plus, but not a must” in leading healthy, fulfilling lives. We best do this by modeling healthy relationships and behaviors, in the relationships that we have with our own selves, and in the relationships that we have with others.

“Never let someone who contributes so little to a relationship control so much of it.” ― Unknown

“Each time a woman stands up for herself without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women.” — Maya Angelou

“Overcoming abuse doesn’t just happen, It takes positive steps everyday. Let today be the day you start to move forward.” ― Assunta Harris

Soul Sunday

Good morning, my beautiful readers. This is a beautiful morning in my parts. The sun is shining, the air is still, and the flourishing, lush, summer-grown plants are relishing the sunlight drying them off, from the good, quenching rains which we have been experiencing lately. This Sunday physically demonstrates peace and hope, right outside of my window. How fitting for a Sunday! My regular readers know that Sundays are devoted to poetry, here at Adulting – Second Half. I either write a poem or I share a poem that has moved be by another writer. Write a poem today. Get to know what is stirring you. Writing a poem is one of the best ways to get acquainted with your most intimate self. Here is my poem for today:

“Okay”

And then the question starts swirling, What space do I write from today?

My carefully constructed, detached, deprecating, sarcastic self? or . . .

My half-held together, desperately attached, questioning, depleted self?

In my core, my deepest self, holds all of it together, firmly threaded in love,

And lightly pulls my hair away from my ear and softly whispers,

“Honey, just write from your heart, and let the rest of it all fall away.

And then get yourself a cookie, and composed or crazy, just live your day.

It’s all okay. It’s all going to be okay. You, my love, are always going to be okay.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Dog Days

So, in my family, it isn’t just me who gained some unwanted weight from the pandemic experience. It turns out that our Labrador retriever, Ralphie, desperately needs to go on a diet, according to our veterinarian. She decided to make that very clear to me, by printing out and showing me his weight gain graph chart, over the years. When I showed it to my husband, he said, “Well, if that was one of our stocks, I would be ecstatic.”

Ralphie, currently 100 pounds, needs to lose 20-25 pounds. We bought the diet food, the diet treats, and we got the “official” plastic Dixie cup to measure out the measly morsels of diet food. Ralphie is a world champion eater. Ralphie is a world champion beggar. Ralphie is our second Roomba. This experience is going to be interesting and challenging, to the say the least. And just like Weight Watchers, we have to take Ralphie into the vet’s office, for regular “weigh ins.”

I said to my veterinarian, “I don’t understand. Ralphie exercises a lot. He swims all of the time. We take him on long walks daily.”

She answered, “He’s like me. I exercise all of the time, too. When I am not here at the office, you’ll find me at the gym. There’s only one thing that I like more than exercise, and that is food.” And then she patted her cute little tummy for emphasis.

I guess the good thing is that Ralphie is at the mercy of what we feed him. I thought to myself, if I can control what Ralphie eats, I should be able to do the same thing for myself. (in theory) Honestly, I plan (or at least I am giving it serious consideration) to be Ralphie’s “Diet Buddy.” Ralphie and I are typically “happy go lucky” family members, but with both of us watching what we are eating, things could get ugly, really quick. I’ll just ask for your forgiveness in advance, if things get a bit stingy on the blog.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Kick It, Cookieless Friday

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Happy Friday!! TGIF!!! I love Fridays. I am so happy to be here at a Friday this week. Thank you for being so loving and supportive and understanding, readers. It’s been a tough week for me, but we are here, at the light at the end of the tunnel: Friday. On Favorite Things Friday, I usually try to keep it light, and I discuss products, or websites, or songs, or books, etc. that make my life fun. I strongly encourage you to add your favorites in my Comments section. Please also check out previous Friday blog posts for more good stuff to try!

Here are today’s favorites:

Cell Phone Kickstand – This is an awesome little gadget to stick on the back of your phone or phone case (as long as it is a flat phone case). I have noticed that I have gotten sore wrists from holding my phone too long. This is a quick and easy tool to safely position and hold your phone at so many different angles (lengthwise and widthwise!) And when you don’t need to use it, it folds right back into a simple silver bar at the end of your phone case. I got mine for $11 from Amazon. I think that I will consider this a standard necessary phone accessory from here on out! Treat yourself to this useful, and inexpensive gadget.

