Tuesday’s Tidbits

+ From the stats, I see that yesterday’s blog post hit a nerve. It’s understandable. Relationships are often the hardest things for us to navigate in this world, including the relationship that we have with ourselves. I’ve often thought that it is best to simplify relationships, and whittle them down to just the relationship that you have between yourself and one other, versus in relation to a whole related group. In other words, even if you have eight brothers and sisters, consider yourself to be an only child. What would your relationship look like/what expectations would you put on yourself, with your parents, if you were an only child, with no relation or expectations as to what their relationships look like with your siblings? This is the same if you have multiple children, multiple friends who are part of a bigger friend group, relationships at work, etc. As we all have figured out by now, in this middle stage of our lives, we cannot control other people. But we can decide what we are willing to do, and how we are willing to be, in any given relationship that we are a part of, and we want to nurture. I’ve found that when I do this simplification and focus on myself and just one other, my relationships seem to flow better, and I am often pleasantly surprised by the ease. (I suppose accepting my lack of control of others, stepping up for my own needs, and letting go of my expectations, is what is the magic elixir of this equation, when I remember to use it.)

+ When deciding what to write about on any given day, I often refer to quotes and thoughts that resonated with me. I either jot them quickly on my calendar or I take pictures of them. Here are a few that “struck a nerve” with me lately:

“Something that we don’t talk nearly enough about is how we often feel worse while we’re healing because we were forced to feel nothing while we were enduring something traumatic.” – The Empowered Therapist

This is so true, isn’t it? This applies to all healing – physical, mental, spiritual, which sometimes happens all at once. When we are going through a trauma, we often get robotic and numb. Our feelings shut down, as we go through the motions of getting through the nightmare situation. It’s often shocking and annoying how terrible we feel after something traumatic happens, but processing everything is necessary. It is often more painful and traumatic to keep trying to tamp the experiences down. We must heal ourselves by feeling the feelings, both physical and emotional. The only way to heal and cleanse pain, is to process through it. Here’s another one that resonated with me:

“I swear the universe can be divided into two kinds of people:

I had to go through it, so you should too.
I had to go through it, so I’ll work to make sure you don’t.” @MonicaHesse

This is what I mean by my daily tagline. There is great satisfaction in being a number 2 kind of person. Watching people experiencing the same kind of pain that you’ve gone through does nothing but add more pain into this world. How many recovered addicts have helped themselves to continue to stay sober, by helping other addicts? How many people have done the hard work to get educated and stay motivated to stop generations of poverty in their family line? How many people have turned a horrible tragedy, such as losing a loved one to gun violence or to cancer, into their life mission to change things, so that others will not feel their same pain? If we all made it our goal to be Number 2s, just imagine how beautiful this world would be.

Along these lines here is another quote from a picture I took:

“u r so considerate”

thanks i was raised in constant fear of upsetting people -@jayhs1k

Remember, some of the nicest people whom you’ll ever meet in life, have a “fawn response” from trauma they have experienced. Do not take advantage of this fact. Be kind.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

788. How do you feel about redheads? (I adore them! My two eldest sons are “gingers.”)

Soul Sunday

One of my friends commented on my post yesterday. My friend is one of those people who you can’t help but to instantly like (and her husband is the exact same way). I’ve never heard of anyone not liking her, or her husband. They are delightful. There is a saying that my grandmother used to say a lot when we were kids, “To know her, is to love her.” How wonderful to be one of those people in the world!

But getting back to business, today is poetry day on the blog. Since it is the week of Valentines Day, I am choosing to share a wonderful poem that Bob Marley wrote about love. (I consider my blog to be a curation of thought and of creativity, and it’s often not just my own thoughts and creativity. My blog is a collaboration with me, you, and many other interesting, past and present creators along the way. My blog is a thought museum, doused with a lot of emotional sauce and a bit of creative spice.) Bob Marley was a true master of the creative arts. Here is his poem:

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only.

She loved before she may love again.

But if she loves you now, what else matters?

She’s not perfect—you aren’t either,

and the two of you may never be perfect together

but if she can make you laugh,

cause you to think twice,

and admit to being human and making mistakes,

hold onto her and give her the most you can.

She may not be thinking about you every second of the day,

but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break—her heart.

So don’t hurt her, don’t change her,

don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give.

Smile when she makes you happy,

let her know when she makes you mad,

and miss her when she’s not there.”

― Bob Marley

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

650. How many pairs of shoes do you own? (my answer is – A LOT. I own A LOT of shoes.)

Kep and Collies

Credit: V&A

These are drawings that Beatrix Potter (author of Peter Rabbit and other beloved children’s classic books) made of her dog, Kep. Kep was a rough collie which is the same breed of dog as the legendary “Lassie.” (interestingly the Lassie TV series featured nine different collies, and they were all male) My father and my aunts were raised with a collie named Irish, who became a legend in our family lore. Irish might as well have been one of the Lassie actors, because by many accounts, he saved all of their lives more than once, by coming out of nowhere and attacking rabid wild animals that were out to maim precious, innocent school children. Still, Irish was also gentle and intelligent enough to meet the kids at the bus stop every single day, in order to escort them home.

