Happy Hanukkah to my dear Jewish friends and readers! Happy Friday to all my friends and readers no matter what your spiritual leanings are, in this stage of your life! Happy Favorite Things Friday, friends! On Fridays, my regular readers know that I don’t go to any depths. I keep it light and material on Fridays. On Fridays, I list three favorite products, songs, foods, TV shows, etc. and I strongly encourage you to add your favorites to my Comments section. Please check out previous Friday posts, for more favorites. Here are my favorites for today:
“Keep the Butterflies Flying in Formation” – This is my new favorite saying. A dear friend of mine is having serious surgery today on her spine, and a mutual friend of ours, texted that her dad would always say this, when they were going through nerve-wracking experiences. First, please send out prayers for comfort and success for my friend’s surgery, and second, keep this awesome, “easy to visualize” saying in your repertoire. It is one that could probably be helpful a lot, until we come to the end of this damn pandemic. It is a good reminder that we can always be in control of our emotions, if we just take a few of seconds to breathe and to reflect.
The Barbecue! Bible by Steven Raichlen – I mentioned that my husband has gotten back into barbecuing after a rather long hiatus. Decades ago, his sister bought him this recipe book and everything which my husband has ever made from this book, has been mouth wateringly delicious. There are some sauce recipes in this wonderful book that I would literally drink from a glass – they are that good. This would be a great Christmas gift for those people on your list who consider barbequing to be one of their crafts and passions.
T.G.I. Friday’s Potato Skin Chips – There is a little dive gas station by me which serves the best pressed Italian subs I have ever eaten. (Right next to it is Subway and I think to myself, how in the hell does that Subway stay in business?!) Anyway, any time that I decide to gorge on one of those glorious subs, I get these chips on the side. I adore these chips. They aren’t flaky. In fact, they are totally substantial and crunchy and full of flavor. The Potato Skin Chips are kind of like Bugles, in the way that they fly under the radar, but when you remember to buy them, you feel like you treated yourself royally, in a snack-y kind of way. Anything that has “Friday” in its name has got to be good, right?!?
Happy Friday, Friends!!! Have a wonderful weekend!!!!
I don’t think that I’ll be getting one of these for the Christmas tree. How about you??
I’m on my last day of my trip in the mountains and I finally had an incredibly good night’s sleep last night. Why does that always happen? Just when your body gets settled into it’s new environment and routine, it is time to leave. 🙁
I have to admit that this is a really good way to do a Monday, however. Have a great day and I great week, my dear friends and readers.
I don’t enjoy wearing the masks. They are uncomfortable, hot and they make me feel unfriendly. My son who lives in New Jersey, said that he saw a woman in the grocery store wearing a mask with slits cut out under her nose and her mouth. It kind of defeats the purpose, right? Still, I empathized with her. Once again, I’m in total awe of all of our essential workers, who wear the masks hours and hours, on end. The following post went viral in my local Nextdoor neighborhood social media. The person who posted it, said that she did not write it, nor did she know who to attribute it to, but I’m glad that she posted it anyway. It hits home.
“I wear a mask in public, NOT for me, but for YOU. I want you to know that I am educated enough to know that I could be asymptomatic and still give you the virus. No, I don’t “live in fear” of the virus, I just want to be a part of the solution, not the problem. I don’t feel like the “government is controlling me,” I feel like I’m being a contributing adult to society, and I want to teach others the same. The world doesn’t revolve around me. It’s not all about me and my comfort. If we all could live with other people’s consideration in mind, this whole world would be a much better place. Wearing a mask doesn’t make me weak, scared, stupid or even “controlled,” it makes me considerate. When you think about how you look, or how uncomfortable it is or what others think of you, just imagine someone close to you, a father, a mother, a grandparent, an aunt or uncle choking on a ventilator. Then ask yourself if you could have worn a mask to prevent their suffering would you have?”
I love the idea of being “considerate”. I love the idea of being “part of the solution.” We are like one worldwide team trying to conquer this horrible virus. It’s good to be reminded that we are all on the same team.
Me: Oh hi, Moody Trudy. I see that you are back in the mix. Great.
My “moody Trudy” side: (big sigh) Yes, I’m here. But barely.
Me: So what brings your Debbie Downer, blah, negative energy to my otherwise even-keel psyche, in order to, in no way at all, in any sense of the word, brighten my morning?