Cookieless Cookies – This is my new favorite dessert. I made it up recently, all by myself. Essentially Cookieless Cookies are a giant bowl of chocolate chips mixed up with chopped up walnuts. My current Cookieless Cookie holds butterscotch chips, peanut butter chips, white chocolate chips and Ghirardelli chocolate chips, with a dash of the walnuts, of course. (tough weeks call for a higher ratio of chips to walnuts) I figure that a Cookieless Cookie is “healthier” than eating cookies because it doesn’t have any extra butter or sugar. I also like to think of Cookieless Cookies as a form of trail mix without the icky raisins, and with a guarantee of always getting some chocolate chips when you throw a handful of it into your mouth. Happy Trails! Happy “Baking”! It doesn’t take long to mix up, nor does it require an oven – my kind of cooking.

Favorite Picture of the Week

My middle son was driving up the East Coast of Florida earlier this week, and he sent us this picture of what he saw. It is not a UFO. It’s not ET going home. It is the Space X shuttle being launched. How cool is this? What amazing and interesting times we live in!

Bonus favorite: I saw this quote earlier this week on Twitter:

“No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.” – Uncle Duke

I think that this goes both ways. We often think that what we do or what we don’t do, doesn’t really matter, but it does. It’s the individual snowflakes that create an avalanche, but it’s also the individual water droplets that make up a beautiful lake. What we do, good or bad, kind or unkind, thoughtful or thoughtless, does make a difference. It always does. Have a great weekend! Be a good flake!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Tent Pole

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Sometimes people ask me how I hold it all together. I’ve watched and witnessed other strong mothers, and I’ve often thought the same thing about them. Facts are, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I fall apart. Sometimes I cry until I think that my eyes will fall out, and sometimes I scream so loud that it hurts my chest. Sometimes I act so crazily sad and angry all at once, that I am a witness of my own craziness, in the bewildered eyes of my own family. And it scares me.

My husband made the dire mistake of saying that I wasn’t being “helpful” in a family conversation which we were having at dinner last night. For a woman, hanging on by a thread, and who has devoted her entire life to her family, that was not good wording to use at that moment (even if it was the truth). After the aftermath of the scourge of my outrage, I am sure that he wished that he could have eaten those words the minute they carelessly fell out of his mouth. Have I mentioned that I am a fire sign (through and through)?

This morning, I read a tweet today by the Wise Connector. He put this out to his followers:

What do you tell yourself when you’re having a bad day? This could be helpful to someone today.

I looked at the hundreds of vast responses. A lot of them answered that they tell themselves that “things could be worse.” Of course, things could be worse. Death is the worst case scenario, and if we are still here to complain about our bad days, than things could be worse. We could be dead. Sometimes I, too, make myself feel better with the “things could be worse” thought, but sometimes that thought just pisses me off. It sets me right off. “Things could be worse” discounts my hurt and my anger and my frustration and my fears. It makes me feel bad for feeling bad.

One person answered the tweet with, “Still I Rise” and I liked that. I envision myself rising mightily from the ashes of my anger and pain. Anger is not necessarily a bad emotion. It has a lot of energy to it. My dogs and I got an extremely brisk walk out of my rage, yesterday evening. It was a “heart healthy” walk. That walk was a good outcome of my anger. Screaming at my family was not a good outcome of my angry feelings. Anger can often be a hard guy to manage.

I vented to some friends last night on our text chat. Only other mothers can truly validate moments like these. My one friend said that she realizes that she is the family’s “tent pole”, always holding everything up, for everyone else. I got the reminders, from my friends, to take care of myself, and to do things for myself. My one friend loves to kayak. My other friend raises beautiful butterflies. The truth is, I like to write. I can’t tell you how cathartic it is for me, to be writing this blog post right now. My cousin read my blog yesterday, and she told me that she couldn’t believe that I could have that kind of clarity while I am hurting like this. I told her that writing is my therapy. Writing is my clarity. Writing is what I do for me. If it resonates with others, then that is a blessing. But writing is what I do for me.

These are the answers to the “bad day” tweet, that resonated the most with me today:

“You’re doing your best. And that is enough. And remember, your ‘best’ will look different every day” – Brianna

“Today I’m not okay, but that’s okay bc I know I’ll be okay.” – Jojo

“If you’re going through hell, keep going” – Winston Churchill

“It’s life, chances are tomorrow will be better. Keep moving forward.” – Linzee In Heels

And this was my all time favorite:

“I want to see what happens if I never give up.” – SweMikeMedia