Admittedly, I only half believed the hero collie stories that my father loved to recount about Irish. I saw fuzzy video footage of Irish, playing around and wrestling with my grandfather, and he appeared to be a majestic, beautiful dog as most collies are, but he died long before I was born. I never met the real-life version of Irish.

Years ago, when our four children were still young, our beautiful family dog – a rare, fun-loving Irish Water Spaniel named Little Bit had died of old age, and I wanted to get a new family dog, but I didn’t want to raise a puppy, as I had my hands full with my busy, energetic little children. Therefore, I put an ad on Craigslist asking if anyone needed to rehome a dog, whose purpose would be a family dog for a boisterous young family of two parents and four little kids. A while ago, on the blog, as a memorial to her recent death, I wrote this same story about how Lacey, our first collie, came into our lives. Still, the story bears repeating (as most of our legendary pet stories do). A farm couple reached out to me about needing to rehome a collie named Lacey. When I drove hours and hours into the deep countryside, I found a nervous, edgy Lacey to be flea-bitten, missing hair on her back where donkeys had kicked her, and she was being kept in a rusted cage with chihuahuas. (Please don’t judge these people. They didn’t live much better than she did. They had hoped that Lacey would have herded the donkeys, instead of getting harmed by them, and they recognized that she needed a better place to live. They gave me one of the best gifts which I have ever received in my lifetime, and for that, I will be forever grateful to them.) At that time, however, I was not enchanted with Lacey. I didn’t think that she “fit the bill” for what we were looking for in a family dog, but I didn’t want to leave her there, in that dire state, either. I brought Lacey back with me, with the full intention of giving her to a collie rescue, but we all know how that goes. Looking back, I believe that I probably fell in love with Lacey on the ride back home. The rest is history (and now family lore and legend).

We currently have another collie named Josie and let me tell you, everything that you have ever read, watched or seen about collies is true. “Lassie” is a true story. Period. Collies are the perfect mix of the most gentle, even-keeled, observant, sweet, intelligent dogs, with a strong flare of “look out, I will come out from nowhere, and cut you if you mess with me or my family, and you won’t even see it coming”. Lacey and Josie, both, were/are the leaders of the pack (we’ve always had multiple dogs) and yet, they carry their leadership so subtly, you wouldn’t even know it. They truly temper when to strike. Visitors have always loved our collies the best, out of all of the various dogs we’ve shared our lives with. Why not? Collies are beautiful, regal, elegant, friendly and mostly obedient. (When Josie doesn’t want to do something, and I pull on her leash, she does the “collie nose slide”, where she ducks her head in such a way that the collar slides off of her neck and down from her long, pointy nose. She then sits there, looks at me knowingly, and allows me to slide the collar back on to her neck. She humors us by wearing a collar, but Josie has made her point. “Lady, I’m not interested in going where you want me to go. I’ll do it on my own volition. Now let’s carry on.”)

Yes, we do have tumbleweeds of fur floating around our house on a regular basis. Yes, we do have a fur kid who announces the Amazon guy, pesky squirrels, and Ralphie, our Labrador retriever jumping into the pool, with a loud, insistent, alarming bark that does get annoying at times. And yes, we do have a dog who has made it her duty to be as loyal, loving, and measuredly, observantly protective as any dog can ever be. When I realized recently, that Beatrix Potter, one of my favorite authors, was another lover of rough collies, it made my heart sing. Kep. Irish. Lassie. Lacey. Josie. . . . . nothing less than legendary.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1058. What is something constant in your life?

True Love

This is a Valentine for all of the people out there in the world who aren’t afraid to love fully. This is a Valentine for all of the people who robustly show, feel, and express their love for people, places, things, experiences, nature, hobbies – essentially, all of life, with the fullness of their whole, entire hearts. These people are the strongest, most whole people in the entire world. It takes vulnerability to love with everything you’ve got. Most people are too afraid to love at this level. And this is sad, because if we all took off all of the safety, protective equipment that we have chained all over our individual hearts, the world would move to a beautiful energy like we have never experienced before, in the history of life. For those of you who are brought to tears by the sheer awe of the beauty and miracles, happening all around us every single day, you are experiencing pure, uncontaminated love, and your beautiful love emanates all around you, and moves through everything, and touches the experiences of all of us. Remember, feeling love never hurts. Feeling love feels better than anything. It is lack of love that hurts. It is painful to hold in, and to shut down love. Unconditional love requires nothing in return. Yes, we can desire to be loved back. We can wish someone who has passed was still here in human form, to share our human form of love, but true, authentic love doesn’t require a pair. Love just is. Love is the overwhelming feeling of gratitude, astonishment, reverence, wonder, enthrallment for who and what you are beholding in your every moment’s experiences. If you have given something or someone the gift of your fullest love, you have given them everything. Because the truth is, Love is everything. And like a persistent flower that pokes out of the most desolate pile of concrete in the world, love cannot be stopped. Why not chose to be fertilizer for love? You are loved. You ARE Love. Happy Valentine’s Day!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1931. Who can you be yourself around?