Moody Trudy: Do you even have to ask? Coronavirus. Quarantine. The Economy. The boys headed up to their college campus to collect the last of their stuff to bring home for the long term of the unknown future. It’s sad and depressing for the boys and of course, who knows what the amount of all of the nasty, disgusting spiky round germs that they’ll bring home, stuck to all of their stuff. Just saying.
Me: Right. Well, I’m trying to stay “up” here. The good news is that I finally get to have a Zoom meeting with my mentees today and tomorrow. I haven’t had contact with them for about a month and the red tape is finally broken. I’ve been worried about them and I want them to know that I care about them and that I am here for them.
Moody Trudy: Well, let’s hope Zoom works. You computer could crash, theirs could crash. Also, I hope you don’t get too emotional and cry. That would really wig the girls out. Speaking of crashing, I hope the boys stay safe. This would be a terrible, horrible time to have to go to the hospital.
Me: True, but there is thankfully, a helluva lot less traffic on the road.
Moody Trudy: In other news, I was reading about what could go worse in 2020. Some have suggested that Yellowstone could erupt. And the post office may come to an end . . .
Me: Okay, you are really too much for me today.
Moody Trudy: What are you making for dinner? I’d start rationing the meat. Just saying. You will all probably end up becoming involuntary vegetarians and that’s when all of this “togetherness” is really going to wear thin.
Me: Do me a favor and make yourself scarce for the rest of the week, Trudy. I’m really doing my best to make the best out of this situation and you are just not very helpful.
Moody Trudy: Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow, or maybe I’ll check in later tonight.
Fortune for the day – Eternity is a dimension of the here and now. – Joseph Campbell
“The Cotton Bowl” by Hank Willis Thomas
My husband pointed out this artwork to me, recently featured in the Wall Street Journal. Hank Willis Thomas is a Brooklyn based artist, who has a big exhibition of his artworks, going on right now in Portland, Oregon. My husband said to me, “This picture reminds me of how you always say that our American football games and boxing matches, always remind you of the ancient gladiators, with all of the privileged onlookers, safely cheering in the stands. The gladiators get a sense of omnipotent glory, yet their bodies are being beaten to death, all for the entertainment of the fans.”
He is right. This picture depicts what I have been trying to convey. It is true that a picture paints a thousand words. And don’t get me wrong, I enjoy watching a good football game, like many people. My husband played football through college. Two of my sons played Pop Warner football. All of my sons have attended a university with a glorious football tradition. Football is a huge part of the American culture. Yet it is brutal, and for many who play it, it seems to be their only ticket out of lives ridden in crime and in poverty, for themselves and for their families. However, the consequences of playing football, to the bodies of the players, is undeniably real and tragic. In 2017, neurosurgeons studied 111 deceased NFL players’ brains, with 110 of them showed the signs of CTE.
CTE is described this way on Wikipedia:
“Chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) is a neurodegenerative disease caused by repeated head injuries. Symptoms may include behavioral problems, mood problems, and problems with thinking. Symptoms typically do not begin until years after the injuries. CTE often gets worse over time and can result in dementia.”
My family is a sporty family. Every one of my four children played(s) at least one sport throughout their childhoods into high school. There are so many positive aspects for a child that comes from playing a sport. My children have learned how to take good care of their bodies with exercise and good nutrition, they have learned how to manage their time by having to balance homework and practices, they have gotten a hands-on perspective of teamwork, and they have experienced the humility of bench time. Still, as the aspects of technology and nutrition and medicine have grown substantially in the fields of health and sports, our bodies are almost taking on the strength of machines – machines that can be lethal to ourselves and to each other. The following is from a blog from a local medical clinic’s website:
“Sports Injuries Are Becoming More Common Among Our Youth
Over 30 million children and teenagers participate in organized sports in the United States. Although a number of precautions are typically taken to keep athletes safe during these activities, a worrying trend is emerging as sports injuries become increasingly common among children and teens. Statistics show that around 3.5 million children below the age of 14 are hurt annually while playing sports. This number accounts for 40% of all sports-related injuries, regardless of age group. Meanwhile, similar studies reveal that over two million injuries, 500,000 doctor visits, and 30,000 hospitalizations affect American high school students each year.”
The injuries are not just coming in from the traditionally “rough sports.” This same article also states that since the year 2000, “the number of serious shoulder and elbow injuries among young baseball and softball players has increased fivefold.”