Tuesday’s Tidbits

+ This is for my friends and family, up north. I do miss seeing and experiencing the beauty and the serenity and the quiet of blankets of freshly fallen snow. Our eldest son lives up north. He just sent us a picture from his back balcony. There’s a large house behind his apartment building that is painted a bright Kelly green. It is a good reminder that there is always the green of new growth hidden under the blankets of stillness and solitude.

+ On X yesterday, the Wiseconnector posted this: “Someone said, ‘A lot of people struggle with sleep because sleep requires peace.’ ” I believe that peace is extremely helpful for sleep. Inner peace, or else utter exhaustion that finally leads to pure surrender, is what helps us to get a good night’s sleep. Perhaps this means that it is total surrender that is truly equal to peace?? Another quote that I read recently said this: “Accept the unacceptable and the unacceptable ceases to exist.”

+ On the eve of Valentine’s Day I got to thinking about the wonderful word of “our”. “Our” denotes the things that we share and enjoy with others. I have so many “ours” with my husband. Our marriage, our family, our friends, our home, our dogs, our vacations, our dinners, our shows, our memories . . . . . I have a lot of “ours” with a lot of different people in my life. Think of all of the “ours” you have in your own life. “Our” means that we share a common love, time, appreciation and experience with a lot of the same things, and a lot of the same people. At work, you have “our” workplace, “our” goals, “our” lunchroom. . . . . With your friends you have “our” other friends, “our” good times shared, “our” inside jokes. . . . With your pets you have “our” walk time, “our” cuddle time, “our” favorite spots to be together in the house . . . . Friends, we have this time together at “our” blog. You have made this blog “ours” by validating it with your presence, your consideration, your time, your kindness, and your thoughtful comments. I love you. I appreciate you. I am so happy that you are part of one of my own “ours.” Think of some of your other “ours.” We don’t live life in a vacuum. We are all interconnected. Even your community has “our” parks and “our” grocery stores and “our” schools and “our” firefighters . . . . No one is alone.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1672. What still amazes you? (The first two things that popped into my head the minute I saw this question are dolphins and sunsets.)

Monday – Funday

Credit: @ArgyllSeaGlass, X

Mondays are tough. Mondays after a Super Bowl that goes into overtime are brutal. What I do love about the Super Bowl is that it is a great connector of people. Even if you don’t love football, you can’t help but giggle at the commercials, be completely wowed by the halftime show (Skates! Usher, you blew it out of the water!), and feel your patriotism rise a little bit. (the flyovers never fail to take my breath away.)

I was flipping through Big Panda and Tiny Dragon by James Norbury. On page 28, is this exchange:

“Nothing is happening,” said Tiny Dragon.

“Maybe,” said Big Panda, “it’s happening underneath first.”

I love this exchange. Sometimes in the beginning of the year, you feel like everything that you want to accomplish and experience is at a standstill. But you’ve made plans. You’ve implemented changes. You’ve gotten organized and did some purging to make room for the new, but your outsides don’t necessarily reflect this. Or do they? We’ve lived 6 weeks into the new year. I bet if you look at these past six weeks, you’ll be amazed at what you packed into them, and all that has already occurred in your life since the beginning of the new year. I did this exercise yesterday and I was happy to realize that in the last six weeks, we created a lot of fun memories with our family, and also with some of our extended family and friends. We attended a wedding, made a couple of nice upgrades to our home, and made some decisions regarding our plans for a secure future. We packed plenty of our normal routine stuff into our days, with some really good, fun times sprinkled into the mix. Our seeds for the year of 2024 are definitely coming up to the surface and they are beginning to sprout.