My middle son broke his shin playing competitive soccer in high school. His friend, on the same team, had to have two surgeries to correct a serious dislocation in his arm, that occurred during a game. I could rattle off a list of high school athletes (all contemporaries of my kids) who have had to have surgeries, due to playing a high school sport. I imagine that you could make a similar list, too. Yet, at the same time, I can’t think of one person, who I knew in high school, who had to have a sports-related surgery. My high school was a large, competitive high school in the Pittsburgh area – an area that worships its football culture.
I think that in a lot of ways, the sports industry has become big business, playing off of parents’ egos. I am not going to pretend that I was ever immune from this phenomenon. But here are the facts:
“Overall a little over 7% of high school athletes (about 1 in 14) went on to play a varsity sport in college and less than 2% of high school athletes (1 in 54) went on to play at NCAA Division I schools. The largest percentage of both male and female college athletes competed at NCAA Division III schools.” (NCAA org)
and this:
“Fewer than 2 percent of NCAA student–athletes go on to be professional athletes.” (NCAA org)
Of course, I am looking at all of this retrospectively, with a little bit of chagrin. My daughter still plays high school tennis and she loves it. My husband and I love to watch her play, but we mostly want the sport to be a stress release for her. We do not want it to become a major cause of pressure and stress for her, either mentally or physically.
I am very curious as to what the history books are going to have to say about our day and age. Will our sports look brutal and barbaric? Will ego-based competition always just be a part of being a human, or will we evolve into something more unified? How will we evolve? Will our evolution be for the better or for the worse, and who can really judge what is better, until retrospection becomes a factor? I find all of this very interesting and mind-boggling, but this is one thing that I do know: I so very much appreciate artists like Hank Willis Thomas, who can put all of this confusing discourse, swirling all around in my brain, into one gorgeous piece of artwork that simply and beautifully, says it all.
Fortune of the day – “In pursuit of knowledge, every day something is acquired. In pursuit of wisdom, every day something is dropped.” – Lao Tzu
In case you are wondering how to say Lao Tzu, it sounds sort of like this, “Lout Za”. I always forget and I have to look it up all of the time. One of my absolute favorite features of the internet is the pronunciation videos.
Happy Friday, my dear friends! Happy Favorite Things Friday! New readers, Fridays are simple and on the surface. On Fridays, I list three favorites of mine and I encourage you to do the same in the Comments section. One can never have enough favorites. Please also check out previous Friday listings for more favorites that I have shared in the past. I’m sticking with my favorites!
Today’s favorites:
Viridian Bay – If you like interesting, eye candy objects in your garden, you will love this website. They have so many cool garden accent pieces, like statues, and wind chimes and lanterns. I think that their prices are pretty reasonable, too. Even if you are “just window shopping” the internet, Viridian Bay is a really nice, relaxing website to peruse.
Quaker Instant Grits – I love grits! One of my favorite dishes is shrimp and grits. (I also love Quaker instant oats.) I don’t think that the rest of my family are as nearly into grits, as I am. That’s why these individual packets are so great. I can get my grit fix and give the rest of the fam, the usual rice and/or potatoes. The jalapeno flavor absolutely pops! Get yourself a box, if you are hankering some southern comfort food, in an instant.
Naturium Multi-Peptide Eye Cream – I read an article recently that stated a good eye cream must have peptides, in order to help soften the wrinkles and to tighten the crepey skin that comes with aging eyes. I purchased this cream on Amazon. It is reasonably priced and while I am not seeing miracles, I do like how it makes my skin feel. Until I find something better, this has become my daily go-to under eye cream.
Friday: Well, hello! I’m right here for you. Right here. Right now. We are going to really enjoy the day together. We’re going to laugh, we’re going to have fun and we are not going to take anything too seriously. Let me wrap you into my big, warm, comfortable arms and you just sit back and enjoy the ride!
Today I woke up with that overwhelming feeling of the need to get organized. The urge to purge has overcome me. The inevitable mess of the holidays, literally, figuratively, and emotionally, is on my last nerve. That internal switch has been turned, and the decorations have lost their charm. I am starting to feel very claustrophobic in the maze of lights, crumpled up wrapping paper, and Santa’s face everywhere I turn. My task master from within, has clawed her way out and there is no turning back. We are headed out of town for a few days over New Year’s and I have set the reset button. I want things back to a steady, normal, even keel. Everything. Now. Stat. My family can’t stand me right now. And I don’t care.
Sometimes when this need for order overcomes me (and believe, no one would ever accuse me of being a “neatnik”), I become almost maniacal. I think by the end of the holidays, everything feels so out of control to me. My urgent need to get back to my false sense of security, almost feels like a mental illness. The out of control eating, drinking, spending, staying up late, piles of things, piles of laundry, piles of dishes, tasks piling up on the to-do list, reaches its crescendo and for lack of a better term, the Soup Nazi (from Seinfeld) comes out of me, demanding that everyone gets in line, doesn’t goof off and does exactly what I say, in strict order. Then, I promise, no one will get hurt.
The Soup Nazi version of me doesn’t come out very often. She typically rears her ugly head only on moving days, the week before school starts, on long, involved, overstimulating family vacations, and at the end of Christmas break. My family probably feels a sense of relief, no longer walking on eggshells, wondering when she was going to pop out of nowhere. They knew she was coming. They saw signs of her, in my cracked facade and my hair that was starting to look like a head of snakes. I feel sad for them, because there is nothing I can do to stop her. Pandora’s box cannot be closed. SNM (soup Nazi me) has already insisted that everyone start ripping down the actual cardboard boxes lying all over the house, and get them to the recycling center, before SNM decides to make a holy, roaring BONFIRE out of them. Currently, the children (even the adult ones) are chained to the kitchen table, writing thank you notes. As much as none of us (including me), are not particularly fond of the Soup Nazi version of me, I think we all feel secretly relieved. She brings order to our family universe. SNM brings everything down to a simple, mathematical equation that makes sense. (Happy Mom/Wife = Happy Life) She convinces us all, that as long as we cross everything off the to-do list, in a perfect orderly fashion, all will be right with the world. Then, SNM will calm down, disappear and allow happy, calm, peaceful me to take the family helm again. And we can all bring the new year in, with a smile.
Happy Friday!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!!! Happy Black Friday!! As I mentioned last year, as much as I love shopping (as an aside, when I was showing my son’s girlfriend something in my closet yesterday, she looked around it wide-eyed and said, “Shoe Goals.” – I do love my shoes!), I don’t do Black Friday shopping. I just don’t do crowds very well. The great thing that I noticed last night, while shutting down my computer (I’m highly distractible) is that the retailers are expanding Black Friday to a great on-line presence comparable to Cyber Monday, so I did make a couple orders here and there. I would love to hear what some of you scored today, in the Comments section (and hopefully no physical harm came to you, while making your amazing purchases)
New readers, Fridays are never serious here at Adulting – Second Half. On Fridays, I discuss three favorite things, ideas, websites, songs, etc. that make material life a lot of fun. Please see previous Fridays for other favorites and please always be prone to sharing your own favorites in the Comments section.
Since I cannot compete with Black Friday and the amazing products just waiting to be gobbled up, I have limited my favorites today, to the three best bumper stickers that I have noticed lately on other cars, which have been particularly apropos while my youngest child, and only daughter, continues to learn how to drive. Remember, everyone else on the road is NOT just an ass driving a car and double parking in over-crowded parking lots, they are also someone’s beloved partner, spouse, child, sibling, grandparent, parent, teacher, etc. etc. etc. Let’s make a point of keeping everyone safe during this highly distractible time of year.
Best bumper stickers (driving rules simplified):
Use Ya Blinkah!
Don’t Be a Bumper Humper
Dick Likes to Text and Drive, Don’t Be a Dick
And a reminder to passengers:
Driver Picks Music, Shotgun Shuts Cakehole
Have a great, fun, pleasantly exhausting Friday!! Ending with some inspiring quotes from the Hunger Games:
“This is no place for a girl on fire” Katniss Everdeen
“I am not pretty. I am not beautiful. I am as radiant as the sun.” Katniss Everdeen
Lately, a couple of my friend text chats have been about the love/hate relationship many of us middle aged ladies have with the holiday season. There is so much good about the holidays and then there is a lot, that is well, A LOT. On reflecting on the fact that I know so many women who feel a bit overwhelmed with the “extra” quality (extra food, extra money, extra cleaning, extra cooking, extra parties, extra drinking, extra guilt, extra decorations, extra responsibilities, extra lights, extra emotions, extra grief, extra melancholy, extra anticipation, extra expectations, extra company, extra elf hiding, extra red, extra green, extra sparkles, extra fancy clothes, extra crowds, extra worries, extra shopping, extra returns, extra religious services, extra gained pounds, extra adrenalin, extra glitter, extra packages at the front door, extra patience, extra annoying songs, extra breath-taking music, extra aggravations, extra worries, extra laughs, extra fights, extra joy, extra tears, extra gratefulness, extra exhaustion, extra mess, extra bills, extra cute movies . . . . just, you know, extra) that the holidays bring to this time of year, I decided that I needed to find the lesson in all of this. I think if you can enjoy the holidays, yet also get excited and crave getting back to your normal routine, that says a lot about how you feel about your regular life. If you get to the point of wanting your ordinary, typical life back during the holidays, then what that is saying is that you really, really like your life! That’s a good thing. Because life is mostly life without the extra-ness of the holidays. Perhaps the greatest gift that you receive during the holidays is the reminder of how much you like your regular, ordinary, every day life. It’s kind of like when you go on a wonderful vacation, but find yourself craving getting back to home, towards the end of the trip. You sometimes even say to yourself, “I need a vacation from my vacation.” Perhaps the peace on Earth that the holidays gives to us, is allowing us to contrast the over-the-top quality that our holidays have evolved into, versus the comfort of our average daily life and thus finding ourselves, EXTRA appreciative for the relief and the relaxation that our simple, familiar, orderly everyday lives provide for us, during most of the days, in our lives.