Reading this passage from Big Panda and Tiny Dragon, also made me question if I was doing a good job, making sure what happening “underneath” is being healthfully nurtured. Am I feeding and nurturing my hopes and dreams, for the year and beyond, with good thoughts, faith, plans of action, and steadiness? Or am I letting what’s “underneath” rot in the decay of negativity, regret, hopelessness, aimlessness and frenzy? What happens underneath the soil, is always a good indicator of how healthy and vital a plant will grow. What does my own grounding of soil need to ensure my own healthy growth? I am the gardener of my soul.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

194. To whom do you matter most?

Soul Sunday

We just had a wonderful time with friends who recently moved to Florida from up north. So they are so full of joy and excitement and adventurously exploring all of the different things to do around here. We have lived here for 13 years now, so it has become our “normal.” Being with them, revitalizes my own delight for where we live. I get to see my “same old/same old” with fresh new eyes. It is such a lovely gift. It is truly a gift when you feel revitalized by someone else shining their bright light on what you have gotten used to seeing, and thus sometimes leave in the dark shadows. Today, on poetry day on the blog, I am only going to share one of Kahlil Gibran’s shortest, truest poems.

“Desire is Half”

Desire is half of life.

Indifference is half of death.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2740. What is something that you’re are afraid to try?

Stream of Thought

I just read a story about the second oldest woman in the world. She is 116. She was born when Theodore Roosevelt was president.

Lately I’ve been thinking about the fact that if we are lucky enough to grow old, we live through a lot of decades. We live through an incredible amount of change. My friends and I laugh that often we no longer recognize who the stars are on the covers of magazines. Sometimes it feels like I have entered an entirely different world from the one I knew.

We all adapt to change. It’s not really a choice. But how often do we embrace change?

What decade of your life do you feel like you most belong to? What decade did you feel the most comfortable in your own skin? Which worlds of your lifetime resonated the most? Is it wise to believe that the best is yet to come?

A friend recently remarked, “Curiosity killed the cat.” I replied, “But satisfaction brought him back.” She laughed. She had never heard the second line. I honestly believe that curiosity is my lifeline. I don’t want to revel in old “glory days.” I want to have glorious days until the end of my life. And I do believe that this is possible.

“When our mind is in shambles and we dare to reflect on the story of our life, we may discover, in the stream of our thoughts, the fault line between what we have underfelt and what we have overthought on our way.”
― Erik Pevernagie

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

830. Name your secret obsession.

Soul Sunday

Good morning. Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Recently The Wall Street Journal ran an article about Maksym Kryvtsov, a Ukrainian poet turned soldier. Kryvtsov, who wrote most of his poems about the horrors of the war, perished in battle, on January 7th. He was 33. One of his most well-known poems talked of his “severed arms” that would “sprout as violets in the spring.” This same poem ends with these lines:

My bones

Will sink into the earth

Will become a carcass

My busted rifle

Will rust

Poor thing

My spare clothes and equipment

Will be given to new recruits

Well I’d rather it were spring already

To finally

Bloom

As a violet.

Poetry touches our hearts and our souls in a way that more direct writing cannot seem to do. I suppose that the way to our collective hearts is a windy path, filled with mystery, nuance, feeling, and to surrendering to its ever changing direction. I wrote the poem below, just this morning, before reading again, the poem above by Maksym Kryvtsov, which my husband had kindly laid aside for me a week or so ago. I am humbled by the difference in poetry by a poet who is surrounded by the direness of war, versus a writer who leads an agreeable life, in a country not at war.

On stormy, cold, windy days,

As the rain hammers its surroundings,

Home feels so cozy, comforting, serene.

Curling up in our own corner of the world,

Fills us with the feeling of being nurtured,

By the nesting that we busied ourselves with,

in more agreeable, enticing, seductive weather.

On still, bright, inviting, playful days,

We jauntily leave home for adventures,

Full of confidence, curiosity and calm.

And we often bring home possessions,

Which remind us of our truest selves.

So that when the storms arise again,

We are surrounded by the contentment,

Of our inner selves, displayed in physical form.

Our home, which is an extension of the life of us,

Is our familiar and steadfast, shelter from the storm.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1375. Do you think happiness is a choice?

Did You Notice?

My daughter just texted me, “Are you okay? You’re being weird in the family chat” I answered, “Yes! What do you mean?” Her answer: “Okay good! You’re not liking the messages and are giving one word answers. Just looking out for you.”

I had just gotten up after sleeping in, and I was distracted by everything that I wanted to get done at once. However, I do think that it is a true sign of love and familiarity when people notice your habits and your idiosyncrasies and they notice subtle changes and care enough to ask you if you are alright. It truly is a blessing to have “the noticers” in our lives.

The part that really amuses me, though, is that none of our adult kids found it particularly weird when last night, we sent a video of our Labrador retriever, Ralphie, barking at a FurReal Tiger pet which I had purchased on impulse, at a street festival. I purchased the tiger from two Russian (perhaps Siberian?) ladies who had exotic scarves and jewelry intermingled with several of these tigers. I just couldn’t resist purchasing the tiger. Ralphie was not impressed with my purchase.

I guess being a little quirky and “out there”, and being especially ebullient in my texting, is what “my noticers” have come to expect from me. I hate to disappoint.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1419. Do you think there is life on other planets?