“There is a thing that I do: W-A-I-T. It stands for “Why Am I Talking?” explains Hanks. “I wrote that down in a notebook that I keep to remind myself that listening, for me anyway, is a disciplinary art. I have to force myself to listen because I love the sound of my own voice and because I’m a movie star I’ve been infantilized by everybody I come across who says I’m wonderful.” – Tom Hanks, being interviewed about his new movie, A Beautiful Day in the Neigborhood, in which he depicts Mr. Rogers
Listening is a disciplinary art for almost everyone, except for a few treasured, gifted, amazing people who everyone is equally intrigued by, and adores, all at the same time. I’m not a great listener. And since I am not a charming movie star, I’m already starting out with two strikes against me.
Despite swearing that I was going to expand my horizons this year, and start volunteering for things that didn’t involve my local school district, (trying to branch out from what I have done for the last two decades or so), I’ve ended up becoming a mentor to a 10th grader and a 3rd grader on a weekly basis. (like many middle-aged women, I am not great at saying “no”, nor was I doing an especially ambitious job of looking for volunteer opportunities, outside of the schools) I had to get special training for this mentor position. I went into the training cocky, presumptuous and overconfident. I’ve raised four almost grown children, who I think are pretty special people, and I’ve volunteered in the schools for 20 years. I could teach this “mentoring class” on the fly with one hand tied behind my back. I’ll put my time in to meet the state requirements, but I will probably be bored out of my mind. HA!
The focus of the mentor training was on LISTENING and what “real listening” is, and what it means to people. If you are good listener, apparently your response to the person you are listening to, will be a good reflection and understanding of what they expressed to you. That’s it. That’s all that they want. They want to feel heard and understood. They want to feel validated and important. They want your confidence that they are capable people who will figure out their own issues, in due time. The worst response apparently is advice, evaluations, and analyzations. Even reassurances can just be experienced as condescending brush-offs.
So right after my training session (after finishing up eating my crow and choking on some feathers), I ended up writing a long apology for my lack of listening skills, throughout the years, to my family (husband and kids) on our family group chat. My dear ones all kindly accepted my apology with not one protestation that I was mistaken about my lack of good listening skills. There was not one “awww, but you are too hard on yourself, you are a GREAT listener” from any single member of my crew. Rightly so. I then sheepishly extended this apology to some of my lifelong friends. They were very gracious in accepting my apology, as well.
I’ve worked harder on focusing on what the other person is saying, instead of using that time to come up with my soliloquy in response. Still, I know that I have some work to do on this listening process, yet. Yesterday, when I rudely interrupted my 10th grade mentee with a question about her story, she patiently but firmly replied, “I didn’t get to that part of the story yet.”
I like Tom Hanks’ W-A-I-T trick. I don’t want to be a walking podcast. I want to be present for my family and friends. I want to be a little more Mr. Rogers and little less “movie star – in my mind”. I think that life probably feels a little bit more in depth and meaningful that way.
“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.”― Ernest Hemingway
“This is the problem with dealing with someone who is actually a good listener. They don’t jump in on your sentences, saving you from actually finishing them, or talk over you, allowing what you do manage to get out to be lost or altered in transit. Instead, they wait, so you have to keep going.” ― Sarah Dessen, Just Listen
